* Mordeth plans a back packing holiday to bulgaria <Mordeth> is cannabis legal in your country? <Hunchback> nope <Mordeth> balls! <Mordeth> is it widely available? <Hunchback> yes <Mordeth> great <Mordeth> see you next thursday
<@mitchn> we should patent "3 hour abs" <@mitchn> It comes with a toilet and a fifth of tequila
* Nico (Nico@host81-154-181-36.range81-154.btcentralplus.com) has joined #megatokyo <Nico> You know those oh so hilarious Bash quotes where someone's something is on fire, and they run on to IRC to tell everyone. I just decided to put the fire out before coming on to tell my friends. Let this be a lesson to those whose homes burnt down in the space of an irc convo.
<sh> I wonder if odor eaters compete for odors, since presumably they need them to survive
[+Bobthefish] when your desperate for sex you shouldn't pass up a threesome [+Bobthefish] just close your eyes [+Bobthefish] actually don't, you might grab something you don't want to [@SnowPhaal] I couldn't cross swords with another man, not even by accident. [@SnowPhaal] It'd be like Ghostbusters..."Don't Cross The Streams!"
<genome> osir, would you mind doing /os umode genome +SqoaAN <~Osiris> -OperServ- Access Denied - Your NetAdmin is not a dumbfuck
<Goatroper> so i had a checkup at the doctor a couple months ago <Goatroper> i waited in the goddamn lobby for like 2 hours <Goatroper> i was just starting to doze off when they called me back into one of the exam rooms <Goatroper> so i sit on this chair for like 30 more mins, and then fall asleep <Goatroper> i wake up and have no idea what time it is or how long i've been waiting <Goatroper> so 20 minutes later after I finished reading the Hispanic Business Weekly <Goatroper> I start diggin through the drawers in the exam table and his desk drawer <Goatroper> i find some hypos and don't touch them, some dressing gowns, and then i get to the drawer marked "OB/GYN" <Goatroper> i open it up, take a peeky-peek inside, and what do I see? Speculums and rectal dilators. <Goatroper> At this point I'm in his desk rolly-chair <Goatroper> with about 40 rubber gloves in my pockets for later use <Goatroper> so I grab a speculum in each hand <Goatroper> and start making them sing and talk like little ducks <Goatroper> i was rooting around for a sharpie and couldn't find one <Goatroper> so i put them down and did my glove-trick <Goatroper> i stretched a rubber glove over my head and blew it up <Goatroper> then i grabbbed the speculums and started spinning around in his chair <Goatroper> glove inflated on my head the size of two basketballs <Goatroper> speculum in each hand <Goatroper> spinning in his office chair <Goatroper> i hear footsteps and as i'm extending my legs to slow down, the door opens <Goatroper> the doctor is standing there with my chart in his hand <kr0nus> omg <Goatroper> i stopped spinning and just sat there, looking at him through the thin film of the glove <Goatroper> he was like "Corey.....?" <Goatroper> I said "Yep." <Goatroper> held up the speculums. <Goatroper> said, "I got bored." <Goatroper> and he was like "That's quite a trick with those gloves. Where did you learn that?" <Goatroper> I said "Many doctor's offices in many states." <Goatroper> He was like "You want to take some with you?" as I got up <Goatroper> I pulled the wad out of my pocket and said "Already did." <Goatroper> then I walked out and i heard him laughing like a goddamn maniac as soon as the door was closed <Goatroper> then the other day i go in again rofl and he just hands me a brand new unopened box of 100 gloves <Goatroper> i was gonna ask for some speculums just to fuck with him but I was afraid he'd give me some
<@Paul4x> So we have a electric pad to go with the electric blanket. Shelby calls it the "George Foreman" bed.
<SlipMage> ill have hd's up the ass once i get working <Supachikn> interesting occupation
<CS13> I wanted to get one of my Jewish friends a present for the holidays. Just one. Not eight. And then it hit me. So, I got her one present and broke it into seven peices and gave one piece to her each day. And on the eigth day? BAM! Super glue.
