hQDB :: hacker Quote Database

Network Stats: 21112 Approved Quotes | 0 in Moderation Queue
#116503 [ + | - ] 354
<tabooli> A drunken friend recently mispronounced "continental
drift," and it came out sounding like "cunnilingual drift." We
brainstormed a few meanings for cunnilingual drift before
settling on this one: When a person's tongue drifts down to a
woman's anus, on purpose or by accident, during an intense
session of cunnilingus.
#116361 [ + | - ] 405
<ecoli> i remember the girl who lived next to mea
<ecoli> and we saw pictures in my dad's uh. magazines.
<ecoli> "THAT LOOKS LIKE FUN, LET'S TRY THAT."
<ecoli> i think that was also her first golden shower
experience, heh.   at that age, i figured that was the only
liquid that came out of there.
#116170 [ + | - ] 863
<SUPERHAPPYDUDE> DRUGS ARE BAD
<SUPERHAPPYDUDE> unless you are sick
<SUPERHAPPYDUDE> or depressed
<SUPERHAPPYDUDE> or having trouble sleeping
<SUPERHAPPYDUDE> or when you need to stay awake
<SUPERHAPPYDUDE> or when you need a little inspiration
<SUPERHAPPYDUDE> or when trying to win a sporting event
<SUPERHAPPYDUDE> or when trying to look cool
<SUPERHAPPYDUDE> or when you're just not feeling 100%
<SUPERHAPPYDUDE> but other than that they are BAD
#116082 [ + | - ] 106
< Mennonite> hey docfu
< Mennonite> I had a mindblowing last four days
< Mennonite> did you?
< docfu> Menno well, i had  a headblowing in there too
< docfu> to the point where I started to lose oxygen to my
brain and become eurphoric...
< TenBaseT> docfu: when that happens it's time to loosen the
belt.
#116079 [ + | - ] 568
<^Melchior^> MY NAMES BUSH!... HELP MY FIND IRAQ'S NUCLEAR
WEAPONS, ORDER YOUR VERY OWN "FIND MR. SADDAMS WEAPONS OF MASS
DESTRUCTION DETECTION KIT", Kit Includes: Darts and a Map
#116034 [ + | - ] 293
* niki-luv waves
* s_ surfs niki
#116001 [ + | - ] 201
<McKree> The hills have eyes...
<Suerte> urinate in them
#115997 [ + | - ] 144
<virt> i'm a musician. of course i hate HHC. you can't like it
unless you are a) a candy raver, b) a candy raver, c) a
candyraver, and possibly d) tone deaf and epileptic - and/or
german
#115983 [ + | - ] 854
<@Rob_Saunders> why do people dislike pop bands?
<+K_Praslowicz> Mecause it is mass-produced crap
<@Rob_Saunders> it's not all crap :(
<+K_Praslowicz> Maybe, But I'm not one to dig through piles of
shit to pick out a good piece of corn to eat.
#115960 [ + | - ] 1373
* Dante changes topic to 'ChanServ can go suck a cock.'
* ChanServ changes topic to 'Fuck You'
#115836 [ + | - ] 2187
* God plays the Sims.
* God clicks on "Gothic" and selects "swear"
<Gothic> Fuck
<Gothic> Wait, what
#115783 [ + | - ] 862
<su-Septik> canada has a nuclear program?
<su-noel> yeah it's some old dood that survived chernobyl
<su-noel> we keep him in a box
#115781 [ + | - ] 705
<noddy> oops, i banned tgo last night and forgot to remove it
:/
<Mortarion> yes you did
<noddy> sorry dude :*(
<The_Gifted_One> yeah, u whore :P
<noddy> :/
<Mortarion> am i gonna have to start checking the ban list
when i get up every morning again?
<noddy> again!?
<Mortarion> yes, when i first gave you ops i'd have to check
the banlist, usually you hadn't banned anyone in particular,
you'd just filled it up with crap banmasks
<Mortarion> i got up one morning and like 40 countries had
been banned
<The_Gifted_One> ROFL
#115765 [ + | - ] 627
<spungles> ooh
<spungles> hot chick in the park
<spungles> bbl
<moleman> WAIT
<moleman> give us a URL first!
<xanex> no
<xanex> I think he means IRL
#115726 [ + | - ] 585
* |SiN| yawns.
