hQDB :: hacker Quote Database

Network Stats: 21142 Approved Quotes | 1 in Moderation Queue
#88377 [ + | - ] 447
<Rejo> cpufreak: The trouble with troubleshooting is that
trouble sometimes shoots back.
#88367 [ + | - ] 203
<+SROL> Megaman is REALLY hard to play without a gamepad
<+Redlof> what are you playing it with?
<+SROL> keyboard
<+Redlof> What? I love the keyboard.
<+Redlof> just pretend it's commander keen.
<+SROL> I can't get the hang of it
<+SROL> I'm used to playing it with my thumbs
<+SROL> So I picked up the keyboard and tried playing it with
my thumbs :D
<+SROL> That didn't work :(
#88364 [ + | - ] 99
<Azmodan> this is so useless
<Azmodan> 1 ping, 10 fps
#88352 [ + | - ] 692
<enderin> anybody knows what to do with freeCell other then
watch the king's head move?
<kailus> enderin: move the cards around and hope for victory?
<enderin> what cards?
<shoonra> try starting a new game
<enderin> 1 sec
<kailus> Press F2
<DarkGildon> lol
<enderin> wow! full of cards!
* DarkGildon knows how play o.o
<uhuf> This didn't just happen...
<uhuf> Let me guess, he has no idea what the numbers in
minesweeper are used for either, right?
<enderin> okey, too complicated..
<enderin> so, what do you do with the numbers at minesweeper?
<lphnt> XD
<ifireball> XD indeed
<lphnt> wow, and we didn't even get to hearts
<DarkGildon> Press F1
<enderin> where?
<lphnt> on the keyboard!!!
#88332 [ + | - ] 311
<lichen> hahah i love spic
<lichen> me and him have this special bond
<Avram> KY jelly is a lubricant, not an adhesive
#88324 [ + | - ] 1372
<|Wolf|> So I meet this chick, right
<|Wolf|> And she's like "what do you want?"
<|Wolf|> So I say, "I wanna stick my little wood elf in your
forest!"
<|Wolf|> And she's like "Die Fetcher!"
<|Wolf|> and I'm like "woah, bitch! calm yo' ho ass down!"
<|Wolf|> and i stab her in the face
<|Wolf|> and she dies
<|Wolf|> Then I'm like "told ya slut, don't mess with dis"
<|Wolf|> and i take her clothes and her money and leave her
ass in a gutter
<|Wolf|> but instead of pawning the shit, i end up trying it
on
<|Wolf|> and thats the story of how i got this cool green
skirt in Morrowind
#88320 [ + | - ] 176
|N3O| (XP@ACC014A1.ipt.aol.com) is now known as windowsxp
<+windowsxp> thought a nick like this would be taken
<+windowsxp> guess whoevers computer who had this nick before
crashed
#88314 [ + | - ] 320
<b1u3> i got this college professor who forgets stuff all the
time, every week, the first half of his routine is the ending
half of the previous session
<b1u3> finally some dude jumped up and went 'yo man, you
already told us about file transfer protocol', so the prof
asks where we are, the guy tells him, the rest of the day runs
smooth
<b1u3> now we're learning twice as much and the guy who spoke
up got his car egged four fucken times this week, community
college is da rulz
#88313 [ + | - ] 154
<b1u3> they should have a tv station that randomly joins and
broadcasts dalnet rooms...nerds everywhere would afk irc to
watch and judge other nerds from afar
#88306 [ + | - ] 43
<timmo> wtf you need resin for
<timmo> you have more pot then you can handle
<c-rOCK> im like an indian
<c-rOCK> I use all of the weed.  time to hit my peace pipe,
bitch.
#88277 [ + | - ] 149
<spacemank> I boiled an egg once, and only totally ruined one
pot, one knife, and one spoon!
#88272 [ + | - ] 203
<eye-dee-ten-tee> is this kazaa an indian program??
<eye-dee-ten-tee> I mean the name sounds like something from
arabia
<Moo> Yeah.. president of Afghanistan, Hamid Kazaa
#88262 [ + | - ] 326
<Bmann> -sigh- was looking for my chap stick blindly and
picked up a battery and started rubbing it on my lips
#88255 [ + | - ] 103
<JoeMoFo> (clothing) FUBU = Farmers Used to Buy Us
#88217 [ + | - ] 936
<SomeRandom> Looks like Operation Iraqi Freedom is almost
over.
<Diablo1399> Bah, "Operation Iraqi Freedom" is a shit name.
