hQDB :: hacker Quote Database

Network Stats: 21122 Approved Quotes | 11 in Moderation Queue
#56374 [ + | - ] 329
<bse> Instinct is a kickass movie
<wataru> Basic?
<bse> wataru: no.. pervert
<wataru> Pervert Instinct?
#56371 [ + | - ] 136
<Xpert887> youre gonna be a computer god one day and people
around the world will come to you with their problems
<onesidedzer0> then i'll give them bullshit explanations and
take their money
<Xpert887> ohh so youre gonna take after gateway?
#56368 [ + | - ] 185
[devilsad] OO is like the missionary position, all day long
[@sobri] heh
[@sobri] i think of it more like group sex
[devilsad] no wonder you like it then
[@sobri] class ReachAround extends AnalSex
[_Spunky_] its like an orgy with everyone you know - you know
exactly how to treat each class
[_Spunky_] whereas imperative code, you have to be formally
introduced to each new partenr
[@sobri] and remember every conversation you've had with them,
just incase you put your food in your mouth with something you
say later
[devilsad] it's too clean and clinical for me
[devilsad] rubber gloves on before the insertion, so to speak
[@sobri] heh
[_Spunky_] haha
[devilsad] no casual toying with other people's private
functions
[@sobri] i don't know OOP in any languages other than php, but
can always statically call methods
[@sobri] $jizzim = ForePlay::handJob;
[_Spunky_] public sub spunkOnTheCarpet()
[@sobri] $orgy = new Orgy; $orgy->addFemale('linda'); $orgy->
addFemale('tina'); $orgy->addMidget('gary'); $orgy->addSelf();
[devilsad] lol
#56364 [ + | - ] 150
<Crusader> www.privatehacksthatareonlyonmycomputer.com
<Azorbix> its a dead link you jerk
#56360 [ + | - ] 444
<Mentar> why did hitler kill himself?
<JoltX> because he was deranged
<JoltX> and he didnt want to give the jews the satisfaction
<Mentar> wrong
<Mentar> he saw the gas bill
#56350 [ + | - ] 71
<Siron> the bathroom is full and i gotta go..
<neural> well there is that bush
<neural> and that.. corner
<phyrearms> siron just point it spray it under the door
#56333 [ + | - ] 268
<gwend> my 6 key doesnt work half the time ><
<Kiri> my CTRL key types a ` when i press it
<Kiri> lol
<gwend> lol
<Kiri> and my numpad opens internet explorer
<Kiri> or my computer
<Kiri> depends on which number lol
*** Kiri has quit IRC (Read error: 54 (Connection reset by
peer))
<EvilCouch> guess she pushed the wrong number
#56321 [ + | - ] 146
<Nergy> How much do movies cost these days?
<Meatwad> matine's cost 5.50 or so
<Nergy> w00t! I have that!
<Nergy> in fact, its RIGHT in my pants now
<Meatwad> dollars not inches
<Nergy> oh my bad.
#56320 [ + | - ] 346
<@arp> Importance: Normal
<@arp> INCREASE YOUR PENIS SIZE BY 1/4 INCH IN ONE WEEK!
<@arp> Guaranteed!!!!!!
<@arp> YAY!
<argoth> thanks for sharing
<j0ker> hell I can do that in a few seconds
#56318 [ + | - ] 391
<I3aH> can anyone help me? i need to get wine working
<CyberdogM8> just drink more of it
<CyberdogM8> it'll work eventually
#56317 [ + | - ] 369
<ibrahim> is there alive experts?
<ozzmosis> I've been alive since I was born, you could say I'm
an expert at it
#56301 [ + | - ] 68
<+FlatFace> ASDFHK
<+FlatFace> WTF
<+FlatFace> WOLF 3D SOURCE 8K?!
<+FlatFace> wait that's the disclaimer
<+FlatFace> SHIT
#56293 [ + | - ] 306
<@FrozenShade> Customer: "What kind of ink cartidges do I need
for this scanner?"
#56292 [ + | - ] 296
(+[MO]GeX) James[UH] you got a GF ain't you ?
(@James[UH]) gf, geforce or girlfriend...
#56271 [ + | - ] 148
<mog> I take pride in being completly bitter and cynical
<BosTony> I take pride in the fact that Ive gone 5 weeks
without an STD.
<mog> and getting pissed off at the smallest aspects of
society
<mog> like personalized license plates
<PsykadelicAngel> Tony, we're so proud
<Jennilala> I'm getting one.
<Jennilala> :P
<BosTony> An STD?
<Jennilala> no
<mog> ahaha
#56264 [ + | - ] 208
<kingBooze> is there a spanish -> english translator that
sucks less dicks than altavista.babelfish?
<LostXanadu> puerto ricans
#56259 [ + | - ] 506
<tHeo^doctor-appt`> this is prolly too much information
<tHeo^doctor-appt`> but I haven't been able to get off in like
a month or something
<Miyabi> dude, your nuts must be huge
<Miyabi> i mean, as a result
<Miyabi> that wasn't random props
#56258 [ + | - ] 397
<TuxMan> beh you know what happened...
