< Darien> I saw a coworker trying to figure out how to make his chair lean back < Darien> he was on the ground looking at the bottom of it < Darien> we talk about the chairs for a minute or so < Darien> then he puts on his headset, hits a button on his phone, and says 'Sorry ma'am, thanks for holding.'
<Mak0> history class was hilarious today <Mak0> teacher asks "can anyone name a law put into effect by a president that they dont agree with?" <Mak0> my response: "the Emancipation Proclamation" <Mak0> its ok though, its a honors class so of course no black people are in it
(+RossH) I don't get tested....I just fuck women.....and tell them I have aids......when they freak out....go get tested and call me crying from joy because they are clean I know I passed (+RossH) I'm cheap
<bLank> I was just watching Swordfish and the senators assistant hands him a floppy disc and says "Sir, we have a problem" ... I'm sorry, but nothing important has ever been able to fit on a floppy disc, there's no way the senator is going to have his fly-fishing disturbed for 1.4 mb
Walbanger: i got the greatest pick-up line ever Walbanger: But i cant tell you because you're a girl nekofairy: ... nekofairy: Harvey, are you gay?
<Andrew> woot <Andrew> I just used my mastercard for the first time <Andrew> I'm a man now. <debian_> what u buy <Andrew> purse
<Sordly> One of the worst moments of anyone's life would have to when you realize there's only enough peanut butter to cover the front half of your body ... <Whatanut> That's only a problem until one realizes there's still the jelly... <Sordly> True, true <Madster> Whatanut... ew
hitm4n: the next 3 auctions all end within 2 mins of each other hitm4n: 1h11m, 1h12m and 1h14m on each caffeinekid: for a minute there, I thought you were having trouble spelling your nick :s caffeinekid: i should pay more attention
Mizz0Spiegel: There were so many southerners in florida Shinigaami: Uhh, maybe that's because Florida's in the south.
<@Vacorsis> The universe is racist <@Vacorsis> At night you can see thousands of stars, and none of them are black <@Vacorsis> That's just total bullshit
[Sativa] My sister earlier, got pulled over by a cop [Sativa] He said 'Can I see your licence' [Sativa] And she gave him her credit card on accident [Sativa] And he is like 'I only accept cash'
[PlatypusMan] You're cluttering the chat. [PlatypusMan] It's like littering on a highway. [PlatypusMan] Somewhere an e-indian is crying.
<happyguy> guess what! i actually found jeans of length 30-34! <trio82> you wear 30-34's? whats ur height and weight? <happyguy> 6'3", 150lbs <banished> youre 6'3" and you weigh 150lbs? <banished> i thought you said you were american
<Bowstring> Notice how people always associate mental people with carrying knives? If they were really mental they'd try to stab people with a hoover or something.
<pokerface> Mac development is OK, so long as you don't mind that your target audience is likely to be you and the three other mac guys. <TheFeniX_Work> last I checked there were at least 9 Mac gamers out there. Show some respect for the demographic pokerface. <pokerface> Respect begins with double digits.
<Conflict> my girlfriend tattooed this guy's dick last week and when i came home i was like "how'd the tattoo go?" and she goes "fine, except that I needed both hands so I had to hold his cock in my mouth." i was like "thats ni-you whaaa?!??"
<Viperz> I don't know what to write on my college application for community service that I've done... <SG> Priest in World of Warcraft
<Serpentor> My sister has this one friend of hers (who's 19 about to turn 20).. goddamit the girl is the cutest thing .. (her friend, not my sister you fucking pervert). Whenever I see her I want to fucking beat off (again, the friend, not my fucking sister you misinterpretter) <PainBreak> i think Serpentor has a guilty conscience
<PoPsI>Today in english, my teacher asked us to write down one thing we regretted or wondered what would've happened if we had done something else. <PoPsI>After that, he asked us to share some and he picked me. <PoPsI>He's like "What did you write down?" and i say "I wonder what would've happened if i had taken the red pill..." <PoPsI>Then everyone stared at me...it was hella funny.
<Fong Pei> So... today in class, we were playing with voice recognition on a power book. <Fong Pei> Someone told it "Computer, destroy the world as we know it" <Fong Pei> Right after that was said... someone else's laptop finishes booting up and plays the windows sound... <Fong Pei> whole class bursted out laughing
<C@^^31> data mining is a lucrative business, my uncle founded Datatown over near Silicon Valley back in '49 <C@^^31> died of the 01001lung
<Buzzons> its not i dont know how to do it, its just i dont know why its erroring
<Altair> hey guys <Altair> gotta question for you all. <Altair> If you could listen to one song before you died, what would it be? <Spike> The song that never ends?