<zephyrlot> Do you want my personaluity to be: <zephyrlot> Snob who looks down on people <zephyrlot> Ass-kissing groupie <zephyrlot> Desperately trying to be friends <@TJ32> Which is the one that types the least?
<+blotch> howcome you never see a black santa <@SantaReul> what are the chances of a black man breaking into people's houses to *leave* things
Dan: When I die, I wouldn't want any one to find my pr0n. Someone needs to create encrypted mpeg/divx. Presmike: all the passwords would be cracked in no time because they have to be easy enough to type with one hand. Dan: O_o
<Match> you shouldve seen the confused look on her face <Match> it's like we dropped her in the middle of china and asked her to find a mr. chang
<Dram> XP is basicly 98 with a lot more extra features to hunt down and disable
Denomination: i almost read a whole pamphlet about child abuse Kristen: why? Denomination: it had pictures
<@Vegetarian> i cant wait till i die, im either gonna have "BRB" or "AFK" on my tombstone..
<BoTGoD> In the wet season, when my house lies at the eye of a particularly savage thunderstorm storm, lightning all around and power out, i like to masturbate - it makes me feel like i am thor.
* Hawk boots up Windows <Beyonder> It's like a million mac users cried out in pain and were suddenly silenced... <suds|finals> lol <Beyonder> wait.. make that 5000 mac users, let's be realistic <Evs> LOL <SysError> XD
<Biomech-> i took a shit earlier that weighed about 200g, well unimpressed <Nezzie> so, do you actually scoop it out of the toilet? <Biomech-> im slightly more sophisticated than that <@cai> you're weighing shit, how sophisticated can it get?
<Kahlzarg> Jesus dies i get chocolate.. jesus is born I get presents.. works for me..
kinky kinsey: oh yeah...wanna bet? Steel: would i lose? kinky kinsey: yes Steel: then no. i dont wanna bet
Opti: i was really bored... had 2 options... 1) watch paint dry 2) come to #general Opti: i chose the paint... Opti: but thats dry now :/
<@Matt> 10 things men know about women..... <@Matt> 1. <@Matt> 2. <@Matt> 3. <@Matt> 4. <@Matt> 5. <@Matt> 6. <@Matt> 7. <@Matt> 8. <@Matt> 9. <@Matt> 10. Women have tits
< Cronos Gabliani > I personally belive that in any situation that you expect a kick in the balls, and you get a slap in the face, thats a victory.
<drmason> there was this one time I was wanking to porn... <drmason> ... I kept a javascript tutorial open in another window so my parents didn't start wondering why I was always on the desktop with no windows showing <drmason> so I'm just about to splurge when I suddenly hear my dad coming up the stairs <drmason> alt-tabbed to the other window and tried to pull my boxers up... computer stalled JUST THEN as my dad was opening the door <drmason> I just stood up and was like "fuck... dad this honestly isn't what it looks like" <drmason> and he glanced at the screen and said "I sure hope so because it looks like you're masturbating to a fucking javascript tutorial"
spoonsucker: I ordered pizza today (not from Pizza Hut because they're not open for lunch on Mondays or something) but the delivery driver was a 45 year old Italian-looking lady with six times too much makeup on. My dad was home on his lunch break and saw her leaving. Then he came storming into my room demanding to know if I'd just had sex with a hooker =
Awesomest771: god damn jeff's been at blockbuster for 2 hours, where the fuck is he Einhander MKII: that was a pretty stupid question
<LoY|Steam> fucks sake <LoY|Steam> i tell you what is embarassing <LoY|Steam> when you go on a date with a lass <LoY|Steam> who is rather plump <LoY|Steam> and you try to pick her up as a bit of fun <LoY|Steam> but physically <LoY|Steam> you cant fucking lift her <LoY|Steam> worse fucking date ever, got no sex and put my fucking back out
<Orthodox> deutschland 11e hier is 18, haltet mich gefaelligst davon ab glei zu verschwinden und die chinesische wodkaflasche zu exen !kick!: <Orthodox> was kicked by <Pidda> [I don't know what your problem is, but I'll bet it's hard to pronounce.]
