(@Blaxthos) CANTON, Georgia (AP) -- Christmas is still going strong for 14-year-old Nick Waters. (@Blaxthos) When the boy's church asked what he wanted for Christmas, Nick, who cannot talk and was born with no arms, slowly typed his reply with his feet: Lots of Christmas cards. Ten thousand of them. (@Blaxthos) jesus christ (@Blaxthos) ASK FOR ARMS DUMBASS
<crax> my son get an ibook from school. 5th grade. <Pothead> he doesn't deserve an ibook <Pothead> give him an iBinder like we used to have <Pothead> and an iPencil <Pothead> and an iLunchpail with Spiderman on it like I used to have <z1g-work> did you play with your iFriends <Pothead> iDidn't have any
<evilada> is it right to cheat on a paper for ethics class? <evilada> i mean im just saying <evilada> things would get done a whole lot quicker <evilada> and it would be a wonderful practice in irony <mike310> what if you get caught? <evilada> just say it was some ass backwards experiment about ethics and shit. You'll probably get an A.
Alittleredhead16: why'd you get off yahoo LamontOfnazareth: Because I got bored. Alittleredhead16: ooohhhhhhhhhh Alittleredhead16: yea sure Alittleredhead16: dont lie, its becuz you think i'm ugly LamontOfNazareth: No. I closed your webcam because I think you're ugly. LamontOfNazareth: I got off because I got bored.
Wardave: My girlfriend tells me I'm lazy and have no ambition. CancersDan: Dump her ass Wardave: I should but that's just way too much work
TANK Ex Mortis: I HATE WINDOWS!!!11one AkiraBlast45387: ha AkiraBlast45387: y? TANK Ex Mortis: "Cannot delete file: It is being used by another person or program. Close any programs that might be using the file and try again." TANK Ex Mortis: WHAT FILE, YOU SHITHOLE OPERATING SYSTEM!? TANK Ex Mortis: If I was on Linux, it'd be like "There was an error, program X doesn't want you to delete that file. Here's a helpful link to teach you how to get around that. Would you like some tea?" TANK Ex Mortis: Of course, when I want to install something on Linux, it says "You can't install that until you install these 50 libraries, update these 3 drives, downgrade this 1 driver, and pick my mom up from the airport." TANK Ex Mortis: Whereas with Windows, it says "Click the next button over and over again until the program is installed. It will then work perfectly unless it doesn't." TANK Ex Mortis: Unless it's made by Valve, in which case it says "DIEDIEDIEDIEDIEDIEDIEDIE" and blows up your computer. ; _;
<Gregoray> Most embarassing moment would be when I finished wanking, and stoop up to do up my pants, when i noticed a red dot on my nuts. When i looked up, I realized my 13 year old niegbor and her 2 friends where watching me through my window and had a lazer pointer aimed at me.
< robT> Name ONE thing that your windows comp can do that my MAC cant < bawss> Right click.
SouLTaKeR2023: I was on the phone with a friend SouLTaKeR2023: and we happen to talk about foreskin ARazorbladeGrin: amazing SouLTaKeR2023: and my lil bro walks in SouLTaKeR2023: and hes like SouLTaKeR2023: "whats foreskin"? SouLTaKeR2023: Im like SouLTaKeR2023: "Its the skin on the forehead" SouLTaKeR2023: I flicked him on the forehead so he would leave SouLTaKeR2023: and now hes running around the house yelling SouLTaKeR2023: "MAMA ALEX FLICKED MY FORESKIN" ARazorbladeGrin: ROFLROFLROFLROFLROFL
<Barb> I just looked over at a cup on my desk and thought "Ew, that milk must be really old. Its like, orangey. Strange that it doesn't smell." And I realized it was orange juice and not milk.
<Brock> Work work work! <Brock> That's all I do for me <Brock> You'd think I'd pay me in something other than handjobs.
