<analog> hickory dickory dock, three mice ran up the clock <analog> the clock struck one, and the other two escaped with minor injuries.
<Lifeforce> way to make your kids afraid that you'll catch them looking at porn- if you do, start beating off next to them without explanation or even talking. <Seppel> LF is gonna be divorced fast.
<@Nosferatu> Sensitive men do exist... <@Nosferatu> A woman meets a gorgeous man in a bar. They talk, they connect, they end up <@Nosferatu> leaving together. They get back to his apartment and she notices that his <@Nosferatu> bedroom is completely packed with sweet cuddly teddy bears. Hundreds of <@Nosferatu> cute small bears on a shelf all the way along the floor, cuddly <@Nosferatu> medium-sized ones on a shelf a little higher, and huge enormous bears on <@Nosferatu> the top shelf along the wall. The woman is surprised that this guy would <@Nosferatu> have a collection of teddy bears, especially one that's so extensive, but <@Nosferatu> she decides not to mention this to him, and actually is quite impressed by <@Nosferatu> his sensitive side. She turns to him... they kiss... and then they rip each <@Nosferatu> other's clothes off and make hot steamy love. <@Nosferatu> After an intense night of passion with this sensitive guy, they are lying <@Nosferatu> there together in the afterglow, the woman rolls over and she asks, <@Nosferatu> smiling, "Well, how was it?" <@Nosferatu> The guy says: <@Nosferatu> "Help yourself to any prize from the bottom shelf."
<Cthon98> hey, if you type in your pw, it will show as stars <Cthon98> ********* see! <AzureDiamond> hunter2 <AzureDiamond> doesnt look like stars to me <Cthon98> <AzureDiamond> ******* <Cthon98> thats what I see <AzureDiamond> oh, really? <Cthon98> Absolutely <AzureDiamond> you can go hunter2 my hunter2-ing hunter2 <AzureDiamond> haha, does that look funny to you? <Cthon98> lol, yes. See, when YOU type hunter2, it shows to us as ******* <AzureDiamond> thats neat, I didnt know IRC did that <Cthon98> yep, no matter how many times you type hunter2, it will show to us as ******* <AzureDiamond> awesome! <AzureDiamond> wait, how do you know my pw? <Cthon98> er, I just copy pasted YOUR ******'s and it appears to YOU as hunter2 cause its your pw <AzureDiamond> oh, ok.
<Lord_Nuke> Blegh, today was annoying <Lord_Nuke> Some people I wonder how they remember to get dressed mornings <l33t-mercury> how so? <Lord_Nuke> Well, as you know, I work at the Best Buy Rebate Center <Lord_Nuke> So a woman calls in, she got a letter declining her rebate request for invalid receipt <Lord_Nuke> it turns out she bought her computer at Comp-Usa, and then went on bestbuy.com and printed off a rebate form <Lord_Nuke> And she wonders why she didn't get her rebate <l33t-mercury> OMG! Rofl! <Lord_Nuke> Yeah, well, its still better than the fool who forgets to mail it in at all <Lord_Nuke> Customer: "Hi, I'd like to check on my rebate. I've been waiting 6 months" <Lord_Nuke> Me: "Well, do you have a copy of your rebate form with you?" <Lord_Nuke> Customer: "Yeah, let me open my envelope here, I have the rebate form." <Lord_Nuke> Me: "Wait, wait. You have the envelope there? As in you didn't mail it?" <Lord_Nuke> Customer: "Yeah, it's right here. Can you tell me what's taking so long?" <l33t-mercury> lol <Lord_Nuke> Me: "Just let me confirm this: You didn't mail it in, and you want to know what's taking so long?" <Lord_Nuke> Customer: "Yes, that's correct..... oh. Shit." *click* <l33t-mercury> haha
<MichaelBolton> okay, my ADD has officially gotten out of control <MichaelBolton> i just tried to go to the bathroom, but i ended up shaving, washing my face, taking a short shower, putting in fresh toilet paper, and taking out the trash. so now i'm back here, and i still have to pee.
<+Velcant> My dad just wandered off to buy 50 meters of wireless LAN cable. Good luck to him.
