hQDB :: hacker Quote Database

Network Stats: 21142 Approved Quotes | 1 in Moderation Queue
#60996 [ + | - ] 378
<Realfloat> why does gcc makes exe files?
<Apollo-> *blink*
<Apollo-> maybe because it's a compiler?
#60985 [ + | - ] 148
<ex0> i think i'm crazy
<ex0> i talk to myself in real life
<ex0> ... i'm like a real life gollum
<ex0> minus the fugly
<ex0> plus 7 inches
#60932 [ + | - ] 150
<voltstfu> :(
<voltstfu> you suck :(
<voltstfu> i hope you have a hernia that spills into your
testicle sack
<voltstfu> and then when they operate
<voltstfu> and resituate the intestinal tract behind a screen
of iron mesh in your abdomen
<voltstfu> ...
<voltstfu> fuck it, i think the hernia is bad enough
#60930 [ + | - ] 386
<@jwz> yeah, apparently I was getting shafted by perl's
distinction between returning a single value, and returning a
single value.
#60904 [ + | - ] -624
<Squiggle> Also:the bottom ones [on bash.org] are some of the
best
<Squiggle> They're all about niggers
<Squiggle> Niggers  =  funny
<Sulzanti> Not if you have to be in smelling distance
#60889 [ + | - ] 862
(@Cypher) a hornet just flew inside :/
(Owen) OMG CALL A SWAT TEAM
#60866 [ + | - ] 574
<@dustin> tonight is not my night
<@Patrick> ?
<@dustin> i was putting on some socks..and when i was pulled
the sock up, my hand slipped and hit my nuts..then i fell over
cause it hurt so bad and when i fell i hit my head on the
counter
<@dustin> :(
<@Patrick> wheres the fire?
<@dustin> ermm?
<@Patrick> why were you pulling your socks up so fast
<@dustin> i wanted to get back on irc
#60865 [ + | - ] -93
<Bop|Kat> you know what they say about black guys!
<Mondo> yeah
<Mondo> they steal shit
<Bop|Kat> shut up!
<Bop|Kat> my dads black!
<Mondo> im only screwin round :P
<Bop|Kat> I was only kiddin too
<Bop|Kat> My dad is white
<Bop|Kat> he's an arsehole tho
<Mondo> so he might as well be black ?
#60846 [ + | - ] 374
1:35a (mdxi) twenty-three hours of logs for this month and
already 9 searches for "legolas porn" and 2 for, even more
disturbingly, "gimli porn"
1:35a (mdxi) some days i think we should all just go back to
fidonet
#60831 [ + | - ] 797
·[steev]· i used to date this chick, she used to strip naked
and rub up and down against me to get me off the computer, it
was like, damn it, im busy
#60822 [ + | - ] 404
<Hinkey> shrooms dont give flashbacks
<Hinkey> acid does
<Threeboy> you now what has the worst flashbacks?
<Threeboy> mother fucking 'NAM man.
#60807 [ + | - ] 57
<Russell> he told me to max out the damn card, but I would
have felt guilty as hell if I did, so I just ordered 5 games,
an S-Video cable, memory card, LOTR extended version, 2 cable
extensions, and B&W with expansion
#60805 [ + | - ] 677
<mutey> whats the lowest priority in linux?
<smcn> mutey: ease of use
#60763 [ + | - ] 385
* lavhoes is now known as Jesus
-RPGServ:#pvponline- <Roll for Jesus [1d20]: 12>
<Jesus> JESUS SAVES!
#60708 [ + | - ] 748
* Hitler has entered #world
* Hitler sets mode: -judaism
* Hitler was kicked from #world by Bullet (NO NAZIS)
#60700 [ + | - ] 611
<hobbit> omg... the reporter on the news just said 'they saw
the suspect busting off a nine mm'
<dis^> hah
<hobbit> thats kinda unprofessional..
<DSLDemon> lol
<hobbit> using slang in a news report..
