hQDB :: hacker Quote Database

Network Stats: 21142 Approved Quotes | 1 in Moderation Queue
#372012 [ + | - ] 1099
<mysticsick> Merc- last night, half my family was drunk and
walking into shit.  It was great to hear my 65 year old aunt
say 'I didnt run ito that wall, motherfucker jumped out at me'
#371989 [ + | - ] 795
<SkyJammer> I need a cute girl to give me a neck massage.
<shellspark> What about a semi-attractive monkey?
<SkyJammer> No.
<SkyJammer> A cute girl.  Human.
<MousePad> Your standards are way too high.
<SkyJammer> Your standards are way too low.
<shellspark> Perhaps, but I bet he gets his neck massage
#371960 [ + | - ] 2674
<@Lerou> Lag makes baby Jesus cry.
<@TempusRob> pssh
<@TempusRob> talk about lag
<@TempusRob> it took him 3 days to respawn
#371868 [ + | - ] 872
<TheShadowHunter> I won three purple hearts once
<Wildcard|Comicing> ...no you didn't. You were just playing
Zelda.
<Wildcard|Comicing> You really need to adjust the color on
your TV
<TheShadowHunter> oh
<TheShadowHunter> I guess that couldve been it
#371808 [ + | - ] 525
<MoF0-> hmm
<MoF0-> why has nortons said all my keygen are " at risk
files"
<Blaqeagle> because norton is like that schizophrenic kid at
school who
keeps on yelling out in class shit about flying
cows or
something when your trying to do your work
<Blaqeagle> occasionally he actually yells out something
coherent, but
you suspected it anyway
#371444 [ + | - ] 2342
<Christina> *kisses back* I love you
<Josh> I love you too babe
<Christina> I take off your pants, sliding my hands up your
thighs, watching your cock get hard.
<Christina> That's what he said to me
<Christina> I was like "Wtf dude? One, I'm a chick and two
what the hell?"
<Christina> And he was like "Oh shit, wrong conversation"
<Josh> ...
<Christina> Oh shit, wrong conversation
#371438 [ + | - ] 2764
* ^haksor^ has joined #pipari
<^haksor^> anyone have a serial for Soldier of Fortune 2???
<tiltti> Y34H-R1GH-TYOU-N3RD-4SS
<^haksor^> thanks

<^haksor^> not enough letters in that???
<tiltti> try adding -H0L3 to the end of it
<^haksor^> ok
#370987 [ + | - ] 440
<+Synista> so
<+Synista> I downloaded this fly fishing movie
<+Synista> since I need to learn how to cast properly
<+Synista> turns out it was a pr0n movie called fly fishing
#370939 [ + | - ] 482
<Psyche> hi
<steve_> sobering up yet?
<Psyche> no
<Psyche> im still drinking
* ecks sets mode: -o Psyche
<ecks> DONT DRINK AND OP
#370933 [ + | - ] 1318
<GinjaNinja> Your momma is so fat, she gets -8 to her AC.
#370931 [ + | - ] 462
* nufan Is a GENUIS
<nufan> oops
#370812 [ + | - ] 2137
EndOfForever: So, how do you like being a jew?
AvatarOfPirate: It's ok.
EndOfForever: What's speaking hebrew like?
AvatarOfPirate: It's ok. It's hard to read though. There
aren't any vowels expressed in it. You have to.. sort of
figure it out. It's like...
EndOfForever: Talking to people on AOL?
#370601 [ + | - ] 754
< segphault> command line interfaces, and convoluted keyboard
shortcuts I
have no problem with.... but the childproof cap
on the advil
bottle... its my arch-nemesis.
#370253 [ + | - ] 1012
<ScasE> You know you have a small apartment when Rice Krispies
echo.
#370251 [ + | - ] 372
<Ashen> NP: [bangles - eternal flame.mp3]
<Ashen> k, i feel really gay right now
<Ashen> NP: [Lords Of Acid - Show Me Your Pussy.mp3]
<Ashen> there we go
#370001 [ + | - ] 982
<}813-Error{> i ask a question in #perl and get RTFM and they
go back to talking about metallica...
<}813-Error{>  d  Match digit character <that would be numbers
right?