<Xenocide> what are those things called.... <Xenocide> y'know, they leik deposite ink.. onto cds <Xenocide> WTF ARE THEY CALLED <Xenocide> arrgh <Nd> Pens
<Langly1> Bash.org is like an IQ test, All those who get on it have low IQ's <Langly1> and if anyone submits that quote ill track them down and kill them
shopgirl6665: installing flash...soon my website will be the coolest ever shopgirl6665: hmmm...there appears to be somewhat of a learning curve...
<Eugene> Packets: Sent = 1000, Received = 455, Lost = 545 (54% loss) <Eugene> Minimum = 315ms, Maximum = 1127ms, Average = 592ms <Eugene> geez, I don't even think this even counts as the internet anymore. <Eugene> I can probably get better responses with two tin cans and a piece of string.
<andrewg> eps will make you drop the soap on command <andrewg> AND <andrewg> insert a tracking device <djrand> good god <djrand> i think thats enough <@epic_> lol <epic_> Did we make you blush rand? <epic_> your virgin ears. <djrand> indeed <epic_> should put comdoms on them.. wont catch hearing aids.
<Fury> dude! The power just went out in the house and all over the city. <Fury> everything is off =X <Fury> fuck its so dark. this fucking sucks. <Angelic[X]> Why are you still here? quit: (Fury) (siren@2c4e124f.19108886.cable.ntl.com) (Read error: Connection reset by peer)
<@Phil21> juniper calls back saying they have m7i for "only" $15k <@Phil21> fuckers <*comstud> *looks in his wallet* <*comstud> damn, $10 short.
<Swenja> If you handed people a box that said "Danger! Crotch-eating crickets inside! Do not shake! Do not open!" <Swenja> ....ten minutes later, there'd be screaming and chirping, and crickets all over the place...
MelancholicKiss: say something profound MaximumTool007: Old people should be put down at birth. MelancholicKiss: why do i even bother
<Chrisodeo> In Soviet Russia... the jokes tell you! <CrazySteve> Am I the only one bothered by the fact that there is now no longer a Soviet Russia? --- ChanServ sets ban on *! *paradym14@pcp02481451pcs.spedwy01.in.comcast.net <-- ChanServ has kicked Chrisodeo from #jack (Gunned down by the russian mafia.) <CrazySteve> I guess not.
<Epoch71> you know, for some reason, this reminds me... the other day i was playing ping pong and thought, "damn, this'd make a great video game... i wonder if it's been done yet" <Epoch71> god i felt stupid 5 seconds later
<Pesmerga> man, im starting to think that the more I take showers, the more i stink afterwards. so Im just gonna stop showering and see if it helps. * AnArKi has left the channel * BoZo has left the channel * HeyPetray has left the channel
* Huroya shoots Flak * Flak catches the bullet with his teeth <Huroya> By "catch" I think you mean it shatters your jaw and puts a hole the size of a baseball through the back of your skull.
<TheMaker> I finally made aop on dalnet! <G13> was this yer entire life's struggle? <TheMaker> yes <TheMaker> since 1996 <G13> you are a sad, sad man
<Nick> man dod is the fucking shit <sporkchop> i wonder if you could fuck shit.... <sporkchop> it would be all soft and warm and squishy <Nick> lol <sporkchop>hmmm <sporkchop> brb * sporkchop is away - bathroom <Nick> oh jesus no
--> Rocksteady (Rocksteady@unerror-loony-1F0134CC.dorm.depaul.edu) has joined #lobby <Rocksteady> quick i need a funny way to wake up a roomate that doesn't involve sex or feces
<BlacKcaT> So my computer is sweet. It's right next to my bed, so i can just pull over my keyboard and my mouse, since it's optical, and it'll all work and I'm nice and comfy lying down on my bed. <Benig> So my laptop... <BlacKcaT> Fuck you.