<DSLDemon> yup it is
<dis^> yeah it is
<dis^> sounds good though
<hobbit> <reporter> And then it was said that he Popped a cap
in one of his own niggahs... he then proceded to roll with his
homies and down a 40
<dis^> lol
<dis^> cool
<hobbit> <reporter> Back to you in the studihizzy
#60660 [ + | - ] 2210
<Mank> Happy New Year.
<Mank> 666 + 1337 = 2003
<Anders> So the Antichrist is to arrive this year in the form
of a preteen hacker?
<Chris_A> It's the Ap0cA1yp53!!!!111
<Mank> a11 uR j3suz r b3lonG 2 US!!!!!!
#60643 [ + | - ] 455
<Sarin_Died> I forgot to turn off the alarm on my alarm clock
last night, so the radio turned on at 10:30am thismorning
<Sarin_Died> and I hear a car commercial saying "Attention,
would the person with the late 1980's station wagon with fake
wood panels please move your car, you are blocking 7 parking
places" and I got up thinking DAMNIT I have to move my car
#60633 [ + | - ] 455
<perlplexer> perldoc .eh
<perldoc> .eh is western sahara
<perlplexer> hmm, i was expecting Canada
<deus> unfortunately no registrar exists for .eh
<deus> or i would get aboot.eh
<deus> and start irc'ing in #ontario and #vancouver from
what.is.this.all.aboot.eh
#60568 [ + | - ] -49
<decay`> wanna know whats good about 12 year olds, you put
them in a shower and slck there hair.. it makes them look 8
#60566 [ + | - ] 65
*** Cav has left #rice
*** Cav has joined #rice
<Cav> whoops
<Cav> wtf did i click then
<Narcolepsy> "wrong button"...
<Narcolepsy> It's like the 'wrong hole' error of IRC..
#60525 [ + | - ] 1056
<Hostility> so let me get this
<Hostility> ur in a room with ur comp
<Hostility> typing on a keyboard... not with ur fingers
<Hostility> but with ur face
<Hostility> with nothing on but a hat?
<ZahanTheThief[B-A]> y6esw
#60523 [ + | - ] 1141
<fcastle> I HAD A NIGHTMARE
<fcastle> IT ALL STARTED NORMAL
<fcastle> 10101010
<fcastle> 10110011
<fcastle> THEN ALL OF A SUDAN
<fcastle> 1100102
<snooz> GAAAAH
#60471 [ + | - ] 211
<TripleRach> But really I could never find abortion acceptable
because I don't know I have all this maternally love stuff and
I want to have lots of kids someday
<ksennin> TripleRach, I can help you.
<ksennin> I happen to be producing upwards of 1,000 sperms per
second.
<TripleRach> ...
<ksennin> Hypothetically, I could double the world's
population in a couple of weeks.
#60469 [ + | - ] 8993
<tomfoolery> there's a small fire burning in my room
<beretta> lemme guess im supposed to act suprised that you're
telling us and not making any attempt to extinguish it, so i
can submit it to bash where it will join the ranks of the
other "SOMETHING CATOSTROPHIC HAPPENED SO I CAME TO TELL YOU
GUYS ON IRC FIRST INSTEAD OF ATTEMPTING TO DEFUSE THE HOSTILE
SITUATION" quotes that are grossly abundant, similar, and
overrated. and despite a new one is submitted each week and
only the location of the fire is altered, loyal viewers firmly
believe it is a unique and hilarious quotation, pledging
support in the form of unneccesary votes
#60459 [ + | - ] 328
<MikeSweetser> FWIW, 1/1/2003 is essentially the 20th
anniversary of the Internet.
<MikeSweetser> Basically, the day that ARPANET switched its
protocol to TCP/IP.
<kuribo> MikeSweetser: in unrelated news, 1/2/2003 is the 20th
anniversary of warez :)
#60398 [ + | - ] 209
<|ReN|> reality is the 30 frames per second your little mind
can comprehend.
#60371 [ + | - ] 511
* Stan (Stan@dhcp024-209-052-025.neo.rr.com) has joined #
techfreax
<Stan> what's c++?
<hypnetric> it's a rap artist
<Stan> he's good?