<zshzn> the other day my programming teacher said "Richaaaard....I have a technical problem" <zshzn> I looked over to see that his tower was gone. just not there. <zshzn> how that happened, I don't know <zshzn> about four of us went and stood around his desk in quiet confusion <zshzn> one of them was like 'at least you still have a mouse...'
* Sinbad changes topic to '15000 atheists in London rioted after a blank sheet of paper was found on a cartoonist's desk'
ErrorHst : im getting tired of your ignorance DoomDayMassacre : im not ignoring u
<anial8r> you know what? KFC is ONE letter yes ONE letter away from fuck. <anial8r> i have just thought of their next motto <anial8r> KFC! the only thing missing is U!
<Nichole> at what point do you cross that line from "seeing someone" to "boyfriend/girlfriend" status <RobbiePaul> After he starts hitting you <Nichole> fist or open handed?
<apeloverage> my friend was fired from his job in a sex shop <apeloverage> when his boss found evidence that he'd been looking at bus timetables on his work computer
GregatCW: gee, the more people are paid the more useless they are? "For the most part, typing skills are inversely proportional to salary; meaning, the more money someone makes, the worse they are at typing." suoiritras: ya suoiritras: so, except, does that mean myspace is occupied by billionaires? GregatCW: .... must be... you've discovered the secret to my space...
<Rjx> see i'm fully willing to honour "valentines day" as long as the female in question honours "naked nintendo day"
<Korru> Quite friendly hacker/account thief <Korru> Returned my account, got a message in email with the password. <Korru> "Thanks for the loan"
[translated from German] <MuschiExpress> kater are you there? <KoolerKater> yeah <MuschiExpress> What kind of spaz are you? <KoolerKater> what's up? <MuschiExpress> You were supposed to burn my holiday videos on DVD for my wife <MuschiExpress> NOT your porn collection ffs <KoolerKater> omg wait a minute... you said you wanted the holiday stuff and that porn <MuschiExpress> Yes, but on TWO, in numbers, 2, you understand, TWO DVDs!!! <KoolerKater> ...
<inspin> so just as I cutting into my pizza, the bell rang <inspin> It was the little girl from nextdoor, asking where my sister was <inspin> so I hold up the knife covered in tomatosauce and say in an evil voice "she's not here right now" <3ll3> LOL <inspin> so she screams and runs away <inspin> I felt guitly so I start chasing her saying "I'm sorry" <inspin> Then her father sees me chasing after his little girl with, what he must have thougt, a bloody knife <3ll3> I hope he called the cops on you :p <inspin> well no, but I don't think I'm getting my knife back anytime soon :(
Nobdepot signed on at 4:00:27 PM. VenuSparkle85 (4:00:37 PM): hey Nobdepot (4:00:39 PM): hey VenuSparkle85 (4:00:41 PM): brb Nobdepot (4:00:54 PM): wtf??? you messaged me just to say that?] Nobdepot (5:43:35 PM): ...
@redhook: I'm surprised california doesnt require large neon writing on handguns that say "WARNING: Bullet Comes Out Here ->>>" pointing at the barrel
<Jenny> I love you. <Jenny> I just wanted you to know, incase you were starting to doubt. <Phalanx> My bro's not here right now, and by the way he's cheating on you.
<J-Dawg> no, I just refuse to turn on my heat after my $255 heating bill <WeirdAl> 1 dollar more and you'd need another bit
Sexay Prof Long: Opera 10 is going to require a resolution of 1280x1024 Sexay Prof Long: it will contain a 1280x1000 ad Sexay Prof Long: leaving you 24 pixels of vertical space for internet browsing Gothic: haha Gothic: It'll open a whole new avenue for 1280x24 porn
<MMCD> my friend got expelled for bringing in kim by eminem, the one where he abuses his wive and says he's gonna kill her <Tiger> No no...in 'Kim' he murders her new boyfriend, slits the guy's 4 year old son's throat, takes Kim on a drive and chokes her to death. <MMCD> oh yeah couldn't remember been ages since i heard it
<Rebbel> Man Google Earth is awesome <Android18> Why? <Rebbel> Im looking at my house <Rebbel> brb, pizzas here <BFMV> Now thats what i call technology
<defekt> eh, some muslims just burned the swiss flag as a danish flag <naama-> it's the thought that counts
<Geese> Did you know that some people say "niche" instead of "niche"? <ChupaChups> no way
<@Wally> stupid muslims promise virgins <@Wally> if they promised lightsabers I'd be on my way to mecca <@Wally> I can hang out with virgins on IRC
<joesboxd3b> it is just ironic.... you can't get the cvs version of cvs unless you get the older version of cvs then cvs to the cvs server to get the latest cvs version of cvs
,meep> i hate the parents who go "does it wash off?" <meep> i'm like wtf! of course it freaking washes off <meep> it's face paint <meep> no i am going to permanently mark your child to look like a cat.