hQDB :: hacker Quote Database

Network Stats: 21112 Approved Quotes | 0 in Moderation Queue
#963266 [ + | - ] 52
<kiska> what does dj khaled even do
<venuism> makes mirc
#963183 [ + | - ] 207
< winter_the_mute> i am both of those things
< winter_the_mute> sadly i am also a programmer so
< winter_the_mute> fit and pretty only gets you so far when
you're autistic
<@    Riztazz> | there is a 3rd option to it
<@    Riztazz> | sadly only a handful of men can achieve that
<@    Riztazz> | and its not something you can do anything
about
<@    Riztazz> | well
<@    Riztazz> | nowdays u can
<@    Riztazz> | get a big dick
< winter_the_mute> im black so i got that too
< winter_the_mute> but last time i whipped my dick out to a
woman, she moved seats on the bus
#963072 [ + | - ] 493
<wusel>hey whasti do you make love to your woman in the other
hole?
<whasti>eww you sir are disgusting
<whasti>she could get pragnant from that
#963028 [ + | - ] 242
Govind: once I saw a sign that said "Parking for Drive-Thru
customers only". that was the stupidest thing I'd ever read
until I read Harry Potter and the Cursed Child
#963026 [ + | - ] 511
<Church> Sup folks
<BytesAndCoffee> Church: do you program?
<Church> Ja.
<BytesAndCoffee> more functional or more imperative?
<Church> Mix.
<BytesAndCoffee> Church: deplorable, church and state should
never mix!
<Church> Heh
<Church> Oh god. It clicked.
<Church> Fuck you.
<Church> That joke has layers... >_>
#963025 [ + | - ] 294
<mogh> I landed an in person interview
<sergey> where at?
<alexander> Hydraulic Press Inc.
<sergey> You've gotta crush the interview to work there
<sergey> very firm handshake is a plus as well
<kurn> dunno if I'd want to work there, I hear it's a
high-pressure environment
<kurn> and opportunities for advancement are pretty flat

<alexander> Getting the wrong manager there can be
soul-crushing.
<helena> but getting the right one can be powerfully
uplifting
<mogh> I think I could squeeze out a living
#963023 [ + | - ] 173
<sneak> what is a good keto alternative to chips
<sneak> like kfc but from chicken shops not kfc
<S3tanta> I mean
<S3tanta> if you buy a breast of chicken
<S3tanta> and you fry that
<S3tanta> that's keto
<sneak> thats not fried chicken
<sneak> thats just chicken
<sneak> fried
<S3tanta> that's literally what fried chicken is
<S3tanta> chicken that is fried
#962987 [ + | - ] -76
<randymarsh9> what's the proper way to administer a remote
linux server?
<aeyxa> ssh
<phogg> randymarsh9: Hire me to use ssh.
<randymarsh9> phogg: do you take bitcoin
<phogg> randymarsh9: no, I take payment only in Linux support.
That YOU provide, later.
<phogg> to other people
<randymarsh9> what is ssh file transfer protocol claled
<aeyxa> sftp
<SporkWitch> scp
<phogg> sftp > scp, but sure you can use scp too
<randymarsh9> ok i want to use scp but whenever i try to edit/
move file i get access denied
<randymarsh9> only root has access to modify those files
<SporkWitch> you've answered your own question then
<randymarsh9> i can't login as root though
<randymarsh9> there's gotta be a simple way to do this without
changing folder permissions everytime
<randymarsh9> i know how from ssh but want to do the same from
scp
<aeyxa> There is, you log in as root
<randymarsh9> no, i turned that shit off because some stupid
security blog told me it's the right thing to do
<randymarsh9> you are basically telling me the hard way to do
it
<randymarsh9> i already know how to do it the hard way i was
looking for something easier through scp
<randymarsh9> telling me to login as root is hardly an answer
<aeyxa> randymarsh9: Log in as your user, then sudo up to root
<randymarsh9> aeyxa: how do you sudo up in scp
<aeyxa> randymarsh9: What files are you moving, where are you
moving them from, what have you tried.
<randymarsh9> aeyxa: want to edit files in /etc/
<aeyxa> randymarsh9: Do you have permission to use the root
account?
<randymarsh9> yes, but the login through scp with root is
turned off
<aeyxa> randymarsh9: If you only want to edit files, I don't
know why you're asking about scp and sftp.
<randymarsh9> aeyxa: because if i do it through scp i'm able
to use the gui
#962982 [ + | - ] 786
RageOmega: my gf's father yelled at me when he found out i
took her virginity, i told him it wouldnt happen again and he
let me off the hook
#962978 [ + | - ] -91
On a sunny summer eve
< Jan-> I really need to write up a readme on this to explain
exactly what it's required to do.
