<Madism> i have a penis <Defveggy> show me mine if you show me yours <Madism> k <Madism> 8=D <Shinry> rofl <Madism> its cold
<+NeoHentaiMaster> back in my day we had to manually punch the binary into the circuts using needle pins <Insane2757> Back in my day, we coded with 2 badgers and a spoon. <BladeTR> back in my day we had to draw the zeros and ones on the cave wall with clay
<Kemikal> ImMzee: I think I am haveing a heart attack <Kemikal> ImMzee: hands are numb legs are numb eyes are blurry and heart is raceing <Kemikal> Kemikal: nah, jess your left arm goes numb when its a heart attack <Kemikal> Kemikal: your having a stroke <Kemikal> havent gotten a response from him in 30min now... <Kemikal> wonder if I should call someone <DiLATED> lol
<kim> heh... i just got on my gma's aol account... she has an email from her friend w/ the subject of: 7 great positions in bed <Kirill> omg <Kirill> are you serious kim? <Kirill> hahahahha wtf
(Mootar) morons. (Mootar) these people who live in my apartment complex are connected to my wireless (Mootar) they must think they're super-cool hackers by breaking into my completely unsecure network (Mootar) unfortunatly, the connection works both ways (Mootar) long story short, they now have loads of horse porn on their computer
[+MadManDaz] I brought a david blane toy 10 days ago. I Still cant get the fucker out the box.
<DarkLich> This night has gone down hill ever since my pets starting flinging dung at me
<Kintai> Yes, boobs are like toy trains <Wallaroo> ? <Kintai> They're meant for children, but grown men tend to end up playing with them anyway.
kakoru> Okay, I watching pr0n on my comp and after watching it for a while,I spilled my future kids are on my keyboard..My parents are probably going to see this any minutes by now!! WHAT SHOULD I DO?? Kapoop> Jesus gave you a tongue for a reason
DasKrav: I was correcting tests for student service a few weeks ago DasKrav: And while correcting a geometry test, I got to the question "What is the collision of three planes called?" (The answer was "a point") DasKrav: the kid put "A disaster" DasKrav: I didn't take off points >:]
<wyki> *free hug* <stef> the deals on the net are getting better and better! <stef> *accepts hug* <stef> *changes identity and accepts another* :D <wyki> yeah but now you're signed up for two spam mailing lists from www.freehug.wyki and you'll have to change your email address in six weeks because of all the teen porn your getting
<@sub> wow my uncle is a moron ! +Washu points ot at chr <@sub> he got a pirated copy of WinXP and it wasent working good <@sub> so he calls customer support..
Infidel: I got a great idea for Southwest Airlines. Disgusting lardass customers who refuse to purchase 2 seats can opt for the "treadmill" seat at the regular 1-seat price, and they have to jog the entire trip. Void: i would just have them opt for the "chainsaw" instant weight loss program which your ticket counter clerk will be happy to help you with.
<Spiff> I was wondering why Jews didn't celebrate Christmas the other night <Spiff> and the answer I came up with was that it was like John Wilkes Booth celebrating Lincoln's birthday <Spiff> It's just not right celebrating the birthday of the guy you killed.
<gande34> so my azn friend has a kid, and he turns out to be black <JamespDen> and...? <gande34> they are like boaters man <gande34> they named him "Sum Ting Wong" <JamespDen> omg
<Jim> how big is 10 inches <Jim> like on a computer screen <ShyAway> somewhere around 22cm <Jim> so how many inches would this be | -------------------------------------------| <ShyAway> 5? <Jim> no way <RiotingNerd> um that would depend on your screen resolution <RiotingNerd> if i was using like 480*600 on a 21 inch monitor that would be like 15 inches <ShyAway> jim is measuring his man tool in hyphens <Jim> ok if you were on windows xp how many inches would that be <RiotingNerd> jim what resolution sir <ShyAway> LOL <Jim> xp professional <RiotingNerd> no sir <RiotingNerd> that is not a resolution <diospadre> rofl <Jim> but it's the newest one <ShyAway> rofl <diospadre> thats an os you idiot <Jim> oh
<Moushi> My friend is over <Moushi> And he's ion thye bathroom right now <Moushi> And he's been in there for a loing time <Moushi> And I can hear... sounds <Moushi> What do I do <BHedL> jump in there with no clothes on but womens undergarments and a scary rubber mask <Moushi> But he would ejaculate in terror all over me! <BHedL> well, then you start a fetish porn site <Moushi> His dad's a lawyer <Moushi> He would sue me <BHedL> nah, with the immense amount of money you´ll be making off of your ¨crossdresser rubber mask bukkakae¨, you could just hire him as your own lawyer <Moushi> hahaha <Moushi> Yeah, but then he wouldn <Moushi> 't be my friend <BHedL> how do you know that he isnt there masturbating to the very mental image of you in womens undergaments with a big scary rubber mask on? <Moushi> How about I just run in, scream in hiorror, and kick him in the balls? <BHedL> theres no money in that <Moushi> You make a compelling argument.
