<@Mouring> "How many Monkeys does it take to run this company? " "One, because you can get them to work for dirt cheap and they willwork 24/7." <@RndPkt> There was an article in scientific america about some study of monkies. <@RndPkt> Supposedly some art council in England paid for 3 monkeys and a computer and wanted to see what they did with it. <@RndPkt> I guess they beat it with stones, peed on it and hit the S key a billion times. <@Mouring> rnd, sounds like most end-users.
<hitman> I met some dude at the last meet <hitman> and I'm like <hitman> "do you ever go on irc?" <hitman> and he's like <hitman> "I did once, but this dude hitman kept talking smack"
<FunFun> We're gonna go eat at this new restaurant opened by this Japanese family tonite...any suggestions on what to order? <tilted_halo> order bukkake...and ask for a bowl of unko...they'll be impressed and stuff <Rowan_Knights> dont forget some chitsu... <FunFun> Thanks! <tilted_halo> and when the waiter comes to your table say the following: "Atashi katai hakebune no otoko ga suki!" <FunFun> What does that mean? <tilted_halo> it's a greeting... <FunFun> Alrighty I'll be back in a while! ***QUITS: FunFun(Laters!!!) <MagiTek> I know bukkake, what else did you 2 tell him ? <Rowan_Knights> Well...I told him to order some vagina... <tilted_halo> unko means shit and that 'greeting' means "I like a man with a hard dick" <MagiTek> Bwahahaha...I wish I could be there... <tilted_halo> We all do...
<SUPERMCNUGGET> allright <SUPERMCNUGGET> i need ur guys help on this <SUPERMCNUGGET> THIS CONFUSES ME <Loserbait> Depending <SUPERMCNUGGET> greatly <Loserbait> Spit it out little bitch <SUPERMCNUGGET> obviously a flavoured condom is designed for one reason <Loserbait> To use on your penis. Yes, continue <SUPERMCNUGGET> so the woman can taste some random flavour while performing oral sex <SUPERMCNUGGET> HOWEVER <SUPERMCNUGGET> on the back of the box it says <SUPERMCNUGGET> FOR VAGINAL USE ONLY <SUPERMCNUGGET> how does it work? <Loserbait> Um... Vaginas have taste buds? <Loserbait> <Vagina> Oooh! Minty! <SUPERMCNUGGET> dont ask why i have a box of flavoured condoms either..... <Loserbait> Admit it: It's for those lonely nights...
<Ich> I have passed the transitional stage of internet geekhood <Ich> I was cashiering at work today, and was punching in the code for plums, which is 4040. <Ich> and the 0 key doesn't work this well, so I punched it in wrong. <Ich> and the machine flashed up "Item Not Found: 404" <Ich> and I actually laughed out loud
<kroike> oh sweet jesus <AcidReign> threatened me and said I wasn't sharing enough <kroike> semen feels horrible in open wounds <@Knights> ... <@|00Kevin|> wtf <AcidReign> ... <@|00Kevin|> that deserves more than a "..." people
<wolf> 1. Save every Free Credit Card Offer you get, Put it in pile A <wolf> 2. Save every Free Coupon You get, put that in pile B <wolf> 3. Now open the credit card mail from pile A and find the Business Reply Mail Envelope. <wolf> 4. Take the coupons from pile B and stuff them in the envelope you hold in your hand. <wolf> 5. Drop the stuffed to the brim envelopes in your mail and walk away whistling. <wolf> I have now received two phone calls from the credit card companies telling me that they received a stuffed envelope with coupons rather then my application. They informed me that it they are not pleased that they footed the bill for the crap I sent them. I reply with "It says Business Reply Mail" I'm suggesting coupons to you to ensure that your business is more successful. They promptly hang up on me. <wolf> Now, I did this for about a month before it got boring, so I got an added idea! I added exactly 33 cents worth of pennies to the envelope so they paid EXTRA due to the weight. I got a call informing me about the money, I said it was a mistake and I demanded my change back. After yelling at the clerk and then to the supervisor they agreed to my demands and cut me a check for the money. I hold in my hand at this very moment a check from GTE Visa for exactly 33 cents.
