hQDB :: hacker Quote Database

Network Stats: 21112 Approved Quotes | 0 in Moderation Queue
#704045 [ + | - ] 858
I Concordia I: would you kiss a dude for your life?
paintballa265: I for one choose death
I Concordia I: you wouldn't kiss a guy over dying?
paintballa265: Like what are we talking here
paintballa265: How you kiss your mom
paintballa265: or how i do?
#704006 [ + | - ] 450
[glr] anyone who have this one:ǧÓðúQ¤ò¿Ú¤ËÒ§¤¨¤¿ÈÕ¡© by
kazuki tomokawa?
[Red Faux] >_>
[Red Faux] ǧÓðúQ¤ò¿Ú¤ËÒ§¤¨¤¿ÈÕ¡©
[Red Faux] I love that song.
#703787 [ + | - ] 667
<RedSkyinWinter> I used to want to date you, back when I was a
failure.
<RedSkyinWinter> ...
<RedSkyinWinter> ...not implying that the two coincide in any
way.
#703713 [ + | - ] 808
<Ninja_P> Okay, I just watched a guy puke in a glass, then
drink it again
<DragonAtma> Congratulations, you now know how congress
operates.
#703708 [ + | - ] 1633
<zealo> I need sleep....
<zealo> I went to take a crap and took off my shirt instead of
my pants
<zealo> I actually sat down before i realised what was wrong
#703614 [ + | - ] -635
<Zio> man, I keep expecting my room to fill up with jews
<Jace> eh?
<Zio> it's an oven in here!
#703545 [ + | - ] 1004
<tom93> you know you watch too much porn when you start to
recognise the MALE pornstars.
#703541 [ + | - ] 444
<dan> I really like this girl
<hannelore> Sneak into her room late at night
<hannelore> And play a hypnosis tape
<dan> hypnosis would be the shit
<dan> I could start dating girls instantly
<dan> and if I wanted to break up with her, I could just snap
my fingers
#703209 [ + | - ] 214
<Comrade> Dude, so the other day after school, this crazy
evangelical lady randomly came up to me.
<Comrade> So she was tryin to get me to convert to
Christianity and I just ignored her. But I only caught the
last few words which were, "Jesus is in all of us!!"
<Comrade> So in an attempt to get her to go away, I said,
"Lady, if Jesus was in me I would file charges for rape."
#703157 [ + | - ] 53
<BeaVer> why does my wife have to work nights
<BeaVer> :/
<broken> because the milkman's wife works days
<BeaVer> true
<BeaVer> but all the strippers work at night as well
<broken> hence the balance in the universe
#703138 [ + | - ] 3384
<sd> I was once trying to explain to an exec why his account
would never be absolutely secure.
<sd> Me: "If somebody wants your account information badly
enough, he's going to get it. He doesn't have to hack the
system, he can just get it from you."
<sd> Exec: "That's crazy, I'd never give anyone my password."
<sd> Me: "Imagine you come home and find someone's broken in.
He's got a gun to your daughter's head, and he tells you he's
going to shoot in ten seconds if you don't give him your
password. What would you do?"
<sd> Exec: [long pause] ... Which daughter?
<sd> To this day I still don't know if he was joking. But I no
longer use that example.
#703011 [ + | - ] 454
<Twisten> Generalised question.
<Blue> Answer.
<Twisten> Was I talking to you!?
<Blue> Ah, comedy gold.
#702947 [ + | - ] -306
Doug: Dude... the funniest thing just happened. I was looking
for this smart guy that I know on AIM and his name is
Russell... And I almost accidentaly IMed you instead.
Russ: how do you block someone?
Doug: You're probably using a Mac... I have no clue
#702658 [ + | - ] 1284
Yogo: i hate stupid people!!!!!
Yogo: stood in the queue at a self service checkout
Yogo: guy infront scans a bottle of milk and looks at the
screen, a message pops up and an automated voice say "please
place item in bagging area"
Yogo: he looks at the screen, then tries to scan the item
again
Yogo: and again, "please place item in bagging area"
Yogo: so his wife looks all confused, grabs the milk and....
Yogo: tries to fucking scan it again!!
Yogo: i was almost in tears
Yogo: i think these machines should be build so if it has to
tell you what to do 3 times a small arm should pop out and
remove that persons reproductive organs!
#702617 [ + | - ] 1126
<Jim Kuhn> I just think it is silly that if I live in certain
states in a 'free country' that I am not allowed to even read
a poker forum.
