hQDB :: hacker Quote Database

Network Stats: 21122 Approved Quotes | 11 in Moderation Queue
#114413 [ + | - ] 395
<NekoLocke|Runescape> What the hell? some girl offered me
cybersex on Runescape in exchange for all the gold ore I had
in my inventory. @_@
<Danny> now you do it be a man whore :P
<Eden99> LOL XD;
<Noval> Wow, a game with real hookers. That's inpressive.
#114377 [ + | - ] 214
< Teratogen> Never underestimate the bandwidth of a station
wagon filled with backup tapes.
#114358 [ + | - ] 496
(maddox@) I just thought of a joke, I don't know if someone
has already made this up, but here it goes: What actor would
Christopher Reeve be if he could trade places with anyone?
Christopher Walken
#114352 [ + | - ] 2272
Spoon35: http://www.oddworldz.com/fmweekly/kellypinup.jpg
SenorWeird: who?
Momog: hehe
SenorWeird: who is that?
Momog: kelly hu = the wolverine chick from xmen
SenorWeird: Kelly who?
Spoon35: exactly!
SenorWeird: Kelly Exactly?
Momog: heh
Momog: it's a trap!
SenorWeird: Just tell me the chick's name. It's Kelly what?
Spoon35: Hu.
SenorWeird: ?!
SenorWeird: The chick you just posted a picture of!
Spoon35: Hu
SenorWeird: That's what I wanna know! Kelly who!
Spoon35: exactly!
SenorWeird: So it's Kelly Exactly!
* Marty11 Laughs in the strange confusion
Spoon35: Hu.
SenorWeird: The girl in the picture you posted is Kelly
Exactly
Momog: Hu, Kelly.
Momog: HA!
SenorWeird: Yes, Kelly, Momog.
Spoon35: Kelly Momog??
SenorWeird: Kelly Exactly
Momog: doh
SenorWeird: Okay, you know what? Forget this.
SenorWeird: Let's talk about that hot chick in Mulholland
Drive and The Ring.
SenorWeird: What's her name?
Momog: who?
SenorWeird: her name
Spoon35: Watts.
SenorWeird: yes, I think my question was quite clear.
Spoon35: Watts.
* Momog covers his ears and screams
SenorWeird: are you not understanding me?
SenorWeird: Who is the chick from The Ring?
Spoon35: I think I understand. you want to know Watts.
SenorWeird: Not What, who. Who is the chick from The Ring.
Spoon35: no, Watts is the chick from the Ring
SenorWeird: Who is?
Spoon35: no, she was in X2
SenorWeird: What?!
Spoon35: exactly.
SenorWeird: Exactly was in X2. okay.
SenorWeird: so then Who was in the ring?
Spoon35: Hu was.
SenorWeird: Who was in the ring?
Spoon35: no. Watts was in the Ring. Hu was in X2.
SenorWeird: Exactly. Now, let's get back to the Ring. What's
that chick's name?
Spoon35: watts.
SenorWeird: okay, I'm lost.
SenorWeird: What's the name of the chick from X2?
Spoon35: no, Watts is the name of the chick from the Ring
SenorWeird: Forget about the ring. I don't want to hear about
Who was in the ring.
Spoon35: watts
SenorWeird: Am I not clear? Who was in X2?
Spoon35: yes.
SenorWeird: Yes?
SenorWeird: Yes what?
Spoon35: Yes Hu! No Watts.
SenorWeird: ....
SenorWeird: What?!
Momog: i am logging this and using it as blackmail against you
both
SenorWeird: oh, this is either genius or stupidity.
#114347 [ + | - ] 1037
<Skilless15> what's rtfm
<Skilless15> i forgot
<@avaxx> read the fucking manual.
<Skilless15> why
<Skilless15> you could just tell me
#114332 [ + | - ] 2418
<Kazak> man I am bored, Im gonna try some weird shit
<Nash> uh oh
<Kazak> HOLY FUCKING BLOODY HELL!
<Nash> ?!
<Kazak> I PUT A STAPLE THROUGH MY DICK!
<Nash> HOLY SHIT!
<Nash> You really are a crazy bastard!
*Killer_jeep has joined the conversation.
<Kazak> good fucking hell this hurts LIKE HELL
<Killer_jeep> What?
<Nash> he put a staple thru his dick
<Killer_jeep> DEAR GOD
*Killer_jeep has left the conversation.
<Kazak> shit now I have to piss! Brb
<Nash> this can&#8217;t be good
<Kazak> BITCH ASS MOTHER FUCK!
<Nash> what happened!
*Darkness has joined the conversation.
<Kazak> the piss flew out of the staple holes
<Darkness> WTF!?
*Darkness has left the conversation.
<Kazak> I had to straddle the toilet to get it in!
<Nash> are you gonna go to the ER?
