hQDB :: hacker Quote Database

Network Stats: 21122 Approved Quotes | 11 in Moderation Queue
#216859 [ + | - ] 101
<LEPREHAUN> does anyone knows how backups are done in offices?
<Dazzlemar> slight of hand and mirrors
#216831 [ + | - ] 1000
<Volt9000> WHY ARE THERE ALWAYS PUBES ALL OVER MY KEYBOARD?!
<FunG> you coughed?
#216818 [ + | - ] 747
<+usrbingeek> NBC has announced it will air a three-episode
marathon of Queer Eye for the Straight Guy opposite the Super
Bowl on February 1st.
<+usrbingeek> So, if you get tired of watching a bunch of
buff, sweaty men in uniforms patting each other on the ass and
bending over to pass something between their legs, you now
have the choice of watching something really gay.
#216775 [ + | - ] 485
<Wolfie_Fox> someone should make a song about ping timeout's
<Man1c-M0g> look at the badger badger flash, replace badger
with 'ping', mushroom with 'timeout', and snake with
'netsplit', and theres your song wolfie.
#216626 [ + | - ] 719
* Charles wakes up. Dammit, I can't even get laid in my own
dreams. ;_;
<Charles> My dream was just about meeting some girl who was
willing to sex me up, and then two weeks worth of meeting up
in various places to do so and getting interrupted and
sidetracked for various reasons.
<Mads> Oooh, oooh, go on, do go on!
<Charles> Sex at my house? Parents come home. Sex at the mall
bathroom? Security guard breaks it up. Sex in the woods?
Attacked by wolves. Sex in a cottege in the woods? A witch
lives there.
<Mads> ...
<Mads> That's the weirdest fucking datesim ever, mate.
#216542 [ + | - ] 47
<b1u3> in france they call it "irque with cheese"
#216166 [ + | - ] 1710
* Entoutcas has quit IRC (Quit: And the Lord said unto John;
Come forth and receive eternal life. But John came fifth and
won a toaster...)
#216142 [ + | - ] 1762
<Fabrice> GNAW ON NO WANG.
<Fabrice> This message brought to you by the Society of
Lesbians for Palindrome Advancement
#215770 [ + | - ] 709
<Indogutsu> I once got an e-mail from the former prince of
Niger.
<Chocoboko> What did he want?
<Indogutsu> To know if I was interested in increasing my penis
size.
#215693 [ + | - ] 396
<Lyrai> What's the difference between Slow Motion and Bullet
Time?
<Lyrai> About $100 Million.
#215638 [ + | - ] 1457
<rosonowski> Hah! I love slashdot sometimes.
<rosonowski> You know the old manta "Fighting for peace is
like fucking for virginity?"
<rosonowski> Someone replied to it "If you know of a better
way to make more virgins, I'd like to hear it."
#215623 [ + | - ] 1573
<Eticam> I work at a computershop
<Eticam> And you don't wanna know how f***in' STUPID some
customers are
<Eticam> I get questions like:
<Eticam> "What is better, a scanner or printer?"
<Eticam> "I'm looking for a serious mouse"
<Eticam> "My internet doesn't work" "What kind of connection
do you have?" "Windows XP"
<Eticam> "The mouse you sold me is incomplete" "Ma'am, it's
meant to have no cable"
<Eticam> I even had a customer who brought his pc for
technical service
<Eticam> "My dog humped the pc and had an orgasm in the power
supply, and it short circuited" "how's the dog?" "Don't know,
my wife took him to the vet"
<Eticam> really, one day I'm gonna shoot myself in front of a
customer....
#215611 [ + | - ] 798
Eros: I'm going to shave off all the hair on my body and go
running down my street screaming about how aerodynamic I am.
#215581 [ + | - ] 259
<akcom> leeach, how'd you get so leet?
<leeach> years and years of masturbation in pantyhose.