<SomeRandom> Well what would you call it then?
<Diablo1399> Why, "Operation Who's Your Baghdaddy" of course.
#88200 [ + | - ] 331
<Eternity> anyone got that year 3000 song on mp3 ?
<pb2k> the one about the year 3000 ??
<pb2k> lalalala ... year 3000 ... llalalalal ... etc one ??
<Eternity> yeah
<pb2k> sorry ... never heard of it ...
#88096 [ + | - ] 454
<Howdizzle> I put the Laughter in Slaughter
#88064 [ + | - ] 236
<Diggy> rgr
<S5474> stfu
<trinity> ?
<Ne0N> IRC is a strange thing... thousands of users... yet
less than 20 words said in a day
#87981 [ + | - ] 457
<jeff> A man goes into a pharmacy. He says to the druggist: "I
need
<jeff> some birth control for my eleven-year-old daughter."
<jeff> "Is your little girl sexually active?" asks the
druggist.
<jeff> "Nah, she just lays there like her mother."
<Wintermute> bring your family problems somewhere else
#87873 [ + | - ] 309
<Fa||an> Steve Irwin
<Fa||an> Description: Ever since he walked in on his wife and
an alligator having an affair, he hasn't been the same
<@Cyber|NWN> She loves the Croc ;)
#87809 [ + | - ] 1116
<p_digga> oh god i'm dumb when i'm stoned
<j3r3miah> why
<p_digga> i lost something on my desk, and i couldn't find it,
so i moved my ssh window on my computer desktop to see if it
was under it
<j3r3miah> oh god
#87759 [ + | - ] 932
<hawkman> my friend had a huge bloody nose in 11th grade, and
he just shoved toilet paper up his nose until it stopped.
then my friend grabbed a coat hanger out of his car (i'm not
really sure why he had one), then we went into the girls
bathroom and spread blood _ALL_ over one of the stalls, left
the coat hanger there, and put up a sign that said "please
dont flush my baby"
#87751 [ + | - ] 765
<revmoo> download the cky movies, they are a lot better
<ImpLin> where i get those?
<revmoo> kazza mart
<ImpLin> wheres that?
<Geoff-> at the corner of kazzalite and google
<ImpLin> what town?
<Geoff-> takingthistoofar, USA
#87748 [ + | - ] -154
<Logic_BomB> could you create an infinite loop with a jew if
you put a quarter on one side of the room and a quarter on the
other side of the room and told him he could only choose 1?
#87741 [ + | - ] -128
<Stolurn> i was walkin home last night and i could suddenly
smell KFC, and i was like mmmm, where's that comin' from?
<Stolurn> i look around and this black guy rides past, then
the smell goes away
<Stolurn> bash.org was right :)
#87725 [ + | - ] 640
<burn_prom_girl> our frigde is outside because we got our
kitchen tiled
<burn_prom_girl> and its in a puddle of water
<burn_prom_girl> thats bad right ?
<burn_prom_girl> and i shouldnt step in the water around the
frigde ?
<burn_prom_girl> its plugged in
<ikari> water doesnt conduct electricity
<ikari> it's an urban myth
<ikari> go dance in the puddle
#87705 [ + | - ] 178
<Qube> wowzz: try putting each servers ip and name in /etc/
hosts
<wowzz> where is /etc/hosts
#87684 [ + | - ] 1121
<bhlaab> One time in high school I was talking to a girl who
was SUPER NAZI feminist, and she was going on and on about the
double standards against women in society, and how men have no
double standards against them.
<bhlaab> That's when I brought up the fact that lesbians are
looked upon as "fine", wheras gay men are always getting the
complete <censored> beat out of them for no reason. She got
pissed off at this comment, and snapped at me "What, are you a
fag too or something?!"
<bhlaab> Go equal rights!!
#87652 [ + | - ] 335
<spikeo > a part of me wishes everyone could have seen that
<spikeo > and another part of me doesnt
<spikeo > ok i have really itchy pubic wig atm (not lice,
before you ask)
<spikeo > so i tried my clippers on it
<Gecko`> that part being your ELBOW
<spikeo > didn't realise they don't *do* long hairs
<spikeo > and my fucking shaver got tangled to my crotch
<spikeo > and was trying to kill me
<Emmeh> rofl
<Rel^Slacking> lol
<spikeo > i was like bicentennial man
<spikeo > or kryten trailing his groinal attachments
<spikeo > i can laugh now
<spikeo > but
<spikeo > NO BABIES FOR ME
<spikeo > :'(
<Rel^Slacking> Thats prolly a good thing
#87611 [ + | - ] 1233
<BorD> What If Saddam Hussein survived the bombing last week,
but lost a leg... How pissed-off do you think his doubles are?
