hQDB :: hacker Quote Database

Network Stats: 21122 Approved Quotes | 11 in Moderation Queue
#106860 [ + | - ] 192
<Kazimierz> the fast and the furious was full of homoerotic
undertones
<Kazimierz> just you couldn't hear them under the loud music
and loud car engines
#106857 [ + | - ] 164
<Flamecuber> lava-lord, have you ever swallowed a goat whole?
<lava-lord> no but my friend has eaten fat bastard.
<Flamecuber> whole or by limb?
<lava-lord> whole.
<Flamecuber> thats going to replace the clown in my nightmares
#106856 [ + | - ] 362
<Gohanmastaflex> www.imac.com - "LOOLLOLOL I GOT A PC BTU I
CNT FIGUR IT OWT IT WEN ALL LIKE "BEEEEEEP' AND NO WI GOT A
MAC AND ITS LIKE 'BEEP' BUT IN TEH GOOD WAY SO YAH ITS PRETY."
<Gohanmastaflex> Macintosh computer are easy to use. It's also
easy to stick your hand in a wood chipper.
#106854 [ + | - ] 391
<Gohanmastaflex> \+\
<Gohanmastaflex> (>^^(>**)>
<Gohanmastaflex> catholic priest kirby!
#106853 [ + | - ] 58
<Olympus> Mikelo2k is gay
* Mikelo2k pwnz
<akcom> you pwn rosey palms
<Olympus> hehee
<akcom> she nevers talks back, and i hear she gives great hand
jobs
#106851 [ + | - ] 633
* Yugi_moto take out his card deck
<DoesNotExist> Yu-Gi-Oh is fricking hilarious.
<DoesNotExist> the hero's all like "I play my Blue Eyes
White Dragon in defense position and attack!" and they all act
like it was a stunning strategical move.
<DoesNotExist> it's an overly dramatic version of a magic
the gathering tournament, which makes it so hilarious.
<Yugi_moto> I play black skull DRAGON IN ATACK MODE NOW
BLACK SKULL Dragon ATTACK BLUE EYES WHITE DRAGON
<Yugi_moto> ablterrate
<DoesNotExist> and they EXPLAIN THE RULES BEHIND EVERY
SINGLE MOVE.
<DoesNotExist> "My blue eyes white dragon attacks... THE
MOON!"
<Yugi_moto> black skull dragon  has  3200 atack points blue
Eyes white dragon has 3000 atack points i have the stronger
monster by atack points that means you lose 200 life points
<DoesNotExist> no, i play Mystical Swirling Hat Shield to
counter that, which increases the Blue Eyes White Dragon's
attack by 53...
<Yugi_moto> I play pendulam machine
<Yugi_moto> no
<Yugi_moto> Mysticazl Elf does that
<Yugi_moto> Mystical Elf
<DoesNotExist> i play Flaming Sword of Cheesy Goodness on
Blue Eyes White Dragon as my last move, increasing my BEWD's
attack by a triumphant 3333 due to my cheescake i'm eating.
<Yugi_moto> I sumon exiodea
<Yugi_moto> autometic win
<DoesNotExist> i play counterspell, discarding it.
<Yugi_moto> yuoo cant
<DoesNotExist> Yes i can. o_O
* DoesNotExist holds up his counterspell.
* DoesNotExist taps two islands...
* DoesNotExist plays counterspell on exiodea...
* DoesNotExist discards exiodea.,
<DoesNotExist> Now then, i play...
* DoesNotExist summons Sephiroth!
<DoesNotExist> I summon Sephiroth in the Lance Bass
position, which causes your black skull dragon to commit
suicide from the terrible n*sync music.
#106846 [ + | - ] 48
<Supa_Kuraka> if you flirt with the female version of
yourself... is that masturbation or incest?
#106805 [ + | - ] 652
<gromky> I used to like to go to #deaf and ask if anyone was
trading MP3's.
<gromky> Still do, once in a while, for old times' sake.
#106787 [ + | - ] 2485
<Supra87T> aw, for shits sake!
<Snipa> what?
<Supra87T> remember sarah? well, the other night we fucked,
and now i have to get tested for aids.
<Snipa> Think positive
<Supra87T> fuck you man, thats not even funny
#106771 [ + | - ] 35
<RocketMan> i came up with a new chocolately cereal that turns
your milk brown
<RocketMan> they're called Negr-O's
#106768 [ + | - ] 170
< GrandTheft> What would be an example of an iptables rule
that would allow anything and everything to come into the
computer?
