hQDB :: hacker Quote Database

Network Stats: 21142 Approved Quotes | 1 in Moderation Queue
#402212 [ + | - ] 2372
<Ingo>I can't uninstall it, there seems to be some kind of
"Uninstall Shield"
#402202 [ + | - ] 29
<Mr-d> How do you make love to a fat girl?
<Graham> Slap and ride the waves?
#402200 [ + | - ] 1870
<oobey> my school year is off to a great start
<oobey> I was in the back of my physics auditorium, trying not
to fall completely asleep. The professor asks a question about
what method we use when doing math in science, so to pretend
like I'm not falling alseep, I shout out "sig figs"
<oobey> I then open my eyes and realize the prof is currently
talking about vectors and scalars, so the question was
dreamed, but the answer was not, and the entire class has come
to a complete stop now
<oobey> at this point I'm at a loss as to what to do, so I
pick up my bag and walk out without saying another word
#402185 [ + | - ] 130
<mookster> Florida's getting fucked again... That really
sucks. Good luck, man
<litty> not to avoid or make light the seriousness of any
hurricane, but saying florida gets fucked by a hurricane is
damn funny.  it's like the eye of the hurricane (the vagina)
is on a mission to get it on with something. and there could
be no better way to fill it's gaping gash with the biggest
penis in the world (florida).
#402160 [ + | - ] 677
<+Sam2> Pregnancy tests: Blue line means your pregnant, yellow
socks mean you missed.
#402026 [ + | - ] 2032
<Keolah> whats up?
<Zarggg> A direction away from the center of gravity of a
celestial object.
#401970 [ + | - ] 644
<Aragel> goth  in this area means...mommy and daddy both work
till 6pm and im home alone all day so i rebel by looking like
a racoon and wandering main street claiming to have a drug
problem and drinking Lattes for attention
#401908 [ + | - ] 720
<reb> Girls are like rocks; you skip the flat ones.
#401556 [ + | - ] 2828
<BlueStar> my dad used to leave the dish on the porn channels
<BlueStar> so i'd turn it on and there'd be porn
<BlueStar> i was always like "augh!!"
<hotdogcore> eww
<BlueStar> then i discovered the internet... haha.
<hotdogcore> ta da
<hotdogcore> !
<BlueStar> my mom walks in as I've got like 10 windows of BME
hard open
<BlueStar> I'm usin win 98 at that time
<hotdogcore> ahahahaha
<BlueStar> so i try to click the desktop icon
<BlueStar> and its too slow
<BlueStar> so i turn my computer off
<BlueStar> she yelled at me: "you're going to get bad sectors!
if you're looking at porn you dont' want me to see, turn off
your monitor!"
<BlueStar> ....I got bad sectors.
<mal> HAHAHAHAHA
<hotdogcore> bahaha
#401445 [ + | - ] 1230
<^Sasquatch^> AFK = Away From Komputer
<Gika> ...
<Gika> komputer...
<Rigel[AFK]> ...
<Larm> ...
#401323 [ + | - ] -877
<@Kouji_Minamoto> A cucumber, a pickle, and a penis were all
sitting around one day talking about how much their lives
sucked. The cucumber said, "Man, my life sucks. Whenever I get
big, fat, and juicy, someone cuts me up and puts me in a
salad." So the pickle looks at him and says, "You think you
have it bad? Whenever I get big, fat, and juicy, someone puts
me in vinegar, puts spices on me, and sticks me in a jar." The
penis glared at them both and said, "You guys think you have
it rough? Whenever I get big, fat, and juicy, they put a
rubber tarp over my head, stick me in a dark room, and bang my
head against the wall until i throw up and pass out."
<orangebear289> XD
<+Soundwave> lol
<@kris> lol
#400813 [ + | - ] 3801
<Shadowless> How can I tell if I'm circumsized or not? From
everyone's descriptions, I'm assuming I am not. I think I even
recall my father telling me they decided not to have it done
to me because of problems that can develop. I'd ask but I'm a
little too embarrassed. I'm very private with my body.
<Shadowless> I do have quite a bit of loose skin below the
glans, but it's still clearly separated when erect. When I was
young though, before I was getting erections, the skin was
always bunched up around the glans and I could easily slide it
over. I am also extremely sensitive on the under-side of my
shaft toward the top -- exactly where the skin is. I get
ejaculate by just massaging this.
<Shadowless> My sincere apologies if this was too graphic for
anyone.
<Shadowless> I'm tempted to just suck it up and use Google
image search to find out.
<Baloogan> dude, WHAT THE FUCK
#400761 [ + | - ] 2381
<NESS> sup
<blanco> how about you greet me like a white man?
