notten: it's cliche shit and i'd rather masturbate with sandpaper than watch a minute of mtv
<OwnerDemon> It kind of sucks now that there are so many computer jokes and innuendos on bash.org that people like me can't understand them. <TheOne> 7|-|47z (|_|z j0012 4 f|_||<1n9 DUMB4SS! <OwnerDemon> Exactly.
«BoneyCork» ok heres a foolproof plan to get a girl «BoneyCork» rummage around for 5 minutes, turn to a girl, smile and say" excuse me, have you got a pen i can borrow?" «Dilbert|Simpsons» or pull out your penis and say "i'm horny bitch, suck my cock" «_404NotFound» ha «_404NotFound» ahh.. the direct approach «BoneyCork» ive never tried that one «BoneyCork» maybe i should sometime «Dilbert|Simpsons» yeah «Dilbert|Simpsons» i've done it millions of times «Dilbert|Simpsons» its bound to work sooner or later
<genesis> mommy, why doesnt bc do logic math? <ch> because you touch yourself. <genesis> a world without bit shifts is a world i dont want to masturbate in
<gellehsak> all the french kids at my school <gellehsak> look at porn all day <gellehsak> they're like <gellehsak> "HAW HAW HAW... LE PORNO EST TRES BIEN"
<Taiken> A TERRIBLE THING HAS HAPPENED! <Shempo> WHAT!? <Shempo> TIMMY FELL DOWN THE WELL? <Taiken> WORSE! <Taiken> IM OUT OF MARIJUANA! <Shempo> Oh <Shempo> My <Shempo> God * Shempo calls up Canabis-Man <Shempo> SAVE HIM CANABIS MAN! <Taiken> ... <Taiken> Where is Cannabis man? <Shempo> Probably high.
<VxD> mmm, nothing like a little VD on a Friday afternoon <VxD> oops, nevermind, it was just lipstick
<cwilbur> we have a database table with fifteen million rows in it. <cwilbur> they brought a manual database change in. <cwilbur> "please print a table dump before and after you make the change." <Azhrarn> nothing like hard copy to recover mistakes from! <cwilbur> there are fifteen million rows in the table. if you want us to make a dump of the table just in case, that makes sense. but do you really want a *book*? <cwilbur> "our policy says that we need a printout." <confound> hahaha <cwilbur> oooookay. <Azhrarn> print out a link to the backup on your intranet :) <confound> "that's not MY policy." <cwilbur> no, they want a printout, they'll get a printout. <pmichaud> what font size? how many lines per page? <Azhrarn> Poor trees <Halfjack> They'll only want it once. <cwilbur> when someone asks why we've gone through three toner cartridges and the printer is still printing, we'll refer them to the twit. <Azhrarn> shrink the font till it fits on one page :) <pmichaud> purl, 15000000 / 66 <purl> 227272.727272727 <Azhrarn> ! <pmichaud> purl, 227272 / 5000 <purl> 45.4544 <pmichaud> 45 cases of paper :-) <pmichaud> at 66 lines per page <Azhrarn> and after he makes the changes...
<ater> how bout a tamigotchi game with a chinktwat <ater> your only options would be "Do Math" "Practice Violin"
<mufffin> i could live there <mufffin> except its an apartment <Schlurbna> That's not to say I wouldn't live there but I expect more from penthouse apartments. <hoek_> Schlurbna - you expect penthouse models in there?
<esco600> why would someone's mom be on bash.org? <aNuBiS-> moms need nerd love too
<[CKS]Red_Robot> i know i should be working on my paper, but id rather be playing warcraft, so to compromise im doing almost nothing
<LesVoix> i want to start the straight pride parade <fubar-42o> yah <fubar-42o> what kinda flag would we have <fubar-42o> since the gay ppl have a rainbow <fubar-42o> we should <fubar-42o> have 2 chicks doin it <LesVoix> LOL <fubar-42o> cuz thats what every straight guy wants to see
<steven> Alman : Will you be my friend? <Alman> uhm lemme do a whois on you first
<foo-busy> besides, saying you're a vb programmer around true geeks is like saying you're gay at the mormon's men convention. seeya later
<sh`> hmmm i wonder if i can burn at 52x now <sh`> time to add to my pile of hardware sitting in/on the case <sh`> brb * sh` has quit IRC <xyonz> he needs a girlfriend or something
<Faight> Reproduction is stupid. <AndrewLB> You want sex, don't you? <Faight> I have a 6 year old brother. <Faight> He's an annoying little bastard, but I love him. <Faight> =/ <AndrewLB> That was quite possibly THE most disturbing answer you could give.
