hQDB :: hacker Quote Database

Network Stats: 21142 Approved Quotes | 1 in Moderation Queue
#150344 [ + | - ] 702
[idarwin] I just spent like 45 minutes debugging this c++ code
and delete whole chunks of it to track down this problem
[idarwin] and it was all because I forgot a break;
<@Avalanche> i found out why my mouse stopped working
<@Avalanche> turns out, it was my cell phone
#150311 [ + | - ] 1228
Ramladu X: They should make porn legal.
annoying hamster: Wait, it isn't?
Ramladu X: Not the kind I like.
#150273 [ + | - ] 71
<mjg> DrP, how the hell are you
<DrPoole> I am a slave to the money my friend.
<DrPoole> I am the nine, to, fiver
<mjg> I'm a 7 to sixer
<DrPoole> Yeah.
<DrPoole> I'm lost in office space world though.
<DrPoole> I get home, and have no interest in my home box.
<mjg> TPS Reports?
<DrPoole> something like that.
<mjg> that reminds me, my coworker still has my copy of Office
Space
<DrPoole> I pretty much sit at the tv, or I go to the bar with
friends at night.
<mjg> go to the bar.  wish i had that time.  you liking the
work?
<DrPoole> Yeah, but...my place is weird.
<DrPoole> it's like....there's so little to actually DO...
<DrPoole> but...there's a lot that needs to get done
<DrPoole> but...only one guy really knows what those items
are.
<DrPoole> so, the only way to get a project
<DrPoole> is to show interest in it, and to fire off ideas to
him, or...in other words...bother him until he gives you
something todotofillthevoidOFTHEMOTHERFUCKINGWORKDAY!!!!
#150031 [ + | - ] 1039
<dreamwraith> I am going to create a Nicotine Golem.  I will
call him son and he will call me father and we will bond.  At
night, I will lick him.
<dreamwraith> I WANT A CIGARETTE.  That is all.
#150020 [ + | - ] 35
Sorcerer: I mean shit, that one time I got banned, my dog came
on and pissed everybody off on the RPGC boards while I was in
the shower! I swear! Honest!
#150015 [ + | - ] 1047
obsession: santa.. he's pretty lucky.. cuz he knows where all
the naughty girls are at...
obsession: that's why he's so jolly u see?
#150012 [ + | - ] 738
Guillaume: So you wnna bough me a dictionnary huh ?
Gila-Monster: lol Yep. An english one.
Guillaume: Nha nonsense I completely masterize the english
language.
#149962 [ + | - ] 815
themack: just played the saxophone for 15 minutes and my lips
are already sore
ScooterX: themack: Try playing it from the small end next
time!
#149939 [ + | - ] 764
<Algorithms> I just threw a squirrel carcass in a cardboard
box and installed NetBSD on it.
#149900 [ + | - ] 551
<gilm0re> I wanna make a movie called "I Rock Your Mom" and
make it a story about a child who has to triumph over
constipation and an erectile disfunction.
<TJ32> ahh.. an autobiography
#149865 [ + | - ] 466
<tritt> strange... i just logged into my box and I'm pretty
sure i used tab completion on my password o_O
<Yot> you and your ultra-secure linux ways
#149820 [ + | - ] 493
<Ed> alright
<Ed> the world is completely fucked
<Ed> my neighbour has a "No visitors except by prior
arrangement" sign
<Ed> thing is, I just found out that the bastard's a Jehova's
Witness
<Ed> I wonder if a "No thanks, I'm a Protestant" would work
any on my door
#149815 [ + | - ] 829
[Luke]: I must say my mum is bad when it comes to security.
Norton says her download is a virus, so she disables norton
and runs the exe. FFS!!!
#149692 [ + | - ] 589
<TossMonkey> well, people who take a test on the internet to
see if they have a personality should already know the answer.
#149650 [ + | - ] 1719
[ Skip ] my mum told me she deleted "that program that you
have obscene conversations on"
[ Skip ] i came on and irc was still here
[ Skip ] yet my winamp is gone :S
#149643 [ + | - ] 535
<dayve> i was pissing in a toilet tonight at the movies.. in
the cubicle bit
<dayve> then i look at the wall and see some guy has tagged
the letters BBS
<dayve> then i caught myself thinking "fuck.. i'd better hurry
up"
<evlisisdead> you fucking nerd
#149419 [ + | - ] 236
<fly> i need a life out side of sex
<@UltraBishiRyo-Sensei> funny
<@UltraBishiRyo-Sensei> most people want it the other way
around
#149402 [ + | - ] 382
<rezza> wow this 2.6 linux kernel is a big improvement on the
2.4 series... i can do all sorts of crap at the same time with
no slowdown...
