<sdodson> I'm trying to figure out if my neighbors have really bad rhythm or if they're hanging photos on the wall
<Turkeyslam> oh man I saw pure gold at lunch, I was sitting near this group of black guys at a table and they all had tucked in shirts and shit, looked educated, I think they were studying calculus or some shit <Turkeyslam> and across from there, there was another table with a bunch of white guys, all ghetto looking, three of them wore fucking grills, sagging pants, and one was playing some 50 cent ringtone or some shit <Turkeyslam> going "yeah boiiii" <Turkeyslam> and one of the black guys in the table next to me muttered "fucking niggers" <Turkeyslam> I choked on my fucking jolt cola
<altus> internet diet is shitty <altus> cookies and spam all the time <xoroa> yea. and the cookies are totally dubious. i mean, who would eat one that expires in 2017?
<Tostitos> i like my women the way i like my coffee <Jet> Ground up and in the freezer? <SteveTheImpermeableHamster> full of your cream? <mistik> hawt? <Dokterrock> What, tied up in a sack and thrown over the back of a burro? <RaMTuFF> quiet ? <Jet>: Colombian? <Aimee> hot? <Jet> From McDonalds? <djswift2k3> Black? <SteveTheImpermeableHamster> in a cup? <Jet> Spilt all over your lap? <Aimee> cheap? <whiteboihere> strong and black?/ <Tostitos> i hate you all
CharmQuark42: a math sheep? Quillethe: it would explain the counting CharmQuark42: it does integ-wools!
<NightShade> you know what a vampire puts in his hot water to make tea? <NightShade> a used tampon
MisterMunshun: I used to be a telemarketer, working for the Shriners. I'd call people up and try and get them to sponsor a group of needy and handicapped kids from the Shriner's hospitals to go see the circus. MisterMunshun: One night, i'm making my calls, and i come to this name on one of my sheets MisterMunshun: "Mrs. Pucci" MisterMunshun: I'm making the calls before it, but i'm just going through the motions, because in my head, over and over, i'm thinking MisterMunshun: DON'T SAY PUSSY DON'T SAY PUSSY DON'T SAY PUSSY IT'S POO-CHI POO-CHI NOT PUSSY DON'T SAY PUSSY MisterMunshun: So, I dial her up MisterMunshun: She answers MisterMunshun: "Hello, Mrs. Pussy?" MisterMunshun: everyone in the office immediately bursts into laughter, and i just fucking deflate. MisterMunshun: I can't fucking apologize because everyone is laughing, which is making ME laugh. MisterMunshun.: And it wouldn't have mattered anyway, she'd already fucking hung up. Jake: and you were fired
<PhoenixBourne> Ok, so a friend of mine had an AWESOME idea at school <PhoenixBourne> You know rohyphonol? (whatever the spelling is) <linforcer> Is he gontna make a trebuchet <linforcer> no <PhoenixBourne> You know date rape drugs? <linforcer> Sure <PhoenixBourne> Right, rhyphonol is one of these. It knocks you asleep after an hour or two. <PhoenixBourne> I should also mention, a side affect of rhyphonol is amnesia of events whilst under influence of the drug. <PhoenixBourne> Now, a friend of mine had this idea: 1) Prepare ingredients 2) Take rhyphonol 3) Bake cake 4) Fall asleep 5) ?????? 6) Wake up 7) CAKE?! CAKE! Where did this come from?! <linforcer> SURPRISE CAKE!!!!!!
<Rx> I am eating hot dogs that have little bits of cheese inside the frankfurter <Rx> It is amazing. <Rx> I am sure this must be an american invention <Rx> but it's like a man who ejaculates cream cheese is having sex in my mouth with a beautiful pork woman
H2SO4Baddie: it's a good thing easter isn't on groundhog day, cuz then jesus'd come out of his tomb, see his shadow, go back in and we'd have 6 more weeks of winter axoren123: xD
yuseisays: I got one! I got one! BlackDragon412: WHAT? yuseisays: What do you call children that are born in whore houses? yuseisays: BROTHEL SPROUTS BlackDragon412: ... yuseisays: oh crap, wrong persoin
Anti: Physics is like sex, it has practical results but that's not why we do it RaefWolfe: Physics is like sex: I just don't get it
<jms> maybe I can do it in java <jms> but that sounds as pleasant as cheesegrating my testicles
ET: Bash.org is moderated Lily: yeah. xD ET: that stuff has to be approved ET: if Bash.org is moderated, what the hell kinda stuff doesn't make the cut?
