<oldskools> U.S. Attorney General Ashcroft, U.S. Commerce Secretary Evans resign <eco|wk> Knowing the country's luck, we'll get someone worse than Ashcroft. <dataw0lf> I would say that's impossible, but I don't want to jinx the country. <oldskools> BREAKING NEWS-President Bush appoints Hitler's ghost as the new U.S. Attorney General.
<Hibashira> Tommah <FraudulentTommah> what <Hibashira> let's make a baby <FraudulentTommah> out of what
<PeppyTheHamster> me and my friends went to a local gas station on lunch at school to buy some snacks and shit. <PeppyTheHamster> we got inside, and the guy behind the counter was like <PeppyTheHamster> "Why arent you in school?" <PeppyTheHamster> We told him we were on lunch and he was like "Good. stay in school, its good for you." <PeppyTheHamster> I turned to him and said "Yeah! So we can work in a gas station!" <PeppyTheHamster> He looked at me like I was the anti-christ. As we were leaving he went on the intercom and spoke into his microphone "Please ignore the homosexuals leaving the store."
<Raiden> I've been seeing a lot more quotes on bash that are ones that have been up on the site for a long time. It's like the mods don't even bother and just click random quotes to add. HEAR THAT MODS, RANDOMLY CLICK ON THE BIG HUGE TEXT YOU SEE HERE
<Chewbacca> Raarraraaraarrrraarargh. <Jordanis_Jackal> What's that Chewie? Han fell into the well?
<JohnnyBlazE> i went to google <JohnnyBlazE> to look for something <JohnnyBlazE> and i forgot what <JohnnyBlazE> so i asked google what it was <JohnnyBlazE> the bastard doesnt know :(
<TheMaxx> interesting cash making tactic i've discovered in Rome: Total War <TheMaxx> once a city starts getting really, really... big.. the citizens start getting a little uppity, especially if your city lacks certain amenities befitting a city of its size <TheMaxx> so fine <TheMaxx> remove the garrison, crank up the taxes and let them revolt <TheMaxx> army moves back in with little opposition (peasants vs. legions, pshaw).. then execute 70% of the population and take their gold <TheMaxx> before you know it they'll start clamouring for democracy <Deltan> If there were a dictator of the year award, you'd be a shoe in. <Deltan> That Saddam fellow has nothing on you.
*** Topic in #doghouse is 'Our hearts are extended to the 17 victims of the recent internet fraud' * Anubis has joined #doghouse <Anubis> what fraud? <Kadmium> You haven't heard about it? <Anubis> no? <Kadmium> You can read the full story at http:// www.tubgirl.com <Anubis> omg wtf! *** Kadmium changes topic to 'Our hearts are extended to the 18 victims of the recent internet fraud'
<[Cable]Tech> has anyone managed to join Harry.Potter.And.The.Prisoner.Of.Azkaban.2004.TC.XviD.AC3 cd1 and cd2 together , if so using what avi joiner? <Marsupial> I joined Spiderman cd1 and Friends episode 32 together. <Marsupial> using Microsoft Outlook Express. <Marsupial> Chandler got bit by a radioactive spider and shot a web at Phoebe, and then it emailed me.
<Rambo> Have you guys heard about the latest pirate film? <Rambo> It's rated Arrrr <Nurple> Rambo, please die
<Aluvium> Hey nick dcc me tha "100%legalyperchased.mp3" i like so much * Alluvium watches as Nicks broadband cable modem, rams a file down his 56k modem's throat harder than something out a german porno vid
<iggz[leafs]> GOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAALLLLLLLLLL <Skand|Hockey_Ninja|> CRAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAPPPPPPPPPPPPPP <enisoc> it's easy to tell what side everyone's on
<Dr.Jew> So im training to become technician/consumer sales representative and the instructor tells us we get to listen to a few of the most outrageous calls theyve recorded. He plays the first one and, I couldnt make this up, a guy calls in and is telling the rep that his mouse is all the way on the left edge of the mousepad but he needs the pointer to go to the left some more. After about 15 minutes of nerdy laughter, he asks this kid what he would say in a situation like that and the kid says "Sir, based on my interpretation of the information you gave me, I suggest purchasing one of our larger mousepads.".