<@Carmen> I wish I did all the things I wanted to do to my EX before we broke up <@Carmen> Selling her to that guy out east for 6000 would have been a good start <@Deadlymouse> should have taken four goats and a Camel when you were offered it <@Carmen> Ya would have gotten more from the goat
<Don> scyth, I come here for the loving people and atmosphere happy.gif <scyth> I come here because I forgot to remove it from my auto-connect list
LightGrayMage: all the technology in the world doesn't matter if the majority of your population is mind numbingly stupid.
Explosions: why didnt' you come? FlakGuitar: food poisoning Explosions: what did you have FlakGuitar: alcohol
Mervin: Alright, thats it Mervin: I'm so gonna get you Kelvin: GEEK Mervin: You are so not 3l337 Kelvin: I am so 3l337 Rocky:Alright geeks, i think we know how to settle this Rocky: Dungeons and Dragons at D20 paces
<dmsndlr> You know, it was kinda hard being the only jewish kid in a small town.. <dmsndlr> I'm tall, so I used to play in the church's basketball team and everytime I stepped on court the ref went "FOUL!" <dmsndlr> And I was like "What, I didn't even do anything!" <dmsndlr> "Well you did kill Jesus."
<Sukato> What does it mean when you search google with one word and only get one hit? <Xenogenesis> You have a very specific fetish?
<Silent69> Hey did you take the $5 dollars that was sitting on my desk the last time you were here <Cactus> Ya, the movie we rented wasnt rewound and they called me up saying I had to pay a stupid fee for not rewinding the damn thing. And I was on my way back to the video store so I might as well had paid it off. <Silent69> Oh ok. Just wondering where it went. <Cactus> no prob man, gtg, peace. ***Cactus has left the conversation*** <Silent69> peace <Silent69> Wait a second, <Silent69> WE RENTED A DVD!!!
* Earhart/#intersocs thinks about sex :-) <mel> when do you not? <mel> it's like <mel> 10 Think about sex <mel> 20 Goto 10
<Maggie> Rune <Rune> ? <Maggie> why are all men chauvinistic pigs? <Rune> because we're better than you
<jamesi> paperwork is teh suck <jamesi> i'm 27 years old, using the words 'teh suck'. I should be ashamed of myself, and yet, i'll probably use those words in combination again sometime in the next 3 hours
<Cardo> I reckon they should keep making Jackass shows <Shady> yer <Cardo> That way we can use Darwin as a turbine while he spins in his grave <Shady> lol
<karl> where is everyone? <Kayote_G> Well I'm trying to explain to my (now ex) girlfriend why I own a porn site. <Kayote_G> :'(
<sp4nk> I once knew this guy who kept a dream journal. <sp4nk> Some little spiral notebook he'd keep by his bed. <martyr> haha nice <sp4nk> I'd get waken up in the middle of the night and find him writing shit in it. At 3 AM. <sp4nk> Told me it was so he could remember the lucid dreams he had the following morning. <sp4nk> So one night at about 1, I decided to have a look. <sp4nk> As I suspected, full of shit about meeting dead people and flying across the Atlantic Ocean. <sp4nk> He was asleep at the time, of course. <sp4nk> So I grabbed a pencil and made my own entry. <martyr> ROFL <sp4nk> Something along the lines of: OH MY GOD I WANT YOUR BLOOD SATAN PLEASE LIBERATE ME FROM MY WRETCHED LIFE <sp4nk> I swear, he was shaking the rest of that day.
<poit[fsgc> !decide "slack off and lie about the reason" "do the work and have a clean moral slate" <CrockPot> The roll of the dice picks: slack off and lie about the reason. <poit[fsgc> Good bot * poit[fsgc goes to sleep
cynicalkane: why does Michael Jackson like twenty eight year olds? cynicalkane: because there's twenty of them
<Kankraka> turn my tv on, and it's all "omg save the african kids" <Kankraka> so i turn on my xbox <Kankraka> crisis averted