hQDB :: hacker Quote Database

Network Stats: 21142 Approved Quotes | 1 in Moderation Queue
#678180 [ + | - ] 946
<Blarrrg> so my CD drive stopped working a couple days ago
<Blarrrg> i figured it must have just been the drivers
<Blarrrg> i looked around but couldn't find any, so i emailed
the company requesting them
<Blarrrg> today i go to check my mail, and guess what i find
<Blarrrg> they mailed me a CD with them
#678111 [ + | - ] 546
<Animule> OOkkaayy......
<Animule> HHooww  ddoo  yyoouu  ttuurrnn  ooffff  llooccaall
eecchhoo  iinn  tthhiiss  tthhiinngg??????
#677737 [ + | - ] 833
<TheFlibble>Windows XP doesn't like admitting it's made a
mistake
<TheFlibble>It doesn't give error messages it just tries to
carry on regardless
<TheFlibble>Its like an embarrassed old man sitting in a pool
of his own piss.
#677495 [ + | - ] 1031
Nautilus724: One time I tried to piss off the people at
McDonalds by ordering the food in the little Spanish I knew.
Nautilus724: I think that was the first time they didn't screw
up my order.
#677113 [ + | - ] 1194
<scalar> ok, UPS guy came, now I can shower :P
<Keneto> famous phrases to remember not to take out of
context?
#677083 [ + | - ] 555
(%neeley_09) chain letters aren't even trying anymore
(%neeley_09) "You are definately going to die tonight."
(%neeley_09) "So repost this before you do!"
#677064 [ + | - ] 481
<+Ne0v001> I was playing Halo 2 yesterday
<+Ne0v001> my friend was over
<+Ne0v001> and I perfectly jumped 3 obstacles
<+Ne0v001> clicked on my invisibility
<+Ne0v001> and slipped by all the guards
<+Ne0v001> and mumbled
<+Ne0v001> "I don't play this game too much"
<+Ne0v001> and he was like
<+Ne0v001> "Who are you trying to convince? Me or you?"
#677056 [ + | - ] 1284
<Tyranu[work]> tried to have a customer complaint about a
mouse that only worked to the sides and not up and down....
found out later that he didn't move the mouse forward/
backwards but rather lifted it up and down... a part of me
died that day
#676902 [ + | - ] 1893
(&Gsus) thanks to asian porn i know now the japanese words for
"More" "oh god yes" "fuck me hard" and "get that tentacle out
of my ass"
#676896 [ + | - ] 426
<matt1020> is any 1 smart in hear?
#676884 [ + | - ] 1535
<Chalk> i got a new hard drive and i thought it was fucked cos
there was a really weird noise coming from it
<LocK> heh, that sucks
<Chalk> then i realsied there was a crow at my windoe
<Chalk> going raaaaaaaaw
<Chalk> stupid crow
#676881 [ + | - ] 99
* %James|AFK kicks Cruise in the balls..... WAKE UP >.<
<foamy> hah
<bootsector> LOL
<bootsector> What a nice way to wake someone up!
<SilentDragz> I've woken up before with my 9 year old cousin's
face about an inch away from mine
<SilentDragz> wait
<SilentDragz> my face, not balls
<SilentDragz> that sounded so wrong
<%James|AFK> lmao
<foamy> freek
#676873 [ + | - ] 1617
<LocK> I had a conversation about my penis with 2 girls
yesterday
<ezmac> must have been a short conversation...
<ophelia> If they're pointing and laughing, it's not a
conversation
#676846 [ + | - ] 752
mintgreenfaerie: rice or ice cream?
OmIn0uS DaRkNeSs: rice cream.
mintgreenfaerie: hehe, sounds like something from Scooby-doo
OmIn0uS DaRkNeSs: no
OmIn0uS DaRkNeSs: that would be
OmIn0uS DaRkNeSs: rice ream
OmIn0uS DaRkNeSs: which sounds like the name for some sick
asian porno.
#676812 [ + | - ] 603
<mETRo> you shoulda taken it back to walmart lol
<mETRo> they take anything back
<zx2ms> dude serisouly I was read to just throw it away and
buy a new one
<zx2ms> instead of go through the hassle
<mETRo> you could bring in a box of used rubbers there
<mETRo> and theyd be like "was there anything wrong with them?