<Kazak> are you crazy? no fucking way
<Nash> well try pulling it out
<Kazak> I can&#8217;t it hurts like hell if I try!
<Nash> well it has to come out sooner or later.
<Nash> better off sooner, before anyone sees you.
<Kazak> GODDAM THIS HURTS
<Nash> its your own fault, you know.
<Kazak> shutup! augh this hurts!!!
<Kazak> GRGGRFFFFDJH~!!11
*Aaron has joined the conversation
<Aaron> whats up guys?
<Nash> The crazy bastard put a staple through his dick
<Aaron> FUCKING HELL
*Aaron has left the conversation.
<Kazak> THANK GOD!!! I got it out!!!
<Nash> right&#8230;what about the holes?
<Kazak> uhh&#8230;
*Malaina has joined the conversation.
<Kazak> I&#8217;ll have to cover my dick with band-aids.
<Malaina> what the hell are you talking about?
<Kazak> oh shit. Nash, don&#8217;t!!!!
<Nash> your boyfriend put a staple through his dick
<Malaina> FUCKING HELL YOU SICK BASTARD!
*Malaina has left the conversation.
#114202 [ + | - ] 824
<typobox43> brb, grabbing a floppy dick
#114068 [ + | - ] 306
<dj_enkie> im a good babysitter
<dj_enkie> the boy is older
<dj_enkie> e is like 8
<dj_enkie> and he will become me someday
<dj_enkie> i give him porn to not tell his parents that i
drink their booze
#113949 [ + | - ] 234
<ph0rce> this is like turning into a war
<ph0rce> back like vietnam
<ph0rce> INCOMING NETSPLIT! GET THE FUCK DOWN
<ph0rce> INCOMING BOGIES INCOMING BOGIES
<ph0rce> RETURN FIRE
<ph0rce> *dos attack*
#113943 [ + | - ] 1503
* St-Lemur puts pasta next to antipasti
<KCaesar> You FOOL! You'll kill us all!
#113653 [ + | - ] 334
<Catmando> I've never had an IDE cable with a hole like that
<Catmando> I've had floppy cables, but never IDE
<dealer_> youve never had sex with a girl, but that's not
saying it doesnt exist
<narayan`> ouch
<ran_dogg|> i can't top that
<Catmando> well, I do have more experience with IDE cables
than with women
#113632 [ + | - ] 211
<MKendora> Unfortunately, Win2k still needs electricity to run
>_<
<JB> Heh.
<JB> Maybe for 2k5.
<Fancia> They fix that in Windows SG (Supar Gud), which runs
on the power of pure dreams.
<Tagrineth> Hehehe ^_^
<JB> Well, we're all screwed.
<Tagrineth> But that probably still won't run on most people's
comps
<JB> Anyone here besides Fancia have a pure dream in teh last
year?
<Fancia> ;b
<Tagrineth> NOT ME
<MKendora> I have impure dreams.
<MKendora> I have purely violent dreams.
<Fancia> Well, they're thinking of expanding Windows PG
(Perfikt Gud) to run on any dreams. ;o
<JB> That may help.
<JB> Methinks some of the dreams here may corrupt it, though.
<Fancia> True. ^.^;
<Tagrineth> LOL
<Fancia> "Windows received an Illegal Dream error! Please
reboot!"
<Tagrineth> Hehehe
<Tagrineth> "*PLEASE* reboot... (sicko)"
<JB> Windows has committed suicide to remove the image form
it's memory. Please order a new copy.
#113589 [ + | - ] 214
Frost: :p
Frost: lol dood
Frost: my brother and his friend come home just now
Frost: and theres 5 kids coming up the street running
Frost: im like wtf
ape: lol
Frost: and he tells me they are chasing him and his friend
Frost: so i go out there like wtf fags what do you want
Frost: and they said my little brother and his friend hit some
lady in the head with a rock and shes bleeding
ape: ROFL
Frost: man my brother is dumb
Frost: im gonna let them beat him up
ape: thats the funniest shit ive heard in a long time
Frost: :P
#113578 [ + | - ] 635
<idiotdude>My mom's boyfriend gave me some magazines and one
of them was an FHM from last month, and i pick it up and a
penis enlargement ad falls out, and the order form is cut out
and theres some notes scribbled on the bottom on how much it
would cost plus shipping and handling
#113542 [ + | - ] 419
@zacke   i got in trouble once, and my mom installed windows
me as my punishment
#113533 [ + | - ] 365
<Beltz> This condom in my drawer, it's about to expire. Two
weeks left! And those things last for 5 years.
<Dindrane> ... wow.
<Dindrane> Tell me it's a family heirloom or something, passed
down?
<Mickster> Just tell me it's not used
<Dindrane> Ya, cuz keeping a used condom as opposed to a
packaged one makes you more of a loser?