<DrSavage> What gave you an impression that you live in a free
country?
<bigalt> fox news
#702568 [ + | - ] 1613
<Mithandir> it's interesting how much you can tell about the
designers of a product by looking at the end result
<Mithandir> for instance I can clearly tell that whomever
thought it was a good idea to have "exit program" and "suspend
computer" buttons on a keyboard didn't have cats
#702332 [ + | - ] 741
<APC> I steal from the automated checkout all the fucking time
now
<APC> Well, I still pay
<APC> I just lie about what I bought
<APC> for instance
<APC> 2 pounds of bananas costs less than say, 2 pounds of
hustler and playboy
#702289 [ + | - ] 2490
<Shadow> what the fuck
<Shadow> my moniter just went black
<Shadow> then came back on
<&Aphrodite> You're lucky
<&Aphrodite> I heard normally they never go back
#702287 [ + | - ] 1451
<jamariquay> I never understood the need for people to kill
for their religion. Then I remembered, "Wait. If Optimus Prime
tells me to gack someone, that fucker's going down."
#702057 [ + | - ] 370
<Panzurfaust> I love stupid ass people.
<Cade> You're so damn conceited.
#702016 [ + | - ] -231
<[AOD]Jrgsubzero> Lag isn't something you should have to get
used to.
<[AOD]Jrgsubzero> Its like getting used to hilter killing
jews.
#701644 [ + | - ] 1557
<coolbreze> heres a better qustion; what is the qucikest way
to set up and FTP Server?
<SpeedEvil> coolbreze: post your root password in a warez
group.
#701542 [ + | - ] 1816
<Jarik_Tentsu> Gah, I just snorted while laughing.
<Jarik_Tentsu> And I have a cold.
<Jarik_Tentsu> Urgh, this is disgusting.
<Jarik_Tentsu> Luckily, it missed my girlfriend - they're hard
to clean.
<Jarik_Tentsu> err...
<Jarik_Tentsu> *girlfriend = keyboard.
<Jarik_Tentsu> O_O
#701504 [ + | - ] 685
andrewy: linux exploits are like IF THE MOON IS IN FRONT OF
VENUS AND YOU ARE LEFT HANDED AND SOMEONE ALREADY HAS LOCAL
ACCESS AND YOU HAVE YAEWS (YET ANOTHER EMACS WEB SERVER)
INSTALLED IT MIGHT BE POSSIBLE UNDER CERTAIN CONDITIONS TO
BECOME ROOT
#701503 [ + | - ] 333
<@w0k> i love myself, i'm so full of myself i could puke up a
Clone
#701390 [ + | - ] 211
<Snurks> holy god they're making a The Little Mermaid III
<MessedRawker> featuring a dead horse as a new co-star right?
#701336 [ + | - ] 652
FLEAM0: I had to watch Memoirs of a Geisha with my friend's
Japanese exchange student...I kept wondering what I would
think if I went to Japan and they showed me a movie called
Memories Of A Hooker
#701197 [ + | - ] 722
<Panda-> i love irc so much more than my family
<Panda-> mainly because my grandmother doesnt recognize me
<Panda-> BUT AUTHSERV DOES!
#701105 [ + | - ] 1170
<tC-CS|royce> man
<tC-CS|royce> the guy at mcdonalds didnt react at all when i
ordered fillet o fish, no fish, no cheese, extra tartar sauce
<tC-CS|royce> and i gotta tell you
<tC-CS|royce> this thing is disgusting.
#701077 [ + | - ] 442
<bill-s> why is evryone on the internets suddenly preoccupied
if I wipe front-to-back or back-to-front?
<BoltBait> Sounds to me like SOMEONE wipes the wrong
direction. :D
<bill-s> STFU!
#701063 [ + | - ] 526
<fugi> a friend of mine just got a dog from a vietnamese
family today, I suggested he name it Chewy.
<b0rked> why?
<fugi> why else would vietnamese get rid of a dog?
#700994 [ + | - ] 538
<Marco> stfu, i'm doing an IQ test on the net
<Paranoua> if you want somethin positive do a HIV-test
#700871 [ + | - ] 292
<JoeyTribbz> A stats professor plans to travel to a conference
by plane. When he passes the security check, they discover a
bomb in his carry-on-baggage. Of course, he is hauled off
immediately for interrogation.
"I don't understand it!" the interrogating officer exclaims.