[30/10/04 00:32:41] Tinkerbell : last funny for the day George Bush is visiting the Queen of England. He asks her, "Your Majesty, how do you run such an efficient government? Are there any tips you can give me?" "Well," says the Queen, "the most important thing is to surround yourself with intelligent people." Bush frowns. "But how do I know the people around me are really intelligent?" The Queen takes a sip of tea. "Oh, that's easy. You just ask them to answer an intelligence riddle. The Queen pushes a button on her intercom. "Please send The Prime Minister in here, would you?" Tony Blair walks into the room. "Your Majesty..." The Queen smiles. "Answer me this, please, Tony. Your mother and father have a child. It is not your brother and it is not your sister. Who is it?" Without pausing for a moment, Blair answers, "That would be me!" "Yes! Very good!" says the Queen. Back at the White House, Bush calls in his vice president, Dick Cheney. "Dick, answer this for me. Your mother and your father have a child. It's not your brother and it's not your sister. Who is it?" "I'm not sure," says the vice president. "Let me get back to you on that one." Dick Cheney goes to his advisers and asks every one, but none can give him an answer. Finally, he ends up in the men's room and recognizes Colin Powell's shoes in the next stall. Dick shouts, "Colin! Can you answer this for me? Your mother and father have a child and it's not your brother or your sister. Who is it?" Colin Powell yells back, "That's easy. It's me!" Dick Cheney smiles. "Thanks!" Cheney goes back to the Oval Office and asks to speak with Bush. "Say, I did some research and I have the answer to that riddle. It's Colin Powell." Bush gets up, stomps over to Dick Cheney, and angrily yells into his face, "No, you idiot! It's Tony Blair!"
<PsYko> u know whats better than 1 sub? 2 subs <PsYko> :D <Sig|lap> and do you know whats better than that? <Sig|lap> 2 subs with cookies <Rizel> what about 3 subs a cookie and a cold beer <zappp> i'll see your 3 cookies and raise you 1 coke <Virar> i fold <PsYko> hit me * wot punches PsYko
* ion has joined #sp <ion> today's my birthday <deMoN> yo happy bday man ;) <ion> thanks, my dad brought me a new case home from his work today <ion> ok, it's not a new case, it's my old one...i didnt like the gray metal frame so i wanted to change the color <plague> What color? <ion> gold. i was going to spray paint it, but it would have ended up melting. so my dad said he'd take it to work <ion> he works at this metal coating place <ion> just brought it home today. looks awesome <plague> So you have a gold plated tower? <ion> no it's not gold...something else...let me go ask <ion> copper. it's copper <plague> Copper plated?? Is it running right now? <ion> no dude...on my other pc..i just finished hooking up the mobo and stuff, i'm about to start it <ion> stand back <plague> Before you turn it on...I think you should know something... * ion has quit IRC (No Route to Host) <plague> Copper is a conductor of electricity. <deMoN> think we should have told him? <zeff> nah, it's funnier this way. <plague> of course...<> Note: the fuse box in his house was fried. knocked the power out.
<ptgenera> do you agree that "baby" is an awesome unit of volume? <ptgenera> for instance: "That microwave is easily a six-baby unit."
<HouseCookie> What the hell is kwanzaa? <Tyler> File-sharing for African-Americans.
Myung LeshBurton: in drivers ed yesterday, the teacher said something about how he used to always look up to superman Myung LeshBurton: and how he wished everybody was indestructable like he was Myung LeshBurton: so i just had to yell out "But it didnt take kryptonite to kill Superman, just a horse!" Myung LeshBurton: the entire class fell silent, 3 people holding back laughter and everybody else horrified at what i said RACaira326: hahahahahahahahahaha RACaira326: you are a TERRIBLE person RACaira326: you should be proud Myung LeshBurton: wait, i made it worse RACaira326: I cant believe you can make that worse Myung LeshBurton: i said "Unless somebody hid kryptonite in the horses ass"
McViC0 0 97: is your mom there? DarkEternal37: hey hey DarkEternal37: lets try to have ONE conversation without a your mom joke DarkEternal37: k? McViC0 0 97: i'll try DarkEternal37: me too McViC0 0 97: but i promise ntohing DarkEternal37: im listening to adam's song McViC0 0 97: im listenign to the sound of your mom moaning McViC0 0 97: oh fuck DarkEternal37: havent heard it in so long McViC0 0 97: i messed up DarkEternal37: I FUCKING HATE YOU McViC0 0 97: lol McViC0 0 97: it slipped i swear DarkEternal37: you lasted fucking 23 SECONDS DarkEternal37: i hope you last longer in bed DarkEternal37: for my moms sake
DDay22Alpha1243: You voted Komataguri: I was standing in line for over an hour. DDay22Alpha1243: oh Komataguri: and this bitch was behind me. Komataguri: Ugly bitch, kept bumping into me purposefully every time the line moved and I didn't step forward fast enough. Komataguri: So I ripped one on her. Komataguri: a silent one so no one knew where it came from. Komataguri: After a few seconds, teh whole library smelled like someone dumped raw sewage and 40tons of roadkill in the place DDay22Alpha1243: lol Komataguri: I never felt so proud
<@HEMI> I'm tempted to start going to work in ripped jeans/ shirts and tell them that's all I can afford on what they're paying me.