NaTTiE 623: just a sample of how crazy ms. bauer is......today in health were were taking a test and the question was : WHICH ONE OF THESE IS NOT A FACTOR OF PREGNANCY? and one of the multiple choice questions was : pregnancy makes a woman unexplicably want to chase after and poison squirrels
<Langly1> ive got a dual socket A system running cheap chips, i use it mainly to encode 80's mp3's i call it Duron Duron
<chiks> is aluminum better than steel in most cases? <SJr|Tecra> No what would you be more scared of <SJr|Tecra> the man of steel or the man of aluminium
(Deranged): I like my women like I like my coffee. (Jet): Black? (SteveTheImpermeableHamster): full of your cream? (mistik): hawt? (Jet): Columbian? (Aimee): hot? (Jet): From McDonalds? (SteveTheImpermeableHamster): in a cup? (Jet): Spilt all over your lap? (mistik): cheap? (Deranged): No.. (Deranged): Ground up, and in the freezer. (mistik): oh (mistik): lmao
<Blackwolf> i'm visiting my gf in the hospital tomorroy...yay <ereque> whats up with her? <altemark> ereque: she managed to dig herself up
Euriusx_xNocturnus: Think of someone of "average" intelligence. Then think half the world is dumber than that. Veronica5050: ow Veronica5050: just ow Veronica5050: owowowowowowowowow
<Jered> you should have to stand on a scale to get fries <Jered> "must be at least this thin to eat"
<LadyAerowen> I'm allowed to have my own opinion, burra :P <burrahobbit> i dont know where you got that idea from but it is wrong
<swampi^^> I just downloaded this pic <swampi^^> The title was bukkake ass pussy young lolita swallow cum eat meat shit piss drink old babe anal double veginal fuck tits breasts dick monster cock grannie german britney spears.jpg <el-el_cul_jay> ... <swampi^^> turned out to be a smiley face <el-el_cul_jay> rofl
<hoLy> Ouch <hoLy> my friend is giving me a tattoo with a bic pen and a knife right now <hoLy> hurts so much but he almost finished <hoLy> Hes finishing up the I in SATIN <Ruff> ... <hoLy> Yeah, so it'll say HAIL SATIN <hoLy> This is gonnna be awesome
<Ch0|sen> fuck I made a fake Myspace account posing as a bi blonde to get horny desperate internet guys to get me a free ipod and now all these hot lesbians are messaging me with "we should fuck" <Ch0|sen> WHY CAN'T THESE BUXOM BI CHICKS LOVE ME AS I AM INSTEAD OF THE 20 YEAR OLD BLONDE COLLEGE STUDENT I PORTRAY ON THE INTERNET
<taap> there is no such thing as .ng domain <`naut> What's Nigeria? <AcidX> .poor
<playamj> I need some creative ways of asking this girl I like to the prom...please post some ideas thanks! <secks> You can try walking up to her and pushing the use key
<@drwiii> so ecbc and I go to gamestop to get Mario 64 DS. <@drwiii> and i bring my DS along. <@drwiii> then we go to this chinese restaurant. <@drwiii> and as ecbc's coming back from the restroom, he's like "dude did that kid steal your gameboy?" <@drwiii> there was some kid at another table fucking around with PictoChat on his own DS <@drwiii> so i changed the nickname on mine, found the room he was in, and scribbled "What you just ate wasn't chicken." and sent it <@drwiii> and like 10 seconds later i hear over my shoulder "EWWWW!" <@drwiii> apparently he showed it to his mom <@drwiii> i powered mine down and kept on eating. <@drwiii> that was the best thing EVER.
comf0rtabiynumb: The scare tactics line is awesome comf0rtabiynumb: I'd jump someone in an alley. comf0rtabiynumb: Get ready to beat them with a bat, and then say, "Are you scared? You shouldnt be! Youre on scare tactics! Haha! your friend set you up!" comf0rtabiynumb: And then, when they start laughing and their guard is down BAAM! Beat the fuck out of them and take their wallet
<pantherqs> yeah <pantherqs> so <pantherqs> i got raided <pantherqs> mad leet. <Thazul> as in raid0, or as in swat? <pantherqs> as in <pantherqs> my shop got raided. geek.
SherbyCool: not tuesday exeblah: ok exeblah: um SherbyCool: tuesday the world ends exeblah: wednesday?
* Now talking in #christiandebate <Pramma> hey you guys, do you think jesus would use bittorrent or ed2k?
* Mordeth plans a back packing holiday to bulgaria <Mordeth> is cannabis legal in your country? <Hunchback> nope <Mordeth> balls! <Mordeth> is it widely available? <Hunchback> yes <Mordeth> great <Mordeth> see you next thursday
<@mitchn> we should patent "3 hour abs" <@mitchn> It comes with a toilet and a fifth of tequila
* Nico (Nico@host81-154-181-36.range81-154.btcentralplus.com) has joined #megatokyo <Nico> You know those oh so hilarious Bash quotes where someone's something is on fire, and they run on to IRC to tell everyone. I just decided to put the fire out before coming on to tell my friends. Let this be a lesson to those whose homes burnt down in the space of an irc convo.
