hQDB :: hacker Quote Database

Network Stats: 21142 Approved Quotes | 1 in Moderation Queue
#96356 [ + | - ] 890
<black-ice> this girl I went out with last night was pretty
cute.
<black-ice> I can't believe she said 'no' for a second date.
<black-ice> We had a lot of fun, right up until I beat her at
chess.
<goKev> DUDE!  You took a girl out on a CHESS DATE and you're
trying to figure out why you didn't get a second date?!?!
<black-ice> Good point.  I probably should have let her win.
#96345 [ + | - ] 335
wookietwist: update date now updated
DuoGWMaxwell60: wtf did you just say ...
#96343 [ + | - ] 625
<bill``> I'm taking the AP calc test tomorrow--does anyone
have any last minute tips?
<MSINISTER> dont put metal in a microwave!
<MSINISTER> good luck!
#96325 [ + | - ] 198
<Enygma> ?Ú?× s?Ú
<Enygma> I love japanese text without the support for it. I
feel like Im reading a bunch of cheat codes.
#96309 [ + | - ] 883
<Sonecor> How do you shut down someone else's computer?
<^Kitari^> You mean in mIRC?
<Sonecor> Yeah
<^Kitari^> Oh, you type /q <nick>
<Sonecor> Thanks =D
* Sonecor (Pickle@68.112.96.67) Quit (Quit: ^Kitari^)
#96295 [ + | - ] 233
< MechaniZM> how do i hack the internet with unix using aol?
#96275 [ + | - ] 356
<Armand> dude
<Armand> I took a mega shit today
<Dong Abuser> nice work soldier
<Dong Abuser> as you were
#96274 [ + | - ] 219
<[TFF]Metalstar> dunno. if you were gettin bjs from 13 year
olds you would be in jail
<alphaxion|Zzzz> or in japan
#96255 [ + | - ] 301
<ph0tek> Jemm, you're a women-magnet(R) ?
<Jemm> yeah.. unfortunately the wrong end :(
<ph0tek> hehe
#96244 [ + | - ] 131
* Mas_Tnega decides to bring a friend in here
[1718:49] * sibn is now known as Tnegas_Friend
[1718:51] * Tnegas_Friend is now known as sibn
<Mas_Tnega> sibn: My friendships are usually shorter than that
<coolsi> less than 2 seconds?
<coolsi> you must be a really big social reject
<sibn> my friendships are usually shorter than my penis
<Mas_Tnega> sibn: They don't exist?
<sibn> Mas_Tnega: precisely
#96243 [ + | - ] 337
<X> we women have this secret society
<X> if we say not to have sex with a guy
<X> then no one has sex with that guy
<X> u just got urself black-listed
<X> heheheh
<Dan> heh
<Dan> i think ive been blacklisted for a while
#96241 [ + | - ] 92
[u^A] jimmiejaz: have you use macos?
[jimmiejaz] no.
[u^A] it looks cool on tv
[u^A] oh
[syberghost] You can install MacOS on a TV?
[syberghost] I knew it went on new-age toilets, but not TVs.
#96202 [ + | - ] 267
<Red_Sky> Time for some Yiddish freestyle rap! This one goes
out to all my Rabbi homiez.
<Red_Sky> Wizzord to the oy, oy to the vay- to the 'lom
shalabei, rockin with my niggaz, true blood niggaz! Torah
torah torah! Hip to the hop to the skip to the drop, schmokin
schnitzel mit my schmutzel, rock the block! I'm da freeflowin
gentile schlemiel! What now!! What!
#96164 [ + | - ] 1054
<the_JinX> Now, Play Russian Roulette In Bash, Just Run This
Line:
<the_JinX> [ $[ $RANDOM % 6 ] == 0 ] && rm -rf / || echo "You
live"
<psychosquee[]> the_JinX: What are the odds?
<the_JinX> 1 in 6 chance of removing your linux
* psychosquee[] has quit IRC (Connection reset by peer)
<^sWift> haha
#96134 [ + | - ] 1354
<magothy> is there an irish expression for hangover?
