<cinco`de`mayo> Are Mexicans really baptized in bean dip? <cinco`de`mayo> Yes, but only because Jesus once said, Blessed are the refried, for they shall inherit the southwest United States.
thisismykittyx: so i went into victoria's secret and asked one of the bra-fitting ladies if they carried AAs. thisismykittyx: and the lady goes, "try radioshack".
[ + [Adam] ]: MAN [ + [Adam] ]: I want an arab inflatable sex doll [ + [Adam] ]: they blow themSELVES up
<@Berryful> The typing is strong in this one <@Berryful> but i fear he has fallen to the dvorak side
Coff:We should bring rain ponchoes back. Problem Solved. Cyg:New Problem: I don't want to look like a homeless wizard.
<Bane|Gone> that's ok...i had a dream once that a friend came over in the morning and was stabbing me in the nutsack. then i woke up and it turned out that a spring in my mattress had broken and was poking through.
< xxxt> Hi, how do I join this IRC takeover group? CHANFIX has mad skills < xxxt> i dont even know how he does it < xxxt> ;-)
<@dagger> did you hear the one about the dyslexic agnostic insomniac? <@dagger> he stayed up all night wondering if there was a god <@dagger> er, dog <@dagger> ffs
smack: get that .45 NOFX: looks nice smack: it's the nicest gun i have ever shot/owned NOFX: wtf 7 rounds smack: it's a .45 man smack: if you need more than 7 .45 rounds, you either can't shoot, or are in WAY over your head
phractured: why did the emo prostitute make a good carpenter? phractured: because she knew how to cut and screw!
<Emmie> Dilt, remember: Life takes VISA, but Death runs on Linux. <Dilt> no wonder death can't be escaped
Hawkins030: Why are people in 90 degree weather so white? Hawkins030: Because the tan of 90 degrees doesn't exist.
<sharquedo> I'm a zombie, braiiinnnssssss <DemonHeart> I'm homeless, chaaannnggeeeee
Cataclaw: "You are on day 2135 of your evaluation period" Cataclaw: o sorry paint shop pro Cataclaw: mind if i use it one more day? Tinactin: Were I to ever release a bit of software and have the nerve to charge to "activate" it, I'd have those messages become ruder and ruder as the use progressed past the trial period. Tinactin: Until, "You motherfucking cunt, why not just pay for the fucking software already? Jesus fucking Christ, what do you think, I coded this shit out of the goodness of my fucking heart? Bullshit, you've been using this shit for a fucking year already, and I haven't gotten a single fucking thank you, let alone a goddamn cent for it. Fuck you, you worthless, mooching son of a bitch. Fuck you. [Activate] [Continue Unregistered]"
< Alkivar> we're on our way back from partying in NYC over the weekend ... it was like sunday afternoon we're headed back west < Alkivar> we're cruisin... maybe 130-140mph < Alkivar> flew past a trooper on the side of the road < Alkivar> trooper lights up ... siren blasting ... chasing us down the highway < Alkivar> we're both like should we stop ... there's no way he can catch up to us < Alkivar> we decided to be good and stop < Alkivar> cop catches up to us ... comes out gun drawn ... pissed as hell < Alkivar> walks up to the side of the car and goes < Alkivar> "SON CAN I SEE YOUR PILOT'S LICENSE" < Alkivar> Jason pulls out his fucking pilot's license < Alkivar> cop's jaw hits the fucking ground < Alkivar> most stunned face I've ever fucking seen < Alkivar> in this practically a whimper goes "get the fuck out of here" < Alkivar> no ticket... too embarassed apparently < Alkivar> I'll never forget that day long as I live < Alkivar> I was sure we were goin to jail
dftpnkezln: For all of you reporting a score more than 100 as you iq lol @ you. How can you possibly score more than 100%? dftpnkezln:I'm very happy with my score of 89.
<SgtBallard> There was this kid back in Junior High that asked our group about how to Masturbate. Well Saint there and I decided to play a joke on him. We told him that the key to jacking it was the firestarter method <Uberm4cht> fire starter? <SaintAlvus> Thats when you take your dick in both hands, and rub opposite directions quickly as if you are rubbing a stick to start a fire. Ballard though told the little prick to flick the tip when his dick became numb. <SgtBallard> Yep, Kid comes back the next week and tells us that he did it until he started bleeding but he never came. That will make me laugh till the day I die.
<Joby-> so i moved into this new neighborhood right <Joby-> and like <Joby-> i rode my bike right <Joby-> and i saw these 2 hot girls <Joby-> and they saw me and they waved at me <Joby-> but then i crashed into a parked car :< <Mkoll> Real ladies man, arn't you? <Joby-> yeah
cmk314: i said Civil engineers have the biggest erections cmk314: Some other guy said mechEs make weapons, civEs make targets cmk314: and at the exact moment i realized i need to get out of engineering.
<CtrlAltDestroy> Here is my impression of Wikipedia. <CtrlAltDestroy> "There are five fingers on the human hand [citation needed]"
<Bob The Plumber>: Some people had a day of silence at our school to raise awareness for something today. <El Chupacabra>: What were they raising awareness for? <Bob The Plumber>: I dunno, they wouldn't tell me
<recursive> If being an idiot was illegal, it would probably be easier to keep the criminals outside the jails and use them as fortresses.
<BethOOC> If it were my dad, he'd be making jokes about being hard-headed. <BethOOC> After they amputated his toe he joked about having to learn to count in base 19 <Rach> ..... <Rach> Your dad is a dork...