* C4 knows nothing of perl
<modem> same here :/
<modem> ask in #metallica
#368878 [ + | - ] 910
iamnotavirusbot: hi friend, check out my new profile: http://
jsc.uk.uy/progs/admin/virus.exe
iamnotavirusbot: what do you think?
iamnotavirusbot: ops i got to go by
Natural Defiance: What are you a f-in retard?
#368808 [ + | - ] 10779
<@David> Yay I get laid today! Been a month.... needing it by
now
<@Sony> ...........
<@Sony> TMI TMI TMI
<@David> Only a few hundred pounds but its better than nothing
<Malpine> Thanks for the info
<@David> eh?
<@David> damn i meant PAID
<@David> I get PAID today
<@David> dammit
#368691 [ + | - ] 672
<cmdline> 1010100110001001
<cmdline> 101101
<nystagmus> yea i know.
<nystagmus> tell me about it.
#368251 [ + | - ] 1266
Titanium_Dragon> Hey everyone
Titanium_Dragon> I had a revelation today
Titanium_Dragon> Everyone knows that more intelligent
creatures (humans, dolphins, chimps, ect.) tend to have sex
for fun
Titanium_Dragon> But some people believe that sex for any
reason but procreation is wrong
* Titanium_Dragon never put two and two together
#367896 [ + | - ] 9052
<Fashykekes> Capitalization is the difference between "I had
to help my uncle Jack off a horse.." and "I had to help my
uncle jack off a horse.."
#367884 [ + | - ] 733
(+sok|puppet): i loves my cereal
(+Harri): i'm hungry
(@Zaphod): Yeah, cherios should be just about the right size
for you to 'love' as much as you want
(+Harri): now i'm not
#367871 [ + | - ] 616
[LoTek] my girl bleeds a lot.
[LoTek] like, for 5 or 6 days
[LoTek] that cant be normal.
[Dissembler] wow, you should take her to the vet.
#367808 [ + | - ] 6174
*** Zeron is now known as you
* you farted.
* you sigh in frustration.
* you lose
* you suck at life
*** Wildfyre is now known as our
* Goblin_Leecher thinks you need a life
* our conversation is entirely too weird
*** Goblin_Leecher is now known as we
* we are going stir crazy
* you are going a little too far
* our laughter fills the offices nearby.
* you are fired.
* we need new jobs
* you agree
* you wonder when this madness will end
* we are not sane
* you are correct
* our sanity has left?
<Talathar> you know...if a sane person were to walk in
here...they'd be very very confused right about now...
* you are one with the matrix.
#367755 [ + | - ] 1457
<SPLURGE> bitch tells me i got a drinkin problem
<SPLURGE> i tell her she has an ugly problem and im tryin to
make it less obvious
<SPLURGE> we dont get along so well after that
#367567 [ + | - ] 498
<x`fearless> whoever's turn it is says like "never have I ever
done this..." and if you've done it u gotta drink
<x`fearless> omg some girl was like never have I ever had anal
sex and 3 girls at the table drank I'm like OMGOMGOMG
#367188 [ + | - ] 694
<Schitz02> its microsoft. they don't have bugs
<Schitz02> they have unpublished features
<Qooiii> like the function office calls randomly called void
Randomly_Crash_And_Delete_Document(void)
<Schitz02> right, just like that one
<Qooiii> i wish they had at least made it predictable
<Qooiii> like the paperclip guy could pop up and say
<Qooiii> "it looks like word is going to crash. would you like
to save your document?"
#366903 [ + | - ] 1063
<neverrain> omg i went outside
<neverrain> i havent been outside in weeks
<neverrain> it was.....freaky
<c7r> nerd
<Axis100> I can usually determine the last time I went outside
by using /systemuptime.
<Axis100> 6 days, 28 mins and 16 seconds
#366266 [ + | - ] 1240
<Emperor> Oral sex is when you talk dirty, dumbass
#366119 [ + | - ] 208
<kungtotte> Probably have back-logs from hell at bash. Geeks
on IRC are like those one million monkeys with typewriters
<[moose]HuBBa> with less intelligence though :)
#365264 [ + | - ] 1561
Alh4zred: You know, I realized something.
GenduShini: You love me?
Alh4zred: I'd rather play games than have sex, you know why?