* Asfand_Yar has quit IRC (niven.freenode.net
irc.freenode.net)
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* niven.freenode.net sets mode: +oooo hack|afk kampf_wk |SiN|
Jim_
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<DracoDanMP> wow sin, you must have some nasty, nasty breathe
<DracoDanMP> you just blew half the channel away with a yawn
#115711 [ + | - ] 350
[mdtown] I wouldn't screw Dionne Warwick with a 10-meter
extendopenis.
[Jade Lotus] lol
[mdtown] You've never heard the term extendopenis before?
[mdtown] Well, welcome to a new level of human consciousness.
[mdtown] "Go Go Gadget Cock!"
#115646 [ + | - ] 387
<pathogen> <(^_^<)
<pathogen> (>^_^)>
<pathogen> kirby dances
<pathogen> for money
<pathogen> <(^_^<)
<pathogen> (>^_^)>
<pathogen> <(^_^<)
<pathogen> (>^_^)>
<pathogen> <(^_^<)
<pathogen> (>^_^)>
<pathogen> <(O_O)>
<pathogen> cha-cha-cha!
<kermit> gay
#115626 [ + | - ] 578
<Lailoken> On Cinemax tonight they're showing Shrek from 11:00
to 12:30 and then Best Sex Ever from 12:30 to 1:00.
<Lailoken> Somewhere in America parents leave their child to
go to a dinner party, "Here honey, you just watch Shrek and
we'll be home some time after midnight."
#115625 [ + | - ] 298
<Godspore> lmao, 3 1/2 floppy(a;) total size: 864GB, 224
objects...
<Boko> :O
<Godspore> XD thats once fuckt up bootdisc
#115606 [ + | - ] 310
<LaaG> i wonder if sponge bob has a square dick
#115506 [ + | - ] 430
<chris> i've been to a lan-party with 130 people on the
weekend
<Matthew> Cool.
<Matthew> I have the internet.
<Matthew> It's one big lan party.
<Matthew> But the difference is...
<Matthew> You can jerk off, and no one knows.
<chris> true that
#115490 [ + | - ] 245
<aen> That's weird. I thought someone told me .bins were
better than .isos because you can repair them more easily or
something, but also that it had compression.
<Gayo> He was a .bin propagandist, tricking you with his
honeyed lies.
#115483 [ + | - ] 144
<DontHurt> do i want to be here? :x
<DontHurt> ^^;;
<hakootoko> nah, you wanna be out having wild sex
<Tirith> wild sex... like... beastiality?
#115477 [ + | - ] 388
<Tea_Bag> yo fox is Mulder your surname
<FoxMulder> Tea_Bag: erm...no
<FoxMulder> is Bag yours?
#115473 [ + | - ] 701
* Kep hugs awsome
* Kep quickly flips her over and punts over over the field
goal... three points!
<Kep> woot! =)
<Kep> the keppies win the superbowl!
<Kep> =)
* Kep pokes aws
* Ghaurok|afk has joined #tz
* ChanServ sets mode: +o Ghaurok|afk
* Kep punts Ghaurok|afk through the field goal!
* [3x]Taenarin trys to punts Kep, but [3x]Taenarins foot gets
stuck in Keps ass!
<[3x]Taenarin> HELP!
<[3x]Taenarin> GET IT OFF!
<Kep> =(
<Kep> HELP!
<Kep> GET IT OUT!
* Kep has quit IRC (Client Exiting)
<[3x]Taenarin> fucker, he stole my shoe =(
#115471 [ + | - ] 149
<ginzo_> my company sponsored a 50 Cent/Jay-Z concert
<ginzo_> on july 9th
<ginzo_> hahhaahhaha
<ginzo_> WE ROCK
<therdrai|> ginzo - what company is this?
<ginzo_> Cincinnati Bell
<therdrai|> oh
<therdrai|> are your CEO's and upper management gonna attend
<ginzo_> but i bet the pres will
<ginzo_> he's very into hanging out with africans
<therdrai|> ha
<ginzo_> PR trip or something
<therdrai|> yea
<therdrai|> so he can say "look i'm not racist, fifty cents is
one of my best friends"
#115468 [ + | - ] 368
<Bendit> damn it, the cherries I bought yesterday are bad
<Bendit> cherry season is already over
<Bendit> :(
<Bendit> 1/3 of them seem to be almost rotting
<Bendit> and the rest have no flavour
<Bendit> there are so few things I like, WHY MUST THEY BE
SEASONAL??!!?
