<g[b]> moooooooooootherfucker <Firas> ... <Firas> g[b]: before that punchline we need the setup, e.g. "what do you call a cow with an oedipus complex", etc.
<parucha> So the other night I can't sleep, so I go downstairs and pour a bowl of cereal and decide I'll eat it in my room while I watch Conan. <parucha> After I pour my cereal, I turn the lights back off and it's pitch black as I walk up the stairs to my bedroom. <parucha> By the way, I'm only wearing a pair of silk shorts. <parucha> So I'm trying to balance my bowl of cereal in the dark so I don't spill, thinking I'm doing okay. When I reach the top of the stairs, the bowl tips and I feel it spill all over my shorts. <parucha> So I walk back downstairs to grab a rag and clean up. I find a roll of paper towels and I pick up all the cereal inside it and walk downstairs to throw it away and put my bowl in the sink. Then I start to clean up the milk on the floor and on my shorts. <parucha> Well this is near my parents' bedroom, and as I'm cleaning, I hear them having sex. Being male, I start to get an erection at the sounds of sex, despite the fact that I know it's my parents having the sex. <parucha> So I try to tune it out and hurry up with the spilt milk. In the midst of all this, I start to have a coughing fit. A result of being a smoker. <parucha> A minute later, my mom opens her bedroom door - wrapped in a blanket - and sees me standing there with an erection bulging through my shorts, which are still wet with a seeping liquid, and a paper towel in my hand dripping white stuff, all outside her bedroom door where she and my dad were just having sex. <parucha> I've never thought seriously about running away from home until that night.
(JMulder) Guys. (JMulder) Help me out here. (JMulder) I am on a quest to find that horribly traumatizing anthro style painting of the twins from The Matrix having sex with eachother. (JMulder) It was horrible and I take no pleasure in trying to find it again, but it is of utmost importance.
<stratouk> ATI cards are like buses... <stratouk> They're huge, red and have bad drivers.
<Glen> hi, I am explorer.exe. sometimes when you are doing anything at all, I will just freeze for ten minutes. All of my brother and sister windows will also freeze, because they are sad for me. Maybe we will come back, maybe not, it will be a surprise! <Alex> Ohh the suspense <Glen> it is like a thriller novel <Alex> A race against time <Glen> a twisted web of deceit <Glen> a woman without a past, a detective without a future <Glen> a file browsing application without proper thread isolation
Sam: what is flash like from your PoV as a proper programmer? Pete: flash is like if java, C# and visual basic had a threesome Pete: and did not use protection
<@Pugh> i'm gonna make a media player that plays EVERYTHING, for FREE, and can rip to EVERY common type of media without DRM. <@Pugh> I shall call it........hammertime
<Anonymous> Now, I m sure many of you have encountered little shits in supermarkets. Little kids running about and knocking things over, being rude, walking all over their parents, you know the kind. But the worst are the biters. Yes, those little cunts that feel it is okay to bite you whenever they feel like it. <Anonymous> Okay, here s the best part. A biter got me today when I was grocery stopping. He broke the fucking skin, too. This was when the gears started turning, the moment I saw a tiny sprickle of blood on the little shit s teeth as he was grinning at me like the little cunt he is. I made my eyes get wide, and started screaming SHIT! SHIT!. Now, my good friend, Tom we ll call him, was there too, and he instantly picked up on it. He started shouting FUCK! MAYBE HE DIDN T GET IT! FUCK!. By now, the kid is scared shitless and starts crying, and instantly, Mizz Mom appears out of nowhere and starts getting pissy at us for yelling at her kid. <Anonymous> Here s the kicker, I look her straight in the eye and say, Mam, get your son tested as soon as possible, he just bit me and I m I m FUCKING HIV POSITIVE. <Anonymous> And now there is silence. Not a peep in the entire store. The brat knows he just fucked up big time because his mom isn t defending his ass. She just stares at me wide eyed. I walk away from them, buy my shit from the wide eyed cashier, all the while blood is dripping from my calf, making a nice little trail on the floor. And, just s we leave, we start to hear the mother sobbing. Sobbing like the cunt she is. <Anonymous> I have never felt any more satisfaction than the moment I heard that sob.
