hQDB :: hacker Quote Database

Network Stats: 21142 Approved Quotes | 1 in Moderation Queue
#23879 [ + | - ] 457
<X2> [AlekaiTalon] Uh-oh, watch out ladies, Alekai Talon is in
the house
<Tyr> yea ladies, watch out
<Tyr> he might steal ur men :p
#23852 [ + | - ] 168
(XBL-im): i have adelphia/time warner wires running side by
side
(XBL-im): into my room
(XBL-im): appartently my adelphia one is creating a magnetic
field that send the transmition into the air
(XBL-im): high enough that planes can pick it up
(XBL-im): *i live near a huge international airport*
(XBL-im): anyways, the FCC was looking for the problem
(XBL-im): and they found me
(XBL-im): they gave me this 30 min bullshit lecture on how it
works
(XBL-im): and then they offered me an alternative to cable
(XBL-im): lol
#23843 [ + | - ] 306
<Weng> If one were to download every piece of porn on the
internet, paysites and all, and remove the duplicates, how
many 120 gig hard drives would he have to span?
<Cray0la> hmm
<NaiWiste> a lot
<Weng> including gay, kiddie, fetish and assorted other
disgusting variations
<NaiWiste> i'de say. at least 200gb for kiddie pr0n
<Weng> only 200?
<Snickerdo> Wang: Maxtor and WD would get into a bidding war
over you, that's how much.
<Weng> Cool. Time to put this 56k pipe to work
#23833 [ + | - ] 263
<MrSaturn> oh yeah, and I've run a shopping cart into John
Romero
<MrSaturn> on accident, of course ... but when I saw who it
was, I almost did it again
<MrSaturn> my first thought was "damn slow hippie woman"
<MrSaturn> then he turns around.
<Trikky_Dikk> After he turned around, I still would have
thought, "Damn slow hippie woman."
#23822 [ + | - ] 417
<GimpChimp> I'm going to rape it. And tell the court it lead
me on with its suggestive icon-wiggling.
<GimpChimp> Just as soon as I work out the technical details
of raping an Internet window.
#23760 [ + | - ] 30
<afro> yeh he flies in from sweden every weekend
<SectorX4> Deos he bring you anything illegal?
<toe> aids
#23678 [ + | - ] 531
<c-rOCK> when I was 15 I was fat and a loner.
<KuRoKoSoN> are you 16 yet?
#23617 [ + | - ] 23
Benjyman: man everyone knows there's a black superman though,
whatsisface....steel
Benjyman: by day hes mild mannered shaquille oneal
#23609 [ + | - ] 166
(Marxs2): How much do you really know me darn? Did you know i
was a overweight 65 year old man that spends all his extra
money from his 6.25 an hour job on porn and star wars figures?
did you know that?
#23601 [ + | - ] 17385
<mage> what should I give sister for unzipping?
<Kevyn> Um. Ten bucks?
<mage> no I mean like, WinZip?
#23596 [ + | - ] 87
<OutBreak^Monkey> just use my excuse, men built dishwashers so
they didnt have to do the dishes.
<OutBreak^Monkey> women should learn from mens wisdom
<OutBreak^Monkey> buy the man a fucking dishwasher or do em
yourself
<JT> heh
<^yob> hehe
<`2L_CodeMonkey> no, men built dishwasers cause the divorce
rate increased and there wasn't wives to do the dishes for
everyone
#23590 [ + | - ] 895
<Mal> there were so many people using POP3 at DefCon... it was
obscene
<Mal> who the hell sends out a text password over a network
surrounded by FIVE THOUSAND hackers!?
#23589 [ + | - ] 117
*** [zc]cha0s sets mode: +o FA|Q3-Rain
<FA|Q3-Rain> woah
<FA|Q3-Rain> i am sexier than I thought
* FA|Q3-Rain dances
<[zc]cha0s> no I felt sorry for you
#23576 [ + | - ] 374
<@Toilet> you suck
<Bundy> you swallow
<@Toilet> hell, you gargle
#23563 [ + | - ] 614
<@freshmint> How do you get a goth out of a tree?
