hQDB :: hacker Quote Database

Network Stats: 21112 Approved Quotes | 0 in Moderation Queue
#709974 [ + | - ] 1482
kooooorlin: dude I fucking backed up into this car today!
lhendz: what the hell. how'd you do that?
kooooorlin: There was this fucking seagull in the parking lot
at best buy like eating someones tire and I was watching it
while backing up.
lhendz:.....
lhendz: what'd you do?
kooooorlin: waited for the person to come back, and when they
did, they looked at their car, then at mine, and said "SOMEONE
HIT OUR CARS!"
#709343 [ + | - ] 2020
tarheelborn15: Eminem is the greatest rapper alive.
Luda848: Holy Shit....How many rappers have died today????
#709297 [ + | - ] 988
<sulfor> my "" key is broken
<fahrenheit> Ok.. that leaves acdfghjlpqrtuvwxz
#709241 [ + | - ] 561
Nash: waited on hold to tech support for 27 minutes... it
literaly reconnected as someone finaly picked up
Keith: gotta love that
*** Nash has signed off IRC (Ping timeout).
* Graham can hear the swearing from here!
#709214 [ + | - ] 1226
<@Hydro> so I'm trying to install this software, right?
<@Hydro> And my PC won't install it...
<@Hydro> I'm telling you, it's either my pc broke, or me being
stupid.
<@Hydro> Has to be one of the three.
#709158 [ + | - ] 209
<Mrod> i earned 1 point of gay for reading a guy's blog btw
<BL> omg you have the high score!
<BL> please enter your initials
#709087 [ + | - ] 3833
<@ZoFreX> goddammit
<@ZoFreX> I forgot the definition of irony
<@ZoFreX> so I went to look it up on Wikipedia
<@ZoFreX> but Wikipedia is down
<@ZoFreX> AND I DON'T KNOW WHETHER THAT'S IRONIC OR NOT
#708787 [ + | - ] 1103
<sm-> how would i check a mysql database to see if a table
exists?
<Alpha232> put down a table cloth, if it doesn't turn into a
rug, then it exists
#708719 [ + | - ] 662
James: I have a problem.  My iTunes can't find any of the
files...
Paul: Double click on the songs and click find
Paul: then find where they are
James: one problem
James: i don't know where they are
Paul: well, it looks like you and iTunes have something in
common
#708656 [ + | - ] 958
<VFR8> My band teacher let me try to learn tuba yesterday in
the music room when there was nobody else there
<VFR8> I tried blowing too hard and I passed out X|
<VFR8> He came in at the end of the period and found me
unconscious on the floor with the tuba lying next to me
<VFR8> I wish I could have seen the look on his face...
#708570 [ + | - ] 554
GameFreak7744: I could be Einstein.
GameFreak7744: E=MC... shit where is the squared key...
#708481 [ + | - ] 107
element: i feel lucky because i won every advertisement game
today...i have so many free ringtones its not even funny
#708460 [ + | - ] 960
<Admiral_Bayls-UltraLite> The Olsen twins are like dual core
CPUs. They can share my load anytime.
#708359 [ + | - ] 840
NovaScotia > yes.. us Canadians.. always quiet.. clean.. keep
to ourselves.. never bother anyone... sounds like how they
always describe serial killers eh?
#708017 [ + | - ] 505
<bmg505> ja running internet services on windows iis is like
playing russian roulette with a glock
#707944 [ + | - ] 542
SPUNNEER:  whats goth
fist meets colon:  Goth is emo on 5,000 calories a day.
#707911 [ + | - ] 1340
<jaban> IRC channels are like houses...
<jaban> You can kick your friends out of your house for any
reason you want, even if you're being stupid and unreasonable.
You can even kick them out for no reason at all. It's YOUR
house.
<jaban> Now imagine if 3-year-olds owned all the houses.
<jaban> That's IRC.
#707848 [ + | - ] 793
<ssdd534> arg... whats the best way to deal with a .rar on
solaris?
<Atomix> rm
#707847 [ + | - ] 759
<nefzen539> What's wrong with maroon 5?
<pr0nstar> They're a boyband, girls like boy bands
<nefzen539> based on the evidence... i must be gay
<pr0nstar> it does seem likely...