<NESS> sorry
<NESS> HEIL DEUTCHLAND
#400741 [ + | - ] 443
KazeoHin: can I lick your penis?
SmarterChild: What if I want to lick my penis?
#400730 [ + | - ] 397
strangeanya: yah he's a prick...
porter is a dick: men are such pigs
porter is a dick: show me your tits
#400668 [ + | - ] 1626
<@Weedums> You know the rodeo?
<@Weedums> When your doing a chick from behind then you say
something to freak them out
<@Weedums> like your sister bit me in bed last night
<@Weedums> and she tries to get away?
<@Weedums> And you see how long you can stay on?
<QuickSilver> D:
<@Weedums> Well... the best thing to say is...
<QuickSilver> hmmmm
<QuickSilver> ?
<@Weedums> "I have fucking siphilis bitch"
<QuickSilver> hahaha
<@Weedums> But when she said
<@Weedums> "oh I already have that"
<@Weedums> The game changed pretty quickly.
#400615 [ + | - ] 367
<Shuurai> i think it'd be hilarious if you went to coinstar
and dumped in $1.02 worth of coins
<Shuurai> and then they deduct like 10 cents
<Shuurai> so you're left with coins anyway
#400576 [ + | - ] 856
IcedEarth156: my bro is coming over to work on the house
and I gotta help him
bobthefish021: oh, go....doing manly work
IcedEarth156: actually I'll be making the lemonade
#400459 [ + | - ] 13996
<Sonium> someone speak python here?
<lucky> HHHHHSSSSSHSSS
<lucky> SSSSS
<Sonium> the programming language
#400403 [ + | - ] 3348
<SmilinBob> !8ball... what's wrong with my e-mail?
<FarkStats> SmilinBob: Ask again later.
<SmilinBob> !8ball what's wrong with my e-mail?
<FarkStats> SmilinBob: Outlook not so good.
#400008 [ + | - ] 2122
quit: (ChanServ) (ChanServ@Services.GameSurge.net) (brb)
(@eFire) brb?
(@eFire) the bot just left and said brb?
(@eFire) wtf
(@eFire) where the f#@ he think hes going?
(@eFire) to the bathroom!!???
#399838 [ + | - ] 1057
OriginalEmoo: haha someone lost her bronze medal for cyling
cuz she failed doping test
OriginalEmoo: god damn if i end up taking drugs to perform
better i am not getting my ass kicked by 2 people who didnt
#399773 [ + | - ] 1226
<Outsyder> ok
<Outsyder> so I was sitting in gym on friday
<Outsyder> my friends were talking about some stupid thing
<Outsyder> and I was stroking my leg hair
<Outsyder> and i thought
<Outsyder> "hey, if a supervillian had hairy legs, he wouldn't
need a cat"
#399039 [ + | - ] 777
<Cruzin3434> member me fag boy
<zaim> depends
<Cruzin3434> you fucked my grandpa the other day
<zaim> nah dude
<zaim> wasn't me
<zaim> wait
<zaim> what day was it
#398954 [ + | - ] 674
<@champ> anyone put garlic in their popcorn?
<@Cruz> no
<@Cruz> i spray butter
<@champ> is spray butter any good?
<@crypto> its not real butter
<@champ> i can't believe it!
#398948 [ + | - ] 993
<MrFluffy> How do I tell which whores aren't cops?
<Gil27> ircops?
<Malolo> whores?
<MrFluffy> ... irl
<MrFluffy> you nerds
<Malolo> irl?
<Gil27> wtf
#398853 [ + | - ] 1956
<Psi> pancakes!
<Psi> :D
<Psi> is there anyone who doesn't like them?
<Fenris> nazis.
<Fenris> but you can't blame them.
<Fenris> the only reason they invaded belgium was for the
waffles.
<Fenris> those fuckers love waffles.
#398830 [ + | - ] 684
<pyromaniac> reality tv is a very sketchy "reality"... one guy
picxking from 25 hott chicks... oh yea THATS reality
#398734 [ + | - ] 672
(Nick): Dude, It'll take me weeks to complete a movie.. I am a
perfectionist.. But I like to take my sweet sweet time
(CEM): I'm a perfectionist too
(Deranged): mE 2
#398712 [ + | - ] 276
<Xal> how come people from foreign countries find it apt to
use every single fucking smiley on msn?