<SykoFreud> i need the medical term for the inside part of the woman where the egg is <holgie> BOX <shuriken> omg <holgie> PUSSY BOX CUNT <holgie> haha <holgie> the answer is: BUTTHOLE <SykoFreud> you stupid fucks! <holgie> sorry, I'm not familar with words like that in english <holgie> :) <holgie> I know the most important words so it's all good <SykoFreud> It's ok, man. I will use "pussy" then.
<by> Is there anyway I can tell the world I'm an idiot? <Seven7> Of course, just type your name, where you live and your confession <by> Kk <by> I am Mark Duval of Belgium, and I am an idiot <by> ? <by> Now what? <Seven7> Don't worry. It's done
<Daggson> I think it's funny when people ask for romantic advice in IRC channels. <Michi||Cleaning> O_o <Michi||Cleaning> "Daggs... how do I make Johnny fall in love with me?" <Daggson> Because, you know, the geeks and nerds always have the most experience with their respective opposite sex. <Michi||Cleaning> <-Is a nerd <Michi||Cleaning> A neat freak too... <Daggson> It'd be like going into the highschool football team's locker room and asking if anyone can help you with your Unix code.
Wintyr: I totally emasculated my father. Wintyr: I took my little brother and put him in my old ballet recital dress, put lipstick and a bow on him, and then paraded him around the house in it... Wintyr: In front of the dinner guests...who started, like, whistling at him and shit... Wintyr: All the while he's like, "Look look! Cole pretty! Cole pretty!" and all happy about the dress. Krylo: Hahahahahah Wintyr: My dad is just standing there with this horribly lost look on his face, saying, "I...I do have a boy...right...?" Wintyr: It kicked so much ass.
<Icebird> I was thinking the other day that it would be funny to put a window in my brother's old computer case and turn it into a hampster cage.. put a wheel in, say I got the new processor from AMD
kayzee is currently listening to [Your Mum and Dad - 'Having Sex' (0min 12secs long)]
On new years eve a friend told me this: Psychism Alchemy: ugh I think I'm on my computer to much... Psychism Alchemy: someone just asked me what my resolution was as I answered 1600x1200...
<EvilGenius> HAPPY NEW YEAR EVERYONE!!!! <nykoelle> HAPPY NEW YEAR <solace> 2004!! <nykoelle> YAYA <nykoelle> !!! <nykoelle> </2003> <solace> HAPPY NEW YEARRRR <EvilGenius> rofl meg
P][s7: Jez and I get in line for the bathroom, and every guy in line immediately pushes her to the front. She asks why, and they say, "Because you actually have to go." The door opens and three guys come out of the one-room bathroom together. The last one stops, says, "Oh wait, I have to pee," and heads back into the bathroom.
<Rachtman> I can't wait to watch Dick Clark's ball drop. <Sharparoni> wow. never say that again, please. <Rachtman> haha
<efm> I'm sorry tbc, but I'm not interested in arguing with you. I prefer to argue with people who have some understanding of the way arguments are conducted. <tbc> Ouch. <tbc> And only a few days after jafo stabbed me in the face over the Internet. :-) <efm> that was rude of him. <jafo> It was a FRIENDLY stab in the face over the Internet.
Velociraptor: Do you have ne updog? SAMrhodes87: What the fuck is UPDOG? Velociraptor: nuthin much wha bout u?
* edude84 (~extremedu@24-164-185-144.hvc.rr.com) has joined # Help <edude84> dude <edude84> are there cheats for IRC?
<SSilver2k> he worked on a server called Servix in a college, he asked this girl to log into her "servix" terminal...you can see how that conversation went.
<valetine_4_ever> Piracy is wrong <valetine_4_ever> Cool, but wrong <Kalen> But it feels oh so right. <Loony_BoB> It's not wrong <Loony_BoB> They just have laws against it
<daMehTognoM> Why does Sea World have a seafood restaurant? I'm halfway through my fishburger and I realize that I could be eating a slow learner.