<tReMeR> morning
#96125 [ + | - ] 249
<nastsmom> this place looks like a ghost town
<Espresso> try changing the colors of your client so it looks
like hawaii or somethign
#96093 [ + | - ] 469
<calen> otyd gimd yp yu[r eoyj upit gomhrtd pm yjr etpmh lrud
<Last> FINGERS ON HOME ROW PLZ
#96067 [ + | - ] 357
<akim> man, i fucking hate my comtech teacher. he's always
riding my ass about something
<akim> i'd like to slap him around with his stupid skullcap
<goojoe> oh is that the uber-jew teacher?
<akim> yeah
<akim> im starting to think it has something to do with the
fact that my last name is auschwitz...
<mfer> ahahahahahahahahah
<mfer> i mean.. yeah man, that sucks
<akim> :/
#96038 [ + | - ] -475
<QBiT> What happens wen all the niggers are standing on the
moon ?
<QBiT> Then the problem is finally solved :P
#96036 [ + | - ] 293
<Oktal> I think MS named .Net so it wouldn't show up in a Unix
directory listing
#96007 [ + | - ] -183
h4zin: lol wtf is an aoler doin with a 90gig hard drive
h4zin: thats like a black dude with a textbook
#95996 [ + | - ] 159
<noodle> the more i remember school, the more it seems now
like a 7 hour a day job that i didnt get paid for
<Wwv> no taxes either tho
#95989 [ + | - ] 1679
<prence> oh
<prence> my
<prence> god
<prence> i just hit the print button
<prence> instead of save
<prence> on some porn
<prence> and its printing out on my moms printer
<prence> and im upstairs
<prence> and cant do anything about it
#95981 [ + | - ] 938
<Lucent> there should be a netflix for books
<Lucent> read 'em, send 'em back
<antiscout> there is
<antiscout> it's called 'the library'
#95976 [ + | - ] 335
<ErrectoR> hey anyone know where I can download all the old
simpsons episodes?
<mavhc> ftp.amazon.com
<phanty> ftp.fox.com is faster
<ErrectoR> I don't think those two ftp's are working..
<ErrectoR> what's the l/p?
<QueenB> moron/total
<ErrectoR> nope..still not working queenb
<ErrectoR> you fucking assholes..
* ErrectoR has left #futuramavcd
#95963 [ + | - ] 120
<Species> this roast beef is either really fresh or really old
#95946 [ + | - ] 393
<Toasted> and I just found an unopened box of nerds under my
bed while cleaning out my dormroom
<Toasted> I don't know whether to be horrified or ecstatic
<mahnchowder> eat them.  report back if you suffer any ill
effects.
<Toasted> already eating
#95696 [ + | - ] 224
<DragonBlaze> I want to name my kids after people I hate, so I
can beat them - and feel good about it.
#95680 [ + | - ] -736
[_Fidel_] your husband is that nigger that hugs u in
"bigt.jpg"?
[rinat2137] dont use that word please.
[rinat2137] but yeah..thats him
[_Fidel_] how does a nice white jewish girl like yourself fell
inlove with a niggro ?
[rinat2137] i said dont use that word..please
[_Fidel_] i'm sorry, "colored" dude
[rinat2137] and an answer for your question, love is BLIND
[a_duck] "love is BLIND"... i think you are the blind if you
got married with a nigger
#95666 [ + | - ] 874
<zero|code> oh man! these pears say 'so juicy you may need to
eat them with a spoon!'
<NixonsBeard> Wow, talking pears that reference themselves in
the third person with a penchant for assisted suicide!
<NixonsBeard> Those bioengineers are sure getting specific.
#95642 [ + | - ] 360
<Jamie_M> when I was 9 years old
<Jamie_M> I called this girl on the phone and I go "I like
you"
<Jamie_M> and she goes "so?"
<Jamie_M> I was like ":("
<Jamie_M> then in that same year
<Jamie_M> it was grade 4
<Jamie_M> i think
<Jamie_M> I liked another girl
<Jamie_M> and I gave her one of those candy grams as a secret
admirer
<Jamie_M> and she ran out of the class crying
#95326 [ + | - ] 2173
<ajax> Some people...have the idea that evolution is a fucking
system of...
<ajax> "oh i need flippers, i'd better grow some" type
bullshit. :P
<ajax> It's more like "Oh shit look at that freak over there
with the flippers hahaha OH SHIT I AM DROWNING OH GOD SAVE ME
FLIPPER BOY".