<@freshmint> Cut the rope.
#23543 [ + | - ] 68
r ever end in e: i am 1.8MB away from downloading all IE
components
e l i t e m r p: where you getting em from?
e l i t e m r p: i wanna download em in 5 mins just to laugh
e l i t e m r p: then maybe ill delete it and redownload it
again, and laugh some more
#23542 [ + | - ] 112
<v33n> ok skep is gone mad, he is stabbing him self now
*** v33n sets mode: +b *!*@d226-65-122.home.cgocable.net
*** v33n was kicked by v33n (i'll unban you when you sleep)
#23536 [ + | - ] 173
<Warped> anyone know a _good_weap for a monk? the kama doesn't
seem that good...
<Spiffeh> fists
<Spiffeh> gah now monks remind me of lesbians
#23523 [ + | - ] 210
<Rjx> someone just posted an ASCII version of goatse in
another channel
<c-rOCK> well c/p it
<c-rOCK> lets see it
#23508 [ + | - ] 752
<Hiryuu> Hurro
<Hiryuu> Very quiet in here....
<ori[Disko_inferno]> yep
<ori[Disko_inferno]> something happend, we suspect social
lifes
<Hiryuu> *gasp!*
<ori[Disko_inferno]> yes, deadly, near terminal, cases of
human interaction
<Hiryuu> OH MY GOD
<ori[Disko_inferno]> we should stop this before we look like
morons, or somebody decides to quote us.. or both
#23472 [ + | - ] 45
<D1> theres no reason for me to smell good anymore.
<D1> so I tend to stick with the rancid odor since I don't
have to impress anyone.
#23470 [ + | - ] 69
<D1> we used to have "Secret Massages" in english class
<kisama> where you'd rub the guy's dick
<kisama> under the desks
<D1> extacly!
#23467 [ + | - ] 267
<@mazrimt> the guy seemed kinda decent
<@mazrimt> compared to the normal people who ask for warez ;)
<@mazrimt> irc has lowered my standards of 'decent' quite a
bit
#23463 [ + | - ] 222
<@dos622> apparntly back in the 70s they called cock tube
steak
<AppleRuly> ahh
<@dos622> but in the 50s tube steak was hot dog
<@dos622> as in the food
<AppleRuly> my grandma was rofl
<@dos622> what?
<AppleRuly> i told her the tube steak thing and she goes
"you're dirty"
<AppleRuly> i just said do you like tube steak
<AppleRuly> and she goes "you're dirty"
<@dos622> lol
#23459 [ + | - ] 74
<sg> um did you guys look at my collage :( :(
<Slappie> I couldn't
<Slappie> the filter here at the office said it was
"Tasteless"
<sg> it's huddie ledbetter
<sg> that's not tasteless.
<-- sg has quit (QUIT: )
<Slappie> I was being serious
<evad> haha
#23455 [ + | - ] 182
<KooLLaiD> I'm not FAT!!! I'm pleasently Plump :o)
<Piston> and i'm not white i'm just not really tan.
#23453 [ + | - ] 153
<cia> sometimes being a man is having to say you like michael
jackson songs.
#23452 [ + | - ] 603
<chao> he and his wife were going to open a ranch for disabled
children
<donna> can they graze there?
#23447 [ + | - ] 280
<phoenix-> rjx: im sure #mensa can survive without another
intellogant person
#23445 [ + | - ] 172
<DSCS_SoCalKicks> click the live365 link
<DSCS_SoCalKicks> ont he bottom it says also try and gives
links to more stations
<Niq> I'm not into "clicking links".  It's a gateway drug.
#23428 [ + | - ] 890
<Demonhunter> so.. i may be losing my cable modem soon.. who
knows
<Idle_Timmy> man, that sucks.
<Idle_Timmy> maybe you need a mike's hard lemonade.
<Demonhunter> i need a liter of jaggermeister
<Demonhunter> and alzadie
<Idle_Timmy> tell me a hooker couldn't help.
<Demonhunter> depends on the hooker
<Idle Timmy> a hooker with dsl in her hotel room
<Demonhunter> ohh...