< tewmten> ehm.. iptables -f perhaps?
< GrandTheft> hmm let me try that
| GrandTheft [Grand@68.16.40.90] quit #slackware [Read error:
104 (Connection reset by peer)]
#106767 [ + | - ] 277
<Tom> Would it surprise you if a Mozilla browser on the Mac
failed to adhere to max lengths set in a textbox?
<Jon> It doesn't surprise me, because nobody adheres to the
fucking W3C. it's like, of all the standards organizations in
the world, they are universally ignored by pretty much
everyone.
<Jon> W3C says: "Electricity must flow from negative to
positive, because that's the way electricity works."
<Jon> Microsoft would say: "You can specify the direction of
electrical flow, as well as whether or not you can kill
yourself with it."
<Jon> Mozilla would say: "Electricity?"
#106720 [ + | - ] 253
<cynical`> Math was cool until it's homosexual friend algebra
came along
#106717 [ + | - ] 388
<StormCyko> i should get rich by making a gym for nerds with
treadmills etc with LCD screens and internet access
<Gwala> StormCyko: you know that kinda sounds cool.
<AlpViper> you need incentive to make them run
<AlpViper> the screens would have to be powered by the running
* @Engush notes that most nerds who would go near a gym
<StormCyko> heh
<AlpViper> I know, make it if they drop below their targit HR/
speed their net link turns off
<Engush> hahaha
<StormCyko> or have the bandwidth relative to their speed
<AlpViper> wed have asian counter-strike players dieing in
front of computers a lot more often
#106679 [ + | - ] 438
<college^boy> hey
<college^boy> asl?
<phoxie17> 43/m/prison
<college^boy> seriouslly?
#106677 [ + | - ] 690
<Stevus> my pass is 6 letters long
<Stevus> random letters i've memorized ;D
<Dragon_Tear> kewl
<LockeJV|goPadres> it's s-t-e-v-u-s
<Stevus> nah
<Stevus> it's iakeuk
<Stevus> er
<Stevus> fuck
#106663 [ + | - ] 93
<Kudakeru> i just comitted a twinkie hate crime...
#106661 [ + | - ] 565
<timb> I went into a local burger resturaunt, just a local
town king if thing, pretty small, and I was wearing my I dig
Mac OS X shirt
<Toad> geek
<timb> and the girl at the counter, really cute, about 18 or
19 went "I like your shirt!"
<timb> and I went w00t! and she smilled the biggest smile and
winked at me
<Toad> you _said_ "w00t!"? wow
<timb> yes, I said w00t
<Toad> like "double u zero zero t"?
<timb> no
<Toad> like "woot"
<timb> just plain woot
#106645 [ + | - ] 162
@(TekU4iA) btw
@(TekU4iA) its 195bpm
@(TekU4iA) thanks
@(TekU4iA) K
(thebigo) 195?
(thebigo) who do you think you are? squarepusher?
#106643 [ + | - ] 217
<Mr_Hanky> fubu = Farmers Used to Beat Us?
#106634 [ + | - ] 350
<SpaceMonkey> welp, I'll have to give it a shot after I'm
through downloading concentrated satan
<norse> realplayer?
<SpaceMonkey> quicktime
#106633 [ + | - ] 287
<Mach17> Google: your number one source of not sounding
retarded.
#106628 [ + | - ] 26
<{1000101}> America Jr my ass
<{1000101}> Canada is like We Hate God Damn Iggerent Yank Land
<_seph> you assume th atall of america is either stupid ignant
countryfolk, or rapper wannabes
<{1000101}> We have everything the US has, execpt we did it
right
<_seph> i despise both people
<_seph> yes i always wanted to go to canada to live
<{1000101}> No, I assume that all of the US a) thinks that
*they* are America and b) are iggerent.
#106605 [ + | - ] 245
<kare> The next Microsoft OS will have a new anti piracy
feature: it will come in an arcade cabinet and you'll need to
insert coins to boot it or start a program
#106603 [ + | - ] 286
<GPF> A fart is just a turd honking for right-of-way.
#106602 [ + | - ] 177
<tr0n> OBLIQUE WROTE THE BOOK "101 HOME REMEDIES TO CURE
WANKER'S CRAMP".