< Jan-> Every time I bring it up, I go through this same
conversation.
< Emil> Jan-: have you entertained the thought
< Emil> that
< Emil> you might be wrong?
< Emil> If everytime you bring it up people tell you are wrong
< Emil> Have you even considered the alternative?
< Jan-> Sure. But then I've reexamined the situation, and
realised that no, I'm right, it's just that you don't
understand my use case.
A few minutes later
< Jan-> bear in mind I've explained this about a billion times
and it always ends like this.
< Jan-> it's getting really bloody tiresome.
< Emil> it ends with people not wanting to hear your shit
anymore
< Jan-> I'm not an idiot, I have thought about this, I
understand the problem.
#962974 [ + | - ] 254
< froggey> which is another dependency, and another place for
people to fuck up and send me bug reports
< aejsmith> solution: don't get users
< aejsmith> they're all terrible, so just avoid that problem
by not having anyone use your software
< froggey> I'm trying! I'm building the weirdest and most
useless possible software and yet people still want to use it
< froggey> I don't understand it at all
#962961 [ + | - ] -311
<scoob> so, question for you geezers
<scoob> gotta be in NY in a suit tomorrow. ok, fine. Flying
out tomorrow.
<scoob> I can wear the suit on the plane and go straight, or I
can pack it and change
<scoob> both seem shitty
<unclefat> are you flying in the animal hold ?
<scoob> the finest economy delta has to offer
<unclefat> can get you a gold medallion for $500
<unclefat> good odds on getting upgraded to a class that lets
you hang your coat and doesn't fly you with some fatty's elbow
up your asshole
<unclefat> #justsayin
<unclefat> also, for suit-wearing times i make them fly me in
the night before and scrip a hotel room
<scoob> yeah, this is personal travel
<scoob> and just came in from elsewhere tonight
<scoob> didn't get to go direct from place to place
<unclefat> so where would you change  ?
<scoob> friends place
<scoob> someone's hotel room
<scoob> whatever
<scoob> that part is squared away
<unclefat> then i'd bring the suit
<unclefat> and fly like the animal you are
<scoob> all day erry day
<unclefat> go get shorn and whatnot at your boy's barn
#962960 [ + | - ] -101
SKoertig: I am trapped in a Bank of America please send help
SKoertig: They do not have a bathroom
SKoertig: I may die in this place.
Artilicer: odd
Artilicer: they let me use their bathroom
Artilicer: last time when I was bleeding from the mouth thanks
to wisdom teeth removal
SKoertig: I think they literally have no toilet.
Artilicer: so
Artilicer: do they use the mouths of their customers or
SKoertig: These are accountants. I am fairly certain they do
not poop.
SKoertig: Their buttholes are purely recreational in purpose.
Artilicer: how convenient
SKoertig: Please poop in my buttholehhfuffjrqqow
SKoertig: Sorry one of the tellers stole my phone for a second
Reuben Sandwich: fyi, the bathroom is not in the safe
SKoertig: I escaped. No prison can hold me
#962920 [ + | - ] 631
<Ilikehorses> dude... how do u play this game?
<Xenocideophile> it's a chat room for programmers
<Ilikehorses> i know THAT
<Xenocideophile> then you're good to go
<Ilikehorses> no no no how do I make a game
<Xenocideophile> depends
<Ilikehorses> ...?
<Xenocideophile> Depends what language you want to use to
start off with
<Ilikehorses> american
#962919 [ + | - ] 370
<leo60228> vim is even better
<leo60228> but i honestly don't know how to open a new tab in
it
<Pixl> we have reached peak hipster
#962894 [ + | - ] 46
<MCRanchDepressing> "This sweet ass sed line should do the
business"
#962889 [ + | - ] 172
<drbngrl> hi
<LordCow> yo
<fppe> hello there girl
<fppe> what happened to your vowels
<LordCow> cost saving
<drbngrl> what vowels
<LordCow> exactly
<fppe> she had a vowel movement
<drbngrl> what are yoll talking about
#962844 [ + | - ] 313
<fppe> The worst thing about a prostate exam is when he finds
out you're not a real doctor.
#962842 [ + | - ] 141
<empirebuilder1> i got this burn on my middle finger
<empirebuilder1> real bad one, like 3rd degree shit
<empirebuilder1> and it looks kinda nasty from all the dead
skin flaking off
<kin101> empirebuilder1: tmi pls
<empirebuilder1> but now i can flip someone off
<empirebuilder1> and say "sick burn bro"
<kin101> why must you do this to me
#962826 [ + | - ] 515
<ednos> technically, I'm not pedantic
#962811 [ + | - ] 172
shadoxx: ...I have 17 terminal windows open right now.
bai: r u a h4x0r??
shadoxx: 2_1337_4_school
bai: dang just don't hack me ok
shadoxx: okay
shadoxx: You could be infosec bai. Ur pretty good
shadoxx: I was going to hack you, but then you appealed to my
humanity.
bai: social engineered af
#962802 [ + | - ] 592
<tttb> Why did the programmer quit his job?