<Ken|JLime> Jtag_me If you want a challenge, learn the emacs short commands <Ken|JLime> I'll stick to medical school myself <Jtag_me> haha <Ken|JLime> Its like CTRL-XYWZQFGUJ-F1 (while pressing F2).. and it walks your dog
<osx5> question is there an irc server that has mostly mac users on it? <Eulogy> i hope to god not. <osx5> lol, why <Eulogy> that much arrogance would cause the universe to collapse on itself.
Kanishka: The vagina has 3 holes right? Sahil: no Kanishka: Yeah it does; one for the dick and two for the balls <lol> Sahil: No you fucking dumbass, there aren't three holes Kanishka: Then where do the balls go in? Kyle: They...don't.
<Hawaiian_Pig> that reminds me... if i ever get the chance to write something on a bomb, it'd have to be an ascii wang.
<@norman> so, how many dates do you have to go on before it changes from assault to domestic violence
<Aust> I was playing a groove jazz jam at a coffee shop, and a group of mentally handicapped kids walked in. One of them ran right to the middle of us and started dancing all crazy. He was dressed like an Native American. Like, battle rags... It was fuckiing awesome. He danced for like 20 minutes. We all danced with him.
obscurityusa: i showed my roomate ftw.generation obscurityusa: he's... he's not talking to me anymore.... obscurityusa: like first random he gets is the hulk getting butt raped by capt. america
<marshmallow> i had a hard time trying to explain to mike what the orly owl was <marshmallow> i mean how would you describe it to someone who hadn't heard of it <__penguin__> the same way you describe what color is to a blind person <marshmallow> HAHA IT'S PURTY AND U CANT SEE IT
<+dogcow> Did you hear about the MPAA being caught using pirated software? <+dogcow> http://yro.slashdot.org/article.pl?sid=07/02/18/ 0458213 <+TheHURD> *loooooooooooooooooooool* <+dogcow> Can anyone recommend any good movies? I'm going to celebrate!
<Bull|breakky> lol. i had a few drinks, tried to light a smoke off me zippo, took a phone call, filled the zippo with petrol, spilt some on my hand, lit the smoke and dropped the phone, me hand was on fire. yea i know . duhhhhhhhh@ me <PistNBroke> rofl
<@Merrick178> I hope you get hit by an uninsured Mexican driving an ice cream truck with la bamba playing in the background
<Daniel> Spongebob is a tampon. <Daniel> He's a sponge who lives in bikini bottom with Mr Crabs. <Nictheman> lmao
<Jenny The Xenomorph> I found a good example of why i dont talk to my parents much though. My mum found a picture of the sun my dad took a while back during the eclipse. had a large dark spot on it, which they were trying to work out what it was.
<BigKahuna>so my son came home from school early <BigKahuna>terrified look on his face <BigKahuna>handed me two pieces of paper <BigKahuna>one says he's been suspended for two weeks <BigKahuna>the other is a bill for $850 for removing a mechanical bull from a swimming pool <lhging|brb>HAHAHAHAHA <BigKahuna>half of me knows i should punish him, but the other half just wants to say "my god i love my kids"
<Teegan> orgasum <Stressball> theres no U in orgasm <Stressball> haha <Stressball> sounds like an anti-rape slogan
<Sin> MICHAEL JACKSON DIED TODAY! <Vincent> WHAT!? how? <Sin> acute food poisoning <Sin> he ate some 12 year old nuts
<trips> Yea, though I walk through the valley of the shadow of dialup, I will fear no lag: for thou art with me; thy lights and thy bandwidth they comfort me. Thou preparest a website before me in the presence of mine boredom: thou anointest my ports with data; my hard drive runneth over. Surely fast surfing and low access rates shall follow me all the days of my life: and I will dwell in the house of cisco systems for ever.
<Python> Did you fall from a shooting star? <silly_girlie> hehe <silly_girlie> ahh sure why not <GLT23> because your face looks like it slammed into earth at 1500 mph? is that the end of the pickup line?