"You're an accomplished professional, a caring family man, a
pillar of your parish - and now you want to destroy that all
by blowing up an airplane!"
"Sorry", the professor interrupts him. "I had never intended
to blow up the plane."
"So, for what reason else did you try to bring a bomb on
board?!"
"Let me explain. Statistics shows that the probability of a
bomb being on an airplane is 1/1000. That's quite high if you
think about it - so high that I wouldn't have any peace of
mind on a flight."
"And what does this have to do with you bringing a bomb on
board of a plane?"
"You see, since the probability of one bomb being on my plane
is 1/1000, the chance that there are two bombs is 1/1000000.
If I already bring one, the chance of another bomb being
around is actually 1/1000000, and I am much safer..."
#700868 [ + | - ] 692
SkudSl4y3r: huh, that's odd...
reamererj: what is?
SkudSl4y3r: the median age of the US population went down
SkudSl4y3r: i wonder what this means
SirOmnipotent: the terrorists finally bombed Florida?
#700847 [ + | - ] 2907
andyg721: i think it was on CNN
andyg721: Condoleeza Rice went to Asia
andyg721: the headline was RICE IN ASIA
#700817 [ + | - ] 1402
<Hex77> I was in class today
<Hex77> and there was a black lady speaking about hospitality
business
<Hex77> and she was like "hospitality business is all about
selling people"
<Hex77> and I laughed
<Hex77> but nobody else did
#700635 [ + | - ] 40
<H_Zula> I read this article online
<H_Zula> and in one part it said "FBI agent posed as a 15 Year
Old Boy"
<H_Zula> So I was thinking how the hell does this guy look?
<H_Zula> Something like a short guy in his 40's with acne
still?
<H_Zula> Then I realized what the hell they meant...
#700627 [ + | - ] 1347
Alcedes53: I've got everything on my computer from Bach to Bad
Religion.
Tsukemono5: Clearly, you have a wide variety of music.
Tsukemono5: Seriously. What fits in that range? Backstreet
Boys?
#700613 [ + | - ] 345
[Synista]: You know what would have been cool
[Synista]: if in the superman movie, they had him break a
horse's back
#700591 [ + | - ] 595
Zizzy: The Bible was the first known recorded Wiki, proving
once and for all that Wikis are destined to be screwed up by a
bunch of teenagers.
#700491 [ + | - ] 425
Skuddward: i love wal-mart's footwear department
teddy: "Flip Flops, Buy 2 get 1 free!"
#700480 [ + | - ] 530
assmuncher: any idea who's in the running for president next
election?
sinistercanadian: ahhnold
sinistercanadian: he sneaks into the capitol building every
night and re arranges 7 letters on the constitution
sinistercanadian: by mid 2007 he will be eligible for
president
#700435 [ + | - ] 1519
<starmantaav> so i just realized yesterday
<starmantaav> i work at a mongolian bbq
<starmantaav> next door to a chinese restaurant
<starmantaav> shouldn't we have a bigass wall between us?
#700280 [ + | - ] 49
<dauphin> wrath, what do you mean in a sense you're also
african?
<wrath> cause i was born here
<dauphin> are you black?
<wrath> no
<GWF> yeah, you arent african wrath
<GWF> if a dog is born in a stable it doesnt make it a horse
#700101 [ + | - ] 476
<LionClaw> i tried to OD on pain relievers once
<nanNette> :/
<LionClaw> i didnt have a headache for about 2 months
#700091 [ + | - ] 4231
<Swiich> dude, that girl i went on a date with last night was
really dumb
<Cindy> fuck you too
<Swiich> shit, wrong window
#700015 [ + | - ] 291
<nonplused> guys
<nonplused> what starts up apache on reboot
<quadra> hmm it sounds like a native american thing
<quadra> so the answer must be Alcohol
#700007 [ + | - ] 1519
<Navatalin> What do we want? less premature ejaculation! When
do we want it? ...ahhh shit :(
#699957 [ + | - ] 882
<Klaatu> Man, I don't know why your g/f has sex with you so
much.  With your micro wang and all.
<Hl1> Psh, it's not the size of the hull.  It's the motion of
the ocean.
<Klaatu> Aye, but it's mighty hard to cross the Atlantic in a
dingy.
#699884 [ + | - ] 48
ScottDoom1944: I have had several customers inquiring about
the Wii, but none had inquired about the 360 previously and
none have inquired about the PS3.
h0ckeygod: That's because you work at Toys R Us.