<tr0n> AND IS NOW WORKING ON "HOW TO RESTORE RECTAL
ELASTICITY"
#106600 [ + | - ] 416
<Al> you left a burning bag of dogshit on the doorstep of my
heart
#106598 [ + | - ] 211
<Skippy> Why can't women come with a help menu?
<Pi> hah
<Pi> or a manpage
<Pi> or the source code
#106593 [ + | - ] 222
<IWillBeRiteBack> however, I might point out that you've
misapplied your sentiments
<IWillBeRiteBack> for they should obviously be applied to a
certain pathetic individual named Stephan
<sKratch> the only thing that was misapplied was the condom
that allowed you to be born
#106588 [ + | - ] 173
<NickFury> what is your deffinition of "hacker"?
<sta-hi> NickFury: tiger woods drunk.
<sta-hi> wah wah wah wah wahhhh
#106582 [ + | - ] 245
<GuyMontag> What do you call four thousand lawyers?
<BigEars> microsoft
#106581 [ + | - ] 315
<Mog> NECROPHILIA IS SICK AND TWISTED
<Mog> I LIKE MY GIRLS AND BOYS NICE AND ALIVE.
<Mog> -boys
#106580 [ + | - ] 221
<baccus> anybody want the harry potter book in one big html
file?
<whytyf0rd> 900 pages via html isn't fun to read
<whytyf0rd> too bad the printer paper will cost more than the
book
<whytyf0rd> the book is only 15 dollars
<baccus> the printer at work is always free
<whytyf0rd> ITS ONLY 15 DOLLARS
<KungFuGrp> so are most cds whityfOrd
<KungFuGrp> but we download those dont we
#106579 [ + | - ] 274
Topic in #os: hey guyz, stop pickin on irix.
<SCO> w00t! i bought unix! im gonna b so rich!
<novell> /msg atnt haha. idiot.
<novell> whoops. was that out loud?
<atnt> rotfl
<ibm> lol
<SCO> why r u laffin at me?
<novell> dude, unix is so 10 years ago. linux is in now.
<SCO> wtf?
<SCO> hey guyz, i bought caldera, I have linux now.
<red_hat> haha, your linux sucks.
<novell> lol
<atnt> lol
<ibm> lol
<SCO> no wayz, i will sell more linux than u!
<ibm> your linux sucks, you should look at SuSE
<SuSE> Ja. Wir bilden gutes Linux für IBM.
<SCO> can we do linux with you?
<SuSE> Ich bin nicht sicher...
<ibm> *cough*
<SuSE> Gut lassen Sie uns vereinigen.
* SuSE is now SuSE[UL]
* SCO is now caldera[UL]
<turbolinux> can we play?
<conectiva> we're bored... we'll go too.
<ibm> sure!
* turbolinux is now turbolinux[UL]
* conectiva is now conectiva[UL]
<ibm> redhat: you should join!
<SuSE[UL]> Ja! Wir sind vereinigtes Linux. Widerstand ist
vergeblich.
<red_hat> haha. no.
<red_hat> lamers.
<ibm> what about you debian?
<debian> we'll discuss it and let you know in 5 years.
<caldera[UL]> no one wants my linux!
<turbolinux[UL]> i got owned.
<caldera[UL]> u all tricked me. linux is lame.
* caldera[UL] is now known as SCO
<SCO> i'm going back to unix.
<SGI> yeah! want to do unix with me?
<SCO> haha. no. lamer.
<novell> lol
<ibm> snap!
<SGI> :~(
<SCO> hey, u shut up. im gonna sue u ibm.
<ibm> wtf?
<SCO> yea, you stole all the good stuff from unix.
<red_hat> lol
<SuSE[UL]> heraus laut lachen
<ibm> lol
<SCO> shutup. i'm gonna email all your friends and tell them
you suck.
<ibm> go ahead. baby.
<SCO> andandand... i revoke your unix! how do you like that?
<ibm> oh no, you didn't. AIX is forever.
<novell> actually, we still own unix, you can't do that.
<SCO> wtf? we bought it from u.
<novell> whoops. our bad.
<SCO> i own u. haha
<SCO> ibm: give me all your AIX now!
<ibm> whatever. lamer.
* ibm sets mode +b SCO!*@*
* SCO has been kicked from #os (own this.)