"
<[xENo]> just set the kid on the counter
<zx2ms> lol
#676803 [ + | - ] 799
<Keimu> guys
<Keimu> come on lemme back in lol
<Calendros> sorry
<Calendros> You're still banned
<Calendros> come back later
* Keimu (Keimu@ZiRC-A4D4B0A.hsd1.il.comcast.net) has left #
AY.Radio
#676801 [ + | - ] 827
<tokenshi> does anyone seriously use realplayer anymore?
<mef> yes
<Freddie> I thought they died :o
<RvLeshrac> They're doing extraordinarily well
<tokenshi> i believe i still have an audio clip buffering from
1999 in realplayer
#676796 [ + | - ] 275
<Osiris_69> we cant be a couple because she wont agree to oral
sex before mariage
<Osiris_69> catholic chinese, who is the ass who converted
them? im gona kill those fuckers
<AntiZzZ> i dated one of em
<AntiZzZ> she never gave it up in like 8 months
<AntiZzZ> she was rich tho
<Poppet-> damn
<Poppet-> 8 months
<Osiris_69> on the 9th month anti?
<AntiZzZ> we broke up
<_hit> she had a black baby
#676795 [ + | - ] 1041
neeley_09: I just realized that I'm kind of a rarity on IRC...
diablo: What do you mean?
neeley_09: Well, I actually play aports sometimes, and I do
things with people, except in real life
diablo: Hey, not everyone on IRC is a geek
neeley_09: What's the biggest thing you've done today?
diablo: I played Oblivion for a few hours, I guess
neeley_09: ....
neeley_09: You can't even lie about it?
#676794 [ + | - ] 561
renol07: yo whats up
renol07: yo what up
renol07: what happen yo click
wryterra: "what happen yo click"? what the hell is that?
wryterra: I'm afraid I don't speak moron.
#676781 [ + | - ] 521
A[S]Vicious: Dude.. I fell asleep last night when I was
talking to my girlfriend on the phone.. She was masturbating
to my voice, and started talking about how her big vibrator
was stuck, and she couldn't get it out.
A[S]Vicious: And I fell asleep..
A[S]Vicious: It was awesome
#676711 [ + | - ] 509
* Fragalot moo's loudly at Naib
<Naib> *BANG*
* Naib goes to have steak
#676664 [ + | - ] 306
<cloud1> if warez is too expensive for you, maybe the internet
isnt a wise investment for you either
#676621 [ + | - ] 511
<Cob`Onsite> unfortunately when i leave here, i must go to a
church with a 90 year old secretary
<Ridgey_wtf> church? what's that?
<ragtop> its similar to a mental hospital, but with less
physical restraints
#676535 [ + | - ] 1912
RonilWazlib: man that sucked
RonilWazlib: if your girlfriend tells you she feels fat and
hugs you for moral support, do not start jiggling her butt in
an attempt to find the natural frequency of fat
RonilWazlib: and if she asks, DO NOT tell her what you are
doing
#676384 [ + | - ] 1703
<PhantomSkyfire> I was practicing with crutches and broke my
leg.
#676189 [ + | - ] 2840
Jefferson: FOR SOME REASON MY PASSWORD ON HOTMAIL WON WORK
Mymuffinfatty: do you have caps lock on?
Jefferson: oh
Jefferson: nevermind.
#676032 [ + | - ] 1199
<Epic> how are^things?
<Epic> I've been up 48 hours now ;_;
<Dr_Ian> is that why you typoed the space bar as shift and 6?
#675885 [ + | - ] 924
<D1_> in third grade
<D1_> I saw this girl have a seizure and spasm on the floor
<D1_> and man did her tongue go down her throat
<D1_> now that I think of it
<D1_> it was kind of sexy
<twin> what the FUCK
#675734 [ + | - ] 1288
Chris: I hate the way flash slows browsers down
Steve: Try java, that slows it down much better
#675703 [ + | - ] 1876
<svinx> yknow when you go to a party, and everyones hooked up
except one guy and one girl
<svinx> and so they look at each other like.. do we have to?
<svinx> intel & nvidia must be lookin at each other like that
right now
#675691 [ + | - ] 809
<Swiich> remember how I went to the hospital on tuesday?
