hQDB :: hacker Quote Database

Network Stats: 21142 Approved Quotes | 1 in Moderation Queue
#707762 [ + | - ] 125
griffjon: yay, I only had ~8k hits from .mil this year!
ameyer: why does milwaukee get its own tld?
jali: to keep them away from us
#707742 [ + | - ] 1725
<nerd> my wife installed IE7
<nerd> because she felt like it
<ct> where did you bury the body?
#707689 [ + | - ] 356
<Albides> I was insane before I used the internet... I was
confused after I used it. Then horrified as I found out about
things like dolphin sex and furries.
#707553 [ + | - ] 1291
<RobotJunk>  How do I use dBase III database with more that
255 fields in a table?
<teHr0k>  Change out of your parachute pants and get in your
1986 Dodge K Car and
drive to the Airport, while listening to Duran Duran on the
radio.  Lastly,
catch a Flight on Braniff Airlines to the 21st Century.
#707531 [ + | - ] 387
<Thunder> I seriously gotta upgrade my computer, I'm scared
that my comp will blow up if I click the wrong tile in
minesweeper D:
#707279 [ + | - ] 747
ArmAndLeg03: I need to think of a better gay-bar name
ArmAndLeg03: I mean, "Dick's" works for now, but still
Mazuki Projidy: haha
Mazuki Projidy: well you could use...
Mazuki Projidy: Manhole
Mazuki Projidy: it's an actual gay bar (remember from The Most
Disturbing Conversation Ever?)
ArmAndLeg03: I remember
ArmAndLeg03: But I like Dick's better than Manhole,
unfortunately
ArmAndLeg03: Though Manhole was a gay dance club
Mazuki Projidy: oh whatever
ArmAndLeg03: I could use that for the gay dance club in my
story lol
Mazuki Projidy: Dick's isn't a good name for a gay bar
Mazuki Projidy: I know what to call it
Mazuki Projidy: "The Mouthful"
ArmAndLeg03: ...Evan
ArmAndLeg03: I hate to say this
ArmAndLeg03: But you are a fucking genius
#707258 [ + | - ] 1135
<Static> uhh... wow, my mom walked up and saw that I had three
windows open in firefox: Incest Wikipedia Entry, Republican
Party (United States) Wikipedia Entry, and a Guide on Becoming
an Evil Overlord
<Static> she just looked at me and walked away
#707257 [ + | - ] 879
<__20h_P9_> DOS is the OS of the future.
<__20h_P9_> It doesn't suck. :P
<spaceinvader> __20h_P9_: but it dosent have a decent
windowing system
<spaceinvader> and no dos dosent suck, it blows
<spaceinvader> Is there anything that dosent suck or blow?
<__20h_P9_> Feminists
#707236 [ + | - ] -1014
Lamesauce: Good god
Lamesauce: There's a Pimple Congressional Meeting going on on
my face.
Lamesauce: I think they just passed a bill...
#707214 [ + | - ] 104
<@pygmy-> I say we just have ICANN create a new TLD, .bot, for
all Windows machines...
#706366 [ + | - ] 1364
<Vision> you never know the true meaning of pacman til you are
underaged driving around after curfew with an expired license
plate and a broken tailight
#706323 [ + | - ] 1257
<TMH_> does anyone else find that they are in a fuckton of
channels
<TMH_> and they only actually care about two or three
<jmx> define a fuckton?
<Thuryn> ten times a buttload
<LPF> that's a metric fuckton
#706299 [ + | - ] 2781
annonymous: there is this post on the IMDB board asking if saw
III has any nudity because they want to know if they can take
their kids to it
#706281 [ + | - ] 2442
TriPod11: bush ain't THAT bad...he kinda knows what he's doin
idaredbeet08: Please, Monica Lewenski had more President in
her than George Bush ever will.
#706258 [ + | - ] 785
<Gostie_hungover> the worst thing about having been drunk on
irc is that you don't get any blissful ignorance about the
things you said the night before
<Gostie_hungover> you just scroll up and there it is
#706150 [ + | - ] 610
<Sheepeep> Welcome to our XHTML <bar />! Sorry, we're closed.