<ThePerfectCore> I hate "fake-geek" chicks. <blacksun> Oh yeah? <ThePerfectCore> "omg i lik compooters" <ThePerfectCore> "Yeah?" <ThePerfectCore> "yeah my dady bought me a dell 2day it has 2ghz of ram!!! loool!!!!" <blacksun> hahaha <ThePerfectCore> *thud thud thud* <ThePerfectCore> That would be my head fucking the wall <ThePerfectCore> My wall gets more action than I do
<Gnell|CHAMPION> OMG A DONKEY JUST WENT BY OUTSIDE MY HOUSE <Gnell|CHAMPION> i wanna ride it * Gnell|CHAMPION is away
<%revmoo> http://revmoo.home.insightbb.com/irox.jpg <%revmoo> (yes that is a real screenshot) <%revmoo> (no I do not have a life)
TXTerron: i have of those strtoken: me too TXTerron: the first girl i ever got intimate says it was normal length but very large gerth TXTerron: that should have been my first clue she was a fucking slut
<Panzer> hmm. 3% out of about 2000 Battlefield gamers are female <Sargasm> That's...what, 60? <Panzer> dont know if thats exact <Wilbur> it is <dsbnh> and this matters because....? <dsbnh> now more gamers can get dates? <Wilbur> trivia is vital <Panzer> dee <Sargasm> 3% of them can, now <dsbnh> "omg kekekek i am a girl don't shoot k cutie ^___^" <Sargasm> "omg are u really a gurl?" <Sargasm> "pics plz" <dsbnh> "OMG yes" <Panzer> heh <dsbnh> "later after i win" <Panzer> forget it <dsbnh> "let me win k?" <Sargasm> "anything for u hunny <Sargasm> " <dsbnh> "^__^" <Panzer> ack von stupidhead *** Signoff: Garnet (Exit: Austnet Chat Network) <dsbnh> "what button do i press to shoot, becauseobviouslyicanconvinceiamagirlbyactingclueless" <Sargasm> "u can push my buttons any day" <dsbnh> "omg kkeekke ur funny" <dsbnh> "dude i have him we are so win to win" <dsbnh> "oh crap, i typed that in wrong" <dsbnh> "kekeke hi... helllo" <Sargasm> Sadly, this is far more accurate than it should be <dsbnh> LOL
<adorecm> i just had to type out my proposal for english class. <whitcomb> "Dear Gay English teacher: I will marry you for an A. Sincerely, Eric Metz." <adorecm> not a proposal like that
[Sh0t]: i want to win the homo dominatrix torture chamber contest [Sh0t]: homo=home [Sh0t]: FREUD GOT ME AGAIN
<Breianna> The U.K. is adding a new stripe to its flag <Breianna> Black, to reflect its "multiculturalism" <whitcomb> i noticed all the blue people when i went there
<jamz> So I sent out an email saying that due to a death in the family I was going to be out for the next two days. <jamz> one person emailed me back: Please accept my sincere apologies. <jamz> I emailed her back: What, did you kill her?
<kmad> today, me and jake were playing tennis <kmad> this mom with her son, like 11 years old, were watching us play <kmad> a ball was hit over to them, so I ran over to pick it up <kmad> the kid asks me, "How did you get so good at tennis??" <kmad> I think for a second, try to hold back a grin <kmad> "Drugs." <kmad> The mom gave me a big old FUCK YOU and stormed off with her kid
< CausaSui> So I was showing a coworker bsd, and explaining flags, and speficically the schg flag < CausaSui> And to give him an example that even root can't delete schg flagged stuff, I tried rm /kernel < CausaSui> But it turns out that, for some reason, on fresh installs of 4.8, none of the kernels are flagged schg
<H3g3m0n> Wow according to the starwars website Star Wars Episode III is going to be called "In production"
<@DrPoole> i wish i had a friendly panda <@DrPoole> he'd be my buddy. watch tv and stuff. <@DrPoole> drink beer. <@niklas> get high <@DrPoole> yeah. he'd get fucked right up and he'd beat on me from time to time. <@DrPoole> that, would, RULE
<Movis> the evil Napster kiddies made Lars Ullrich so poor he had to sell his snare drum & replace it with a tin can
<Ban|Karma|> whats the differents between FreeBSD and Redhat? <Mr_Tux> Ban|Karma|: One's free, the other's crap. You decide. <StiNKy> redhat isn't free?