Alh4zred: Think about it.
Alh4zred: During sex, you have to please TWO people.
Alh4zred: Or more.
GenduShini: because Games last more than 10 minutes
GenduShini: err
GenduShini: that too
Alh4zred: AND
Alh4zred: In a game, if you're not doing well, someone just
goes "fgt" or something
GenduShini: and you just go "my current PC sucks" or "It's an
off day"
GenduShini: But in the sack...
Alh4zred: In real life, you have some chick (in my case) that
goes "Are you a faggot? That sucked"
Alh4zred: You can't blame a bad orgasm on lag.
Alh4zred: Dude.
Alh4zred: You can't.
Alh4zred: "I faked all those orgasms"
Alh4zred: "stfu i was pinging 300"
#365072 [ + | - ] 9269
<xxxGirlygirlxxx> Thank you for listening to me.
<xxxGirlygirlxxx> You know your a really good listener.
<xxxGirlygirlxxx> Sweety please say something.
<Sandaedar> Ok I'm back.
#364782 [ + | - ] 7002
<Pahalial> "ignorance more frequently begets confidence than
does knowledge" - Charles Darwin
<kionix> wtf? begets isn't a word. quit trying to make up
words, fuckface.
#364676 [ + | - ] 1317
<philosophiliac> lol this arvo some guy started quoting the
2nd amendment at a teacher after knocking some crow out of a
tree
<MissBitch> hahahahaha
<philosophiliac> with a shoe
<MissBitch> ...
<philosophiliac> seriously he goes
<philosophiliac> "the 2nd amendment states that all citizens
have the right and obligation to bear arms"
<philosophiliac> "and shoes"
<MissBitch> lol
<philosophiliac> "we made it very clear to those terrorists
that we would tolerate no more attacks"
<philosophiliac> and lockie here just got shat on"
<MissBitch> HAHAHAHAHAHHA
<philosophiliac> we have decided it is time to attack with
neccessary force to show the crows that we mean business"
<MissBitch> lol
<philosophiliac> if they hit us"
<philosophiliac> we hit back
<philosophiliac> HARD
<philosophiliac> with whatever comes to hand
<MissBitch> im holding my nose so i dont burst out laughing
here
<philosophiliac> and we cannot be held responsable for a war
they started
<MissBitch> HAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHA
<philosophiliac> in the war on crowism, ur either with us
<philosophiliac> or ur against us
<MissBitch> hahahahahahaha
<MissBitch> thats just so hilarious
<philosophiliac> oh yeah
<philosophiliac> the teacher was in hysterics
<philosophiliac> but the guy got a detention neway
<MissBitch> hahahaha
<MissBitch> oh well
<MissBitch> woulda bn worth it!
<philosophiliac> yeah
<philosophiliac> we were basically on the ground we were
laughing so hard
<MissBitch> hahahahaha
<philosophiliac> and he didn't crack up once
<philosophiliac> and as the teacher leads him away he goes
<MissBitch> if i didnt want to wake my parents, id b killin
myself laughin
<philosophiliac> "u can lock me up, but this war is a
neccessary one"
<MissBitch> oooooooooooooh
<MissBitch> lol
<philosophiliac> "and one that will be contnued by freedom
loving students with shoes everywhere"
<MissBitch> HAHAHAHHAHA  ROFLMAO
#364587 [ + | - ] 944
<@HndlWCare> I just got email from postmaster@adelphia.net
telling the mailbox for postmaster@adelphia.net is over quota,
and if I feel this message is in error I should reply to
postmaster@adelphia.net
#364341 [ + | - ] 2325
<@reflir> also, my harry potter sex bot arrived
<@reflir> err
<@reflir> I mean boxed set
#364339 [ + | - ] 2324
<rhyno> okay
<rhyno> I must be losing my mind
<rhyno> I just walked to the PJ station
<rhyno> because I can't find my car keys
<rhyno> and they were right fucking here an hour ago
<DaemonX> pj station?
<rhyno> yeah
<rhyno> gas station
<rhyno> but the thing was
<rhyno> I was going there to get gas
<DaemonX> without your car?