<Oddlies> spawn killing is when you kill someone as they respawn you nub <Chimp> I do that in wolfenstein with the mortar <Oddlies> then you're a spawn kiling nub <Oddlies> :. sux <Oddlies> spawn killing is not cool D: <Chimp> They are liek: OMG YOU NUB! I HAT YOU! STOP IT PLESE. CAN YOU TEACH ME HOW TO SPAWN KILL? <Chimp> I only do it when I need the xp <Oddlies> that's like saying "I only rape toddlers when I need to get laid" <Oddlies> it doesn't make it cool
Mondo: bukkake is a Japanese dish Mondo: and not that kind of dish Mondo: A dish of Japanese food. A soupy broth of Udon noodles with some kind of broth (miso?)*, usually served in a bowl. Mondo: wonder what'd happen.. if you ordered bukkake in a jap resturant.. Mondo: "Mmm.. I could really go for some bukkake" Mondo: would they bring you a dish of food, or bring 20 guys out to jerk all over you Kadmium: I tricked a friend into trying to order "neko don" (lit: cat with rice) at a Japanese restaurant Kadmium: He got a *FILTHY* look Mondo: LOL Kadmium: You know, that "You build railroad!" sort of look Mondo: roflmao
<amy25``> hey it's summer - bad time for passwords - get outside and stop masturbating! <activexyz> better 1st stop masturbating and than go outside <CrashFix> LOL ;-) <CrashFix> timing is everything
Alter Legiones: i need a job. don't supose you'd pay me to build you a computer? ^_^ Burning Broly: lol,if i can pay you with 11-14 year old prostitutes Alter Legiones: hmm... Alter Legiones: i think we can work something out
<dsbnh|VC> saw chocolate boxer shorts yesterday <dsbnh|VC> first thing that hit me was "may contain nuts"
<AaronsGurl> Um If Your Aaron Carter MSG Me And Chat Wit Me! <the|navigator> That's pretty sad.
<ZiggyPopFoo> does anyone know how to install OpenBSD i hav ti on disk and i cna load it and everyhtin but i dunno how to install it properly without wiping over windows, plz help lz? <notick> buy a unix help manual. <ZiggyPopFoo> i dont have unix in have openbsd u fucking def bastard. <notick> oh, my bad! (idiot) *ZiggyPopFoo forgives notick <ZiggyPopFoo> dont worry i have had nowledge about openbsd for yers its just open bsd is the hardest one of them all, ull learn as mich about as i know some day. <notick> Shower me with your god-like wisdom, ZPF <ZiggyPopFoo> wisdom??? I HAVE OPENBSD!!!!
<Jolene> so, when they landed on the moon, why cant u see the stars in the pictures they took? <chippy> it was daytime
--> dave (aqeug129@uplink-25D84252.shlb1201.mi.comcast.net) has joined #Uplink --- Ghostalker is now known as Muad <dave> /msg nickserv register <snip> <snip take 2> @comcast..net --- Muad is now known as Muad_dib <dave> opps <MH2> opps indeed <dave> yea so whats new? <MH2> Well --- Muad_dib is now known as Ghostalker <-- Ghostalker (Ghostalker@uplink-1EB07998.lutn.cable.ntl.com) has left #Uplink (Rejoining because of user@host change) --> Ghostalker (Ghostalker@graveyard.net) has joined #Uplink <MH2> I now have access to your email account <MH2> That's pretty new <-- Squall has quit (Ping timeout) <MH2> You have 0 new messages, by the way
<[Knob]> So anyway, I was in this pub yesterday night, and there was music playing. So my friend suddenly says to me "This is good music to jerk off to" I'm like "What the fuck?" and he goes "Yeah, doesn't everyone have a song that they jerk off to?" - And while he said that, the music was turned off and he screamed it throughout the entire pub. Everyone was looking mighty strange at me...