<tttb> because he didn't get arrays
#962787 [ + | - ] 282
<RoadJoe> I put the F in spelling
<me-money-mix> i put the cum in company
<We_are_Dad> I put the fun in funeral
<GNAustin> I put the myself in killing myself
#962756 [ + | - ] 232
< ntc> is it possible to recover encrypted files from an
ecryptfs container? i lost the passphrase
< scorbutus> ntc: you could try filing a foia request with dhs
#962741 [ + | - ] 203
<akrs> You know you have fallen far from the path of light
when you have to read the git man pages for push
<buffalo> fallen from grace, akrs
<akrs> I'm gonna do a git push -f +[sha]:master
<buffalo> that's a dark arts spell, that is
<buffalo> such commands do not come out of love, compassion,
and understanding
<buffalo> they come from malice
<buffalo> and the will to destroy
<buffalo> and chaos
#962726 [ + | - ] 469
<@apexthief> Okay we have taco tuesday I need other food day
of the week ideas
<@AltRhombu> taco wednesday
<@AltRhombu> taco thursday
#962717 [ + | - ] 262
<Papa_Wa> Anyone else struggling to login?
<Udungoof> i'm struggling most of the time
<Udungoof> not necessarily with loginservers though
<Udongoof> life mostly
#962713 [ + | - ] 295
<Mcme> Just got the last skiing of the season done
<Microshrimp> I am banned from skiing
<fear> Storytime?
<Mcme> How does one get banned from skiing?
<Microshrimp> after the last time I tried it.... couldn't
figure out how to stop and I was headed toward about 10 people
who were standing in a circle talking.  It was like human
bowling.
#962712 [ + | - ] 14
< EvanStone> Have u guys seen that babe on the special
Olympics commercial
< EvanStone> Hnnnnng
< fred> wtf
< fred> EvanStone has a disabled person fetish
< vitro> omg
< EvanStone> What
< vitro> i almost choked to death while reading that
< EvanStone> Only her brain is fucked
< vitro> EvanStone is fucked
< EvanStone> Not her face
< EvanStone> Yo vitro is mad judgemental
< EvanStone> Like a retard can't be sexy
< EvanStone> Plz stop discriminating
#962711 [ + | - ] 1
<crowell> aa has some shitty seats
<crowell> i can't even use laptop
<jpaglier> you can get their miles so easy tho
<crowell> how am i supposed to play ctf in this seat
<kiboneu> crowell: next time offer to speak, you get a table
<crowell> kiboneu: on the airplane?
#962709 [ + | - ] 4
<_ohm> Akahige, obviously you haven't heard of OOP and you
need to check your priviledge
<Pyrious> Valid c++ if it's following a "//"
<Akahige> _ohm: Did you just assume my paradigm!?
<mwd> OOM > OOP
<_ohm> Akahige, nice
#962706 [ + | - ] 1
Creamate: if i were black
toppington_kek: you could fuck your wife
Creamate: i would be a cardiac surgeon already
toppington_kek: oh
#962705 [ + | - ] 461
*** Gad is now known as REGISTER.
*** REGISTER is now known as IDENTIFY.
*** IDENTIFY is now known as Gad.
<petn-randall> Gad: /msg nickserv help
<Dark-Jedi> Just wait, his nick will change to "HELP" any
moment now.
*** Gad is now known as HELP.
#962704 [ + | - ] 171
<@neonjesus> up your game, chatters. this is professional
level chatting.
<@atomic> oh yeah
<@atomic> professional for sure
<@atomic> I'm being paid to chat right now
<@atomic> in fact, I probably get paid to chat more than I get
paid to work
<@neonjesus> its why we all went into IT in the first place
<@neonjesus> we got on irc when we were children
<@neonjesus> and thought
<@neonjesus> hey
<@neonjesus> i would like to chat for a living. how do i get
to do that?
<@atomic> lol
<@neonjesus> first, you have to look like you're busy in
terminal
<@Jugernaut> hah
<@neonjesus> second, you have to be the unwatched watcher.
<@neonjesus> third, ???
<@neonjesus> profit.
<@neonjesus> so here we are.
<@neonjesus> a bunch of professional motherfuckin' chatters.
#962696 [ + | - ] 123
<sophia_> wow look at this new type of cat named a toyger
<MaxInux> pretty cat
<MaxInux> looks like a bengal sorta
<sophia_> its totally different than a bengal apparently
<sophia_> custom bred
<MaxInux> neat still looks like a bengal :) just slightly more
striped
<sophia_> ya its pretty
<jm> am I the only person who's appalled at humanity's efforts
to selectively breed traits they find cute, funny, or
otherwise desirable?