<Coyote27> They see me chocoboin' <Coyote27> they be hatin' <Coyote27> tryin' to catch me ridin' birdy
<redwyre> kez said you you are a whiney bitch <TraumaPony> Haha <redwyre> and that you smell <TraumaPony> Heh <redwyre> and that you're gay <TraumaPony> Lol <redwyre> and that you like visual basic <TraumaPony> THAT CUNT
<Lonesy> I was at the Badkarma fields when thunder strikes less than 50 feet from me <Lonesy> God's way of saying "I see what you did there"
<PetTeacher> If you could fight any celebrity who would it be? <C0pp4F33l> michael flatly <Protegemoi> ugh... Paris Hilton definitely <Exostetic> Stephen Hawking.
<Adun|Oblivion> "The ejaculation of a dolphin carries so much force with it, that it could decapitate you." <ChaosSmurf> You know <ChaosSmurf> This is why Dolphins are ALWAYS happy <ChaosSmurf> They're just sitting there going "Yeah, bitches, I can decapitate you with my sperm"
Jentsu13: i just had an idea for a cool picture Jentsu13: that would be highly offensive and inappropriate Jentsu13: twincest jesuses Jentsu13: titled Jentsu13: jesus fucking christ Jentsu13: yeah i'm going to hell for that one
<Sword_Saint> God, I hate conspiracy theorists <Sword_Saint> I almost wish they were right <Sword_Saint> so the government would abduct and kill them <Sword_Saint> and shut them the fuck up
<Meltro> the song you are referring to is 'Dueling Banjos', as made famous in some hickish movie I don't remember <Meltro> Requiem for a full set of teeth or something
--> hindenburg (~ash@cloaked.rr.com) has joined #overclockers <a474645> hindenburg like the german zeppelin disaster? <hindenburg> what can i say <hindenburg> blimpin aint easy
<Valaris> Q: How do I get child pornography? <Valaris> A: Start a free image hosting site.
<Creeper> when they neuter a dog do they actually like remove the balls or do they just cut a wire somewhere <~Vash> NO NOT THE BLUE WIRE!!!!! *dog explodes*
CeePlusPlusKid: so I saw the most AMAZING thing today CeePlusPlusKid: I was stopped at a stoplight, and heard hardcore gangster rap blasting next to me. CeePlusPlusKid: I turned to look expecting it to be some teenagers, or maybe an older black guy. CeePlusPlusKid: It was two 70 year old white guys bobbin their heads in a buick.
<JTP> You know you've been playing too much Need for Speed when your first instinct when you see a cop driving down the street is to hit the NOS and ram him.
<@HEMI> I got in a car accident on the way home from work. <@HEMI> I rear-ended someone. <@HEMI> Guy gets out of his car; I get out of mine. He's a dwarf. <@HEMI> We're sitting there waiting for the police to arrive and he goes, "I'm not happy." <@HEMI> I said, "so which one are you?"
<[Chris]> oh yeah baby, concatenate those strings... do it just like that <neura> I'd think you'd want to insert, not concatenate... <[Chris]> now you're just being nasty <neura> no, nasty is noting that you'd wanna be real careful with chop and split :x <[Chris]> as long as we aren't getting into a strlen fight
<Ravsieg> My firewall just blocked itself from accessing the network. <Ravsieg> I wonder if this is a good or a bad sign.
<GfK> these dumbass church people on tv <GfK> they just said god made the internet <NoelCower> Bet they're internet creationists and reject ARPANET
cromar: If there is a God, why does he/she allow disasters like earthquakes and Microsoft? dvice_null: Are you comparing a disaster that causes billions of dollars financial losses and thousands of people to lose their home every year, to a natural movement of tectonic plates? That's low.