<tinman> Do you put antlers on your pussy? <tinman> er <tinman> that wasn't for this channel
<Meph|st0> Complaint : BOUGTH IT FOR MY COUSIN WHO HAD CANCER, ITEM NEVER ARRIVED AND MY COUSIN DIED <Meph|st0> thats the greatest ebay feedback i have ever seen
<badaboom> who can help me ? i'm french and i don't know irc <Paladine> can't help you with the being french part, you are screwed their mate
<StarFreeze2> Cyber blackmail artists are shaking down office workers, threatening to delete computer files or install pornographic images on their work PCs unless they pay a ransom, police and security experts said. <Duffman> lol <Duffman> first, i'd tell em to trash all the fucking files they want. it's costing my boss money, not me <Duffman> then i'd tell em to put on all the porn they wanted. i can always use more <Duffman> gotta have something to do at work <StarFreeze2> yea lol <StarFreeze2> "we will put porn on your computer if you don't give us 2k" <StarFreeze2> response: hurry and send the porn, i am so fucking bored <StarFreeze2> second response: lesbian plz, if possible
<marduk> why do all the 14-year old girls at my school have completely impossible crushes, like orlando bloom? <marduk> why don't they go for someone more realistic? <marduk> like r. kelly.
<FyreDaug> fuckin ricers <FyreDaug> civics are like tampons, every pussy has one
<davidr> w00t! I installed a camera and a monitor ... the cam points at my door so I don't have to turn my head to see if somebody opens the door <iku> ;D <davidr> and now I'll start recording everything so I don't even have to listen to my family, I'll just watch it when I have time
<Death> Hey, Jeff, how do you kill someone when they're on your nick? <Jeff> Oh, easy /ns ghost nick password <Death> Thanks. <Death> Die. *** Signoff: Jeff (Killed (NickServ (GHOST command used by Death)))
<Dante> haha <Dante> <Alb-guy> I just caught my 15 year old girl, masturbating with a vibrating 'control pad' on a Nintendo Gamecube. Now I am banning this vibrator from my household, but I am concerned about other teenagers who are using these products as masturbation aids. <Brian> HAHAHAHAHAAHA <Dante> so GameCubes do have their use after all!
<Hackwiz> oh yeah plus today my dad's car ran out of gas on the way out of the exit towards crawford street and we started pushing then a cop came behind us, gave us a ride home to get keys to the car's trunk to get gas tank. then so I go back to get gas tank I walk through the field because I think it will be shorter than going around the corner and walking all the way down the highway. I did not notice there was a mother fuc*ing stream there!!! i was like a mile down the highway and I said fuc* it so I tried,.... TRIED to jump the stream, came up short, broke through the ice and got full-body soaked, this was 3:40 pm, i had to work at 4, well I got out of the water, muddy and soaked. then i see a fuc*ing fuc*ing fuc*ing!!! barb wire fence!!! bitc*, i jump it slicing my thumb, i bleed, but it's aight. get the gas can and my computer games and crossover cable, start walking back home soaked, two hot girls stop and pull over to give me a ride home then i forogot, also the office smelled alcohol on my dad's breath so he said if my dad went back to drive the car home he would make sure he got arrested. <Hackwiz> How was your day? <LiKeM> OMG
<Nemo> whoa <Nemo> i was like downstars <Nemo> making a sandwich <Nemo> and i started singing subconsciously <Nemo> and when i realized that i was making noises <Nemo> it turned out i was like screaming the theme song to crank yankers <Nemo> and like <Nemo> the lady next door called the cops and shit <Nemo> oh man <Nemo> :(
<Jeff> god...yesterday morning sucked hard <Jeff> I woke up and took a shower, when I got out to find clothes, I opened the dryer and as I was rummaging around, I saw a dollar, so im like yoink...then I found another dollar, im like yeah! some sucker lost their dollars........then I found my paycheck...then my wallet.
<@SLing> anyway I love grocery shopping because I get to make my family look like fools <@SLing> the other day we were at the grocery store <@SLing> and the first place was all the melons (like canteloupe, grapefruit, etc) <evolsoulx> mmhmm <@SLing> anyway I remembered hearing from some TV chef that before buying melons you're supposed to knock on them <@SLing> so <@SLing> I stood there <@SLing> for five minutes <@SLing> knocking on melons <@SLing> people started looking at me strange <evolsoulx> lol <@SLing> I was like "It's ok, the TV chef told me to" <Erik> lol <@SLing> I'd knock on one and be like "This one sounds fresh" <@SLing> long story short I don't have to go grocery shopping anymore
SomethingTrifty: I'm vegetarian for a different reason SomethingTrifty: It's not because I like animals SomethingTrifty: i just fucking hate plants
<SRG> Metallica sold out in 45 mins :/ <NotOneOfUs> Yeah I know. <NotOneOfUs> Oh wait <NotOneOfUs> You mean, like, a concert? <SRG> yes