hQDB :: hacker Quote Database

Network Stats: 21142 Approved Quotes | 1 in Moderation Queue
#673912 [ + | - ] 885
<@Raeven0> What's the difference between array $_GET and array
$_REQUEST
<+Matrixfan> one is polite
#673877 [ + | - ] 14
<cy> so i went to the store and bought some hebrew national
hot dogs right
<borndbad> huh?
<borndbad> wtf is that?
<cy> and i got home.. and i look.. there's fuckin 7 hot dogs
in the pack
<cy> not 8 like a normal pack, but 7
<cy> im like fuck the jews jewed me again
#673833 [ + | - ] 789
<nmopal> Now if I had to follow a religion it would be
whatever them clapping black people follow.
<nmopal> That looks fun.
#673771 [ + | - ] 2436
< Codegen> one day my gf and I were watching TV, when the news
reports came on talking about how there were suicide bombers
in london, and how they destroyed the transit system. The news
reporters said that these bombing were similar to the previous
suicide bombings from a week before. Then my gf turns to me
and asks, "Do you think that they are the same suicide
bombers?"
#673540 [ + | - ] 234
<Sohcahtoa> When I first saw that image, I said "This is so
obviously photoshopped.  NOBODY has a nutsack that hangs THAT
low."
<Yosh|Surf> wait
<Yosh|Surf> how did my girlfriends picture get back into
discussion?
#673372 [ + | - ] 2063
itchy92: Aha! I figured out why all the 1337 hackers in movies
use Linux.
theNihil: Um, because it's mysterious and unknown to
mainstream movie viewers?
itchy92: No, man. It generates so much output so easily.
itchy92: Need a scrolling console window to make it look like
you're doing something? Type any nonsensical word with a
verbose switch and BAM! you've got scrolling text for like 3
hours. So it seems like you're engaging in some hardcore NSA
decrypting when in fact, you're compiling ksolitaire or
something.
#673290 [ + | - ] 376
<terminal> sir you must do it
<terminal> and film it
<Tark-Indy> yeah my flatmate is in there whipping the weasel
and I go kool-aid man on him
<Tark-Indy> OH YEAH
#673211 [ + | - ] 1133
Pugsley: someone called me from a bar last night and I don't
know who
Pugsley: the song hip hop hooray was playing
Pugsley: so they may have been calling from 1992
#673145 [ + | - ] 334
Dudespunk7: 90% of domestic abuse happens due to shitty compaq
products.
Dudespunk7: They don't want to ruin their expensive shit so
they take it out on the wife, or kids.
Famethrow1: and because that bitch doesn't vacuum.
Dudespunk7: Exactly.
#673097 [ + | - ] 245
<FrogboY> i hate this, i have pretty much no transfer limit
for the next 9 days and can't think of anything to download
<Rambo_6> get a virus
<Rambo_6> or fill your harddrive with beastiality
<Rambo_6> whichever comes first
#673012 [ + | - ] 392
<Dezner> that was the bitchiest security sticker I've ever
removed from a CD case :x
<Blackjak> what CD?
<Dezner> Excel Saga Great Experiment 2 :O
<Blackjak> ...I was going to say something about whatever band
being hardass
<Blackjak> but fuck man, get laid
#672988 [ + | - ] 1545
<kam`> you know... i used to have a crush on you
<Katie> Oh? and what did you learn?
<kam`> i have very low standards
#672706 [ + | - ] 1511
<Kaleidoscope> Alright, so this hermaphrodite walks into a
bar..
<r3c0n> go fuck urself
<Kaleidoscope> Oh, so you've heard this one before..
#672690 [ + | - ] 588
<Paragon> :j
<Metal_Massacre> is that supposed to be a happy guy with
herpes?
#672642 [ + | - ] 40
arcanis41190: im so pissed that i spilled chlorine on my
shorts
arcanis41190: it was a good pair too
arcanis41190: not even a sharpie is working
arcanis41190: magic marker my ass
#672555 [ + | - ] 661
<@Fallaware> oh fuck
<@Fallaware> apparently you can't select 3 gigs of mps and do
"play in foobar"
<@Fallaware> I have like 10,000 instances of foobar running
<@Fallaware> holy fucking shit.
<@Fallaware> I don't know what to do about this
<@Fallaware> except restart.
<@Fallaware> this has to be the best argument for foobar
<@Fallaware> 10000 instances does not cause significant
slowdown.