#706089 [ + | - ] 844
<splosh123> Just a question if anyone knows... How many wind
power mill things do you need to power... say... Brisbane
<dazzawul> thousands
<dazzawul> and they will be noisy
<dazzawul> and push australia to the west
#705948 [ + | - ] 36
< niblr> the Geneva Convention really should prohibit the
forced rewriting of Ruby code into PHP
< niblr> it's an inhumane torture... and I'm being subjected
to it, one little piece of code at a time
#705784 [ + | - ] 822
<ZombieKing> best way to get rid of a client with dial-up,
told them to install service pack 2 and call back
#705713 [ + | - ] 494
<dorkling> I think after four years I've finally managed to
make my schools watch list
<dorkling> during the club fair today I found an empty booth
and set up an 'I Hate You Club'
<dorkling> Stole some others clubs sign up sheet that was
blank and someone elses diorama board and stuck some stuff
about hate being theraputic
<dorkling> I actually had about 9 people signed up when a
teacher came over and told me that she needed to confiscate
everything I had
<dorkling> then she noticed the notes I was taking for an
essay (on abortion)
<dorkling> one of them just happened to be a printed wiki
article titled in bold letters 'Back alley abortions'
<dorkling> and she starts to take it from me
<sekoku> dorkling: Did you tell her that abortion was for
another teacher?
<dorkling> I did when she started to take it
#705689 [ + | - ] 647
<Ainslee> does anyone here use a computer that much that they
find it physically painful to write after a while?
<MellerTime> Ainslee: you mean, on like... paper?
#705670 [ + | - ] 304
<ComputerNap> if you burn something at a lower speed, it
doesn't read slower, does it?
#705562 [ + | - ] 1145
depletedsoul: Dam, my in car CD player has broke!, ive been
forced to use the dreaded tape deck, gosh it sounds rubbish.
Anyone wanna buy me a new cd changer?, cheers.
Boonjam: tapes are shit
ninav: i don't really like tapes but i gotta use them for
french and german ¬_¬
ratnerstar: Make sure you keep them separated or pretty soon
all your tapes will be German.
#705365 [ + | - ] 2379
<Ben> I love the internet.
<@Reb> ...
<Ben> You can ask your girl friends about their problems
<Ben> Play xbox for 20 minutes
<Ben> Come back, say "Yeah you're right..."
<Ben> Then go play some more xbox.
<@Reb> ...You son of a bitch that was me!
<Ben> REBECCA?
*** Reb sets mode: +b Ben*!*@*.*
*** Ben has been kicked by Reb (Asshole)
#705361 [ + | - ] 3056
<Delanushorse> Dude, I was eating a chocolate bar in my
kitchen the other day,
when my mom walks in
<Delanushorse> I was like "it's like an orgasm in my mouth"
and my mom says "oh, believe
me, you DON'T want to know what that tastes like".
<Delanushorse> I guess she realized what she said, because she
walked out really quickly.
<Delanushorse> :(
#705161 [ + | - ] 518
NBnate14: GOD DAMNIT MY ROOM MATE IS MOONING ME
NBnate14: AND HE WONT STOP
MikeGinn440: kick his ass literally
NBnate14: damnit it's like live goatse
#704840 [ + | - ] 759
dan: i need a serious, business-type description of a blog
null: Unprofitable.
#704747 [ + | - ] 2509
<jtripp> I own a few sites and one of them sells baby
products. A couple of weeks ago a customer ordered a gift for
her sister and asked that it be shipped directly to her
sister's house.
<jtripp> Well it turns out that she gave me the wrong address.
When I called her to get the correct one she said her sister
would call me. Unfortunately UPS returned the package before
the sister called.
<jtripp> So, I reshipped the package out to the correct
address but there were UPS fees for returning and resending
the package. When I phoned to tell the customer here is what
she said to me...
<jtripp> "I'll never shop online again, this is too much of a
hassle. I had NO IDEA the right address would be so
important."
<jtripp> What!?!?!?
#704472 [ + | - ] 1268
<nyk> i need a floppy disc, anyone know where I can get one
this late?
<Vulcan> walmart maybe, its open 24 hours.
<Jordan_M> i know some mexicans that are hardcore tech guys
that could get you a floppy disc
<nyk> so you both say walmart?
#704110 [ + | - ] 1268
BluECliQ: believing that Mcafee is going to protect you from
hackers and viruses is exactly like believing that republicans
can actually protect you from terrorists
#704045 [ + | - ] 863
I Concordia I: would you kiss a dude for your life?
paintballa265: I for one choose death
I Concordia I: you wouldn't kiss a guy over dying?
paintballa265: Like what are we talking here
paintballa265: How you kiss your mom
paintballa265: or how i do?
#704006 [ + | - ] 465
[glr] anyone who have this one:ǧÓðúQ¤ò¿Ú¤ËÒ§¤¨¤¿ÈÕ¡© by
kazuki tomokawa?
[Red Faux] >_>
[Red Faux] ǧÓðúQ¤ò¿Ú¤ËÒ§¤¨¤¿ÈÕ¡©
[Red Faux] I love that song.
#703787 [ + | - ] 693
<RedSkyinWinter> I used to want to date you, back when I was a
failure.
<RedSkyinWinter> ...