#106578 [ + | - ] 433
(+kevin) GOD DAMNIT. WHY DO I HAVE A HABIT OF TOUCHING MY
PENIS WHILE I'M SITTING IN A COMPUTER CHAIR?!?!
#106573 [ + | - ] 172
#Jesus unable to join channel (invite only)
#106572 [ + | - ] 163
<ddMom>i just don't think that telling any woman to forcibly
insert an object up her anus.. is something that should go
without consequences.
<ddDad> I say we buy him a moped.
#106571 [ + | - ] 106
<fronn> smurf gestation is probably like... 48 years...
#106566 [ + | - ] 441
<ehk> anyone know what "PXE-E61: Media test failure, check
cable" mean
<sta-hi> ehk: it means that your PXE-E61 failed
<sta-hi> due to a meida test failure
<sta-hi> you should check your cable
#106564 [ + | - ] 86
<MegaDeth[Away]> hmmm
<MegaDeth[Away]> I like WASTE
<MegaDeth[Away]> WASTE is my FRIEND
<MH2> More people need WASTE
<Luigi30> I excrete WASTE into the TOILET.
<MH2> no
<MH2> That's waste
<MH2> Not WASTE
#106560 [ + | - ] 378
(+Silver) man never have porn and pics of people from irc in
the same folder
(+nixon) you accidently opened nhm's picture while doing the
dirty
(+nixon) didnt you
(+Silver) it was yours
(@CH) I'd just keep going
(+Silver) CH: i didnt say i stopped
#106552 [ + | - ] 317
<crispexi> I guess I have to settle for internet pirate.
Yarrr, sail the seven ISPs.
#106536 [ + | - ] 179
<mpampiz> º*ª*ºº*ª*ºº*ª*ºº*ª*ª  hack the planet ª
ºº*ª*ºº*ª*ºº*ª*ºº*ª*º*
<sta-hi> ...
<sta-hi> no
<sta-hi> hack it yourself
#106531 [ + | - ] 130
<isosceles> remove your pants and do the roast beef dance
#106517 [ + | - ] 553
<@MephistoSan> I'm having deja vu
<@MephistoSan> they must have added something new to the
matrix
<@MephistoSan> :/
<+DHX|cleaningroom> omg they cut the hardline
<+DHX|cleaningroom> GET OUT NOW
<@MephistoSan> GET ME AN EXIT
<+DHX|cleaningroom> AFFIRMATIVE
MephistoSan has left IRC (Quit: Local kill by DHX|cleaningroom
(exit))
#106513 [ + | - ] 202
<CactusJac> Mike Sweetser walks into a bar and orders 6 shots
of tequila. The bartender asks, "Why so many buddy?" Sweetser
replies, "I'm celebrating my first blow job". The bartender
says, "Well hell, congratulations, I will give you one on the
house for free." Sweetser says, "No thank you, if the first 6
shots don't get the taste out of my mouth one more won't make
a difference."
#106507 [ + | - ] 116
<@MooMooCow> what state you live in?
<@waffl0r> indiana
<@waffl0r> you can come here and the numbnuts in the KKK will
burn you on a cross, even if you are white, dumb bastards are
too inbred to tell the difference anymore
<@waffl0r> the idiots here are still too dumb to know the
difference between mangos and green peppers :P
#106500 [ + | - ] 335
<Nicoli_t> Urgh... i feel like such a geek...
<Nicoli_t> so I was in buffalo new york right, and theres this
big like gothic building...
<Nicoli_t> all these little ledges and shit...
<Nicoli_t> So I looked at it... and said to myself "you know
what... that would be a kickass sniping tower in unreal...
<Nicoli_t> i could like, climb that with the translocater
easily..."
<logical_or> lol, geek
<Nicoli_t> thats okay, my friend started identifying what the
radio towers on top of it did, he works at radio shack.
<logical_or> ROFL
#106484 [ + | - ] 176
<@Xaphia> btw can sum1 sort the Office XP out on reload
<@Xaphia> its more corrupt than the cambodian police force
#106460 [ + | - ] 460
<Pedro> And dude, this Wily Castle MIDI rocks the proverbial
socks.
<DarkMatter> An lo' did the sock enjoy the MIDI, whilest the
sinners did cover their ears in shame of their pop music.  And
God smiled upon his creation and said, this rocks omg.