#87585 [ + | - ] 1739
<s4xton> "fo shizzle ma nizzle" is a bastardization of "fo'
sheezy mah neezy" which is a bastardization of "for sure mah
nigga" which is a bastdardization of "I concur with you whole
heartedly my African american brother"
#87577 [ + | - ] 152
<shok> what is the average life expectancy of a Saddam look
alike ?
#87517 [ + | - ] 1365
<Cotton Mouth> How do you describe the color blue to someone
who is blind and has never seen a color before?
<NickBlasta> 0 0 255
#87490 [ + | - ] 500
<Leon> lol @ The Register
<Leon> Schools use SMS to fight truancy
<Leon> Oi u ltl sh*t, get bk 2 skool now
#87369 [ + | - ] 2033
<Dream Caller> CNN - Three teenagers beat a mentally retarded
man to death.
<Striker> $5 says they blame it on video games
<Adventurer> Yeah we all know that popular game where you kill
retards (/sarcasm)
<Thrasher> You've obviously never played counterstrike then.
#87072 [ + | - ] 115
<WorstQEvr> buying douches over the internet is like the
epitome of shady
#87064 [ + | - ] 281
Brandon2W: i had a dream that i was talking to someone, but
she had a little AIM window next to her head, and i just read
what she said there and typed back to her what i would have
said
Brandon2W: i need therapy
#87023 [ + | - ] 455
<ocelot> I've lost my only spoon
<ocelot> how do you lose ANYTHING in a 11,4 square feet
room???!?!
<Adam_H> ocelot: there is no spoon
#87022 [ + | - ] 1156
<chodapp> Girls don't have penises, xooz98
<xooz98> chodapp - i thought that too UNTIL I GOT KAZAA
#86961 [ + | - ] 533
<Bugaboo> So I was in the halls today, some jerk yells "I
wanna fuck your dad"
<Bugaboo> I shout back "hes dead"
<Bugaboo> moment of ackward silence, as they think of what to
do
<Bugaboo> It made up for all the grief I had at killing the
old guy.
#86960 [ + | - ] 1025
<qp_zulrich-EE> both hitler and bush got the power... only one
had a brain D:
<samurai> bush has a brain
<samurai> its just really really small
<V|JFreak> dude
<V|JFreak> he WAVED at stevie wonder.....
#86957 [ + | - ] 739
«TheCulter» guys: two people, /nick and /quit are on a boat. /
nick falls off the boat. who's left on the boat?
(@Makenshi`) /quit
(@Makenshi`) duh
#86903 [ + | - ] 280
<Uday_Williams> Know what'd be messed up?  If one of Saddam's
doubles turned good, and then was appointed to run the
country.  Bet that'd confuse alot of people.
#86848 [ + | - ] 1739
<cali310> I heard the most ridiculous comment ever made by a
newscaster last night on fox........
<cali310> He said, "the Iraqis have hundreds of seasoned
suicide bombers"
<cali310> How in the fuck does one become a seasoned suicide
bomber?
#86683 [ + | - ] 468
<Resident_Redneck> The Canadians commited three warships, 1000
soldiers, and 10 tanks to the war effort...but due to the
exchange rate, it works out to be a mountie, a moose, and a
flying sqirrel.
#86452 [ + | - ] 302
<n3wt> FFS, I am not reading anything with 'The Naughty Goat'
in the title
<n3wt> Not unless it has pictures, anyway
#86444 [ + | - ] 237
<Dynamo> Do that again, and I will switch your testicles with
your eyes.
#86421 [ + | - ] 208
<CodeMason> I never sleep.
<CodeMason> I just lapse into alcohol-induced catatonia on a
regular basis.
#86407 [ + | - ] 787
<Snow> If Grand Theft Auto isn't mankind's greatest invention,
I don't know what is.
<Snow> I just flew around the city in an Apache attack
helicopter firing missiles and random cars. And when I got
bored of that, I stole some guys motorcycle, rode 120mph
across town to a nightclub, where I picked up $10,000, walked
inside, and fired a minigun into the crowd, liquifying
everyone inside.
<Snow> And then I picked up a new suit and went home and
called it a day.
<dano> i love how accurate its portrayal of the 1980s
night-life is
#86390 [ + | - ] 472
<[KS]> this one time... at lan camp.. i stuck cat5 up my pussy