Rabidplaybunny87: A Touching Story of Love and Marriage Rabidplaybunny87: An elderly man lay dying in his bed. In death's agony, he suddenly smelled the aroma of his favorite chocolate chip cookies wafting up the stairs. He gathered his remaining strength, and lifted himself from the bed. Leaning against the wall, he slowly made his way out of the bedroom, and with even greater effort inched himself down the stairs, gripping the railing with both hands. Rabidplaybunny87: With labored breath, he leaned against the door frame, gazing into the kitchen. Were it not for death's agony, he would have thought himself already in heaven. There, spread out upon newspapers on the kitchen table, were literally hundreds of his favorite chocolate chip cookies. Rabidplaybunny87: Was it heaven? Or was it one final act of heroic love from his devoted wife, seeing to it that he left this world a happy man? Mustering one great final effort, he moved himself toward the table. His parched lips parted; the wondrous taste of the cookie was almost already in his mouth; seemingly bringing him back to life. Rabidplaybunny87: The aged and withered hand, shakily made its way to a cookie at the edge of the table, when it was suddenly smacked with a spatula by his wife. Rabidplaybunny87: "Stay out of those," she said, "they're for the funeral."
<AVX885> i'm going to break up with my girlfriend, she is cheating on me <sprtzntm77> dude, this is perfect... ok heres what you do <sprtzntm77> dont mention this to her, and get in her pants one last time, make it really rough. <AVX 885> i like where this is going.. <sprtzntm77> right, so.. fuck her nice and rough-like and just before she is about to cum, pull out. <AVX 885> haha, go on <sprtzntm77> pull out and dont say a word. Go get your pants and put em back on, and say somthing along the lines of "i dont think our relationship is gonna work out, im breaking up with you. goodbye" <AVX 885> HAHA, nice! <sprtzntm77> so keep an emotionless face and dont respond to anything she says. While your putting on your socks, mutter somthing about forgetting to pick up your syphilis antibiotics. That'll really get her freaked out. <AVX 885> LMAO! This is golden, i have to pull this off.. <sprtzntm77> dude.. before this all goes down.. i'll hide either under the bed or in the closet. While your on your way to the door, turn around and say, "hey mark, shes not gonna go for the DP, were leaving.. lets go." I'll get out from under the bed, look pissed off and follow you out the door. <AVX 885> this is golden.. haha and I could just imagine her sitting there spread eagle on the bed with the most awesome expression of shock and awe on her face. I should take a picture as im walking out the door and mail it to her parents. <sprtzntm77> Fuck, if we pull this off, it will be the best breakup scenario ever. She deserves it too. <AVX 885> Yes, this is a warning women everywhere.. dont cheat on me, for I will seek my sweet revenge.
<Zoli> I wrote some norse death metal rap earlier today <Zoli> of course I'd recite it for you! <Zoli> YO I'M A BLONDE MOTHERFUCKER AND I WORSHIP THOR <Zoli> I'M GUNNA USE MY AXE BUST DOWN YOUR DOOR <Zoli> SCREAMING VALHALLA AT THE TOP OF MY LUNGS <Zoli> I GOT PHAT RHYMES AND I SPEAK IN TONGUES <Zoli> RAGNAROK THE PARTY LIKE A VALHALLA PARTY <Zoli> RAGNAROK THE PARTY LIKE A VALHALLA PARTY <Zoli> NORSE. (crazy motherfucker with a longship baby) <Zoli> NORSE (gunna kick your ass and I don't mean maybe) <Zoli> NORSE. (crazy motherfucker with a longship baby) <Zoli> NORSE (LONG BLONDE HAIR THAT IS SOFT AND WAVY) <Zoli> fin.