<mojomonkee> while you're compiling programs and updating
dependencies at blazing speeds
<mojomonkee> i'm actually doing things
#149234 [ + | - ] 566
(+|STE|) Harry answers the telephone, and it's an Emergency
Room doctor.
(+|STE|) The doctor says, "Your wife was in a serious car
accident, and I have bad news and good news. The bad news is
she has lost all use of both arms and both legs, and will need
help eating and going to the bathroom for the rest of her
life."
(+|STE|) Harry says, "My God. What's the good news?"
(+|STE|) The doctor says, "I'm kidding. She's dead."
#149189 [ + | - ] 581
<Shikamaru> anyhow, i don't consider myself asian. i'm white,
but god screwed up my texturemap.
#149134 [ + | - ] 363
<xcham> as part of my CS experience, I'm going to debug java
to try and meet geek chicks. :P
<xcham> then I'll e-mail Sun Microsystems and tell them "JAVA
GOT ME LAID"
<jimmiejaz> java and chicks only go together at starbucks.
#149087 [ + | - ] 396
<Bubbaprog> you know nothing of men :-)
<Calisa> I know that it's not appropriate to masturbate when
you're in the same room as your daughter, thinking it's okay
because you think she's asleep.
<Calisa> I know something!
<Calisa> He stopped every now and then when he heard my sister
shifting.
<asshat> thats good parenting
#148914 [ + | - ] 1062
<Javin> God I need to do laundry.
<Javin> At this point, the underwear I wear are the first ones
I'm able to catch.
<Doh_> catch?
<Doh_> you mean there mOVING?
<Javin> Not as fast as the socks, but yes.
<Doh_> heh
#148851 [ + | - ] 796
<november7> 100 pts
<`red> in canada we get 200 pts for running over americans.
<november7> yea but over here your points arent worth shit
#148790 [ + | - ] 713
<@grim^> one time
<@grim^> I had my dick in this girl
<@grim^> and it was nice
<@jonoblows> and then the doctor pulled you all the way out,
right?
#148121 [ + | - ] 1362
<Soybomb> On the way home yesterday, I saw a car with a vanity
plate that read: LINUX OS
<Soybomb> I really wished for a truck with a WINDOWS plate to
ram it...sadly, no.
<Druuna> unfortunately, you'd probably crash before hitting
it...
#148098 [ + | - ] 634
<timovgod> I was in a rape awarness class once, well... my
picture was.
#147771 [ + | - ] 522
<Laemtao> Girls are like Wolfenstein 3D.
<Shatai> How so?
<Laemtao> If you get far enough, you have to fight Hitler
himself.
#147757 [ + | - ] 1473
<Queued-W> Of course, there are already puzzles without
pictures on the front
<Minstrel> Queued: you have to turn the pieces over
<Queued-W> I'll be damned, it's a kitten
#147732 [ + | - ] 866
<Nekroe> when any of yous were at high school, did any idiots
ever knee you in the arse, and go: 'YOUVE JUST BEEN BOOFED UP
THE ARSE BY AN ELEPHANT!'?
<than> when I was at high school, some elephants came up
behind me and stuck their dicks in my ass and said "YOU'VE
JUST BEEN KNEE'D IN THE ARSE BY A HIGH SCHOOL KID!!"
<Nekroe> mmm. clever
<than> I didn't think it was clever. I thought it was a bit
juvenile. Those elephants should have known better
#147615 [ + | - ] 1325
<Zax`away> BUT WHAT DOES GOD DO WHEN A KITTEN MASTURBATES!?
#147599 [ + | - ] 434
<Karnaugh> if sex is shitty, you're doing it wrong
<BinX> Or you're doing anal.
#147575 [ + | - ] 622
<jd> i'm hung like planet pluto
<drew> hard to see with the naked eye?
#147563 [ + | - ] 36
<WI-RaZ0r> ok fuck u bitch
<ArmedFred> The only thing insulting about that sentence was
the terrible spelling
#147549 [ + | - ] 664
<klafka> Penis-enlargement pills contain a less-than-sexy dose
of bacteria and other contaminants
<Tecato> What's some contaminants when it comes to a bigger
penis?
<klafka> what if your penis turns green?
<Tecato> Will it be big?
<klafka> monstrous
<Tecato> Then you could name it Hulk.
<Tecato> And before you have sex you could scream "HULK SMASH!
"
#147543 [ + | - ] 78
<pies> stop teh flaming !