<RedSkyinWinter> ...not implying that the two coincide in any
way.
#703713 [ + | - ] 815
<Ninja_P> Okay, I just watched a guy puke in a glass, then
drink it again
<DragonAtma> Congratulations, you now know how congress
operates.
#703708 [ + | - ] 1623
<zealo> I need sleep....
<zealo> I went to take a crap and took off my shirt instead of
my pants
<zealo> I actually sat down before i realised what was wrong
#703614 [ + | - ] -639
<Zio> man, I keep expecting my room to fill up with jews
<Jace> eh?
<Zio> it's an oven in here!
#703545 [ + | - ] 1025
<tom93> you know you watch too much porn when you start to
recognise the MALE pornstars.
#703541 [ + | - ] 452
<dan> I really like this girl
<hannelore> Sneak into her room late at night
<hannelore> And play a hypnosis tape
<dan> hypnosis would be the shit
<dan> I could start dating girls instantly
<dan> and if I wanted to break up with her, I could just snap
my fingers
#703209 [ + | - ] 205
<Comrade> Dude, so the other day after school, this crazy
evangelical lady randomly came up to me.
<Comrade> So she was tryin to get me to convert to
Christianity and I just ignored her. But I only caught the
last few words which were, "Jesus is in all of us!!"
<Comrade> So in an attempt to get her to go away, I said,
"Lady, if Jesus was in me I would file charges for rape."
#703157 [ + | - ] 32
<BeaVer> why does my wife have to work nights
<BeaVer> :/
<broken> because the milkman's wife works days
<BeaVer> true
<BeaVer> but all the strippers work at night as well
<broken> hence the balance in the universe
#703138 [ + | - ] 3367
<sd> I was once trying to explain to an exec why his account
would never be absolutely secure.
<sd> Me: "If somebody wants your account information badly
enough, he's going to get it. He doesn't have to hack the
system, he can just get it from you."
<sd> Exec: "That's crazy, I'd never give anyone my password."
<sd> Me: "Imagine you come home and find someone's broken in.
He's got a gun to your daughter's head, and he tells you he's
going to shoot in ten seconds if you don't give him your
password. What would you do?"
<sd> Exec: [long pause] ... Which daughter?
<sd> To this day I still don't know if he was joking. But I no
longer use that example.
#703011 [ + | - ] 485
<Twisten> Generalised question.
<Blue> Answer.
<Twisten> Was I talking to you!?
<Blue> Ah, comedy gold.
#702947 [ + | - ] -284
Doug: Dude... the funniest thing just happened. I was looking
for this smart guy that I know on AIM and his name is
Russell... And I almost accidentaly IMed you instead.
Russ: how do you block someone?
Doug: You're probably using a Mac... I have no clue
#702658 [ + | - ] 1310
Yogo: i hate stupid people!!!!!
Yogo: stood in the queue at a self service checkout
Yogo: guy infront scans a bottle of milk and looks at the
screen, a message pops up and an automated voice say "please
place item in bagging area"
Yogo: he looks at the screen, then tries to scan the item
again
Yogo: and again, "please place item in bagging area"
Yogo: so his wife looks all confused, grabs the milk and....
Yogo: tries to fucking scan it again!!
Yogo: i was almost in tears
Yogo: i think these machines should be build so if it has to
tell you what to do 3 times a small arm should pop out and
remove that persons reproductive organs!
#702617 [ + | - ] 1125
<Jim Kuhn> I just think it is silly that if I live in certain
states in a 'free country' that I am not allowed to even read
a poker forum.
<DrSavage> What gave you an impression that you live in a free
country?
<bigalt> fox news
#702568 [ + | - ] 1615
<Mithandir> it's interesting how much you can tell about the
designers of a product by looking at the end result
<Mithandir> for instance I can clearly tell that whomever
thought it was a good idea to have "exit program" and "suspend
computer" buttons on a keyboard didn't have cats
#702332 [ + | - ] 747
<APC> I steal from the automated checkout all the fucking time
now
<APC> Well, I still pay
<APC> I just lie about what I bought
<APC> for instance
<APC> 2 pounds of bananas costs less than say, 2 pounds of
hustler and playboy
#702289 [ + | - ] 2477
<Shadow> what the fuck
<Shadow> my moniter just went black
<Shadow> then came back on
<&Aphrodite> You're lucky
<&Aphrodite> I heard normally they never go back
#702287 [ + | - ] 1470
<jamariquay> I never understood the need for people to kill
for their religion. Then I remembered, "Wait. If Optimus Prime
tells me to gack someone, that fucker's going down."
#702057 [ + | - ] 382
<Panzurfaust> I love stupid ass people.
<Cade> You're so damn conceited.