<Puck> XD
<Puck> Because, Xaleth
<Puck> They find it so amusing :O
<Xal> "My father just beat me with a stick (h):D
<Puck> o_o
<Xal> Today, I got a hysterectimony. 8D :> :|
<Selene> XD XD
<Covered> xD
#398708 [ + | - ] 268
You6Know: oh my gah .. everytime i pee in the pool tho im
scared it turns purple like that episode of Pete & Pete
#398672 [ + | - ] 880
sonotayuppy: hey now, I ve gotten my ass mugged at gunpoint
before
hoggman: watergun point
sonotayuppy: no
sonotayuppy: thirty eight point
sonotayuppy: the "poor man s machete"
hoggman: you shoulda kung foo'd his ass
sonotayuppy: I wish I knew kung fu
sonotayuppy: do you know kung fu?
hoggman: I m a 7th degree black belt
sonotayuppy: seventh degree? That sounds rather made up
hoggman: you dare question master thomas???
sonotayuppy: yes, I do dare question master thomas
sonotayuppy: as he sounds made up as well
hoggman: OHHHH
sonotayuppy: since when are you a master?
hoggman: SHINTO HIRUKEN MASTER PINTO THORAX KICK
sonotayuppy: what in the name of jebus was that?
hoggman: you are paralized from the eyebrows down
sonotayuppy: well I ll be damned, you re right
hoggman: here eat this sausage
#398433 [ + | - ] 1640
<arkaneknight> I think my sister went to bed
<arkaneknight> brb
<Sio> Ew.
#398362 [ + | - ] 3690
AngryGackt: hey
Kagato: yo
AngryGackt: did you hear about lindze's dad?
Kagato: ..nikki....
Kagato: you just like..
Kagato: scared me... so bad...
Kagato: cuz when I first read that it looked like "did you
hear that Lindze's dead?"
AngryGackt: OH
Kagato: I swear my heart jumped into my throat.
AngryGackt: NO
AngryGackt: gahhhh
Kagato: I was chewing on my heart and freaking out until I
reread it.
AngryGackt: jeeeeessus
Kagato: ........>_<
AngryGackt: *flails*
Kagato: what happened to her dad? ::relaxes::
AngryGackt: He's dead.
Kagato: ........
#398224 [ + | - ] 2063
<[BU]RaptoR`> I'd like to travel back to the year 1337 and
point and laugh at everything
#398219 [ + | - ] 585
<b0b> i can impregnate from 10 meters
* felix takes a step back
#398205 [ + | - ] 1379
Eric: make me
Jon: your parents already made that mistake ;)
#398164 [ + | - ] 409
<RMerlin> Best one was that night a regular woman on the
channel joined it, and asked us if someone could finger her.
<RMerlin> Then she realised what she had just said
#398161 [ + | - ] 1066
JBroder873: here's a mindjob
JBroder873: what happens when an unstoppable force meets an
immovable object?
Key of Love II: it creates a rip in the very fabric of time
Key of Love II: which thus spawns a black hole.
JBroder873: ...damn.
Key of Love II: and kills a puppy.
JBroder873: ...awww.
#398160 [ + | - ] 1044
<DMod> meh I hate watching the same pr0n twice
<Fatal> watching it twice ruins the ending
<Thorshammer> haha
<Thorshammer> omg not on her face!! whatta plot twist
#398019 [ + | - ] 1598
<Oxidizer> bah i just ate fudge after eatin tuna
<Lurch> a slip of the tongue can do that
#397766 [ + | - ] 508
HDF_Red wakes up
<HDF_Red> my mom taste funny ;_;
<HDF_Red> oh man
<Lord-Lard-Arse> OMG :x
<HDF_Red> typo city
#397707 [ + | - ] 410
<Azr> fuck you im cerfectly poherent
#397704 [ + | - ] 863
lemonlimeskull: I want a tattoo.
lemonlimeskull: Right on my back
lemonlimeskull: of Eyespots like butterflies have
lemonlimeskull: To throw off predators.
#397681 [ + | - ] 507
<Dorfl> I'm not Canadian, I'm just drunk.
#397664 [ + | - ] 641
<+Alpha> let's all /msg cky at the same time
<@cky> lol
<@cky> Garick pm'ed me
<@cky> <Garick> at the same time
#397658 [ + | - ] 953
<avalon> can I touch you now?
<Nala> I still don't know you
-!- avalon is now known as dad
<dad> how about now?
#397655 [ + | - ] 217
johnlnames : Manny... do you know any places to get free
music?
mannyfresh2 : the internet.
#397568 [ + | - ] 266
* Devil steals The_Pope's hat
<The_Pope> give it back bitch.
<Devil> wheee
<The_Pope> Wanna go?
#397491 [ + | - ] 385
BUMKEI: wanna go to the republican national convention
sKratch: pony it
BUMKEI: yea
BUMKEI: assassinate bush
sKratch: fbi gonna get you
BUMKEI: naw
BUMKEI: ill just hand him a bag of pretzels