<grandja> hahah! I hear you man!
<pcverden> Grandja I told u not to listen to those voices in
your head. THEY ARE NOT THERE!!!!!
<cantona> No point saying that! He just thinks you are another
one!
#147532 [ + | - ] 200
* demo20b has joined #odoru
<timeless> stfu
* demo20b has quit IRC (Exit: if you stand at the top of a
very tall building, do u eva feel like jumping off?)
<timeless> omg
<timeless> thats all i takes to get rid of him??
#147519 [ + | - ] 96
<Jaron>  I DONT WANT TO INSTALL WINAMP!!
<Jaron>  its bloated, it takes over all my files, and crashes
all the time
<Jaron>  If i wanted that, i'd just use Media Player
#147512 [ + | - ] 338
<Wario> can't sleep.  clowns will eat me
<Kyle> Instead of sleeping..
<Kyle> Scan your boobies. :D
<Trunks> Yeah.
<Trunks> That works.
<Trunks> That'd be funny if her parents walked in.
<Trunks> Tits on the scanner.
<Kyle> "Hmm. This is awkward."
#147509 [ + | - ] 429
<Trippin^Chick> it wouldnt hurt to talk u know
<Trippin^Chick> i know coz i talk all the time
<Hash_Pipe> i want to ask you a bunch of questions and i want
to have them answered immediately
<Trippin^Chick> really?
<Hash_Pipe> who is your daddy and what does he do?
* Trippin^Chick shrugs
<Trippin^Chick> can i lie?
<Hash_Pipe> im a cop you idiot
<Trippin^Chick> cool
<Trippin^Chick> really?
<Hash_Pipe> stop it!
<Hash_Pipe> who is your daddy and what does he do?
<Hash_Pipe> i want to ask you a bunch of questions and i want
to have them answered immediately
<Trippin^Chick> Hash_Pipe...has any1 ever had the heart to
tell u that ur boring?
<Hash_Pipe> stop whining......
<Trippin^Chick> who was whining?
<Hash_Pipe> stop it!
<Hash_Pipe> stop whining......
<Hash_Pipe> i hope you leave enough room for my fist because
im going to ram it into your stomach
<Trippin^Chick> ur not a very nice person r u Hash?
<Hash_Pipe> stop whining......
#147507 [ + | - ] 511
<CF> MMORPG players are freaks.
<CF> If I ever have kids, and I catch them doing anything with
a computer except for normal stuff like porn and hacking into
school to change their grades, I will beat their asses like a
red headed step child.
#147503 [ + | - ] 597
<Lisy-lis> ..am I a geek for trying to make the top quotes on
bash have exactly 1337 votes?
#147498 [ + | - ] 313
<mungbean> using VB is like masturbating with a cheese grater.
#147497 [ + | - ] 427
<Suiko> how the fuck could a search for 'final fantasy 7
manga' bring up 'harry potter yaoi'
#147493 [ + | - ] 316
<-yper-orse> mamma mia
<-yper-orse> my my
<-yper-orse> i cannot resist u
<-yper-orse> mamma mia
<Squeeks> "With Dragon Voice, you too can flood IRC Channels
as you sing to ABBA"
#147463 [ + | - ] 1298
<Zap> back from raev lol.
<Protected> raev?
<Gray|ogl> raev = a codename for gaybar, only gaypeople know
about it
<Gray|ogl> doh.
#147320 [ + | - ] 600
<Crispy`> My teacher let me Clear the junk off the student
computers in class today. Total AIM Buddy Lists cleared for
good: 5 Total videos of kiddy porn deleted: 3 Total MILF
Hunter videos deleted: 4 Total Virus games downloaded off
kazaa in hopes it will be the right game: 7 Knowing I'm not
alone: Priceless.
#147279 [ + | - ] 183
* hunterkll kneels and prays liek a good knight
<hunterkll> hunterkll: you have earned 10 virtue points and 5
strengthpoints
<hunterkll> and access to two hints
<hunterkll> heh :D
<jgannon> However, you still have -8 charisma.
#147278 [ + | - ] 694
<bleak> ablsh vwls! vwls r spm!
<bleak> t's wll knwn fct tht vwls s t mch bndwdth
<Alanna> bleak: OMG, for a moment there I thought that you had
learned Welsh
#147275 [ + | - ] 445
<{gy}IRONMAN> I don't think Arnold will be elected.
<{gy}IRONMAN> Being a movie star isn't enough. We saw that
with Reagan
<Paralysis> Damn, and all this time I thought Reagan got
elected