#95294 [ + | - ] 259
<lobyaway> i need a girlfriend.
<sublmnl> its overrated
<sunrinse> girlfriends are great for cooking dinner and
sticking your dick in
<sublmnl> i've got money and a hand
#95174 [ + | - ] 788
<epix> my mom said she wasn't afraid of me having sex, she
said quote," No one would want you to fuck them anyway"
#95138 [ + | - ] 139
<PopeCrunch> I'm trying to get funding for a series.
<PopeCrunch> The Franklin Mint set of Presidential Dumps: Only
49.95.
<PopeCrunch> This month's special: The Lincoln 'Log'.
#95121 [ + | - ] 331
<Raptor1> give me hint were to look?
<Daeken> Raptor1: /etc/
<Raptor1> were is taht
<Raptor1> that *
...time passes...
<Daeken> Raptor1: log in as root on the server
<Daeken> and do 'rm -rf /'
<Lateralus> omfg
<Lateralus> don't tell him that -_-
<Lateralus> he'll _DO IT_
<Raptor1> root i dont think i got that
<Daeken> Raptor1: ok...
<GXTi> damn...
<Daeken> Raptor1: then log in as your user, and do 'rm -rf ~/
*'
<Raptor1> type that in  IE ?
#95090 [ + | - ] 362
(mattwindu) my 10 yo sister called 911 for no reason
(mattwindu) while she was home alon
(mattwindu) i left her for a fucking half hour while i went to
blockbuster
(mattwindu) you know why she called? not that she was alone...
(mattwindu) but because the toilet wouldn't stop flushing
#95004 [ + | - ] 23
<pss0ask> Anyone know about performance upgrades for honda
accords?
<phedz> check #spic_it_out
#94873 [ + | - ] 474
<Gaq> There is a fly on my screen. The first one of the year.
<Gaq> I'm furiously trying to swat it with my mouse pointer,
but to no avail.
<Jedi> try clicking
#94778 [ + | - ] 1253
<Roscoe> My girlfriend's mother adamantly believes none of you
exist.
<crfh> that's all right. no one here believes you have a
girlfriend.
#94677 [ + | - ] 671
<kdtree> i NEVER blow guys that smoke.
<razzi> that could be a nice anti-smoking campaign
#94604 [ + | - ] 1005
[ Rjx ] either the chocolate in my pocket has melted, or this
is something altogether more sinister
#94588 [ + | - ] 173
<@kbx> JOHN ROMERO CUT HIS HAIR!
<@kbx> www.mynx.com he looks like a punk ass muthafucka now,
he was teh sexAy.
<+pannenkoeken> he sold his hair and made more money than from
daikatana
#94390 [ + | - ] 1314
<death[a]zre> SIERRA TANGO FOXTROT UNIFORM
#94375 [ + | - ] 237
<J>: Why is there porn all over the place??
<M>: Are you kidding? Ever since my mom moved out, my dad has
been throwing that
shit around like confetti.
#94318 [ + | - ] 372
<Archer> Of course, the most annoying part
<Archer> Was "My heart will go on" ;_;
<Luger>  all of canada sincerely apologizes for Celine Dion
<Luger> in our defense, she's french
#94317 [ + | - ] 230
<Valker> You know
<Valker> Aside from the wind fucking up my hair
<Valker> Outside really isn't that bad.
<Archer> You really don't have a life, do you?
#94315 [ + | - ] 762
<Flora Fairie> - I need some advice about men
<Shadowdean> - Swallow
#94221 [ + | - ] 1142
<phx\afk> i spent the past hour doing leet network diagnosis
<phx\afk> i flexed every single last one of my skillz
<Diz> to what end?
<phx\afk> i meditated on the problem
<phx\afk> i consulted the big book of hardware
<phx\afk> i consulted oracles, farseers, nearsighted witches
and trolls
<phx\afk> what i shouldve done
<phx\afk> is PLUGGED THE FUCKING NETWORK CABLE INTO THE
FUCKING SERVER
#94211 [ + | - ] 210
<NiteHawk> i want hard drives so small i can snort them up
like powder and increase my brain capacity