<Bulk> ://
<omega> lucky for you cock isn't seasonal, so you may continue
to enjoy it all year round.
<Bulk> im so glad you're in a good mood omega
#115462 [ + | - ] 323
<@B-Spider`> you young bastage
<@B-Spider`> your balls drop yet?
<@|Qc|Cutthroat> all 3 of them
<@|Qc|Cutthroat> to my surprise
#115397 [ + | - ] 201
<WiteRabit> the thing you gotta ask yourself is: do I really
want snail shit on my face?
#115370 [ + | - ] 12
* @baafie creams over AngelPHiSH
<@AngelPHiSH> o_O
* @AngelPHiSH wipes up
<@james> that's parksie's job O_o
<@AngelPHiSH> a little warning next time please
* @james hides
* @AngelPHiSH slaps james gently
<@AngelPHiSH> also:  repeatedly
<@james> :(
<@james> ;P
<@AngelPHiSH> wah now you made me think about parksie again >.
<
* @AngelPHiSH snivels in her corner
<@AngelPHiSH> im so aloooooooonnnnnnnneeeeeee
<%Lioness> wahh wahh :oP
<%Lioness> Quit being emo
<@AngelPHiSH> sob sob
<%Lioness> It's been.....over 2 months for me.
<@AngelPHiSH> i cant help being emo!
<%Lioness> And I've still got 4 weeks to go.
<@AngelPHiSH> yes but YOU DONT FEEL PAIN LIKE I DO
<@baafie> That's because she doesn't do anal.
<@AngelPHiSH> O_O
<@baafie> ;P
<%Lioness> lollers
<@AngelPHiSH> wtf
<@a-arse[away]> lollerNOTFUNNEY
<@a-arse[away]> -e
<@AngelPHiSH> wtfwtfwtf
<@AngelPHiSH> i..
<@AngelPHiSH> O_O
<@AngelPHiSH> from cream to anal.. IN ONE EASY CONVERSATION!
<@AngelPHiSH> Just add baafie
<@baafie> ^_^
#115217 [ + | - ] 720
[(chillin)] did u have sex with my penguin
[(AtTi2uDe)] say what? lol
[(chillin)] sex
[(chillin)] with my penguin
[(AtTi2uDe)] umm, no, don't think so?
[(AtTi2uDe)] lol
[(chillin)] are u sure
[(chillin)] cause i think u did
[(AtTi2uDe)] i think i didn't? lol
[(chillin)] well all the witnesses and evidence point to you
[(AtTi2uDe)] my wife would be jealous
[(chillin)] sir i dont think the penguin is any more ok with
it than your wife is
#115192 [ + | - ] 422
Whitetail deer18: Attention all pokemon card trainiers!!!  I
am starting up a internet membership where those who have card
decks can play eachother over the net.  Only catch is honesty
about the types of cards you have.
Trazzy: attention all pokemon card trainers: GO GET LAID.
#115126 [ + | - ] 109
<Thin-H-Line> what's the best thing about an ethiopian
blowjob?
<Porn_Angel> what?
<SKS> wat?
<Thin-H-Line> you know she'll swallow..
#114988 [ + | - ] 1092
(@zany-) omg, I can hear my mom masturbating :l
(@NpZ^) Ahaha
(@zany-) wai... she doesn't think I'm home
(@zany-) brb
(@zany-) great now I'm grounded
(@NpZ^) HAHA :D
#114920 [ + | - ] 547
<-M-> i went and bought a mint flavoured condom just to see
what it tasted like
<-M-> i regretted it a lot when my bro walked in on me licking
it
<exclamation> did u munch the jobe?
<-M-> i thiink he's gonna need more therapy than me
<BigKev> did u turn to your bro and say "well.....we were out
of mints"
#114724 [ + | - ] 1177
* +ramoth4 slaps politik with an unsigned long double
* +politik comes back with a _uint64 uppercut
* +ramoth4 pulls out a struct and returns fire
* +politik corrupts ramoth's heap
* +Fire_Elemental-Coding- ducks to avoid leaked memory
* +politik pops Fire_Elemental-Coding- square in the stack
* +ramoth4 stuffs politik's face in the bitbucket, and begins
to operate on nil pointers
* +politik throws uncatchable exceptions around the room
* +ramoth4 dodges skillfully with his try-catch block
* +politik cuts off ramoth's private member
* +ramoth4 encapsulates the wound in a protected class
* +politik destroys all foes with up-casts to inappropriate
derived classes!