<Mac> Hi I'm a mac <PC> And I'm a PC <Mac> So what you doing PC? <PC> Upgrading my Graphics card, RAM and Processor. <Mac> Oh.... Ummmm <PC> Don't you just love a good upgrade! <Mac> Well actually, I can't. If you want to upgrade you'll have to buy a new system.......
<fenriz> my mother found some of my porn the other day <fenriz> I'm not sure which folder she found, but I can safely assume she only scratched the surface <fenriz> because she complimented me on my taste
<uberclops> they brought new printers to our work <uberclops> it's awesome because they're not the size of the titanic and don't require a degree in mechanical engineering to change the toner
Foxpaws Zupe: Me and my BF talked about children today Foxpaws Zupe: I think we're going to have to rock paper scissors Foxpaws Zupe: to see if our child will be cut or uncut
Sunspot: They don't make 'em like they used to. That's all I have to say. Bobby: Nope, they sure don't. ***Sunspot jumps in his Time Machine (don't forget the flux capacitor) and goes back to watch some cartoons. Sunspot: Seriously. I want to get a Delorean and ducttape a blender on top. Sunspot: Sad thing is, very few people would get the joke. Sunspot: And even sadder, I'm saddled with a Delorean with a blender duct-taped to the top.
< tmbg_> anyone given thought to using accelerometers from laptops as entropy inputs? < tkoskine> "Generating a new encryption key, please shake your computer" ? :)
atlasthealmighty: Did I tell you my idea of injecting heroin into your balls, so when you ejaculate, it's heroin... And then the chick will think you just gave her the most amazing orgasm in the world, and she'd become addicted to sex with you nullphi: i would like to subscribe to your newsletter
<Sp3cial> STEP 1: Spout retarded crap about beardy guys and overlords. <Sp3cial> STEP 2: Live in a time when people are retarded. <Sp3cial> STEP 3: ????? <Sp3cial> STEP 4: PROPHET!
Prizes_for_contests: Hey, how much would it cost To get someone To find me a cost-free downloadable Hentai date sim for my mac? bommer: what?? lol Ich: think you're asking in the wrong place Prizes_for_contests: where do i go then? Eiljwa: there is no right place to ask something like that
<Aelfinn> I'm psychic <Aelfinn> I can predict what will happen in the future <Gundulf> Yeah, then what am I going to say next? <Aelfinn> Wrong <Gundulf> ...touche
<DevilsArms> I hate the saying "Their are plenty more fish in the sea". <DevilsArms> As soon as you get your tackle out in public you get arrested.
<TehGherkin> I punched the shit out of like several lampposts and some shrubbery. <Yoshiboy> ouch <Smoson> XD <TehGherkin> The shrubbery accosted me as I walked there and I'm pretty sure one of the lamp posts cast a dispersion on my mother.
<orlando> There's no such thing as reverse racism; racism doesn't have a direction. <justin> So it's a scalar.
<AesteroidBlues> what is it about every ninja gaiden game that makes it so it has to be IM-FUCING-POSSIBLE <Ph33rESP> because ninjas gots to do intense fucking difficult shit <Ph33rESP> thats why they're ninja <Ph33rESP> if everything was easy then it would be called business major gaiden
<TxT> hahahhahahahahaha i read that bash quote where the guy renamed mirc.exe the .doc he needed to turn in <TxT> so i did it with my paper, i get an email today from my teacher "Sorry, I opened your document and it seemed corrupted. Do you know what happened? If not, just resubmit your essay." <TxT> and i sent him my now finished essay this morning and got a reply just now, "Thank you. This version seems to be working just fine." <TxT> ty bash! <+hydeph> hmm didnt you say a while ago that your teacher reads bash? <TxT> ... <TxT> dude thats not fucking cool <+hydeph> its ok, tyler norris. <TxT> ... <TxT> shit.
<echin> regexman, regexman, matches text when no one can <mguzman> parses text, any size <echin> captures strings, on the first try <echin> look out, here comes the regexman <tooth> You're all a bunch of fucking nerds <yangman> so awesome