<rhyno> and I couldn't find my keys
<rhyno> so I just thought "I'll walk"
<rhyno> go all the way up there.. and I'm like "wtf was I
going here for.."
<rhyno> "OH YEAH! DUMBASS!"
<rhyno> then walked back
<DaemonX> ... i can't even comment on that
#364176 [ + | - ] 867
<sunfish>I stopped a rape in the city last night
<Donnyman>How'd you do that
<sunfish>Simple I stopped following her.
#364046 [ + | - ] 1610
<TriPa^> my mother is a cleaning fanatic
<TriPa^> one Saturday she told me and my brother to get down
to the playroom and straighten it up
<TriPa^> we had a party there the previous evening, and she
was none too happy about the mess
<TriPa^> as she watched us work, it was clear that Mom was
completely dissatisfied with our cleaning efforts and let us
know it
<TriPa^> finally my brother, exasperated with having to do it
all over, reached for a broom and asked Mom:
<TriPa^> can I use this, or were you planning to go somewhere?
#364005 [ + | - ] 1584
Spreadursunshine: wow you werent online all yesterday
EinhanderMKII: Yeah I was out doing things PRODUCTIVE
Spreadursunshine: omg! its a breakthrough
Spreadursunshine: like what?
EinhanderMKII: fixing my internet
#363821 [ + | - ] 1363
<neo_alex> stop arguing you fucks
<enz0> Maybe it's YOUR mum
<spandrick_doll> fuck you
<spandrick_doll> you just cant haxk it
<spandrick_doll> *hack
<neo_alex> that does it, im creating characters of you in The
Sims and im gonna make you have a gay marriage
#363820 [ + | - ] 1832
<Duzzy> today at work, i was cutting gras outside the local
school.. and then a chick came up to me.. kissed me, squeezed
my balls, gave me a note and the she ran of.. and i was like
wtf?!? when I got my mind gathered I looked at the note and
there was a phone number.. I should send an sms to it, and
that was when I realized the bitch had stolen my cellphone =(
#363616 [ + | - ] 745
* Ksu eats a bowl of crappy generic macaroni
* SSL_Eefui idly drinks arsnic.
* Nigelenki stops fui o.o
<Nigelenki> arsenic isn't edible o.o;;
<Shadow> Yes, it is
<Shadow> But only once
#363553 [ + | - ] 1751
<@Laplie|Gone> I just don't place periods at the end of my
sentences every time.
<@TacoMaster> Periods are important...
<@TacoMaster> You start missing periods...
<@TacoMaster> Next thing you know...
<@TacoMaster> BLAMMO!
<@TacoMaster> Babies.
#363485 [ + | - ] 1023
<Big_Fat_Duck> wait its stuck at updating
<Big_Fat_Duck> 1 second left
<Big_Fat_Duck> read to play in approx. 1 second
<Diazo> it's a microsoft second
#363454 [ + | - ] 1537
genjer: so my sister asks me if this shirt makes her look fat
genjer: and I was like, "no the fat underneath does"
#363094 [ + | - ] 1491
Strategy: what the fuck
Strategy: shipping cannot be 27$
Alpha: it better come in a wooden crate with a midget cradling
the harddrive for that price
#362774 [ + | - ] 709
<enjoi> why would you name condoms after a horse that hides
all the invaders inside and then lets them go once theyre
inside?
<ShodoPan-> i bet it's named after the viruses
<ShodoPan-> you know, they slip right in and the recipient
doesn't even realize it
<ShodoPan-> oh shit that's not good either
#362484 [ + | - ] 358
<Taco> I fear for my little cousin
<Taco> he's going to be a loser in school...
<Taco> you know how I know?
<Taco> Because he's very much like how I was at that age...
<Taco> :/
#362423 [ + | - ] 207
@MetalMilitia{|cC|}: I never been to the states
@MetalMilitia{|cC|}: and I WILL NOT cross the boarder
@Raged|work: its better that way
@Raged|work: we don't need ya
@MetalMilitia{|cC|}: but ur women do ;)
@MetalMilitia{|cC|}: they all want some of my Canadian beef
baby !
@Sile: i crossed the border into Canada at Niagra Falls once
@Sile: i was sitting there thinking "damn, the canadian chicks
are hot!"
@Sile: then i realized that they were all american tourists