<Kyatoru> I'd say so. That's a disgusting trophy.
<Beltz> My last 2 or 3 were in my wallet for so long they
eventually had holes all over them and were brown inside due
to dust. I started carrying one in my wallet at all times due
to my last near-sex experience. I have such a wild
imagination.
<Dindrane> Beltz - I hear of people having near-deather
experiences... but near-sex? Holy shiznit, man.
#113520 [ + | - ] 306
<oR1on|Trivia> 6. What is a leech a type of?
<AuthSrev> woman
#113511 [ + | - ] 825
<WoG> wanna play me in UT J?
<J_Dawg007> Sure, I just got it again. Gimme a few minutes to
practice though, I need to learn to nut suck again.
<WoG> lmao
<J_Dawg007> Err... not*
<J_Dawg007> Great, I'm never gonna live THAT one down..
#113443 [ + | - ] 115
<`Hunter> Dutch tv sounds really shite, the only good stuff is
what you steal off us :/
<RevMonsta> wtf your right
<RevMonsta> he is giving a sausage a blowjob
#113423 [ + | - ] 152
<Locke> I went on an exciting box and pie adventure.   <Locke>
It wasn't nearly as sexual as it sounds.
#113418 [ + | - ] 276
<memo> I AM NOW TAKING REQUESTS REGARDING PRESSING SPECIFIC
LETTERS OF THE ALPHABET AND THEN HITTING ENTER   <memo> IF
ANYONE WOULD LIKE TO REQUEST A LETTER PLEASE DO SO NOW AND I
WILL TYPE IT
#113409 [ + | - ] 153
<Radien> I give up. The PSO server is repremanding me like an
angry Jewish mother-in-law played by Mike Meyers.
#113403 [ + | - ] 51
<Wonderland> uhoh.   <Gayo> ?   <Wonderland> i seem to have
glued 2 of my fingertips together with superglue
<Wonderland> like..seriously.   <Wonderland> i cant get them
apart   <Wonderland> OW   <Wonderland> nm   <Wonderland> ican
#113367 [ + | - ] 27
[2:22p] quits.. YT[Ping timeout]
[2:24p] joins.. YT
[2:24p] (Orion) wb
[2:24p] (Phae) wb
[2:24p] (YT) you know when you get real excited and
accidentally pull out a plug?
[2:24p] (Phae) haha
[2:24p] (YT) with your toe
[2:24p] (Phae) yeah
#113365 [ + | - ] 238
<Gayo> vecna was a swarthy pirate?   <McGrue> Indeed.
<McGrue> He has to mark 'Other' on the census, and fills in
"Pirate: Swarthy" in the supplied field.
#113333 [ + | - ] 569
<Zaratustra> I am an agnostic Jehovah's Witness. I knock on
people's doors, but I'm not sure why.
#113319 [ + | - ] 662
<Ratzilla> I rest my cake.
#113308 [ + | - ] 372
<Gayo> Welsh phonetics baffle me.   <Zaratustra> That's how
the Welsh managed to survive.   <Gayo> And that Welsh VERGEr
wasn't much help either.   <vecna> "Lets go conquer the Welsh
city of ....  er, fuckit.
#113297 [ + | - ] 179
<aen> I look somewhat akin to a pensive crackwhore waiting for
cock suckage, vexed that it hasn't come to pass.
#113264 [ + | - ] 205
tempest666_10913 *DING DONG*
<§kÌÑõfë/¡£420_46157> You're not a Jehovah's Witness, are you?
#113234 [ + | - ] 489
<bunny> i thought NZ was bad
<bunny> you go to a US news site, and its like.. the same but
like 10x bigger
<bunny> we have like one person accidentlly drove of a cliff
<bunny> they have three busloads drove off a cliff, when the
driver of another car got out a machine gun and blew them to
crap
<bunny> alllllllllways gotta be better eh?
<bunny> all followed by a penguin riding a tricycle
#113232 [ + | - ] 375
<Snowman>: if you had to describe me in 50 words or less, what
would you say?
(i)alex: 50 words or lesss...
(i)alex: hmmm
(i)alex: is cock loving one word or two?
#113211 [ + | - ] 71
<FoxBot> {MoxQuizz} The question no. 32 is:
<FoxBot>            (Things) What is the fear of darkness
known as
<Stonetree> africaphobia
#113200 [ + | - ] 646
<Sketchee> I'm searching for porn and see one "Russian
soldier"
<Sketchee> ... it wasn't porn!
<Grifter> o..kay
<Grifter> In Soviet Russia, the porn finds YOU!
<Sketchee> It was faces of death
<Grifter> What was it?