<Wargon> RPC exploit grrrrrrr <Wargon> blocked the ports now <tfg> AOL blocks all that shit for me by default <tfg> They clearly know what 99% of their users are like <Spanky-G> like? <Spanky-G> 99% of their users hardly know what a computer is
<PA_stoned> for once i wasn't thinking about sex <PA_stoned> lookit that, i guess being stoned does not necessarily make me horny! <DS_lonely> *gasp* and i bet your not stoned. <PA_stoned> yes i am! <DS_lonely> WHAT! <PA_stoned> why else would i be eating pussy with my finger? <PA_stoned> oops! <DS_lonely> noice! <PA_stoned> i meant puddding
<EVILteddy> a couple of morman missionarys came to my door this morning <EVILteddy> hehehe\ <Bakaneko-kun> whatd you do? <EVILteddy> mum had a cows heart out for the cats dinner <EVILteddy> i took it to the door and took a huge bite of it <Bakaneko-kun> really? <EVILteddy> yep <EVILteddy> it tasted horrible <EVILteddy> it was raw and bloody <EVILteddy> they called me a heritec and ran soooo fast^_^ <EVILteddy> i was pissing my self laughing all day it was like the best thing ive ever done to a morman
(JHawk111420) Hey whats up, a/s/l? (Lady Renegade) more than you want, I'm sure :) (JHawk111420) ill take that as a challenge ;-) (Lady Renegade) take it any way you want sweetie (JHawk111420) k, how old are ya? (Lady Renegade) probably too old for you, but let's pretend I'm 20 ;) (JHawk111420) k, what do ya look like? (Lady Renegade) before or after I'm dressed up? (JHawk111420) both :-D (Lady Renegade) well......after I'm dressed up, I have long sexy red hair, nails painted red to match the slinky dress I have on, stiletto heels, pouty lips, green eyes, boobs out to here, and a smile that stops traffic (JHawk111420) and before your dressed up? (Lady Renegade) before I'm dressed up, I'm bald and wearing boxers...sometimes my weenie is peeking out (Lady Renegade) hello? (Lady Renegade) hello? (Lady Renegade) hello ....
<WiLdSeXyPrInCeSs> i luv guyz where would they be wifout us gals??? <XeNoX> Still in the Garden Of Eden you gullible bitch.
<Wallrod> i hate having my room right next to the bathroom <Wallrod> i have to hear my dad take a shit <Wallrod> EVEN DEATH METAL DOESNT COVER ALL THE FREQUENCIES MY DAD'S ASS BROADCASTS ON
[NARHDD] Man Skunk I think your gay [Skunk] thats nice but the only time i've ever come across gay porn is accidentally. [NARHDD] Its amazing how people always claim that their eyes just wonder from a reg. porn site to a gay one (with help of ctrl + F) [Skunk] Man I knew I shouldve uninstalled VNC
<Calren> CPU Usage: 102% score <+Olanis> Is that possible? <Calren> I'm throwing all my resources into running everything at top speed, lol <+Andross> um, how do you do that <Sterri> lovely, you trying to warm the room up? <Calren> Andross: chant very, very hard <Calren> and currently I'm trying to toast a poptart <Sterri> on the cpu, right? <Calren> it's sitting behind the fan
<Myuutsuu> Apparently my brother was oggling at my porn stuff and my girlfriend's picture. <Tone> Your little brother was FAPPIN' to your girlfriend? <Myuutsuu> All of his game files will be mysteriously deleted. <Alphonse> Inside several folders. <Myuutsuu> He will have a piss stain in his bed the size of China. <Myuutsuu> He will have his YGO cards stolen. <Gojirott> Myuu: Use milk :X <Gojirott> or better yet, mayo <Myuutsuu> And I will pay one of the kids at his school to kick his ass.
RaceTM: yeah its really weird it seems like every time i re-install, something goes wrong RaceTM: i have yet to get a flawless ghost image RaceTM: its pissing me off lol RaceTM: and im sure its probably one dumb program i always install that messes things up Veritech Ferret: hehe Veritech Ferret: Windows
<Big_Mike> Science teachers are either really good or complete nutcases. <DS> sometimes both. <CurvyEm> I'm actually topless now, i couldn't be arsed to wear a top anymore <DS> it is a fine line. <DS> Well, that was a nice random interjection into a completely random conversation.
<m[e]ntor> Does anyone know where I can buy 100 m of wireless lan cable? <insight> Well, you could try NASA's "things not yet and never will be invented"-department or something.