<Swiich> I screwed up my liver from chugging an entire bottle
of cough syrup to trip
<_nosiop> without reading the label for other active
ingredients or checking what they do online?
<Swiich> um...
<Swiich> yeah
<_nosiop> 15 minutes of research could have saved you 15%
liver function or more
#675557 [ + | - ] 1060
<nilson> I have 4.5 gallons of beer
<nilson> for my after prom party
<Advil> that's a lot of beer
<Advil> for two guys
#675555 [ + | - ] 849
<Rjx> i'm a mac
<Rjx> and i'm a pc
<Rjx> and we're both irritating faggots
#675378 [ + | - ] 322
aphextron > Friends are highly overrated.
aphextron > Have you ever once masturbated with a friend?
aphextron > I should hope not, unless it s a girl friend
aphextron > but if that were the case you wouldn t be reading
this
#675190 [ + | - ] 604
<postlogic> You should -never- go back and look at
spur-of-the-moment written code.
<postlogic> It's like watching yourself throw up in replay.
#675122 [ + | - ] 347
<Falc0> i am gonna start a new bussiness,
<Falc0> skydiving for pedophiles
<Falc0> make em pay in advance cash only
#675105 [ + | - ] 1019
<kan> the nigerian government has orderd 1,000,000 of those
"100 dollar laptops" for its people.
<kan> just what we need more nigerians sending email.
#675097 [ + | - ] 691
<JaKa> In soviet russia, you must kill a kitten to masturbate
#675073 [ + | - ] 1317
<chaz> I had to recompile our software to pick up the new
libraries etc
<chaz> we then hit an issue with connectivity to the database
server
<chaz> but thats what i fixed (i hope) this morning, so we'll
see :)
* Twitch crosses her fingers for you
<chaz> my apologies, I didn't realise you were female.
<chaz> I should turn my geek off. :/
<Twitch> I'm in Physics, don't bother
#675020 [ + | - ] 569
<Pseudoof_The_Goat> can somebody help me?
<Pseudoof_The_Goat> i know linux is more secure
<Pseudoof_The_Goat> but i can't run linux because i still need
windows
<Pseudoof_The_Goat> i want to install the linux version of
firefox on windows
<Pseudoof_The_Goat> anybody know how?
#674850 [ + | - ] 739
<drev> how was your weekend?
<LaDyLoVe> amazing! my friends threw a surprise party for my
birthday :)
<drev> fuck the closest thing ive ever had to a surprise party
was a fucking intervention
#674745 [ + | - ] 484
<Kansas|Working> I went to the Isle of Wight Once too, there
was this guy there who had one leg and was jumping down the
street, it was funny, reminded me of a pogo-stick.
<Jochta> Oh, so yuo find disabled people funny?
<Kansas|Working> Only if they remind me of a garden toy.
#674686 [ + | - ] 444
chickenrising: if playing an actual guitar picks up girls,
playing a video game about playing the guitar is sure to pick
up some sort of girl... it only makes sense
#674532 [ + | - ] 1339
Dev100666: I bet in 1997 you would not have guessed you would
be getting married before duke nukem forever came out
#674379 [ + | - ] 51
<fonz> that's all black people are
<fonz> they're white people with chocolate instead of blood
<stav> hence all the stabbings
<fonz> exactly they are just looking for the golden ticket
#674312 [ + | - ] 1243
<Truin> anyone seen Bush lately?
<Espresso> nope
<Espresso> wait
<Espresso> the band, the man, or the body part?
<Truin> take your pick
<Espresso> the answer is still nope
#674262 [ + | - ] 1904
<Jesus> The guy does not understand the concept of the "Shift"
key
<Noser> the what key/
#674136 [ + | - ] 1110
<BrettBits> My website's stat counter uses Javascript to
detect whether or not my viewers have Javascript enabled.
<BrettBits> Naturally, it appears that 100% of the people
visiting my website have Javascript enabled.
#674006 [ + | - ] 309
Madrigal: I once went to an Applebee's with my ex-boyfriend.
Madrigal: We had this waitress named Jinko.
Madrigal: He accidentally called her Plinko.
Madrigal: She came back with five coasters.