<Sketchee> The guy was being held to the ground
<Sketchee> And then they spliced his throat open
<Sketchee> And stuff was poring out
<Grifter> hm
<Sketchee> And there was screaming but most of that was from
me
#113195 [ + | - ] 257
<%Zero> then i broke my wrist in the growth plate twice
<%Zero> once snowboarding
<@mjc> ok.....
<%Zero> and a fat kid fell on me
<@Mike> ROFLMAO
<@mjc> hehehehehehehehehe
<%Zero> :(
<%Zero> it hurt
<%Zero> the kid was running
<%Zero> tripped on his shoe lace
<%Zero> and crushed me
<@Mike> lmao
#113152 [ + | - ] 171
<Acidfreek> Last time I was pimped I ended up being banned
from Sea World and I had Herpes
#113143 [ + | - ] 16
<Agent5> i hear gold is rare up in canada
<Agent5> sort of like finding a straight priest
* Agent5 (CUE LAUGHTER)
<Xenocide> lol
<FrEEk> lol
<Xenocide> i get it
#113142 [ + | - ] 32
(@niki-luv): those hurt my teeths
(@grimreap): maddox
(nuttso): only americans would have to provide the s
(nuttso): otherwise its assumed that you'll have more than 1
tooth
(nuttso): like canadians for example
#113133 [ + | - ] 216
<PsychoDreameR> i want a good war script
<PsychoDreameR> when can i get one??
<placid> www.nato.com
#113123 [ + | - ] 416
<euphoria> we had drugs sex and rock and roll now all we have
is aids crack and techno
#113121 [ + | - ] 47
<moocow39>do you like to masterbate?
<beaverchild110>why are you asking questions like that?
<moocow39>do you really want to know?
<beaverchild110>yes tell me!
<moocow39>because i am a single horny 48 year old man thats
why!
#113110 [ + | - ] 333
<AfraidOfAmericans> I have money that smells like marijuana
smoke
<AfraidOfAmericans> I am annoyed.
<Popples> I like the normal smell of money.
<AfraidOfAmericans> heh.
<AfraidOfAmericans> you mean cocaine?
#113108 [ + | - ] 544
<FFFFFFFF1> has anyone been sky diving?
<bobbles> i fell down some stairs
<bobbles> does that count
#113106 [ + | - ] 156
<AH6969> that's univ. irvine
<AH6969> that college is like 60% azn
<SKID> I bet the parking lot is like a used Honda lot
<AH6969> there's a few expensive bmws and benzs in there
<SKID> yeah....those are the japanese kids
<SKID> and all the piece of shit cars with like dents and shit
are the teachers cars
#113032 [ + | - ] 1085
<Inuyasha> Those guys at bash must have some sort of
auto-accept system with quotes
<Inuyasha> Either that or the guys that approve them are both
racist and blind
#113023 [ + | - ] 1049
<`Sonny-Michaels> Oh good lord
<`Sonny-Michaels> As if www.mofo.com wasn't bad enough
<`Sonny-Michaels> You know the company Powergen?
<@Evil-PR-Director> uh oh
<`Sonny-Michaels> I'm told they're starting to move into Italy
<`Sonny-Michaels> Using the suffix Italia tacked onto the corp
name
<`Sonny-Michaels> That's wrong in more ways than I want to
think about
<@Evil-PR-Director> yeah...
<`Sonny-Michaels> Specially since they spelled it out for the
url
<`Sonny-Michaels> http://www.powergenitalia.com/
#113017 [ + | - ] 974
<hobbit> hey dude... are your ears burning?
<Dude> no
<hobbit> Ah... damn... I need to tweak my voodoo doll then.
<hobbit> Feeling any groin pain?
<Dude> heh no
<hobbit> hrm.... How about a scratchy throat?
<hobbit> something simple..
<Dude> nope
<hobbit> bah... the Book of E-Vile said this would work...
<Dude> i disabled remote access in controll panel
<hobbit> hrm.... that might be it.
<Dude> ya gotta be secure
<hobbit> hrm... lemme try something else... ::invokes the
mighty god Hastur:: HASTUR HASTUR HASTUR!
<hobbit> Anything now?
<Dude> hmmm... i read uf nope
<hobbit> you missing your eternal soul?
* Dude checks
<Dude> it sez under properties it was never installed
<hobbit> bah
<hobbit> Now I have Hastur sitting in my living room demanding
an eternal soul... and I'm fresh out..
<Dude> nice knowing ya
#112974 [ + | - ] 167
<HL|Batman> Sorry,
<HL|Batman> Trick or treeters.
<HL|Batman> I had to hide bodies.
#112863 [ + | - ] 226
(ravnos) im 'ol schoo'
(misfit_) just because you computer is 7 years old and you
have a dialup doesnt make you oldschool :P
#112807 [ + | - ] 624
<Costilled> "I run Linux." T-shirts
<Costilled> availible in sizes L to XXXXL