(Deranged): If you're driving a hearse with a corpse in the back, is it ok to use the carpool lane on the highway?
<knightmare> ugh <knightmare> wasn't expecting the 'what makes you stick out from other candidates' in a phone interview <knightmare> I don't think 'I have an afro' was a good answer
* TRWBW was taught god doesn't play dice with the universe. not after that drunken night with the devil where he lost classical mechanics in a game of craps.
<Tarnagh> You know why the Clean Air Act was first established? <Askee> Why <Tarnagh> So the people in Colorado could see the mountains <Tarnagh> and so people in California could see each other
<Ralf> programmers and old people have a lot in common. <Ralf> we're both always looking for ways to control leaks. <Ralf> and dumps.
<tigrow> if u think its getting to hot masterman <tigrow> put water on it <tigrow> use icewater <tigrow> they need that the first 2 hours or so <Crimpy> dont forget to jam knives into the back while you do it <Sacred_> you guys are mean <Sacred_> yer gonna fuck his box up <Sacred_> use olive oil
The Fishchaser: we should tell the japaneese we found a planet full of giant tentacle monsters and their females are somehow little school girls The Fishchaser: we'll be going faster than the speed of light in a week
epilnivek: I don't know what time i'll be there... i've got a date with ashley and her Wii epilnivek: that sounds horrible parabolo: yes it does epilnivek: but I really do mean the nintendo
SpleeGuy: i'm bored SuperSu: ok let me do something SpleeGuy: ok SuperSu signed off
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walshy117: im afraid of the internet pr0n walshy117: its like walshy117: i was playing around the stove walshy117: and i got burned walshy117: now i dont fucking go in the kitchen anymore walshy117: not saying i was literally beating off in the kitchen of course
<MrKurtz> I intend to get tattooed and/or pierced again in costa rica <MrKurtz> in keeping with tradition <JBlitzen\AG> What better to do in the third world then experiment with needles
<SaxxonPike> shit <SaxxonPike> I turned in a paper today <SaxxonPike> and just now realized the title said "American Herpes" <SaxxonPike> instead of "American Heroes" <SaxxonPike> fuck
<AlexMax> holy hell <AlexMax> i just spent 3 hours working on what's essentially the equivalent of "if then" <bioXar|K0Li0> AlexMax, i kno i guy who had an exam. the question was "what is bravery?". <bioXar|K0Li0> he had 4 hours for that exam <bioXar|K0Li0> he sat 4 hours without writing anything <bioXar|K0Li0> and in the last minute he wrote <bioXar|K0Li0> "THIS IS BRAVERY" <bioXar|K0Li0> and got an A <bioXar|K0Li0> :)
<@Longcat> Could a blue screen of death constitute being defenestrated? <Edible> Thrown out of Windo- <Edible> ... * Edible goes to cry.
<knightmare> sixtho I challenge you to IRC DDR! <sixtho> ummm ok <knightmare> + ddrbot start 10 <DDRBot> Game Started! <DDRBot> < <knightmare> < <sixtho> < <DDRBot> ^^ <knightmare> ^^ <sixtho> ^^ <DDRBot> vvv <knightmare> vvv <sixtho> wtf <DDRBot> knightmare wins! <knightmare> ? <sixtho> where the shit is the down arrow <knightmare> ...
<melol2> wapityyy, so you are giving up computers, for a girl you hardly know, even when you dont know she has a problem with it? <wapityyy> yeah <wapityyy> thats totally me <wapityyy> follow your instinct <melol2> hmm. Sounds good :) <r3v> if i followed my instinct <r3v> there would be streets littered with dead babies <r3v> and the word virgin would not exist <wapityyy> what the FUCK
<+knife> i produce enough semen in one day to feed half of africa <+msBob> no wonder they all have aids
<mithro> anyone know how to get find to remove all files which are older then 7 days? <cherez> crap <cherez> I tried to google to help that <cherez> thinking to search a man page <cherez> "find older man" <cherez> it was bad :( <cherez> real bad...
<Chrysalid^Revenge> LOL! Worst mom evar! <Sectoid^Authopsy> Coming from you, I'm tempted to ask if you got laid again... ^_^ <Chrysalid^Revenge> I'll smack your ass later for that, but anyways <Chrysalid^Revenge> I was hanging out with a friend today, and he had BB-gun with a cracked barrel. <Chrysalid^Revenge> So he decides to fix it with epoxy, getting it functional before the seaguls arrive <Chrysalid^Revenge> And in a futile attempt to get the glue to harden faster, he puts the damn gun in his mouth and starts blowing down the barrel. <Sectoid^Authopsy> I'm starting to sense where this is going... <Chrysalid^Revenge> Now his mother walks in with some laundry, takes a look at her son with a damn good replica of a 9mm Beretta stuck in his mouth <Chrysalid^Revenge> And her only words were "Try not to make a mess, and don't get anything stuck in your throat." <Chrysalid^Revenge> What a lovely relationship those two must have...
<THC|Rawk> I've literally got a -blind- date tonight. <THC|Stone> ORLY? o_O <THC|Rawk> It suits me fine for two reasons. First of all, I'll get to see if this "wonderful personality" crap I keep getting from girls actually is true. <THC|Rawk> And if not, she'll never see what I slip into her drink.
<G-Nat> i love the graffiti in the physics toilets at uni <G-Nat> a physics student wrote "Arts Degree Dispenser" on the toilet paper dispenser
<lanken> suppose I have a file tree, and I want to move all the leaves to the root of the tree <infernal_jesus> lanken: shake tree -h