<hypnetric> lives in chicago
<Klone> He's almost as good as Java.
<hypnetric> yeah java owns
<Stan> do i compare to any of them?
<Klone> No, dude. Java is hardcore.
#60365 [ + | - ] 295
* Joins: Unix (Unix@ppp1146.nsw.padsl.internode.on.net)
-> [Unix] VERSION
[Unix VERSION reply]: mIRC v6.03 Khaled Mardam-Bey
<BenZor> rofl @ Unix.
<Unix> ?
#60361 [ + | - ] 1358
<[zc]snuggles> my sister is 13
<[zc]snuggles> I found porn on her compueter =/
<[asm]ryan> man porn?
<[zc]snuggles> NO AND TAHTS THE THING
<[zc]snuggles> LESBO PORN
<[asm]ryan> HAHAHAH
<[zc]snuggles> hell I copied it to my computer before deleting
it
#60353 [ + | - ] -55
<Exor[B-A]> gay
<ZahanTheThief[B-A]> yes exor you are good to see you came to
terms
<Exor[B-A]> fk me
<Exor[B-A]> ;\
#60314 [ + | - ] 406
<@psychotik> luckily i bought my booze tomorrow
<@psychotik> er
<@psychotik> yesterday
#60297 [ + | - ] 295
<kierabee> though the idea of 'talking dirty' with you does
numb my brain a little
<ian_> OK, I'll start so you can get the hang of it.  "I
slowly remove your top and spread hummus around your armpits,
inhaling the intertwining BO and chick-pea aroma"
<kierabee> that's great
#60291 [ + | - ] 2065
<Boogieman> and I saw a girl and was like "hey baby, you
lookin' for a good time"
<Boogieman> and she said "yes"
<Boogieman> and I just sorta stared
<Boogieman> cause I don't usually get that far
<Boogieman> and I didn't have anything to say
#60290 [ + | - ] 1362
<Imaginos> damn
<Imaginos> my neices cat ran away
<Imaginos> i said it went to kitty land, so she wants to know
where kitty land is
<Imaginos> i bring up my browser
<Imaginos> type in www.kittyland.com
<Imaginos> and then closed it as fast as humanly possible
#60280 [ + | - ] 164
<joshwil> CREED frontman Scott Stapp was reportedly "high out
of his mind and could not sing" at the band's Chicago show at
Allstate arena Sunday night (Dec. 29), nearly falling down
numerous times during the performance.
<Deathlove> Jac, God told him to get wrecked.
<CactusJac> He drank too deeply from the blood of Christ I
guess.
#60271 [ + | - ] 415
<@Pimp-Jojo> mc... i saw a guy in a wheelchair begging for
money and playing a flute
<@Pimp-Jojo> couple of hours later i saw him gettng chased by
the police on foot
<@Pimp-Jojo> i mean wtf
<+_Mc_> still doesnt beat my tramp with the cardboard cutout
banjo
#60268 [ + | - ] -55
<CactusJac> STEVEL = WELL I FORGOT WHAT HAPPENED BUT I KNOW IT
FUCKING PISSED ME OFF AND THERE WAS SOME GREASEBALL IN THE
BACK ROOM WHO LOOKED LIKE THIS JOKER, SO I GUESS MY ADVICE IS
TO WATCH YOUR STEP IF YOU KNOW WHAT'S GOOD FOR YOU, BECAUSE
ALL BETS ARE OFF WHEN YOU LEAVE YOUR GODDAMN HOUSE IN THE
MORNING, AND YOU FORGET TO BRING YOUR WALLET OR WEAR PANTS,
AND THE FUCKING COPS PULL YOU OVER BECAUSE YOUR EYES AREN'T SO
GREAT ANYMORE
#60249 [ + | - ] 522
<ke1th> i go into the bank..
<ke1th> and the teller says
<ke1th> please sign here
<ke1th> so, i get the pen
<ke1th> and sign
<ke1th> ke1th kennedy
<ke1th> and hand it back to her
<ke1th> as she looks as me strangely.
<ke1th> and i'm wondering wtf did i do now.