<Pablissimo> You wish that your customer part know more thing on the others players or on your very new entity faggot of data? Are the server->client messages to you of aucuns help (too much heavy to manage since all the customers must have access to these values with each frame)? You feel that the file delta.lst could be useful but include/understand you nothing there? <Pablissimo> can someome make that make sense in english, babelfish is clearly underperforming here <Pablissimo> for instance, the word 'faggot' was a surprise
<spectre> hypno: did you see what braingrind wrote in the front of the book ? <spectre> "Yo Fran. I liked this book. I pissed myself. You should like it too. If you don't, I can only assume you suck. Shizzle. Braingrind" <bluecgi> haha what he wrote is like his account of a normal day <bluecgi> he wakes up, says something, soils himself, emotes, soils himself again
<spectre> a girl called me 'sensitive' last night <spectre> too bad she was fat
--> trillback (~trillian@psu-1DF9C42E.nyc1-4.15.204.215.nyc1.elnk.dsl.genuity.net) has joined #ps-universe <-- trillback (~trillian@psu-1DF9C42E.nyc1-4.15.204.215.nyc1.elnk.dsl.genuity.net) has left #ps-universe (Repeat about 15 times) <Ioshua> +ban trillback plz. I only like this much in and out if it involves my woman. <Ioshua> or, at least, a friendly looking sock.
<Hamhocks> if taking a huge shit is anything like playing chess, consider me the next gary kasparov <WallOfInsanity> then I shall be deep blue and defeat you with my efficient machine-like bowel movements.
<CharoNoMe> Gay marriage will encourage people to be gay, in the same way that hanging around tall people will make you tall.
<CharoNoMe> Obviously gay parents will raise gay children, since straight parents only raise straight children.
<noam`wm> I was studying Physics, right. Magnetic fields. There was a drawing in the book to demonstrate how the direction of the field is always orthogonal to the direction of the force. to do that, they drew a dot, 4 vectors of field and 4 directions of force, orthogonal to them. <noam`wm> I painted the background in red and added SIEG HEIL.
<shaqzilla> I'm not racist, racism is a crime, and crime is for black people.
<isurx> vinyl as in a record right? <babo> Yes. <ami_> as in 12 inches of black joy <N8> like... never mind
<Raymondo> I'm a lot funnier in real life. <Megatron5000> that doesn't matter here <Raymondo> I'm just pointing out I don't suck 24/7 <PrzeCM03|04> who cares what's your sucking timetable
<jshock221> a freudian slip is when you say one thing but you're really thinking about a mother.
<Petter>It's a bug <X-Winger2>I refuse to believe XP has any bugs ;P <X-Winger2>well <X-Winger2>Except it won't let me see my hard drive right now
<soink> and im not that fat <soink> cameras add like 48 pounds <SteelStud> Well, you must have used 5 cameras on that picture.
* Warlocke sings, "What a girl wants, what a girl needs, is a box of Kotex month-lee-ee when she blee-eeds." <Katrina> OMFG
DinjackPD: there was this once, like three years ago, I forgot this big project I had to turn in when I went to school DinjackPD: so I called home to my dad (he works out of a home office) and asked him to bring it for me DinjackPD: so he came to school with it and he came up to me and shook my hand and said "Hi there, I'm David, I'm your personal secretary." DinjackPD: And I said "Hi there, I'm your son, you signed on for this shit when you didn't wear a condom." DinjackPD: I thought it was funnier than he did
<+MrKite> I remember one of my teachers, she was a female teacher, and it was hawaiian week and she had too lais around her neck. Eric said to her "I see you got laid over the weekend" which instantly made me think he was going to have problems, she casually responded "Yeah, twice"
<Tie> CD-RWs are like.. virigins who never lose their virginity no matter how much you fuck 'em
<dpkg> greycat: BadgerBadgerBadgerBadgerBadgerBadgerMushroomMUSHROOMBadgerBadgerBadgerBadgerSnaaaaaaaaakkeeeASnaaaaake <greycat> ah, the lynx-compatible version.
<MegaDeth> family pack of condoms <MegaDeth> hehehe <MegaDeth> that's amusing on so many levels
<Grey> I downloaded an ISO image of a game which turned out to be porn... <Grey> people don't respect anything anymore <Borlath_Mon> I downloaded Sid Meier's Alpha Centauri, and sadly, it turned out to be Sid Meier's Alpha Centauri.
<Continuity> EVERY TIME YOU LEECH A GAME, GOD KILLS AN RIIA EMPLOYEE <east> that wouldn't work <east> the RIAA would've been eradicated a long time ago <Curry> they just throw a specimen back to the spawning vats <Curry> *spoof* instant employees <Outrider> LOL RIAA RUSH KEKEKEKEKEKEKE ^_________________^
<dabblerblue> i called tech support today <dabblerblue> and shortly thereafter, they sent me an email detailing the use of search engines <dabblerblue> sarcastic bastards