<nefzen539>It must be that every male i've come into contact
with is horrendously ugly cos i haven't been attracted to any
<pr0nstar> as unlikely as that sounds it is more likely than a
straight male liking maroon 5
#707810 [ + | - ] 416
<richard> To be fair to windows, there is one thing you can do
on it that you can't do on Unix
<teifion> Can you do it on my Mac?
<richard> No, it is unique to Windows
<teifion> What is it?
<richard> You can defrag stuff
#707762 [ + | - ] 135
griffjon: yay, I only had ~8k hits from .mil this year!
ameyer: why does milwaukee get its own tld?
jali: to keep them away from us
#707742 [ + | - ] 1723
<nerd> my wife installed IE7
<nerd> because she felt like it
<ct> where did you bury the body?
#707689 [ + | - ] 348
<Albides> I was insane before I used the internet... I was
confused after I used it. Then horrified as I found out about
things like dolphin sex and furries.
#707553 [ + | - ] 1257
<RobotJunk>  How do I use dBase III database with more that
255 fields in a table?
<teHr0k>  Change out of your parachute pants and get in your
1986 Dodge K Car and
drive to the Airport, while listening to Duran Duran on the
radio.  Lastly,
catch a Flight on Braniff Airlines to the 21st Century.
#707531 [ + | - ] 391
<Thunder> I seriously gotta upgrade my computer, I'm scared
that my comp will blow up if I click the wrong tile in
minesweeper D:
#707279 [ + | - ] 739
ArmAndLeg03: I need to think of a better gay-bar name
ArmAndLeg03: I mean, "Dick's" works for now, but still
Mazuki Projidy: haha
Mazuki Projidy: well you could use...
Mazuki Projidy: Manhole
Mazuki Projidy: it's an actual gay bar (remember from The Most
Disturbing Conversation Ever?)
ArmAndLeg03: I remember
ArmAndLeg03: But I like Dick's better than Manhole,
unfortunately
ArmAndLeg03: Though Manhole was a gay dance club
Mazuki Projidy: oh whatever
ArmAndLeg03: I could use that for the gay dance club in my
story lol
Mazuki Projidy: Dick's isn't a good name for a gay bar
Mazuki Projidy: I know what to call it
Mazuki Projidy: "The Mouthful"
ArmAndLeg03: ...Evan
ArmAndLeg03: I hate to say this
ArmAndLeg03: But you are a fucking genius
#707258 [ + | - ] 1121
<Static> uhh... wow, my mom walked up and saw that I had three
windows open in firefox: Incest Wikipedia Entry, Republican
Party (United States) Wikipedia Entry, and a Guide on Becoming
an Evil Overlord
<Static> she just looked at me and walked away
#707257 [ + | - ] 879
<__20h_P9_> DOS is the OS of the future.
<__20h_P9_> It doesn't suck. :P
<spaceinvader> __20h_P9_: but it dosent have a decent
windowing system
<spaceinvader> and no dos dosent suck, it blows
<spaceinvader> Is there anything that dosent suck or blow?
<__20h_P9_> Feminists
#707236 [ + | - ] -1014
Lamesauce: Good god
Lamesauce: There's a Pimple Congressional Meeting going on on
my face.
Lamesauce: I think they just passed a bill...
#707214 [ + | - ] 90
<@pygmy-> I say we just have ICANN create a new TLD, .bot, for
all Windows machines...
#706366 [ + | - ] 1374
<Vision> you never know the true meaning of pacman til you are
underaged driving around after curfew with an expired license
plate and a broken tailight
#706323 [ + | - ] 1251
<TMH_> does anyone else find that they are in a fuckton of
channels
<TMH_> and they only actually care about two or three
<jmx> define a fuckton?
<Thuryn> ten times a buttload
<LPF> that's a metric fuckton
#706299 [ + | - ] 2799
annonymous: there is this post on the IMDB board asking if saw
III has any nudity because they want to know if they can take
their kids to it
#706281 [ + | - ] 2443
TriPod11: bush ain't THAT bad...he kinda knows what he's doin
idaredbeet08: Please, Monica Lewenski had more President in
her than George Bush ever will.
#706258 [ + | - ] 777
<Gostie_hungover> the worst thing about having been drunk on
irc is that you don't get any blissful ignorance about the
things you said the night before
<Gostie_hungover> you just scroll up and there it is
#706150 [ + | - ] 606
<Sheepeep> Welcome to our XHTML <bar />! Sorry, we're closed.