* +politik is out of ideas
* +politik :: ~politik();
* +ramoth4 declares flipcode his namespace!
<+ramoth4> I win!
* +ramoth4 beat C++.
<+ramoth4> The last guy was hard.
#114622 [ + | - ] 376
<Berrik> my goddamned school has fat cheerleaders
<Berrik> let me tell you something
<Berrik> there's only one half of a girl's chest I want to see
jiggle when she jumps
<Berrik> and it ain't the bottom half
#114610 [ + | - ] 1114
Aaron|SYS> Hello
<Aaron|SYS> I am Aaron, a System Operator (SYSOP) for
Mindspring
<Aaron|SYS> I will be monitoring the activities of Mindspring
and Earthlink subscribers this evening
<Aaron|SYS> Have a pleasurable and enjoyable day or night!
*** Quits: Aaron|SYS (Killed (SFC (hi, I'm an ircoperator, and
I will be regulating your activity monitoring)))
#114600 [ + | - ] -22
Mix-Master-Movies:  MY GROUP NAME IS
Mix-Master-Movies:  REAL MOVIES ON KAZAA
amanda:  the link
Mix-Master-Movies:  ITS ON MSN
Mix-Master-Movies:  SO AMANDA WILL YOU JOIN
amanda:  no
Mix-Master-Movies:  WHY
amanda:  i dont usa kazaaa
amanda:  and u wont give me the link.
Mix-Master-Movies:  WHAT LINK
Mix-Master-Movies:  I DONT HAVE A WEBSITE
Mix-Master-Movies:  ITS IN THE MSN GROUPS
#114470 [ + | - ] 669
* flathead has joined #zdoom
<Zack`> a dragon in thick, fluffy white diapers
<flathead> sounds like I missed one hell of a discussion here
#114413 [ + | - ] 393
<NekoLocke|Runescape> What the hell? some girl offered me
cybersex on Runescape in exchange for all the gold ore I had
in my inventory. @_@
<Danny> now you do it be a man whore :P
<Eden99> LOL XD;
<Noval> Wow, a game with real hookers. That's inpressive.
#114377 [ + | - ] 210
< Teratogen> Never underestimate the bandwidth of a station
wagon filled with backup tapes.
#114358 [ + | - ] 493
(maddox@) I just thought of a joke, I don't know if someone
has already made this up, but here it goes: What actor would
Christopher Reeve be if he could trade places with anyone?
Christopher Walken
#114352 [ + | - ] 2258
Spoon35: http://www.oddworldz.com/fmweekly/kellypinup.jpg
SenorWeird: who?
Momog: hehe
SenorWeird: who is that?
Momog: kelly hu = the wolverine chick from xmen
SenorWeird: Kelly who?
Spoon35: exactly!
SenorWeird: Kelly Exactly?
Momog: heh
Momog: it's a trap!
SenorWeird: Just tell me the chick's name. It's Kelly what?
Spoon35: Hu.
SenorWeird: ?!
SenorWeird: The chick you just posted a picture of!
Spoon35: Hu
SenorWeird: That's what I wanna know! Kelly who!
Spoon35: exactly!
SenorWeird: So it's Kelly Exactly!
* Marty11 Laughs in the strange confusion
Spoon35: Hu.
SenorWeird: The girl in the picture you posted is Kelly
Exactly
Momog: Hu, Kelly.
Momog: HA!
SenorWeird: Yes, Kelly, Momog.
Spoon35: Kelly Momog??
SenorWeird: Kelly Exactly
Momog: doh
SenorWeird: Okay, you know what? Forget this.
SenorWeird: Let's talk about that hot chick in Mulholland
Drive and The Ring.
SenorWeird: What's her name?
Momog: who?
SenorWeird: her name
Spoon35: Watts.
SenorWeird: yes, I think my question was quite clear.
Spoon35: Watts.
* Momog covers his ears and screams
SenorWeird: are you not understanding me?
SenorWeird: Who is the chick from The Ring?
Spoon35: I think I understand. you want to know Watts.
SenorWeird: Not What, who. Who is the chick from The Ring.
