[sg1138_] My father was nicknamed "Dr Cyclops" [ianmc38] cos he only ever showed u his 1eyed monster?
[Jack SkeIIington] my knees have rugburns [Jack SkeIIington] from giving out endless blowjobs [p-iv] wear knee-pads [rahahda] "job interview pads"
[testic] Average number of times a man will ejaculate in his lifetime: 7,200 [sg1138_] 7200 seems pretty high [testic] I think that includes wanking and wet dreams [sg1138_] 7200 seems pretty low
<trent> Dude, did I leave my platinum cube at your house? <44lark> Nope, I was in the basement today and didnt see it <trent> shit, I dont know where I left it then <44lark> ya, hope you find it, im gonna go play Super Smash Brothers <trent> ok
[blokhead]: cell phones are amazing.. every time I think they cannot get more annoying, they get twice as annoying. It's like Moore's law applied to annoyance [blokhead]: I'm anticipating the new cellphones that have a megaphone built-in. That way, your conversations will be clearly audible to everyone within 500 feet
<Louie> FUCK <ATL> That's what all the girls say <ATL> Though, usually, they add "off" at the end. <ATL> Sometimes it's between "DON'T" and "ING TOUCH ME"
Omniscient Sean: I think we should terrorist start throwing in nuclear weapon noteworthy national security keywords to Allah otherwise innocuous conversations. InfiniteSuperior: I Bin Laden agree. Omniscient Sean: So how are Al Qaeda classes? InfiniteSuperior: I have Al Sadr a psychology report Iran due Wednesday. Omniscient Sean: Ah, that Tehran sucks. Omniscient Sean: This bizarre Sadaam open-source database utility has all the Palestine trappings of other open-source utilities. Omniscient Sean: In this WMD case, useless error messages. InfiniteSuperior: Other than Pakistan that, classes are Libby going well.
<Shaft> my dad used to buy them for his coffee and i would always just eat them out of the box <@kaanchy> i used to eat powdered milk <Shaft> that was coke <Shaft> your mom was a cocaine addict <@kaanchy> so that explains why im eating it right now
<Platterkat^> there's currently a hearing underway to find out who knew what and when regarding kickbacks to Saddam's regime from the australian wheat board <Platterkat^> the deputy prime minister said yesterday I" don't recall" 26 times <Kadon> the australian wheat board.. why must they always try to influence global politics * Kadon tears up his fan club card
<Marques> hmm <Marques> so I have to go to dinner with my girlfriend her mom her two sisters and their grandparents. I wonder what people think when they see a black guy walk in to a restaurant with 6 white people =) <Trip> hostage situation
<blehnus>In my experiece, any attempt to make any system idiot proof will only challenge God to make a better idiot
<rankor> At work today i saw a guy go in to the bathroom only to come out 10 minutes later looking like he had battled with a lion. <rankor> Now he had either had something bad for lunch or just hade one of the worlds longest "handshaking" sessions. <ToonLord> Maybe both...
<Percy> No wonder this place is empty. <Percy> Who uses windows 95? <Percy> No one. <Percy> It's like seeing a mac gamer. <Percy> Doesn't happen.
<zacwhite> they should do rock paper scissors over mail <schwatoo> they do <zacwhite> really? sweet. <schwatoo> it is called paper, paper, paper though
Mazgurth: what does slashdotting mean? antizeph: youve never heard of slashdot? Mazgurth: I know it makes websites not work
<kperpy> then i heard my mum at the door and naturally i panicked right, but luckily i alt+tab'd to porn and took off my pants before she saw that i was on the microsoft website
once the winee: i'll bring my dads gun collection once the winee: and call it freedom of expression steph: you would be arrested by the time we pass dunkin donuts steph: the cops will have had enough coffee to walk after you steph: walk, not run
mattysteppo: tony its my bday Agregz82: is it? mattysteppo: yeah mattysteppo: i'm 42 Agregz82: happy bday man mattysteppo: thx Agregz82: im gettin 2 teeth pulled today... so uhhhh thats your present mattysteppo: nice mattysteppo: put em on a necklace for me
<Tully> Without looking at your keyboard, tell me what order the letter keys are in (from left to right)
<Hawk|School> i wish emo kids bled money, atleast then their suicide would be worth something
<Aunt_Kwan> If you <Aunt_Kwan> press enter <Aunt_Kwan> before done with a sentance <Aunt_Kwan> it makes you <Aunt_Kwan> look like you <Aunt_Kwan> have asthma.
<@cypher> I've never seen the name "Tabitha" used outside of porn <jasper> I have a cousin named Tabitha <@cypher> Then I've probably seen pictures of her <jasper> :-\
<@Winternight> helloween sucks <@Winternight> well, now they suck, they used to rule <@Argoth> never really listened to em <@DIABOLICAL> I wish I could've listened to them back when I was in grade school <@Argoth> why? <@DIABOLICAL> well, I thought Janet Jackson was "black metal" back then
<JasonF> cdrws are cds that you COULD burn twice if they made erasable sharpies
<LoneVandal> I've heard Korean is the most logical and easy to read written language on earth <LoneVandal> And that it is way easier to understand than speaking it <Parn> It's easy to speak Korean <Parn> See, watch <Parn> CHING CHONG PING PONG <LoneVandal> Thats chinese you faggot
<jbskittlez> dude should i sell myself on ebay <jbskittlez> sell my virginity on ebay? <jbskittlez> how much money could i make from that <lieb39> with or without a pic?