<nrky> yeh, having a girlfriend tends to fuck up your ability to be on the internet, shit they waste alot of time <Twisted> I want a girl - but on the other hand, she has to have the ability to go into the other room and communicate via IM
< Hippo> i'd be the worst jesus ever, i'd be constantly drunk if i could turn water into wine
Gud> woah.. eating while tranquilised in your mouth isn't exactly an easy task. :D dhn> dentist? Gud> yeah *** dhn hands Gud a straw Gud> dhn: straw? dhn> Come on, you know how to suck ;)
<Robzy> Lol, my dad just asked me "Would you rather take out an ugly girl, or a girl with a nice personality" and i replied "they are the same thing arent they?" and he goes "WOO! You are *MY* son" hehehehe
<Dead_Meat|Linux> is there an alternative to sun java jre now? <ChrisDKK> sun tea? <Dead_Meat|Linux> um... <Dead_Meat|Linux> what's the difference? <ChrisDKK> one is made with tea leaves the other is made with coffee beans
<bodhidharma> i don't ask who people are when they are removing my pants <bodhidharma> that is a smile and nod situation
<Has_Bean> And very soon, they shall have an aisle in the toy store devoted to it <Has_Bean> Aisle 6...the sims expansion pack aisle
<|CM|>Mongoose> i'm looking for a girl that enjoys having a bad time <Paralysis> search for the keyword "gothic"
<Judg3> well, i get laid too. But you have to keep it secret, or your not as geeky <JPres> I got laid once. <JPres> but mom said it made her feel dirty
<manmanandboyboy> date syllabus check <d00fus> dinner, movie, then snuggling <munbty> carnival, cotton candy, and then moonlight stroll <soccy_pants> drugs, rape, 2 hour police chase
<DoctorRiff> man PETA is awesome, hours of entertainment at the cost of one dead rabbit
<Sage> but curiosity <ChaosValentine> killed the cat <Unicorn> technically the cat killed himself, curiosity just convinced it to <gk> no way man <gk> curiosity busted out a switch blade and slit that stupid pussy's throat
<Nanobot> I wish I had a girlfriend... <Nanobot> My only friend is a sock puppet <Nanobot> Lucky for me though, it has a hole in it
bloodninja: Ok baby, we got to hurry, I don't know how long I can keep it ready for you. j_gurli3: thats ok. ok i'm a japanese schoolgirl, what r u. bloodninja: A Rhinocerus. Well, hung like one, thats for sure. j_gurli3: haha, ok lets go. j_gurli3: i put my hand through ur hair, and kiss u on the neck. bloodninja: I stomp the ground, and snort, to alert you that you are in my breeding territory. j_gurli3: haha, ok, u know that turns me on. j_gurli3: i start unbuttoning ur shirt. bloodninja: Rhinoceruses don't wear shirts. j_gurli3: No, ur not really a Rhinocerus silly, it's just part of the game. bloodninja: Rhinoceruses don't play games. They f*cking charge your ass. j_gurli3: stop, cmon be serious. bloodninja: It doesn't get any more serious than a Rhinocerus about to charge your ass. bloodninja: I stomp my feet, the dust stirs around my tough skinned feet. j_gurli3: thats it. bloodninja: Nostrils flaring, I lower my head. My horn, like some phallic symbol of my potent virility, is the last thing you see as skulls collide and mine remains the victor. You are now a bloody red ragdoll suspended in the air on my mighty horn. bloodninja: Goddam am I hard now.
<sysrq> 10 mins till next period <Nitronium> till your next period? <sysrq> im in school heh <Nitronium> shit, better get home quick then!
<LeXX-> so like one time on 2600 irc, liquidpc shoved a usb cable up his mothers ass. <Klassh> man, usb really IS universal
<Potato> This guy I work with made the mistake of telling me about his whole idea of saving himself for marriage <Potato> But it went something along the lines of "I don't wanna die young, 'cause the longer I'm married, the more sex I'll get" <Potato> I destroyed his little world by asking the only married guy in the store how much sex he gets, to which he replied, "Well, I've got one son, but I'll be damned if I remember how that happened"