Spoon35: no, Watts is the chick from the Ring
SenorWeird: Who is?
Spoon35: no, she was in X2
SenorWeird: What?!
Spoon35: exactly.
SenorWeird: Exactly was in X2. okay.
SenorWeird: so then Who was in the ring?
Spoon35: Hu was.
SenorWeird: Who was in the ring?
Spoon35: no. Watts was in the Ring. Hu was in X2.
SenorWeird: Exactly. Now, let's get back to the Ring. What's
that chick's name?
Spoon35: watts.
SenorWeird: okay, I'm lost.
SenorWeird: What's the name of the chick from X2?
Spoon35: no, Watts is the name of the chick from the Ring
SenorWeird: Forget about the ring. I don't want to hear about
Who was in the ring.
Spoon35: watts
SenorWeird: Am I not clear? Who was in X2?
Spoon35: yes.
SenorWeird: Yes?
SenorWeird: Yes what?
Spoon35: Yes Hu! No Watts.
SenorWeird: ....
SenorWeird: What?!
Momog: i am logging this and using it as blackmail against you
both
SenorWeird: oh, this is either genius or stupidity.
#114347 [ + | - ] 1034
<Skilless15> what's rtfm
<Skilless15> i forgot
<@avaxx> read the fucking manual.
<Skilless15> why
<Skilless15> you could just tell me
#114332 [ + | - ] 2401
<Kazak> man I am bored, Im gonna try some weird shit
<Nash> uh oh
<Kazak> HOLY FUCKING BLOODY HELL!
<Nash> ?!
<Kazak> I PUT A STAPLE THROUGH MY DICK!
<Nash> HOLY SHIT!
<Nash> You really are a crazy bastard!
*Killer_jeep has joined the conversation.
<Kazak> good fucking hell this hurts LIKE HELL
<Killer_jeep> What?
<Nash> he put a staple thru his dick
<Killer_jeep> DEAR GOD
*Killer_jeep has left the conversation.
<Kazak> shit now I have to piss! Brb
<Nash> this can&#8217;t be good
<Kazak> BITCH ASS MOTHER FUCK!
<Nash> what happened!
*Darkness has joined the conversation.
<Kazak> the piss flew out of the staple holes
<Darkness> WTF!?
*Darkness has left the conversation.
<Kazak> I had to straddle the toilet to get it in!
<Nash> are you gonna go to the ER?
<Kazak> are you crazy? no fucking way
<Nash> well try pulling it out
<Kazak> I can&#8217;t it hurts like hell if I try!
<Nash> well it has to come out sooner or later.
<Nash> better off sooner, before anyone sees you.
<Kazak> GODDAM THIS HURTS
<Nash> its your own fault, you know.
<Kazak> shutup! augh this hurts!!!
<Kazak> GRGGRFFFFDJH~!!11
*Aaron has joined the conversation
<Aaron> whats up guys?
<Nash> The crazy bastard put a staple through his dick
<Aaron> FUCKING HELL
*Aaron has left the conversation.
<Kazak> THANK GOD!!! I got it out!!!
<Nash> right&#8230;what about the holes?
<Kazak> uhh&#8230;
*Malaina has joined the conversation.
<Kazak> I&#8217;ll have to cover my dick with band-aids.
<Malaina> what the hell are you talking about?
<Kazak> oh shit. Nash, don&#8217;t!!!!
<Nash> your boyfriend put a staple through his dick
<Malaina> FUCKING HELL YOU SICK BASTARD!
*Malaina has left the conversation.
#114202 [ + | - ] 817
<typobox43> brb, grabbing a floppy dick
#114068 [ + | - ] 309
<dj_enkie> im a good babysitter
<dj_enkie> the boy is older
<dj_enkie> e is like 8
<dj_enkie> and he will become me someday
<dj_enkie> i give him porn to not tell his parents that i
drink their booze
#113949 [ + | - ] 234
<ph0rce> this is like turning into a war
<ph0rce> back like vietnam
<ph0rce> INCOMING NETSPLIT! GET THE FUCK DOWN
<ph0rce> INCOMING BOGIES INCOMING BOGIES
<ph0rce> RETURN FIRE
<ph0rce> *dos attack*
#113943 [ + | - ] 1496
* St-Lemur puts pasta next to antipasti
<KCaesar> You FOOL! You'll kill us all!