<Shempo> ...do I have to set the drive to like...master..slave..blahblahblahb...o.O <ShadowRage> slave <ShadowRage> look at the jumpers on it <ShadowRage> there will either be an M or an S, or just mater or slave <ShadowRage> pop the jumpter on slave <ShadowRage> jumper* <ShadowRage> if it's the primary hd, then master <Shempo> Well...Rawr.. <Shempo> I plugged the bitch im <Shempo> in8 <Shempo> in* <Shempo> it rawred at me <Shempo> CLIIIKC CLICKCLIIICCK <Shempo> ..now what? <ShadowRage> access the bios <ShadowRage> (either escape, f1 or delete when your computer first powers on) <Shempo> yea.. <Shempo> and? <ShadowRage> what kinda BIOS do you have? <Shempo> dunno <ShadowRage> this is on an older machine? <Shempo> 1 year <ShadowRage> hmmm <ShadowRage> ok, are you in the bios? <Shempo> ..no <Shempo> That'd require restarting. <ShadowRage> ... you added this HD with the computer on?! <Shempo> >.> <Shempo> <.< <Shempo> :D <ShadowRage> ..on your current machine? <ShadowRage> right now? <Shempo> o.o <ShadowRage> ..................................................... <Shempo> Run? <ShadowRage> lowkey: give me the learnin' stick. <Shempo> ... <Shempo> :( <Shempo> The 2x4? * ShadowRage smacks Shempo with a 2 by 4 <Shempo> :( <Shempo> Yea...dumb mistake.. <ShadowRage> ....you seriously plugged it in with the machine ON?! <Shempo> Possibly harmful? <ShadowRage> ...... <ShadowRage> yes <ShadowRage> very <Shempo> o.o <ShadowRage> ..it's a surprise your computer didnt explode and kill you in the process.
<inetd_> so many people at work are homophobic <inetd_> so i'm gonna ask random peoples "if you were on a bus full of gay guys, would you get off?"
<mad> shit shit shit <mad> i just started blaring tunes, thinking i had only my headphones on <mad> but i forgot to turn off my speakers.. <mad> i bet i just woke everyone in the house up <Gold> lol <Gold> nice one <mad> meh <mad> im drunk <mad> what do i care <GreenWrecKingBall> hahaha <GreenWrecKingBall> lucky it wasn't porn <mad> omg <mad> that's exactly what i was about to type <mad> "lucky it was was rage against the machine, instead of this pron mpg i was about to load up" <mad> since the only reason i realized my speakers were on is my feet could feel my sub kicking <mad> i doubt the pron woulda done that until about half way in
<NES> hah <NES> speaking of your mom jokes getting me in trouble <NES> my friend rocky's mom died of cancer <NES> I had no knowledge of this cancer, I hadn't known him very long <NES> and I had for a while this obnoxious habit of doing those your mom jokes <NES> repeating something someone said and inserting their mom <NES> so I sit down at lunch one day and I hear him say "she died of cancer" <NES> and I said "your MOM died of cancer" <NES> *silence*
<@Gesten> I'm going to cry when my grandchildren look at me and say: "Grandpa...why'd you let them make everything on the internet illegal?" <@Amily> as if it was all your doing? :) <@Gesten> I should've been born two years earlier so I could ahve ahd a voice. <@Amily> you don't have a voice?!?! <@Amily> you're a mute! <@Gesten> You didn't know I was a mute? <@Amily> well i know now, and it makes me immensely happy <@Gesten> No seriously...my neck hit a countertop when I was a kid. I can only make high-pitched muffled noises that sound like squirrels mating.
<cj_> welp, that was fun. back to irc. <cj_> i managed to add a quart of oil to my car before losing interest in RL. <cj_> cs?
<Strepto> Lack of porn is just as dangerous as dehydration. <_abuse> you are so right strepto..
Lord Almighty 3: yo onkeybutt87: can you make a rock that you can't lift? onkeybutt87: because if you're all-powerful... you can make something unliftable onkeybutt87: but if you're all-powerful, you can also lift it onkeybutt87: which wouldn't make it unliftable Lord Almighty 3: ... Lord Almighty 3: shit
<Harklan> youll never believe this <Harklan> but theres a tomb raider game that doesnt suck <Resare> Tomb Raider: Undressed?