#60200 [ + | - ] 63
<cjj> DUDE! remember that uber fine hunnie 5'4 110 pounds
hazel eyes c cup i told you about?
<Bi0hazard> the chick who got naked?
<cjj> no no :)  that is kayli! im talking about "vanessa" well
she turned out to be uber nasty! 5'4 210 pounds !!! im done
meeting girls off the internet!
<cjj> i had to like run to the milkshake shop and lead a trail
of shakes away from my house
<cjj> than i made a quick gettaway in the car and left her ass
like 5 miles from her home
<cjj> grrr brb kayli just called :P  maybe i wont retire from
this net pimping just yet
#60182 [ + | - ] 249
<Caveman> fuck...father in law had company this past
weekend...including his friends like 17 or 18 year old
daughter
<Caveman> and da bitch didnt even use the bathroom with the
hidden cam
#60181 [ + | - ] 279
<Suave|Away> Oh, and don't DnD tonight.
<cow> dnd
<cow> ?
<cow> oh
<cow> yer
<cow> no way
<cow> !
<funnel|getreddy> dnd?
<Suave|Away> Either Dungeons and Dragons, or Drink n Drive
<Suave|Away> Either way, you're a bloody idiot
#60174 [ + | - ] 29
<Torey>Lets have a party for people over 500 lbs, and then
laugh at all of the fat asses that show up
<Icedpyre> I don t think that the supports in my house would
hold that, we could do it outside though
<Icedpyre> and pretend that we are running a pig farm
<Icedpyre>oh man .you and I are going to hell
<Torey> no dude, I read the bible there is nothing in there
that states  THOU SHALL NOT MAKE FUN OF FAT PEOPLE WHO SHIT ON
THEMSELVES
<Icedpyre> phew, I guess your right
#60165 [ + | - ] 412
<Poo> Imagine my surprise when Jim said the Hamtaro girl was
hot and I was weirded out cause she was a 5th grade girl
<Poo> Then I found out he was talking about the hamster
#60158 [ + | - ] 37
<[P-G]Secret[-SGC-]> <Harm> anyone have an example ipfilter
config they're willing to share?
<[P-G]Secret[-SGC-]> #linux
<[P-G]Secret[-SGC-]> lo
<[P-G]Secret[-SGC-]> l
<Hat> <[P-G]Secret[-SGC-]> how do I save a linux file again
<[P-G]Secret[-SGC-]> lol fuck you
#60155 [ + | - ] 140
<Spazz> I saw the sign
<Spazz> and it openned up my eyes
<Spazz> I saw the sign
<[IX]Korup> i saw your mom, and it openned up my eyes, i saw
your mom. talk about scary. big fat and hairy.
<[IX]Korup> i remember saying that to my brother back in the
day
#60151 [ + | - ] 138
<DooD> why is it that it's always the biggest, ugliest,
burliest men that get gender reassignment surgery?
<DooD> i could see getting surgery if you're like, 5 foot 3
and look kinda like a girl...
<DooD> but all these 6'4" 250 pound men with stubble and a
voice deeper than james earl jones going "i feel like a woman
trapped in a man's body" ...
<suzu> if you're already feminine cute looking
<suzu> you wouldn't need the surgery
<DooD> suzu: sure you would
<DooD> get rid of the optional material
<suzu> no way
<suzu> cuz the pretty feminine ones
<suzu> would think "i'm so fucking sexy"
<DooD> would think "im so fucking sexy it's ok to have a
penis" ?
#60143 [ + | - ] 561
<SJr> ped did you know I am 1000 weeks old today
<SJr> Mook did you know I am 1000 weeks old today
<SJr> Mojo did you know I am 1000 weeks old today
<SJr> Liam did you know I am 1000 weeks old today
<Mook> no I didn't know that
<Mook> happy kiloweek
#60140 [ + | - ] 490
<DeeCee> they made white chocolate so little black kids could
get messy too
#60139 [ + | - ] 150
<True_Hitoare> Yeah, it's amazing this abacus gets internet
access... :p