<DAMNIT> My god I hate being new clerk at the pharmacy where I work... <DAMNIT> Today some 80 year old guy comes in with a giant syringe, asking if we had it. <DAMNIT> The guy handed me it, I took it in my hand, and I looked in every part of the store possible cause I had no clue in hell what it was. <DAMNIT> So, I go in back and ask the owner if we have it or can order it, still holding it in my hand. <DAMNIT> The owner then bursts out laughing and point at me, so I go "What's so funny? The guy just wants to order it?" <DAMNIT> So the owner goes "That's a enema syringe. It's probally been up his ass plenty of times by the color of it!" <DAMNIT> I then procede to calmly walk back to the front, give the guy his anal sucker back, and the owner then deals with him about ordering it. <DAMNIT> Meenwhile I put every soap we have on my hands and rub like hell for 20 minutes till my skin is completely raw. <DAMNIT> And I'm the laughing stock of the store now, and 2 of my relatives work there, so soon my whole family will be laughing at me......
<cow_crap> ok I came to class early one day, considerably early <cow_crap> and there's a girl there that I'm quite taken aback by <cow_crap> and she said "wow, you came early" and I said, without thinking, "that's what all the girls say" <cow_crap> I am such a fucking idiot <cow_crap> she laughed at me for like 15 mins
WarpdArchn: lots of christians don't go to church WarpdArchn: so they never have to meet the other people who believe the same things they do WarpdArchn: and therefore never have to lose faith in humanity
<Fuxm> You know what i wanna do? <Fuxm> i wanna photoshop a picture of me to make it look like im having gay sex with matt <rX> WTF why?? <Fuxm> ...and then put it where i keep my weed so if my parents ever find it they wont care about the weed. <rX> LMAO <rX> make two copies and put one in a rogers video case and return it to the one he works at
<Zazu> omg <Zazu> wc <Zazu> that link you posted <Zazu> eww <WC`> yeah it's bad <Zazu> why do you look at things like that? why not normal stuff to jack off to, like shuri's links? <WC`> because it's fun to 0wn you <Zazu> but do you have ANY idea how hard it was to jerkoff to that?
<XvoiD> We need more members for the forums. I've told all my friends now tell all yours. Im sure they will love it here. Come on and help out the forums. <debian_> What if people start to advertise and the forums get a flood of people like Ra... noobs. <thomas> what if we became an elite group of forumers who took over the world by sticking together in a pack of small numbers, fighting the odds, and defeating cobra commander whenever possible?
* grannyman jams a slight tune <grannyman> just slightly <grannyman> not quite full-on <grannyman> just slighty sub-par <grannyman> but not yet sub-woofer. <grannyman> or sub-sonic <grannyman> just kinda like sub-way <grannyman> you know, like eat fresh all day <grannyman> BUUU dubba Duuuu dubba Duuu dubba deeeee <grannyman> SHIIIIIIIIIIINEEEE~~~~~~~~!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! <grannyman> dude, I wish i could emulate instruments through IRC. * grannyman was k-lined by Q (Jesus, I'm a bot, and I can't even take this shit.)
Pikeman: I wonder if sex in heaven is considered necrophilia. Pikeman: Or hell. *** Jam (Jam@217.137.88.9) has joined #ev3 Pikeman: Jam, wanna test my theory? Jam: sure forge: Heh. Jam: do i have to get naked? forge: In a way...
<booze> rice makes your dick gain strenght :p <Margarita> if you shove it in your dick, sure, booze
<Twiztid> My gf called me gay <Twiztid> I came back with <Twiztid> "If I'm gay then why do I think of you when I jerk it?" <Twiztid> There was an akward silence... <Linguica> whats wrong with that <Twiztid> nothing <Twiztid> except I was talking to my grandfather
<Duo> i love it when youve been drinking for a while <Duo> and you think youre completely sober <Duo> but then you stand up and you're like, "oh there it is"
(Deranged): Having my right hand as a girlfriend is the best relationship I've ever had. (Deranged): It's always up for threesomes, it'll never cheat on me. (Deranged): And best of all, I don't have to talk to it after sex, because I don't know sign language.