<Asher_Dorn> somebody suggested that the offical name for our gay straight alliance should be "All You Need Is Love" <Asher_Dorn> i had to tell him the acronym is AYNIL
<Super_Pirate> "Women age like fine wine" <Super_Pirate> Show me one woman, one ANYONE for that matter, that tastes better with age . . . <Super_Pirate> And I'll show you a mental institution for tasting people.
(whyte7): do you think porn is degrading to women? (Zlumpen): only the good stuff.
<+ketiov> coheed <+ketiov> can i get op now <@Coheed> If you really want op that bad just make a room and make yourself op :\ <+ketiov> i have 5 of those
<Deek`> I got a GED <Deek`> I got 2 pts away from a perfect score <Rick> I almost got one. <Deek`> Did you fail it? Are you a hillbilly? <Rick> No. <Rick> I got a real highschool diploma.
<LordPie> which part confuses you more, my complex lexicon or the fact that i beat you with your own logic? <jestaa> using big words doesn't make you more smarter. <LordPie> Sorry, let me put it in an language that you can understand <LordPie> OMG, ROFL LOL!!!!!!!!! J00 GOT OWNED!!11111!!
<selene|metro> and i thought that i saw you looting <selene|metro> i thought that i saw you gate friends here <selene|metro> thats me in the dungeon <selene|metro> thats me in the twilight, losing my connection
Flux: I've got a joke for ya... Jet: Shoot. Flux: Allright, so these two niggers and two spics walk into a fag bar Jet: HEY GOD DAMNIT MY PARENTS ARE IN THE ROOM SHIT SHIT SHIT. Flux: Yeah, I didn't really have a punchline for that one anyways
<Shameful_Buffalo> I got bored tonight, so I played the wal mart game, you know where you go to wal mart and see who can get the funniest items together <Shameful_Buffalo> well I give my friends ryan and taylor $20 and they go off, taylor gets KY Jelly, Camoflauge shorts and Predator on DVD, I get some G2 Pilot pens, A mountain dew, Murray's Superior Afroshine Hair Pomade, 12-pack of Lubed Trojans, a pair of Brinks Luggage Locks with keys, Electrical Tape, and some Reeses Peanut Butter Cups (standard double-cup pack). <Shameful_Buffalo> Ryan comes back empty handed and this follows, Ryan: "I played your game dude..." Taylor: "then where is your stuff?" Me: "Yeah, you had to buy something with that 20 I gave you.." Ryan "I went to automotive and put a tire on layaway..." <Shameful_Buffalo> I never laughed so hard in my entire life, I gave him the 10 bucks for winning and walked to the car with my bag of crap.
SMARTGIRL483: by the way i think i need to tell you this SMARTGIRL483: i had a baby by my ex boyfriend Protege Chris: i should buy you a box of condoms for your next birthday :p... you country girls are just so eager to ride a cowboy SMARTGIRL483: omg SMARTGIRL483: i cant help that SMARTGIRL483: it was a girl SMARTGIRL483: her name is elizabeth allison rainbow johnson Protege Chris: rofl.. the white trash equivalent of "shaquana"
<mmiikkee12> XD, i just got the best spam message ever <mmiikkee12> "Make $$$ Fast" <mmiikkee12> "Hold down your shift and 4 keys at the same time. In about a second you will be making $$$ fast."
<phex> so you excited for your interview at RIM? <burnison> yep <phex> so then you're hoping to get a rim job? <burnison> hell yes *phex waits for the pun to set in
<KittieRose> So I get this email from this girl. <KittieRose> "I made out with a chick and got mono..." <KittieRose> I email her back. <KittieRose> "If you'd have made out with two chicks, would you have gotten stereo?"
<Mik0r> I wish they made cars that run on methane cause I sure produce a lot of it <gerbil> i wish they made cars that run on methadone <gerbil> cuz id siphon everyones fuel
<Jonno> What's the difference between regular garlic and roasted garlic? <Arclight> A gypsy once told me it was the roasting, but you shouldn't trust the gypsies
dracony_gentoo: C#? dracony_gentoo: i like to keep away from objects dracony_gentoo: especially sharp ones dracony_gentoo: get it
jrronimo: Hah! On a whim I figured I'd check some of the bigger companie for open jobs in Boulder... so what do I get? Comcast's career website: "Could not connect to remote server". Sounds like they've got a Network Engineer position open for me. :D
<Ezekiel> When we were doing about the 3rd world in RE, the teacher was saying how we live in the 1st world, africa is the 3rd world, but there isn't really a 2nd world <Ezekiel> So this kid asks the teacher "Where was world war 2 fought then?"
Lush Puppy: I lost my virginity at an anime convention - this sentence makes me sound a lot fatter than I actually am.
<Triumph> No wonder we can't win in Afghanistan. <Triumph> We drop a dozen bombs and when no one is left standing, drop a bag of food. <Triumph> Instead, we should drop the bag of food first and when everyone gathers around it, drop a single bomb.
<Mr_Saturn> Diagnosing computer problems over IRC is like trying to diagnose brain cancer with a pointy stick