#215568 [ + | - ] 467
<moira> community name should be unique over all categories,
sucks
<happy> you can't delete communities
<moira> sure you can
<moira> ask hitler
#215386 [ + | - ] 342
<Marasmus> So I was listening to a comedian who was talking
about the Queen of England being attractive when she was
young.
<Shae> Erm.. okay...
<Marasmus> And that some guys would talk about her, you know,
the lewd way guys do about celebrities.
<Marasmus> And some of the guys would go further than that...
and I thought, it must be very strange...
<Marasmus> masturbating to pocket change.
#215376 [ + | - ] 750
<chrisj> american kids are all "oh gee mom I didn't mean to
take a tip of dads bud light while he wasn't looking. i'll
never get drunk again, I swear"
<chrisj> and australian kids are all
<chrisj> "AHH CHEERS CUNTS, GIVE US A SQUIRT FROM YOUR GOON
BAG, DAD... AHHH CHEERS CUNT"
#215341 [ + | - ] 562
<Tim> Well it tastes gay.
<Gerard> How do you know what "gay" tastes like?
#215287 [ + | - ] 395
<djlaptop> could God write a program that's so intensive that
his cpu couldn't run it?
#215254 [ + | - ] 635
<xtal> Uh
<xtal> uh
<xtal> uh
<xtal> uh?
<Mazca> stop masturbating quizzically.
#215239 [ + | - ] 201
<Loki> A mammal that lays eggs, is the ultimate breakfast
dish.
#215170 [ + | - ] -71
ResaiHawking: I don't have a library card, baby, but can I
check you out?
#215117 [ + | - ] 859
<bobby> I like you, Krayzie. You represent everything
stereotypical and depthless about today's gay youth.
<KrayzieWolF> well im acually bi
#215069 [ + | - ] 266
<JtotheB> it's a fact that you have to deal with sooner or
later
<JtotheB> the latent homosexuality involved with masturbating
#215067 [ + | - ] 590
<JtotheB> and i think i need to start wearing pants when i
climb that tree in your yard
<Shiv_DFA> you found the boobytraps, did you?
<JtotheB> i got a shuriken in my scrotum
<JtotheB> you tell me
#215052 [ + | - ] 456
* Patrick listens to chopin and strokes his axe... one day,
I'm going to get a girl, or most of one.
#215032 [ + | - ] 146
<[CNI]Smy> k now that i just relized that those were like $200
headphones
<[CNI]Smy> i am gona go out and buy some glue
<[CNI]Smy> and fix em
<[CNI]Goose> get crazy glue, it can even glue your arm back
on, U can use it for emergency surgery in the field....
<[CNI]Smy> no i cant
<[CNI]Smy> cuz then i will have the urge to cut my dogs legs
off and try to glue them back on.
#215028 [ + | - ] 952
<RedRaptor> I am the terror that flaps in the night
<Fruit> ......XXXL womens underwear on a clothes line?
#215017 [ + | - ] 148
< enclaved> apple has apparently made up for its stupid
miniipod
< hangman> what'd it do?
< enclaved> superbowl ads featuring people the riaa sued
< enclaved> its pepsis ad for the free songs
< enclaved> but, apple makes it posssible.
< RageFury> enclaved: So it's gonna pan the camera around
everyone in
the stadium?
< enclaved> heh
< enclaved> they didn't sue that many people...
< RageFury> WELL, Too bad that the Tampa Bay Buccaneers didn't
get
into the superbowl, or else they can pan the
camera around
the team and accuse them of being...pirates.
#215003 [ + | - ] 1603
<Lan_> my iq is a range of 145-178
<kender> is that in kelvin?
#214954 [ + | - ] 438
<RapidX> Hey, was wondering... when buying a fan.. how do you
determine if the fan is a fan that blows in air or blows out?
#214929 [ + | - ] 204
<LordStan> Jed, why can't you have a fake man that has a
magical motor that drives a series of gears and what-not to
make a robot?
<Jedisar> LordStan: Because he's busy starring in a new FF
game.
<LordStan> I would say something sarcastic to that, but
chances are you're right.