Gear Grinder X: once, we had these total freak seventh day advenist (or whatever) freak ass neighbors Gear Grinder X: and this girl Lanna was a little younger than me Gear Grinder X: she was a bitch, and they were all totally religious Gear Grinder X: she threw rocks at me once on my bike, and so I turned around, and went to run over here Gear Grinder X: I was hauling ASS, and you know what she did? Gear Grinder X: put her hands on her hips, and stood there and said "The lord will protect me" Gear Grinder X: well.... he didn't
<h0ward> it began with the forging of the great servers <h0ward> three were given to the geeks, immortal, wisest, and fairest of all beings <h0ward> seven to teh jock-lords, great football players and craftsmen of the locker halls <h0ward> and nine, nine servers were given to the race of men whom above all else desired PRON <h0ward> within the servers was a power that could govern each class <h0ward> but they were all of them deceived <h0ward> for another server was made <h0ward> stile, the deceiver, forged in secret a master server to control all others <h0ward> one server to rule them all <h0ward> one by one the people of the servers fell to the great power of the master server <h0ward> but there were some <h0ward> who resisted <h0ward> a great alliance of geeks and jocks marched against the fanboys of stile <h0ward> and on the slopes of blogwars <h0ward> they fought for the freedom of good, and only good pron <h0ward> AAAHHH <h0ward> FAPFAPFAPFAPFAPFAPFAP <h0ward> victory was near <h0ward> but the master server could not be stopped <h0ward> the dark lord stile killed brunot son of brunob <h0ward> and as luck should so have it <h0ward> brunob cut the wiring of the master server <h0ward> stile the enemy of good, decent pron of the earth <h0ward> was wanked out of existence
<Lunchbox> The day Microsoft makes a product that doesn't suck is the day they make a vacuum cleaner.
<zamros> haha yeah being a plumber would be fucking awesome actually <zamros> like if i had my own fuckin' company <zamros> with a van and shit <zamros> like i'd go in to a plumbing business with a friend <zamros> cuz like when you got two motherfuckers putting the time and money in <zamros> you can buy a van <zamros> you can buy fuckin tools <zamros> you can buy advertising and shit <zamros> haha i'd have the funniest fucking public access commercials for my plumbing business <zamros> like some dude would be taking a shit <zamros> and he'd jiggle the handle <zamros> and he'd be like ".....FUCK!" <zamros> then he falls over on the toilet and grabs the phone <zamros> and calls me <zamros> and he's like "HELLPP!!!" <zamros> then i bust through the fucking wall <zamros> and fucking beat the shit out of a big monster in the toilet1 <zamros> with a plunger <zamros> and the dude is laying in his own shit on the floor <zamros> with the phone in his hand <zamros> and after i won the fight he'd be like "THANK YOU ZAMROS INC" <zamros> and he'd hug me and i'd get shit all over me <zamros> and i'd be like "ALL IN A DAY'S WORK" <zamros> and then bust through the other wall
<simon-say> asking for relationship advice on irc is like asking for computer help at mcdonalds
(Angelus): If you're in a war, instead of throwing a hand grenade at the enemy, throw one of those small pumpkins. Maybe it'll make everyone think how stupid war is, and while they are thinking, you can throw a real grenade at them.
<@shiwan> Hmm. I need to find a "Windows NT Server 4.0 System Administrator" t-shirt to wear around to BDSM clubs. <@shiwan> "So, what are you into?" "I admin a 3-tiered, 12-node NT4 cluster." < XyZzY> shiwan: "oh youre in the 'sick fuck' territory"
<princessangelic> how do you turn on a guy? <+monty> dicksuck <princessangelic> um before that <+monty> get naked <princessangelic> then? <+monty> dicksuck <princessangelic> hmmm I must have missed a memo somewhere <jomomma> hahahahaha
<Zee-sleep> i got full marks for answering "what would encryption be used for?" with "KFC's 11 secret herbs and spices"
<+Disasterologist> wtf why does nobody ever convert to judaism on their death beds? <@Locke> they cant make money as they're dying
<NobleArc> There's always google, WhiteBicycle. <NobleArc> Google is like.. The Oracle from The Matrix. O_o <NobleArc> it knows EVERYTHING. <WhiteBicycle> good call noble <NobleArc> Yet at times can be unimaginably useless.