<Irish_GothDragon> he just figured out spiders have no genitalia <Aryn> yes they do <Irish_GothDragon> no they dont <Aryn> yes they do <Irish_GothDragon> they have orafices for fluid transfer <Aryn> err, good to know <Irish_GothDragon> the female rubs her tail sac over the orafice to get the sperm.. no real sex occurs <GlassRain> wtf * GlassRain exits * Quits: GlassRain <Aryn> it sounds very dirty, that's how I know it's real sex <Irish_GothDragon> hey.. I'm a biology major <[PR]Swift|ZzZzZ> that mean your getting turned on?
[anigirl82] my friend found out he was allergic to latex the first time he had sex [Sil<3rium] o.o [anigirl82] it sucked because he had been with his girl for like 3 years..and they had been waiting [Sil<3rium] oh noo [Urbal T] that is...wrongery [Sil<3rium] yeeeeeeees [blue><3dge] talk about a night he'll never forget! hahahah! ... ha... ha... ow... [blue><3dge] that poor man's wang
<Torgina> so wtf is up with mirc saying I have 7days left? <Azathoth> It's the tape you watched.
Becca: find a penny pick it up all day long you'll have good luck Matt: yeah... but Matt: if you throw the penny at someone Matt: it's funny
<Outsyder> they fell for the "look gulliable isn't in the dictionary!" <Outsyder> and they tried to find it <Outsyder> but they couldn't spell it
<+div0> hm... if an infinite number of monkeys typed like wild on typewriters... how many would be arrested for copyright violations? <@CCFreak2K> Exactly half of them. <@CCFreak2K> Even if that means half of a monkey is arrestred. <@CCFreak2K> So be it. <@CCFreak2K> This world's an asshole.
<Xira> I seriously hope ATi catches up with nVidia <Xira> (read: OpenGL) <ByronT> I seriously hope my wife is in good mood tonight. <ByronT> (read: sex)
<E-Claire> So how can I help? <Mochomi> I just wanna know how to get on well with my bf, y'know? <E-Claire> Ah. Well, I recommend you make him feel as good as he thinks he is...try laughing at his little jokes. <Mochomi> And if he doesnt tell funny jokes? <E-Claire> Laugh at his little penis.
<Disco_Stu> The Iraq conflict is our business and we will straighten it out. <Disco_Stu> you have to sit there and take it. <Disco_Stu> if you want our help when we are good, then you have to take our shit when we aren't <marble> love the sinner, hate the sin <esch> You don't stop loving your wife because she gets fat, do you? <marble> esch: my husband stopped loving me when I got fat. people are rotten. what's your point? <esch> marble: That you were probably annoying.
14:51 <@phoniq> so these guys have three kenyans, three indians and an egyptian 14:51 <@phoniq> and they're gonna behead one every 72 hours 14:52 <@phoniq> and their pictures are available 14:52 <@phoniq> so i think i'm gonna make a website where you can vote for which one should get it first 14:53 <@phoniq> see if it's possible to make the news 14:53 <@arp> damn 14:54 <@arp> Survivor: Iraq 14:54 <@phoniq> that's f***n' wrong, right? 14:54 < bean_tmt> ... can i laugh? 14:54 <@phoniq> i dunno 14:54 <@phoniq> i think a kind of shocked choke is the appropriate response
<Kool-Afk> Man, I had the greatest day at work today <DigitalGnome> how so? <Kool-Afk> some guy offered me a joint to clean his gutters <Air|LordOfNUTs> wtf <DigitalGnome> sweet, i had a great day too. I offered some low life to clean my gutters for a joint