<Demonhunter> now i could use that
<Demonhunter> i would be downloading so much porn with her dsl
connection...
<Idle_Timmy> "What kind of 'bandwidth' do you get, if you know
what i mean"
<Demonhunter> hehe
<Idle_Timmy> "Depends on your 'hardware', sugar" ;o
<Idle_Timmy> "So where can i 'plug it in'?"
<Idle_Timmy> "oooohh, you bring the 'modem', big boy, and i'll
give you an 'outlet'"
<Idle_Timmy> "oh yeah, baby, I got your modem RIGHT HERE"
<Idle_Timmy> *pulls a laptop out of his trenchcoat*
<Demonhunter> lmao...
<Idle_Timmy> "now let's see if my 'router' is compatible with
your 'hub' and we can get some 'peer to peer' action going"
#23427 [ + | - ] 790
(Amanda`) I think random orgasms would get old after a while
#23423 [ + | - ] 322
<jonathan> "By spending money on counterfeit software, which
is often
manufactured by organized criminals, customers also
are
inadvertently stifling the growth potential of the
economy and
contributing to the loss of tax revenue and
employment.
<dante> HAHA
<jonathan> did you get your copy of win2k from the mafia?
<jonathan> I know I did!
#23421 [ + | - ] 113
<LuminousPath> somebody after with the main envi'-boy it has
the recovery;)
<LuminousPath> I have succeeded in confusing them all.
<LuminousPath> Now, in the confusion, I shall cause an
overload in the main mIRC hub.
<LuminousPath> This will cause horendous bottlenecks,
netsplits and profile colapses
<LuminousPath> In the confusion, I shall route all
transmissions through Area 51.
<LuminousPath> This will overload their main servers, causing
them to have a netsplit
<LuminousPath> I shall repeat this process thosands of times
over...
<YusukeUrameshi> LuminousPath: you do not know much of IRC do
you?
#23418 [ + | - ] 250
<Valsholk Angelus> There are some things that a woman
shouldn't say to me.
<DaRiachu> Like what?
<Valsholk Angelus> "Hold on, I have to mount my outdoor
thermometer."
<DaRiachu> ::snicker::
<Valsholk Angelus> All I could think to say was, "Mercury
Rising." (g)
#23411 [ + | - ] 58
< MaNcO > Sometimes late at night.....
< MaNcO > I lay awake and watch munk sleeping
< MaNcO > hes lost in peaceful dreams
< MaNcO > so i turn off the light
< MaNcO > lay there in the dark
< MaNcO > then a thought crosses my mind
< MaNcO > if I never wake
< MaNcO > in the morning
< MaNcO > would he ever doubt
< MaNcO > the way I feel about him in my heart
< MaNcO > if tomorrow never cums
< MaNcO > will he know how much i looooooove him
< MaNcO > and i try in every way
< MaNcO > to show him every day
< MaNcO > he's my only one
< MaNcO > and if my time on earth was through
< MaNcO > he must face this world without me
< munk-@> wtf
< MaNcO > would the love i gave him in the past
< MaNcO > be enuogh to last
< MaNcO > if tomorrow never comes
< MaNcO > cos ive lost loved mons in my life
< munk-@> get a grip of yourself u filthy faggot
< munk-@> oh wait u already do "have a grip of yourself"
#23409 [ + | - ] 157
* RuneCaster gives UFG the primary Scottish attack "Plaid Kilt
Waving In The Breeze Flash"
#23405 [ + | - ] 392
(+profiled) you don't always have to fuck her hard, in fact
some times, it's not right to do!
(@krampan) i always take it easy, soft, am a gentle guy, but
in end before u cum in her, u hav to b lil hard...u c
profiled?
(+profiled) krampan; dude i'm singing a song
#23401 [ + | - ] 211
<TTT> you know you're in trouble when your server load is
higher than your stock price
#23397 [ + | - ] 804
<MuNkEy`> MuNkEy looks better than Munkey
<Munkey> looks worse
<MuNkEy`> no way
<MuNkEy`> urs looks like a babys been at it
<MuNkEy`> with the lowercase
<Munkey> indeed. random guess. FPS player?