<Setoshi> im sad <Setoshi> how i wanted to download house season 1 <Setoshi> and i got the full house season 1 <Setoshi> what a fucking waste <KN> rofl!!!!!! <Setoshi> dude but i seriously got pissed <Setoshi> i saw michelle's face I was like <Setoshi> WTF IS THIS
<QuartzImg> damn, unfortunately ill be missing the crab race <llamamall> do they pick them right off the pubes? <QuartzImg> ever seen Maryland crabs? <binrapt> I said do you enjoy the smell of your genitals <QuartzImg> I cant really sniff them <QuartzImg> Maryland crabs are about the size of a small cat <QuartzImg> and bright blue <QuartzImg> and evil <llamamall> wow <llamamall> would suck to have those in your pubes <QuartzImg> i know <QuartzImg> they weigh like 3 lbs max <QuartzImg> that would be a nasty tug
<Zenji> My brother who hasnt talked to my Dad in like a year or so got a chick pregnant. <Zenji> He notified my Dad by sending him a "Worlds Number 1 Grandfather" card.
<Teksura> I got a great Anecdote for you. <Teksura> Today I was at College, and I was with a good friend of mine. She has been there for me for the past year and has given me all the Doctor Who fandom I could ask for <Teksura> Today I went to give her a ride home because I'm just that nice a guy <Teksura> So, as we are on the way to my car, some random freshman stops us <Teksura> Aparently, he knew me from high school, but I have no idea who the heck he is. <Teksura> Well, he starts talking about stuff that I like to pretend never happened, stuff that you only bring up if you want to make someone embarrassed <Teksura> So, suddenly, I get one of my trademark cunning plans <Teksura> I pull $20 from my wallet and say "Look, I don't know who you are, but seeing as you only want to talk about things that you know I don't ever want spoken, I'll give you $20 if you go away." <Teksura> He agrees and reaches for the $20 <Teksura> "Nono, you haven't gone away yet. You're still here. I will give you the $20 after you go away." <Teksura> So he says "OK" walks off. <Teksura> I pocket my $20 and take my friend to my car before he figures out what I just did.
Reguarding geology vs. astronomy: Skail[FARK] Yeah, I'm down with rocks. Skail[FARK] You can't dent someone's skull with a nebula.
<WaterBomb> did anyone get fucked by the ice storm? <WaterBomb> I'm in west vagina <WaterBomb> we only got 6 inches <WaterBomb> but that 6 inches plus the ice has been a pain in the ass <WaterBomb> er, I live in west virginia
<Nobuyuki`> I just asked a chick why she liked tentacle porn so much <Nobuyuki`> and she said to me "variety is the spice of life" <Nobuyuki`> I asked her "could you be... less vague" <Nobuyuki`> and then she said "the worms are the source of all spice" <Nobuyuki`> fucking nerd chicks !!!!!!
<TheRedBaron> 8.5 million... from what hat did they pull that number out of? <spldart> sniff sniff <spldart> I don't think that's a hat
<+Rainetine> where have all the protons gone <+Rainetine> LONG TIME PASSING <+Rainetine> where have all the protons gone <+Rainetine> LONG TIME AGO <+Rainetine> where have all the protons gone <+Rainetine> they've fused into neutrons, now we know
<JeighEighm> Tauren, why don't you just sniff the packets and find out? <Tauren> how do i DO THAT? <Tauren> how do I sniff packets <JeighEighm> Tauren, okay. It's easy. Get your network cable. <Tauren> How do I sniff? <JeighEighm> Hold it to your nose. <JeighEighm> Inhale. <JeighEighm> Smell those packets.
<Peanut> I reckon all cheaters caught on Steam should be given a second chance <ska> Dude when I flush a turd I dont want it coming back up
<s1um>after meeting a few girls on myspace, i think they need to put a warning on the site that says "objects on screen are larger than they appear"
n3xg3n> weird... i just found this: Walker Texas Ranger is an anagram for Karate Wrangler Sex
Joe: Here's an issue I never had to worry about in CA. Does anyone know if an Hard Drive that is roughly -10C in temperature from being in the back of a UPS truck and then the porch, really dislikes being asked to spin up? Joe: wonders if he should wait for it to warm up considerably. MisterX: put it in the microwave for 5 seconds Joe: Oh, thanks! Joe: Be right back. Joe left the chat room. Andy: Is he serious?
<@xyst> perl made me angry last week. <@xyst> so angry i wrote something in java instead. <@ecoli> wtf could it have done to make you do that? <@ecoli> that's like saying "hot naked women made me so angry i had to go slam my penis in a car door"