<Node> i think the person who came up with the a b c d f grading scale failed english
<Hylke> hmm, the movie Titanic isn't really realistic <Palantyre> No shit? <Hylke> they walk through cold water all the time, and the girl gets no stiff nipples
<BOYD1981> you know, i hate it when a channel suddenly goes quiet after a debate <BOYD1981> it's like masturbating, and when you're finally about to ejaculate you hear somebody entering the house <BOYD1981> or walking up the stairs <BOYD1981> so you have to put it away until later <BOYD1981> another reason i hate it is because you never know if it's because nobody has anything to say, or somebody took what was said a little too seriously and is sitting there a bit pissed off <BOYD1981> show me an argument/debate/disagreement i haven't seen before and maybe, just maybe i might get a little pissed off <BOYD1981> i'm more likely to get pissed off by something pissing me off <BOYD1981> like developer and publisher and hellotomyfriendsandfamilyer logo animations before a game loads <BOYD1981> and it even gets on my nerves before a movie <BOYD1981> especially if it's on a dvd that won't let you skip it or go straight to the menu <BOYD1981> to me that's propaganda, it's forcing you do watch something you don't want to <BOYD1981> ofcourse you can't put your hands over your ears and close your eyes, because then you might miss the start of the movie, accidentally hit the skip back button instead of rewind and force yourself into being forced to watch the logos again <BOYD1981> or you could watch the movie once, time how long it takes for the menu to appear or the movie to start, then turn around and face a clock, put your hands over your ears and count the seconds <BOYD1981> but then if somebody walks in on you they'll wonder why you're ignoring what the clock is trying to tell you that's preventing you from watching the movie <BOYD1981> so it's either watching something you're against, or having people think you talk to clocks <BOYD1981> ofcourse you could do the same counting method, but turn the tv on to a different channel for a certain amount of time <BOYD1981> but then somebody might walk in just as soon as you change the channel and think you were watching porn or the mobo awards or something like that <BOYD1981> or, you could do the same but with the tv off <BOYD1981> but then if somebody walks in and sees you sitting there with the dvd player running, the tv off and you with the remote in your hand that you've forgotten which button turns the tv on
<Ale> they are closing down both streets that access my house (I live on a city street conrer) <Apaul> You live on a street corner? <Apaul> Work there too? :) <Ale> Yes, I do <Ale> shit
<Dharkbayne> Reverse Jesus is created when you masturbate in the bath and your sister falls pregnant by then bathing in the same water. <Dharkbayne> Reverse Jesus would blind and cripple random people. And give them leprosy. <Dharkbayne> Reverse Jesus crucified the entire Roman Empire. <Dharkbayne> Reverse Jesus makes you die for his sins. <Dharkbayne> Reverse Jesus can sink in water. <Dharkbayne> Reverse Jesus can turn wine into water. <Dharkbayne> Reverse Jesus dares you to stone whores if you're sinner. <Dharkbayne> He was born in a cave on Easter and was killed in a shootout on Christmas eve when three kings finally tracked him down for outstanding debts of gold and spices.
KabeDerlin05: Bring it on. I have a level 19 Weapon Master that can kick your ass KradenTalcaria: ... KradenTalcaria: brb KabeDerlin05: Yeah that's right! Run Away! Just like your mother did when she saw my huge dick! Auto response from KradenTalcaria: Mom's using the computer. Be back in a few.
<Baybee_Gurl> that wuz so awesome last night <Baybee_Gurl> i had a great time <SiCkNeSsS> says: yea... me too <Baybee_Gurl> if you're interested i'm willing to do it again ;) <SiCkNeSsS> mm hmm <Baybee_Gurl> yea <Baybee_Gurl> ... <Baybee_Gurl> is something bothering you? <Baybee_Gurl> because your acting weird <SiCkNeSsS> it's nothing <Baybee_Gurl> tell me <SiCkNeSsS> dont worry 'bout it <Baybee_Gurl> tell me plz <Baybee_Gurl> plzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz <Baybee_Gurl> ......... <Baybee_Gurl> come on just tell me <Baybee_Gurl> i wont care <SiCkNeSsS> fine if you put it that way <Baybee_Gurl> okay so tell me!! <SiCkNeSsS> if you fucking get pregnant i am so dumping your ass <Baybee_Gurl> .....
<Davus> Earth - The only place people that don't use condoms use computer anti-virus software. <Davus> Ah, the priorities.
[Lex_Talion] if the english language was good enough for our lord jesus christ, then it should be good enough for everybody else!
Safia: your just sittin there watching me? Sean: No I have creepy music playing too
[Filefront|Juice] the french version of halo 2's campaign mode is only 1 minute long. Master chief lands on the earth and the covenent surrender