<blaxthos> jm:  do you date ugly girls ?
<sophia_> heh
#962689 [ + | - ] 140
<Mosai> my habit of buying junk food significantly diminished
when they took the self checkouts out of the nearby safeway
<Mosai> since i now have to look another human being in the
face when i purchase stuff now
#962685 [ + | - ] 233
<omglolbah> our official template database had a digital test
logic page called "DIGITEST" (from the times when we used 8.3
filenames)
<omglolbah> so my coworker needed to create one for analog
test logic <.<
<omglolbah> I got to write the docs for "Template: ANALTEST"
#962656 [ + | - ] 288
< Dustin> I was talking to a French friend earlier. He was
annoyed that English didn't have a word for a specific kind of
pride like French does. I pointed out that the French having
more words for pride is like the Inuits having more words for
snow.
< Dustin> He didn't laugh. =[
#962644 [ + | - ] 71
<blaxthos> milo == ann coulter minus the penis
#962517 [ + | - ] 436
<diegov[m]> What's the name of that js programming mmo?
<zer0def> uh, github?
#962365 [ + | - ] 389
<+Skerper> I remember once in first year CS
<+Skerper> this guy asked me to tutor him
<+Skerper> was absolutely devastated that he'd gotten a 0 for
his programming assignment
<+Skerper> so he shows it to me
<+Skerper> and he's literally written an essay on how to make
the program
<nugyflex> what the fuck
<+Skerper> complete with stock images and references
<BlackMoon> hahah
<+Jattenalle> haha, aaw
<+Skerper> but no actual program
<nugyflex> ahahha
<+Jattenalle> poor innocent little child
<+Skerper> Never had such an "oh sweety" moment in my life
<nugyflex> how does that happen
<+Skerper> I have no fucking idea, it was the most awkward
thing
<nugyflex> how can that possibly happen...
<+Skerper> I don't know how he got it into his head that that
was the assignment
<+Skerper> considering it had to be handed up to an automarker
<+Skerper> that compiles it and tests output
<nugyflex> Oooo nooo
<nugyflex> tries to compile essay
<nugyflex> rip
#962292 [ + | - ] 563
<cpb> wonder if there's a strip club that needs a linux
admin...
<clockwork> i was about to balk at that but then i thought
about it and realized strip clubs don't have windows
#962270 [ + | - ] 5
<@peted> i get distracted by that a lot
<@peted> sometimes, actually, a lot of the time, i just get
distracted by my own thoughts
< brzt> I think thats call ADHD?
<@peted> do they?
< brzt> I just said I think they do...
<@peted> and i asked do they...
<@peted> this instant replay brought to you by pepsi cola
< brzt> See above.
#962213 [ + | - ] 688
<Chaosbreaker> "Hi, I'd like to hear a TCP joke."
<Chaosbreaker> "Hello, would you like to hear a TCP joke?"
<Chaosbreaker> "Yes, I'd like to hear a TCP joke."
<Chaosbreaker> "OK, I will tell you a TCP joke."
<Chaosbreaker> "Are you ready to hear a TCP joke?"
<Chaosbreaker> "Yes, I am ready to hear a TCP joke."
<Chaosbreaker> "OK, I am about to send the TCP joke. It will
last 10 seconds, has 2 characters, it does not have a setting,
it ends with a punchline."
<Chaosbreaker> "OK, I am ready to get the TCP joke that will
last 10 seconds, has 2 characters, does not have a setting,
and ends with a punchline."
<Chaosbreaker> "I'm sorry, your connection has been timed
out."
<Chaosbreaker> "Hello, would you like to hear a TCP joke?"
#962153 [ + | - ] 152
<Zygo> if you're not finding errors, you're not looking hard
enough
<lazy_bum> Is this some kind of woman motto?
#962113 [ + | - ] 223
<@realitygaps> english - the php of spoken languages
#962108 [ + | - ] 255
<Humbedooh> Roses are red, leaves are green, but only Java has
AbstractSingletonProxyFactoryBean
#961801 [ + | - ] 83
<retry> i miss bathing in hot springs
<retry> in japan that's something you can just do whenever you
feel like it
<fuckyou> except they call it bukkake
#961783 [ + | - ] 167
<Joe> my friend told me to google kurea hasumi
<Joe> and I did
<Joe> that was a mistake
<Denwa> Don't like jav's, Joe?
<Joe> no, by mistake I mean I have 27 active torrents running
now
#961780 [ + | - ] 162
<Haz> started my internship today
<Haz> they banged a gong no less than six times first thing in
the morning after a meeting
<fwilson> yeah, that's part of agile