<terminus> what?
<TuxMan> i whacked off while watching the linux kernel
compile...
<TuxMan> i mean... uh...
<terminus> o_O
#56256 [ + | - ] 737
<Campbell> You know you're seriously got nothing better to do
when you start measuring time in units other than minutes and
hours.
<Oli[bath]> Win2k uptime: two quadrillion two hundred thirteen
trillion seven hundred seventy-nine billion six hundred
twenty-one million two hundred five thousand two hundred
ninety-two Caesium-133 Radiation-periods
(2,213,779,621,205,292| 2 days, 18 hours, 53 mins, 41 secs)
#56232 [ + | - ] 96
kindle9: the computer lab is *craaaazy* today
tomemos: "Dig this crazy scene" crazy?
kindle9: "oh my god it's not printing why isn't it printing i
need it to be printing what the hell is wrong with you make it
start printing!!!" crazy
kindle9: then they start foaming at the mouth
tomemos: Do you ever have to put them down?
kindle9: i wish
kindle9: apparently i'm not allowed near tranquilizers anymore
kindle9: some sort of.. legal thing.. lawsuits.. restraining
orders..
kindle9: *ahem*
kindle9: let's just say i got a little over-zealous yesterday
tomemos: "I know you're a computer person, but we're out of
library staff.  Take this tazer and go in there!"
tomemos: This is why I don't study in the library.
tomemos: Because you could KILL ME.
kindle9: could?
kindle9: more like will!
#56230 [ + | - ] 990
<Rin> 65 peolpe killed in Canada by guns last year
<Rin> 63 in UK
<Rin> 64 in Australia
<Rin> 11,456 in USA
<Ram> we win!
#56229 [ + | - ] 503
<Supachikn> redhat is the ms of linux distros
<Supachikn> make everything pretty, dont worry about
functionality
<pont> my penis is the slackware of penis
<pont> :D
<pont> Hard and stable
<Supachikn> and fits inside one cd?
#56222 [ + | - ] 339
<Tomalak> Pregnancy from rape is extremely rare.
<DarkYouth> But here you are, eh Tomalak?
<Tomalak> I wouldn't say what your dad did to your mom was
strictly consensual, DY. If a sheep runs away, it doesn't mean
"keep on going".
#56194 [ + | - ] 309
<Winkingdog> Cute toll collector At the Harbour tunnel this
morning.  Blond,  young and very cute.  I'm gunna ask her
out..
<Winkingdog> I wonder how many round trips Ill have to do
before I get the chance  :)
<DD> Shit!!! She's already costing you money!:-)
#56188 [ + | - ] 211
<fantom> I'm going to play drinking games with tcpdump. what
keyword should make me take a drink?
<rizzoh> tcp
#56174 [ + | - ] 146
<atheir> microsoft is a bunch of soulless swine.
<quannum> with jobs
#56170 [ + | - ] 43
TaniquaLoL: i stole my moms stash and sold it to her friend
hahaha
EyezBloodshot: lmao
TaniquaLoL: shes all bitchy now though
#56167 [ + | - ] 419
<Krypt|LOTR2> i was given 200 dollars to survive a month alone
while the rest of my family went to dominican republic
<Krypt|LOTR2> i blew half of that on games
<Krypt|LOTR2> and didnt eat for like 2 weeks
<Krypt|LOTR2> i lost alot of weight
#56155 [ + | - ] 235
[54]Drekknni: I've noticed that Mario Sunshine makes me feel
pretty violent. More so than GTA3 or other "violent", "adult"
games, anyway. I can't stand more than 20 minutes or so of it
without getting pissed off and throwing the controller.
#56151 [ + | - ] 372
<WetCuntDelirium> Well quit acting like a nazi, and perhaps
misconceptions won't be developed
<mike> i must have missed the part where i started hating jews
<mike> i did not, however, miss the part where i started
hating "j00"
#56149 [ + | - ] 255
<Diplomatic> Christina -> We wanna see your bewbies
<Christina> bewbies?  What are you? 3?
#56143 [ + | - ] 749
<Dugimodo> ever notice miracles stopped happening when the
video camera was invented
<pog> and then they started up again when digital editing came
by
#56130 [ + | - ] 269
<RoseyCat> I didnt even nothice
<RoseyCat> wow, I type with a lisp now
#56122 [ + | - ] 92
<Comrade_90> any one have the new "best of nirvana" album?
<`2L> best of nirvana?
<`2L> whats that?
<`2L> 74 minutes of silence from just after when Kurt died?
#56120 [ + | - ] 175
G3nki: my printer is printing subliminal messages on my paper
Keerax: ...o_O
G3nki: it's printing out "Join the Military!"