<Tweeder> No, I love my Mac. It's aweseom! <Tweeder> It's everything I want in a computer <Tweeder> ...but I haven't been able to find any good IRC progs for OSX <quade> how the fuck are you on irc then? <Tweeder> I'm using my boyfriend's PC
<Yo-DUH_87> next gen is here, but it isn't mature enough for me yet <Yo-DUH_87> the pci express motherboards and etc <M[at]> heh, micheal jackson should use that excuse
<ashp> cogito ergo sum <Phallus> libido ergo sum <Phallus> i'm horny therefore i am
sugarat: how to tell if you're a nerd - subtract the number of boyfriends/girlfriends from the number of computers you've owned. if you're left with a positive number, you're a nerd. LordWork: lol ltcolumbo: I'm not a nerd, I'm a geek SPLURGE: whew SPLURGE: im not a nerd SPLURGE: you know SPLURGE: i really am a nerd SPLURGE: that test sucks SPLURGE: i wonder if hookers count ltcolumbo: can i just call you a "john"? SPLURGE: i suppose you could SPLURGE: but the girls i have sex with are too ugly to be paid for it
<radar> been in the middle of a shag when the g/f's friend called... I just slowed down, and stated teasing her button... <Lashanna> lol <radar> meanwhile, my g/f was saying, "Hmmmm! yeeeessss...." and "Thaaat's goood" <Lashanna> lol <Lashanna> she didn't hang up? <radar> no... and it took about 10 minutes for her friend to work out what was goin no... and it took about 10 minutes for her friend to work out what was going on... then she kept listening <Lashanna> lol <Lashanna> so what was the friend doing? <radar> after a while, she was singing along <radar> closest I've got to a threesome
<Vartia> by the way... reading the entire review for doom on pcgamer... I could not find why they really gave it 94% <eldeerk> you want to know why they gave it 94? they are all giddy school girls sat infront of the screen gooo "ooooh doom 3, think he'll ask us to the prom, he so dreamy"
<coffee4me> Tazers are killing old people and crack heads <Joeytgstk> And/ <Joeytgstk> ?
<@Kukuman> this fundrace.org site lists people near you who have made contributions to a presidential candidate <@Kukuman> looked up my zip code <@Kukuman> 4 people contributed to bush/republicans <@Kukuman> something like 35 people contributed to democrats <@Kukuman> oh and all 4 of the people who contributed to bush are retired! <@philc> you spelt retarded incorrectly
lonelychic0190: WHY DO BOYS LIKE RECIEIVING ORAL BUT THEY DONT LIKE GIVING GIRL ORAL Goat Desecration: BECAUSE WOMEN CAN'T TALK WITH A DICK IN THEIR MOUTH
<barnaby> TheMage: jess was hinting that i should ask her out :/ <TheMage> barnaby: ask ExZippo for advice. <ExZippo> barnaby: Punch her in the tit. <TheMage> barnaby: or not.
tavilach: i could just block you now tavilach: and never tavilach: talk to u again tavilach: but no tavilach: i need help with samba CzarDerivative: you asshole
<EggdropBot> {MoxQuizz} The question no. 24 by OllyPomm is:
<EggdropBot> (Sport) What sport do the following terms belong
to - "Toucher & Dead Length"?
<liz> ouch, my boobs hurt
<EggdropBot> {MoxQuizz} liz solved after 5 seconds and now has
<5> points (+1) on rank 3.
<EggdropBot> The answer was: Lawn or Indoor Bowls
<Reuven> Say what?
<liz> what?
<Ken> whaaaat?
<Ken> how...did...she...do...that?
<DeathPool> You know that internet culture has reached its peak when the first comment on a news post about an ape that walks upright is: HILARY DUFF APE SEX!