#672549 [ + | - ] 659
<MLu> how clever of me
<MLu> to go out drinking today
<MLu> i work tomorrow
<MLu> how's that for a drunken haiku
#672497 [ + | - ] 703
<equiraptor> Sheesh. A hardware review site has been blocked
as pornography!
<equiraptor> I guess our sysadmins really must be geeks...
#672235 [ + | - ] 892
<Method> good evening gentlemen.
<Method> would you like to play a game?
<Method> It's called "guess what intoxicated state I'm in".
<Method> It's really fun.
<Method> on a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being the least, 2
being the most, and 10 being somewhere around the middle...
#672030 [ + | - ] 342
<BackF> like a month ago, i moved my mousepad to the left of
the keyboard
<BackF> to practice, i wanted to switch mouse-hand.
<BackF> so, when i got used to it, i went and bought a
lefthandmouse
<BackF> i spent 2 hours wondering why i was rightclicking all
the time
#671860 [ + | - ] 1322
TheMan: Can one person type !add 2+2?
Node: !add 2+2
Aranjedeath: it dont work
Aranjedeath: yeah
Zabikten: $calc(2+2)
Zabikten: hm
Node: !add 2+2
Zabikten: dude
Zabikten: it's fucking 4
Zabikten: why do you need a calculator?
#671819 [ + | - ] 638
<Grover> On my linux box, I once swapped out the motherboard,
put in a new video card, doubled the RAM, installed a CD
burner, installed a RAID array of (6) 200GB SATA Drives, and
overclocked the CPU without ever rebooting it
<Rusty> Didn't you reboot it a few weeks ago?
<Grover> Yeah, I had to reboot to install my Thumb Drive
#671747 [ + | - ] 242
<Chichi> have u ever been up to neck in pussy?
<Ree Cakes> Yeah, when you stand by me.
#671620 [ + | - ] 910
<fiednmade> also before last year of my mom accusing me of
being crazy for talking to people over the internet
<fiednmade> she thought I wasn't really talking to other
people
<fiednmade> but to myself in some sort of game
<fiednmade> and I got medicated and placed in an institution
for three months
#671254 [ + | - ] 167
<fichen973> Your porn is so old that the women in the pictures
have offspring with their own porn sites.
#671221 [ + | - ] 556
<Vermilion> So I was pushing a Laserjet in a handtruck, and
then I saw this lady pushing a baby in a stroller, and
suddenly I felt like such a loser.
#671178 [ + | - ] 107
<pg> you can t rape the willing.
<pg> rape is the first casualty of consent.
#671126 [ + | - ] 544
<Mandi> why can't I find the picture I want
<Borgs> that's because the governement closes those sites and
procecute people who download those sorts of pictures
#671062 [ + | - ] 490
<Phroziac> why do they make such huge suvs?
<Phroziac> i went to a car dealership today and saw one with a
hood that was higher than the roof on my friend's volvo.
<Phroziac> and it's an OL, it's not like it's a small car.
<Dawson> At the rate they're going, there will be SUVs big
enough to use Hummer H1s as escape pods.
#671042 [ + | - ] 366
handler.: germans like american wrestlers
nos-spec: yeah cause american wrestlers look like german girls
#670925 [ + | - ] 1040
<Lapsus> Okay, I get an error beep, anyone want to help me
decipher it?
<Lapsus> it's just regular, long beeps.
<Lapsus> beeeeeeep. beeeeeeeep...
<Fox> its gaydar. it must be picking up on a local source
#670911 [ + | - ] 882
<Sic> I seen a story about a guy who took the horse cock up
the ass but it was angled so it pushed in all the way, he died
from internal bleeding.. There was a whole video. :p
<LLora> your ass is designed for poop
<LLora> not for horse cock
<antek> i wonder what the last thing going through his head
was
<antek> BESIDES A HORSE'S COCK
#670728 [ + | - ] 430
<Blarrrg> Holy shit, best idea for a doormat ever.
<Blarrrg> 10 HOME
<Blarrrg> 20 SWEET
<Blarrrg> 30 GOTO 10
#670637 [ + | - ] 226
<Lucy> Anyways... Like no one is online coz it's friday and
everyone is doing stuff and it's not fucking fair coz I wasn't
invited.
<OnslaughtSix> Aww.
<Lucy> Yeah, that's right!
<Lucy> So you have to be nice to me!