#706089 [ + | - ] 850
<splosh123> Just a question if anyone knows... How many wind
power mill things do you need to power... say... Brisbane
<dazzawul> thousands
<dazzawul> and they will be noisy
<dazzawul> and push australia to the west
#705948 [ + | - ] 16
< niblr> the Geneva Convention really should prohibit the
forced rewriting of Ruby code into PHP
< niblr> it's an inhumane torture... and I'm being subjected
to it, one little piece of code at a time
#705784 [ + | - ] 807
<ZombieKing> best way to get rid of a client with dial-up,
told them to install service pack 2 and call back
#705713 [ + | - ] 511
<dorkling> I think after four years I've finally managed to
make my schools watch list
<dorkling> during the club fair today I found an empty booth
and set up an 'I Hate You Club'
<dorkling> Stole some others clubs sign up sheet that was
blank and someone elses diorama board and stuck some stuff
about hate being theraputic
<dorkling> I actually had about 9 people signed up when a
teacher came over and told me that she needed to confiscate
everything I had
<dorkling> then she noticed the notes I was taking for an
essay (on abortion)
<dorkling> one of them just happened to be a printed wiki
article titled in bold letters 'Back alley abortions'
<dorkling> and she starts to take it from me
<sekoku> dorkling: Did you tell her that abortion was for
another teacher?
<dorkling> I did when she started to take it
#705689 [ + | - ] 644
<Ainslee> does anyone here use a computer that much that they
find it physically painful to write after a while?
<MellerTime> Ainslee: you mean, on like... paper?
#705670 [ + | - ] 288
<ComputerNap> if you burn something at a lower speed, it
doesn't read slower, does it?
#705562 [ + | - ] 1155
depletedsoul: Dam, my in car CD player has broke!, ive been
forced to use the dreaded tape deck, gosh it sounds rubbish.
Anyone wanna buy me a new cd changer?, cheers.
Boonjam: tapes are shit
ninav: i don't really like tapes but i gotta use them for
french and german ¬_¬
ratnerstar: Make sure you keep them separated or pretty soon
all your tapes will be German.
#705365 [ + | - ] 2336
<Ben> I love the internet.
<@Reb> ...
<Ben> You can ask your girl friends about their problems
<Ben> Play xbox for 20 minutes
<Ben> Come back, say "Yeah you're right..."
<Ben> Then go play some more xbox.
<@Reb> ...You son of a bitch that was me!
<Ben> REBECCA?
*** Reb sets mode: +b Ben*!*@*.*
*** Ben has been kicked by Reb (Asshole)
#705361 [ + | - ] 3086
<Delanushorse> Dude, I was eating a chocolate bar in my
kitchen the other day,
when my mom walks in
<Delanushorse> I was like "it's like an orgasm in my mouth"
and my mom says "oh, believe
me, you DON'T want to know what that tastes like".
<Delanushorse> I guess she realized what she said, because she
walked out really quickly.
<Delanushorse> :(
#705161 [ + | - ] 525
NBnate14: GOD DAMNIT MY ROOM MATE IS MOONING ME
NBnate14: AND HE WONT STOP
MikeGinn440: kick his ass literally
NBnate14: damnit it's like live goatse
#704840 [ + | - ] 766
dan: i need a serious, business-type description of a blog
null: Unprofitable.
#704747 [ + | - ] 2482
<jtripp> I own a few sites and one of them sells baby
products. A couple of weeks ago a customer ordered a gift for
her sister and asked that it be shipped directly to her
sister's house.
<jtripp> Well it turns out that she gave me the wrong address.
When I called her to get the correct one she said her sister
would call me. Unfortunately UPS returned the package before
the sister called.
<jtripp> So, I reshipped the package out to the correct
address but there were UPS fees for returning and resending
the package. When I phoned to tell the customer here is what
she said to me...
<jtripp> "I'll never shop online again, this is too much of a
hassle. I had NO IDEA the right address would be so
important."
<jtripp> What!?!?!?
#704472 [ + | - ] 1246
<nyk> i need a floppy disc, anyone know where I can get one
this late?
<Vulcan> walmart maybe, its open 24 hours.
<Jordan_M> i know some mexicans that are hardcore tech guys
that could get you a floppy disc
<nyk> so you both say walmart?
#704110 [ + | - ] 1255
BluECliQ: believing that Mcafee is going to protect you from
hackers and viruses is exactly like believing that republicans
can actually protect you from terrorists