#214827 [ + | - ] 573
<Amici|Kitty> 666 is the number of the beast ;P
<momo8D> 6667 is the number of you losing whatever social life
you might have had.
#214810 [ + | - ] 9593
<Fulgore> whats the complement to a 43 degree angle?
<sparks> My you're looking "acute" today
<Fulgore> fuck you
#214794 [ + | - ] 809
[brs`IRC]: Amish girls are incredibly sexual.
[brs`IRC]: You've never had a handjob until you've had one
from a girl who
[brs`IRC]: works a butter churn all day.
#214609 [ + | - ] 85
<torgofan720> I'm still planning on having a love child with
LaggedyAnne by mailing her a vial of sperm frozen in a bag of
freezer veggies
<torgofan720> Gonna name the kid Greenbean
#214581 [ + | - ] 410
<Thund3r> I just thought of something ... since its year of
the monkey does that mean GW Bush will get re-elected?
#214557 [ + | - ] 1107
* HowardDean has joined #politics
<HowardDean> yeeeeeeaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
#214502 [ + | - ] 971
<Novasol> heh, I was looking for an emulation site the other
day.... and I was using AvantBrowser, which has a built in
popup blocker...
<Novasol> AvantBrowser makes a sound when it blocks a popup...
<Novasol> I swear, I went to one site and it played the tune
to funky town
#214481 [ + | - ] 62
* AquaJew2 is now known as AquaJew
<Allvah> JewTwo?
<AquaJew> Yea, like MewTwo, but Jewish
<LordRed> Basically, jewtwo's main attack is he lies to your
boss about finding a hair in his soup so you get fired and he
gets a five dollar off coupon
#214476 [ + | - ] 213
<@ImmenseMalevolentCanisLupis> Linux is like a pair of boxers
without the tag cut off. So free but so uncomfortable.
#214440 [ + | - ] 530
<Petersen> damnit
<Petersen> i just stood on a 512meg dimm
<Petersen> anyone wanna buy a pair of half length dimms?
256meg each
#214384 [ + | - ] 442
<Heem> [entropy], have you ever heard of WiFi?
<[entropy]> I don't listen to techno
#214363 [ + | - ] 688
<@Mister_IQ> you ever watch Who's Line is it Anyway?
<@Axiom> of course
<@Mister_IQ> They have the contest where they have to make
every single line a double entendre...
<@Mister_IQ> If you know what I mean...
<@Mister_IQ> I love that
<@Axiom> sounds really hard.
#214361 [ + | - ] 126
<masterchain> go away crimson...
<[OP]CrimsonDeath90210> Actually I will
<[OP]CrimsonDeath90210> As soon as I finish configuring
Windows.
<masterchain> uncheck the "jewish" box
<masterchain> and it'll work fine
<[OP]CrimsonDeath90210> lol
<[OP]CrimsonDeath90210> The thing is
<[OP]CrimsonDeath90210> What's doing the problem
<[OP]CrimsonDeath90210> Is the Hebrew settings
<[OP]CrimsonDeath90210> ...
#214352 [ + | - ] 346
<Saddam_Hussein> This room is being too fucking hateful.
#214318 [ + | - ] 2323
<+Quantsini> when i say the word "ramen" what words come to
mind?
* Ikari has joined #STNJ
<@[Polynomial]> instant
<ph4tkid> ninja
<+Zanshi> porn
<Ikari> instant ninja porn?!?! WHERE???!?!
<+Quantsini> ...
#214230 [ + | - ] 1365
<rastakid> Which one shouldn't be there: rape - monopoly -
incest ?
<seal> Monopoly?
<rastakid> Wrong! Rape, because it's not a family game.
#214183 [ + | - ] 55
<Camper_Bob> What would jesus do?
<Milo> Altar Boys.....
#214115 [ + | - ] 1386
<@j0nkatz> jwbozzy: I have an audi out port on my cd player in
my car.
<@j0nkatz> audio
<nukle> heh.
<nukle> fordian slip.