G3nki: like cutting half of it at the top of the page
Keerax: yvan eht nioj
G3nki: never!
#56118 [ + | - ] 399
<Mystiq`> i wish you spoke better english
<[SePtOr]> i should not
<[SePtOr]> i dont have why... you understand what i wanna
say... It even matter
#56107 [ + | - ] 175
CcLpRPG:  it was like, my friend saw a chick at the movies,
but she had a boyfriend
CcLpRPG:  My friend says, screw him
CcLpRPG:  I say, you screw him, i'll screw her
#56074 [ + | - ] 1413
<@exit2eden9> my mother just told me the funniest story ever
<@exit2eden9> she was in the supermarket before, and this
person in front of her was fighting with her toddler...who
kept taking candy off the rack and putting it in the cart...
<@exit2eden9> she was saying "no...you cannot have candy...it
is almost dinner time and you cant have any"  and this is
going on for a while
<@exit2eden9> so the kid yells really loud:
<@exit2eden9> "if you dont let me have candy im gonna call
gramma and tell her you had daddy's peepee in your mouth"
<@exit2eden9> the woman ran out of the store...left all her
groceries there
#56053 [ + | - ] 8
<Terra-ist> i need roms
* Terra-ist wants a good rom site
<Terra-ist> just gimme a good rom site and ill shut up >=[
<lea_notwriting> Ever tried Google?
<lea_notwriting> I heard it has GREAT roms.
#56048 [ + | - ] 404
<Affe> god damn black socks
<Affe> i need to start pairing them together
<Affe> i pulled some out figuring 'oh if i pull out a few,
i'll eventually end up with a pair'
<Affe> i had 8 different kinds of socks in my hand
<Ouroboros> Wow, Affe.
<Ouroboros> Your life must be incredibly boring if you thought
that was interesting enough to tell us.
#56044 [ + | - ] 1594
DasKrav: Know what I hate?
DasKrav: Repeating myself.
Destroy_Boy2000: What?
DasKrav: I said I hate repeating myself
Destroy_Boy2000: Huh?
DasKrav: I SAID I HATE-
DasKrav: Oh wait
DasKrav: YOU FUCKING QUEEF
#56037 [ + | - ] 265
<Murr> I received a fascinating insight into govt operations
today
<drm> hows that?
<Murr> ordered some maps from the california geological survey
2 weeks ago
<Murr> received them 1 week ago
<Murr> and got a call today from a lady who had problems
reading my CC#
#56017 [ + | - ] 643
<@X-G> makes you wonder ...
<@X-G> why a penguin?
<@X-G> who invented tux?
<@X-G> and how did it become the linux symbol?
<@elver> there's a long story behind it...
<@elver> Torvalds loves penguins, one of them once bit him too
at a zoo
<@elver> and that's basically it
<@X-G> story. too. long. can't. stay. awake.
#55951 [ + | - ] 190
<Wolfy> if i ain't a geek i'm certainly not a nerd :p
<Wolfy> so that leaves normal or extrovert
<Wolfy> :p
<+damadm00> or 'wanker'
#55950 [ + | - ] 299
vickiholt: do you know what I hate?
fyrestorm: What?
vickiholt: I spent over three months writing a friggin' manual
for our document control system and people still do a quick
tutorial around the desk
vickiholt: I don't mind that
vickiholt: what I hate is when THEY DON'T READ THE FRIGGIN'
MANUAL FIRST
vickiholt: A tutorial should not include the words "lets just
see what happens if I do <click> this"
vickiholt: The friggin' book tells you
vickiholt: it's not a big document as I spent time making sure
it was short
vickiholt: <fume>
vickiholt: 3 f***in' months
vickiholt: of having meetings with some of the most boring
(admin) people in the world
vickiholt: <super power fume>
vickiholt: Oooh chocolate
vickiholt: </fume>
#55940 [ + | - ] 382
<cravecave> I used to have a gig of ram
<cravecave> then one stick went limp and even viagra couldnt
help it, now it just prematurely ejaculates and XP, being the
slut she is, doesnt like when that happens and has a fit
* harrellj looks at cravecave
* Astral does too
* harrellj puts that in her quit messages
<cravecave> All I was trying to say was I'm only half the
system I used to be
#55937 [ + | - ] 143
<geth> everyday is your birthday when the candles are lodged
in your asshole
#55936 [ + | - ] 130
<Apocolypse> you know, id be into this stuff if i was about 15
years younger.... im 13
#55930 [ + | - ] 79
<DSmooth> u guys see Moby got beat up in Boston?
<DSmooth> i guess now if you are a superfan of an artist
<DSmooth> you stalk them
<DSmooth> then beat them up
<DSmooth> to show respect
#55929 [ + | - ] 139
<Flossie> depends how much you get paid for staying in bed
<Brocken> I get payed £100 an hour for the things I do in bed
<nameinuse> you run a law firm from under your duvet?
<Brocken> no, I'm a gimp ;(