<sh> I wonder if odor eaters compete for odors, since presumably they need them to survive
[+Bobthefish] when your desperate for sex you shouldn't pass up a threesome [+Bobthefish] just close your eyes [+Bobthefish] actually don't, you might grab something you don't want to [@SnowPhaal] I couldn't cross swords with another man, not even by accident. [@SnowPhaal] It'd be like Ghostbusters..."Don't Cross The Streams!"
<genome> osir, would you mind doing /os umode genome +SqoaAN <~Osiris> -OperServ- Access Denied - Your NetAdmin is not a dumbfuck
<Goatroper> so i had a checkup at the doctor a couple months ago <Goatroper> i waited in the goddamn lobby for like 2 hours <Goatroper> i was just starting to doze off when they called me back into one of the exam rooms <Goatroper> so i sit on this chair for like 30 more mins, and then fall asleep <Goatroper> i wake up and have no idea what time it is or how long i've been waiting <Goatroper> so 20 minutes later after I finished reading the Hispanic Business Weekly <Goatroper> I start diggin through the drawers in the exam table and his desk drawer <Goatroper> i find some hypos and don't touch them, some dressing gowns, and then i get to the drawer marked "OB/GYN" <Goatroper> i open it up, take a peeky-peek inside, and what do I see? Speculums and rectal dilators. <Goatroper> At this point I'm in his desk rolly-chair <Goatroper> with about 40 rubber gloves in my pockets for later use <Goatroper> so I grab a speculum in each hand <Goatroper> and start making them sing and talk like little ducks <Goatroper> i was rooting around for a sharpie and couldn't find one <Goatroper> so i put them down and did my glove-trick <Goatroper> i stretched a rubber glove over my head and blew it up <Goatroper> then i grabbbed the speculums and started spinning around in his chair <Goatroper> glove inflated on my head the size of two basketballs <Goatroper> speculum in each hand <Goatroper> spinning in his office chair <Goatroper> i hear footsteps and as i'm extending my legs to slow down, the door opens <Goatroper> the doctor is standing there with my chart in his hand <kr0nus> omg <Goatroper> i stopped spinning and just sat there, looking at him through the thin film of the glove <Goatroper> he was like "Corey.....?" <Goatroper> I said "Yep." <Goatroper> held up the speculums. <Goatroper> said, "I got bored." <Goatroper> and he was like "That's quite a trick with those gloves. Where did you learn that?" <Goatroper> I said "Many doctor's offices in many states." <Goatroper> He was like "You want to take some with you?" as I got up <Goatroper> I pulled the wad out of my pocket and said "Already did." <Goatroper> then I walked out and i heard him laughing like a goddamn maniac as soon as the door was closed <Goatroper> then the other day i go in again rofl and he just hands me a brand new unopened box of 100 gloves <Goatroper> i was gonna ask for some speculums just to fuck with him but I was afraid he'd give me some
<@Paul4x> So we have a electric pad to go with the electric blanket. Shelby calls it the "George Foreman" bed.
<SlipMage> ill have hd's up the ass once i get working <Supachikn> interesting occupation
<CS13> I wanted to get one of my Jewish friends a present for the holidays. Just one. Not eight. And then it hit me. So, I got her one present and broke it into seven peices and gave one piece to her each day. And on the eigth day? BAM! Super glue.
<zephyrlot> Do you want my personaluity to be: <zephyrlot> Snob who looks down on people <zephyrlot> Ass-kissing groupie <zephyrlot> Desperately trying to be friends <@TJ32> Which is the one that types the least?
<+blotch> howcome you never see a black santa <@SantaReul> what are the chances of a black man breaking into people's houses to *leave* things
Dan: When I die, I wouldn't want any one to find my pr0n. Someone needs to create encrypted mpeg/divx. Presmike: all the passwords would be cracked in no time because they have to be easy enough to type with one hand. Dan: O_o
<Match> you shouldve seen the confused look on her face <Match> it's like we dropped her in the middle of china and asked her to find a mr. chang
<Dram> XP is basicly 98 with a lot more extra features to hunt down and disable
Denomination: i almost read a whole pamphlet about child abuse Kristen: why? Denomination: it had pictures
<@Vegetarian> i cant wait till i die, im either gonna have "BRB" or "AFK" on my tombstone..
<BoTGoD> In the wet season, when my house lies at the eye of a particularly savage thunderstorm storm, lightning all around and power out, i like to masturbate - it makes me feel like i am thor.
* Hawk boots up Windows <Beyonder> It's like a million mac users cried out in pain and were suddenly silenced... <suds|finals> lol <Beyonder> wait.. make that 5000 mac users, let's be realistic <Evs> LOL <SysError> XD