<MuNkEy`> counter-strike.
#23396 [ + | - ] 36903
<Donut[AFK]> HEY EURAKARTE
<Donut[AFK]> INSULT
<Eurakarte> RETORT
<Donut[AFK]> COUNTER-RETORT
<Eurakarte> QUESTIONING OF SEXUAL PREFERENCE
<Donut[AFK]> SUGGESTION TO SHUT THE FUCK UP
<Eurakarte> NOTATION THAT YOU CREATE A VACUUM
<Donut[AFK]> RIPOSTE
<Donut[AFK]> ADDON RIPOSTE
<Eurakarte> COUNTER-RIPOSTE
<Donut[AFK]> COUNTER-COUNTER RIPOSTE
<Eurakarte> NONSENSICAL STATEMENT INVOLVING PLANKTON
<Miles_Prower> RESPONSE TO RANDOM STATEMENT AND THREAT TO BAN
OPPOSING SIDES
<Eurakarte> WORDS OF PRAISE FOR FISHFOOD
<Miles_Prower> ACKNOWLEDGEMENT AND ACCEPTENCE OF TERMS
#23394 [ + | - ] 172
<Silhouette> Thats sad, i screwed up while writing a note to
myself and looked all over for the undo button
#23393 [ + | - ] 29
(@{basara}): chu beyond the blackest chu,
(@{basara}): Deeper then the deepest pika,
(@{basara}): King of pikachu who shines like gold on the sea
of electric
(@{basara}): I call upon thee, swear myself to thee,
(@{basara}): Let the fools who stand before me be destroyed by
the power you and I possess...
(@{basara}): PIKASLAVE!!!
#23392 [ + | - ] 258
<Wiebo> first you die, and then you're dead
<GFK1> when i die, that's it.  I'm buggered if i'm gonna start
flying about and messin with clouds and playin harps all day.
sod that.
<GFK1> besides
<GFK1> i'd look a right twat in all that angel gear and wings
and stuff
#23390 [ + | - ] 289
<klerck> I think they should build an airport at the WTC site
so the planes can't miss the runway next time
#23389 [ + | - ] 708
<Donut[AFK]> Karte, I'd have a large depression filled with
salt.
<Donut[AFK]> And have people I don't like dumped in it via
helicopter.
<Eurakarte> Well, why couldn't one just walk to the edge?
<Eurakarte> I mean, the salt would pack down.
<Eurakarte> You wouldn't sink into it, it'd be like sand.
<Donut[AFK]> I'd have turbines at the bottom.
<Donut[AFK]> Their job would be to mix the bottom about,
creating unpackedness.
<Eurakarte> Might work, although it would depend on the depth.
<Donut[AFK]> A hundred feet.
<Eurakarte> The cost for digging out this 100-foot depression
alone would be enormous.
<Eurakarte> And placing turbines at the bottom?
<Eurakarte> And the piping system?
<Alert[BUSY]> 100-foot depression? $2.4 million dollars
<Alert[BUSY]> turbine and pipe system? $750,000 dollars
<Alert[BUSY]> approx. 250 tons of salt? $50,000 dollars
<RoSS> Putting someone in an ocean of salt just to watch them
choke and die? Priceless
#23383 [ + | - ] 268
DoYouKnow: Anyone know how to describe the sequence 0.1666,
0.06666, 0.016666, 0.006666, etc, it would be greatly
appreciated
Polytope: "useless"
#23382 [ + | - ] 368
<jonathans> can you kick his ass
<Rjx> I know karate, he knows kickboxing
<Rjx> but if I punched him he'd break my network card
<jonathans> nevermind then
#23381 [ + | - ] 564
XeonGT: my uncle took me out to lunch...at Anita's....my ass
still hurts
HannibalZero: does he always expect that in return?
#23379 [ + | - ] 153
<Ilya> derrickh, do you know these women that stick oranges
into their rectums? they should NOT be allowed to do THAT with
their own body!
<derrickh> A bunch of men sitting in washington have no right
to tell a woman what she can or cant do with her body.