<brokenpodium> dude im about to talk to some kid from my high school that tried to kill himself when he got drunk <JaaLin> thats fucked up <brokenpodium> im going to ask if he wants to get hammered with me
insane_elmo88: sometimes i get serious anal pressure insane_elmo88: and i'm not sure if it's fart or shit insane_elmo88: and sometimes i just gamble, not knowing if i'm gonna rip a humonguous fart or defecate my pants insane_elmo88: so far i haven't lost weaselmaster07: rofl insane_elmo88: i've shit my pants every time :p weaselmaster07: roflmao
MuffinMn626 [9:58 PM]: FUCK PEOPLE MuffinMn626 [9:58 PM]: i jsut got fucked over Jin Iz Back [9:59 PM]: what happened this time MuffinMn626 [10:01 PM]: bah MuffinMn626 [10:01 PM]: you no faustina right? MuffinMn626 [10:01 PM]: well like, she signed on MuffinMn626 [10:01 PM]: and she told me that she liked me at the end of the year MuffinMn626 [10:02 PM]: so im like "wow..thats really cool, im flattered" MuffinMn626 [10:02 PM]: and we got all talkign and shit MuffinMn626 [10:02 PM]: then she sigend off randomly Jin Iz Back [10:02 PM]: ... Jin Iz Back [10:02 PM]: uh huh MuffinMn626 [10:02 PM]: she jsut signed on right now..and i said "hey, why you sign off so suddnley last night?" MuffinMn626 [10:02 PM]: she siad "i wasnt on last night..my cousin was..why?" MuffinMn626 [10:02 PM]: AOIRNOAFOAWN FUCK MuffinMn626 [10:02 PM]: damnit Jin Iz Back [10:02 PM]: ROFLMAO YOU GOT SERVED Jin Iz Back [10:02 PM]: HOLY SHIt
jdayish: what do you think of bush and kerry perfectblue_halo: the movie trailer for Aliens Versus Predator comes to mind... "Whoever wins, we lose."
Demonic: ............. Whoah, this conversation just took the offramp into Pervert Pike, going a good 80 mph even. Demonic: Not that I'm entirely against such a happening. YRS: niehter am I YRS: lol YRS: I could go for a good hentai right about now Demonic: Good ole hentai, glossing over Japan's major social problems since 1946.
<Jesus> oh mean, my underwear elastic thing just came off <MoonKatz> haha <MoonKatz> mine's painted on, no elastic to worry with <MoonKatz> although, the way the paint is flaking, I've been considering updating to aluminum siding <Jesus> aluminum siding? <Jesus> jesus, your underwear is more classy than my home
20:15 < Nitrocld> FUCK 20:15 < Nitrocld> NO 20:15 < Nitrocld> NOT PORN 20:15 < Nitrocld> I coulda had someone behind me 20:16 < Nitrocld> Bastard 20:16 < acid> lmao 20:16 < acid> hehe 20:21 <@guk> porn is jokes tho 20:21 <@guk> "Well son ... lets have a man to ... holy shit she has big tits" 20:21 <@guk> :D
(@sml) jesus (@sml) Bizarre & Weird Porn Links < PenisBot... Fetish Bloody pussy pics of teens changing menstrual tampons & pads, + tampon eating. A Sex With a Twist Interesting and unusual porn - midgets, twins, latex ... (@sml) anytime you think something's too weird to be on the intarweb (@sml) it is there (@sml) and pushing >> 85mbit of movie bandwidth, fo sho (@sml) ugh (@sml) that's fuckin gross, even for me (@mamba_X) tampon eating urk (@mamba_X) way to get your iron i guess (Blaxthos) only someone who has gone down on his girlfriend after pucking her cherry the night before would think of that (@Sabboth) or someone who has earned their red wings (@pachell) that's some fucking filthy shit (@pachell) i'll fuck a bitch on the rag, but that's about it (Blaxthos) it was an accident (Blaxthos) or call it lack of forethought
<mojo1701> I remember being in class, and the teacher started talking to us about communicable diseases <mojo1701> our teacher's a real whore <mojo1701> and she kept on saying to us: "Flies can carry diseases. You don't know where they've been" <mojo1701> and I looked at her and said, "Then you should stop unzipping so many of them if you don't know where they've been."
arabella: you don't wear thongs bcuase they're comfy, you wear thongs becuase your boy likes them. arabella: it's advertising. firewalk: in some cases, false advertising.
<Robot> I heard that a lemon is a good contraceptive. <end_game> yeah mate, <end_game> i heardit's actually tested to be better protection than a condom <Robot> Really???? <end_game> yeah. you can't get a lemon pregnant. <Robot> ahahaha <Robot> No harm in trying it. Might sting a bit. <end_game> you or her? <Robot> She can get her own god damn lemon.