<OnslaughtSix> brb
<OnslaughtSix> Sorry, I had to get my violin to play you a sad
song on.
#670471 [ + | - ] 76
<loo> every fucking bj should be two-handed
<mit3> actually it pretty much depends.
<mit3> like what if you ask the girl to choke herself.
<mit3> you gotta pick your poison
#670450 [ + | - ] 285
<balls> my sister is an idiot
<balls> my dad was doing something with our phones, so he
called my brother (who was at work) to turn off his cell
phone.  this WHOLE TIME my sister is right at his side.  so
when hes done, he tells my sister to call my brother and tell
him that its ok to turn his cell phone on.  so she calls his
cell phone, walks into the room and goes "hes not picking up,
so i left a message"
#670448 [ + | - ] 56
<Miri> Can I give you an e-hug?
<Jade_Work> yes of course Miri >.>
* Miri e-hugs Jade
<Rollyn> I want an e-mug
<Jade_Work> with e-coffee? :P
<Rollyn> So I could sip my e-soda
<Rollyn> Until I've had more than e-nough
#670444 [ + | - ] 530
<impl> If I were a cow and getting assraped, I wouldn't just
be thinking
<crimsun> you'd be using emacs.
<crimsun> woops, ECHANNEL
<iank> That doesn't make sense, but it sounds like he's making
fun of emacs so I like it.
#670420 [ + | - ] 818
<shyster> the other day
<shyster> my girlfriend asked me about my wildest fantasies
<shyster> I probably shouldn't have told her they all involved
other women
#670375 [ + | - ] 16296
<JonTG> Man, my penis is so big if I laid it out on a keyboard
it'd go all the way from A to Z
<JonTG> wait, shit
#670335 [ + | - ] 2141
John423: I love her with all my <3.
Acsabh: You love her with all your less than 3? Inches?
#670334 [ + | - ] 766
JakerzInc> so here i am
JakerzInc> logging into irc
JakerzInc> and the first thing I see is "hard throbbing cock"
Anfael> that's normal, that's how you know it works
#670270 [ + | - ] 1025
PinkBabe571: i have to beat guys off with a stick
PinkBabe571: =/
ALLSTAR4212: just beat them off with your hands
#670145 [ + | - ] 495
· Primate · how do you do actions?
· Primate · ??
¤ @DjinnWraith slaps Primate around with a /me action
· Primate · how'd you do that?
#670129 [ + | - ] 1114
<Dooley>omg </3
<Mstandot>What does that smiley represent?
<mictoboy>a vasectomy
#670121 [ + | - ] 2241
<sigafoo> i realized i loved my girlfriend when i said to her
<sigafoo> <3
<sigafoo> and she said "<3.14159265" back...
#670120 [ + | - ] 552
atria ventric: so my life is complete
Crikers042: whys that?
atria ventric: because today
atria ventric: i heard two gay guys shopping for a vaccuum
atria ventric: 'but i bet this one sucks better'
atria ventric: 'but this one will go for longer'
atria ventric: 'go longer? what for? you get dirty you take it
out you turn it on and you're done'
atria ventric: 'i mean its fun while it lasts sure but its
nothing serious'
#670118 [ + | - ] 528
<ChaoSynergy> BODY MASSAAGE!
<ChaoSynergy> Where'd that extra 'a' come from
<narunet> My ass
<axiel> you mean your ss
#670081 [ + | - ] -100
<tomalak> you still appear to be under 12 months of age
<tomalak> btw putting your age in your nick is very immature
<@argv[0]> yes tom, im 0 years old
<tomalak> AND A DAY
#670077 [ + | - ] -136
Baumann: you're like... british and stuff, right
Kevin Smith: like....and stuff, yes
Baumann: so you know soccer?
Baumann: I know, that's like saying "You're american, right?
...so you're fat."
Kevin Smith: football
Kevin Smith: vaguely
Baumann: Pay attention to the world cup any?
Kevin Smith: there's a world cup?
Baumann: you don't think the world just floats in space, do
you?
Kevin Smith: pretty much
Baumann: Everyone knows that it sits in a cup
Baumann: That's why no one lives in antartica
Baumann: ...or something
Kevin Smith: right
Baumann: Well, I'm just pissed that Zidane got the golden ball
Kevin Smith: ok, I have no idea what the golden ball is
Kevin Smith: but it sounds impractical
Baumann: yeah, they don't even actually use it
Baumann: man... now I want to visit antarctica
Kevin Smith: \o/