<metaly> what the dum <metaly> this person on direct connect has their drives named after the three wise men <metaly> although i am guessing they were trying for "gaspar" but somehow ended up with "casper" <Pokeytax> which one is the porn
<ShyAway> so, if you asked for mint, I wouldn't not give it to you because you like chocolate <ShyAway> so, in conclusion, men are chocolate, girls are mint <ShyAway> and, flat likes men * ShyAway was kicked by flatface (Stop hitting yourself) * ShyAway (Shy@zealfiles) has joined #flatface * ShyAway was kicked by flatface (Stop hitting yourself) * ShyAway (Shy@zealfiles) has joined #flatface * ShyAway was kicked by flatface (Stop hitting yourself) * ShyAway (Shy@zealfiles) has joined #flatface * ShyAway was kicked by flatface (Stop hitting yourself) * ShyAway (Shy@zealfiles) has joined #flatface <MonaLeilani> flat: set mode +I * ShyAway was kicked by flatface (Stop hitting yourself) * ShyAway (Shy@zealfiles) has joined #flatface * ShyAway was kicked by flatface (Stop hitting yourself) * ShyAway (Shy@zealfiles) has joined #flatface * ShyAway was kicked by flatface (Stop hitting yourself) * ShyAway (Shy@zealfiles) has joined #flatface * ShyAway was kicked by flatface (Stop hitting yourself) * ShyAway (Shy@zealfiles) has joined #flatface <flatface> Never * ShyAway was kicked by flatface (Stop hitting yourself) * ShyAway (Shy@zealfiles) has joined #flatface * ShyAway was kicked by flatface (Stop hitting yourself) * ShyAway (Shy@zealfiles) has joined #flatface <flatface> This is much more fun
<Jeedo> hey baby, whats up? <Indidge> umm....nothing? <Jeedo> So....want me to like come over today so we can fuck? <Indidge> Wait....did you want to speak to my daughter? <Jeedo> Yes Mrs.Miller.. :-/
<Scummder> well thats great. I get to spend about 5 minutes playing gamecube before my mother appears from nowhere and tells me to do more mowing. <bile> think of your mother as an endboss and destroy her.
<zeedo> heh I got a delivery today and started to sign my name "zeedo" <zeedo> lmao * Subliminal is playing Metallica - Jump In The Fire <Subliminal> rofl <Subliminal> your loosing your true identity <Subliminal> and become a sequence of 0's and 1's <zeedo> the dude just gave me a weird look when I said "can you wipe that off its the wrong name" <zeedo> he cleared the screen thinking I was a weirdo <zeedo> I am but thats besides the point <Subliminal> lmao <Subliminal> you should spell itin binary or smt
<`-X-> how i can disconnect without the usual commands? (/ quit, /disconnect /exit etc )? <`-X-> help me pls <@Splodgey> /msg <insert name of ircop here> you suck cock
<doobie> where do you sickos get these fucking links <doobie> i mean seroiusly, do you type in <doobie> horribly disfigured penis into google? <Diablo> no <Diablo> actually i was searching for penises in mouse traps
RubbarDuckling: my middle eastern boss pulled me aside from work today RubbarDuckling: and was like RubbarDuckling: "there are some things that are concerning me with your work, you didnt fill the lids or the napkins...you left the steam tables on overnight and the place could have burned down..but most importantly...you didnt wear your uniform" RubbarDuckling: im like "wait wearing a uniform is more important than setting a building aflame....how?" RubbarDuckling: and hes like RubbarDuckling: "oh and yea...you need to stop being so sarcastic." RubbarDuckling: "and with your work you need to work better...you know..pull your socks up!" RubbarDuckling: and im like "what the...what?? pull my socks up uhhh..." RubbarDuckling: what the fuck is pull my socks up mean RubbarDuckling: i liked how arson is 2nd on his list though
<BlueAngel_> we did it over msn yesterday <BlueAngel_> I was very pleased with it <BlueAngel_> I can't wait to meet him in person
<@kitten`> Scientists have determined that the average time for intercourse is four minutes. The average number of strokes per minute is nine, and since the average length of the penis is six inches, the average female received two hundred and sixteen inches or fifteen feet per intercourse. Three times per week, fifty two weeks in a year, so, 150 times 18 makes 2700 feet, or just over a mile and a half. If you are not getting your mile and a half, why not let me help out <Ritontor> strokes per minute is 9? <i> rofl <m0zz> 4 minutes? <revva> lol <Ritontor> what the deuce? <m0zz> 4 minutes is average!? <kb_DeAd> the average length of the male penis is 15cm <i> well since i got at least 9 inches, you should be getting 2 and a 1/4 miles <@mima> like 4 min is way too short <kb_DeAd> the average depth of a female vagina is 18cm <kb_DeAd> goin on current population <kb_DeAd> australia has 12,367 feet of unused pussy <i> hang on... work out the average amount of cum we shoot up a bitch each time <i> and we can work out miles per gallon <Mad-Cow> rofl <@catinahat> heAe Ahe AEHA EhaEH <@catinahat> youre all fucked up
<BChikapa> Holy shit. Calisa, are you watching this thing on Fox <Calisa> no. <BChikapa> This guy was in a boat, and a swordfish JUMPED OUT OF THE WATER AND STABBED HIM IN THE FACE. <Calisa> [SA]HatfulOfHollow finally got them. <BChikapa> I don't know if it's sadder that you made that joke, or that I got it.