hQDB :: hacker Quote Database

Network Stats: 21122 Approved Quotes | 11 in Moderation Queue
#693244 [ + | - ] 484
<addeman> after some bad experiences with fat chicks I no
longer ask their asl
<addeman> instead I ask for their BMI
#693061 [ + | - ] 371
TANNER3000: I decided I'd try Meatball Marinara today.
TANNER3000: It's good, but no cigar.
Luigigamer Golem: You're abusing the idiom.
TANNER3000: No, I meant you'd have a hard time smoking it.
#693049 [ + | - ] 1338
<squipple_> hey!
<squipple_> who's got my name with underscore
<_aa_> !
<squipple_> kick them pls
<squipple_> oh wait, I can..hahaha
<_aa_> I don't get it
* squipple_ was kicked by squipple_ (Kick)
<_aa_> lol
<_aa_> did he just kick himself?
<Znarl> There's a good argument against drinking and IRCing.
#693046 [ + | - ] 1159
<Royall> My "e" k y is brok n
<Royall> Oh wait.
#693037 [ + | - ] 1259
ChaosPid: She was already mad at me and she yelled "I'm gonna
kill you"
ChaosPid: and I responded....
ChaosPid: "This is wierd, I swear to god I just heard you
offer to make me a cake, but the words didnt match up with
your lips at all........but chocolate, I suppose."
Curt: What'd she do?
ChaosPid: She looked like she was gonna die... left the room
and then came back a few minutes later.... in a rage.
Curt: LOL.
ChaosPid: I then told her she shouldnt have left, if she
wanted to go to the store to buy ingredients, she knew she
would need a man to drive her to the store, and then I called
her silly.
#692739 [ + | - ] 786
<BigNTall> Ohhhh Kay... I'm on some clothing seller forums,
and a common theme is how to get a stain out of an otherwise
perfect garment. Someone posted a "Guide to removing stains
from children's clothing". Possible stains include liquor,
wine, and semen
#692014 [ + | - ] 804
<Makenshi`> the creator of the qwerty keyboard must have had a
fetish
<Makenshi`> I don't think it's a coincidence that you can type
'stewardess' with one hand
#691240 [ + | - ] 397
OhTheCommotion: This "Comedy Central presents..." was brought
to me by Windows Vista
OhTheCommotion: But this show came on at the time it was
scheduled to come on
OhTheCommotion: So someone is lying to me.
#690961 [ + | - ] 541
<Uki> i don't feel much different, this whole being 21 thing
<Aphelion_> in that case, you did it wrong. go back and try
again, this time with more vodka.
#690820 [ + | - ] 138
<freznel> hey got a computer question, if my mother board
requires 5 volts, what size power supplies can I use
<seeess> you cant go above the voltage rating on your
motherboard
<seeess> so you need a <5v psu
<seeess> or you can use a standard PSU and only plug it in
half way
#689789 [ + | - ] 2
(Jani) the wii is going to get raped in the console war
(Jani) unless xbox360's start exploding like dell laptops
(%Ransom) ps3 will destroy everything
(Jani) including your wallet
#689719 [ + | - ] 116
<andreaskem> All this washin powder pretending to make your
clothes whiter
<andreaskem> One day I will invent one that really works
<andreaskem> And I'm going to call it "white pow(d)er"
#689521 [ + | - ] 847
<r34en> i'll show her.. one day when i'm 1337 i'll have my own
channel and she'll beg me to op her
<r34en> do you know what i'll say
<gary> "how do you add ops?"
#689481 [ + | - ] 404
<jcm> would having a woman as the main character change
anything?
<jcm> it would still be GTA
<gwizz> yeah
<gwizz> grand theft alimony
#689386 [ + | - ] 336
<total_meltdown> Writing to an NTFS filesystem in Linux is
like using Windows ME - you /can/ but when it bombs and you
lose everything, nobody will feel sorry for you.
#689328 [ + | - ] 1014
Chico: i would never consider her at all
Chico: shes like 100% emo
Chico: to the bone
QueenRen24: aww, but emo kids are so cut
QueenRen24: e
#688824 [ + | - ] 344
<MALF> ebay is where cocaine addicts sell things for profit
<tak> thats what pawn shops are for
<tak> ebay takes too long
<tak> need crack NOW
<spun> but you actually need shit to sell at pawn shops
<spun> ebay you can sell a picture of a laptop
#688766 [ + | - ] 408
puffster: Can you really start a sentence with "With almost
100% accuracy..."?
killdbykangeroos: I think I'm positive you can.
#688279 [ + | - ] 872
<Numi> i m so FUCKE§ING WASTED FUCK
<Haddock> You have to be pretty wasted to typo §
#688227 [ + | - ] 783
<Dro0> i dont wanna be alarmist here
<Dro0> but i'm prety sure that the guy trying to configure the
core router in chicago
<Dro0> is googling "subnetting"
#687845 [ + | - ] 875
<Linuxgeek> How do i find the model of my card?
<Serena[T]> your nick is misleading, seriously
#687603 [ + | - ] 806
<ad_man> ya so me and mitch were sittin in english
<ad_man> and we always had a habit of writing dumb stuff in
each other's books
<ad_man> so he writes in my book "adam is a fagget"
<ad_man> what we didn't know was that the teacher was standing
behind us
<ad_man> so she says
<ad_man> "it's spelled -ot", and just walked on
#687535 [ + | - ] 601
xxnjbeauty23xx: im also short
xxnjbeauty23xx: but its a good thing for me because im jewish
xxnjbeauty23xx: which means im closer to the pennies
#687224 [ + | - ] 63
9mm: I suppose Steve Irwin should have worn sunblock to
protect from harmful rays.
#686929 [ + | - ] 741
<ArianaK> I want my money back.
<ArianaK> I forgot the name of the tea I'm drinking thats
supposed to help your memory
#686488 [ + | - ] 463
greyfox80988: The average American spends 6 years in the
bathroom, and 6 months at a stoplight.
greyfox80988: I want to know who figures this stuff out o_o
greyfox80988: Cause that's what I'm gonna be when I grow up ^_
^
#686305 [ + | - ] 803
actualism: if you bet an emo kid 20 bucks that he won't kill
himself, you'll either be 20 bucks richer or break even
#686184 [ + | - ] 167
F4T4L: by making TV's bigger all we're doing is making black
people stronger
F4T4L: soon they'll rule the world
#686031 [ + | - ] 546
<Nano> Is it "cheating" or wrong to mastubate over another
chick when your married?
<Syco> thats like asking is it rape if they smile?
<Nano> wtf... no its not :/
#685939 [ + | - ] 1574
<pmcall221> I'm wondering when Windows will work they they say
it will.
<Kittyflipping> You're criticizing millions of lines of code
and you can't even get one sentence right?
#685900 [ + | - ] 73
Corey: that butterfinger commercial
Corey: has got to be the worst marketing idea i've ever heard
of
PfhorRunner: which?
Corey: it's got that hand with the orange index finger
Corey: and every time i see it
Corey: i can't help but think someone took it in the ass
Corey: or the ear
Corey: or somewhere their finger was NOT supposed to go
PfhorRunner: LOL
#685827 [ + | - ] 1581
<cheater> legal drinking age in poland is "i have 3 dollars"
#685293 [ + | - ] 2436
<blotch> heres a cool office trick
<blotch> unscrew the speaker part of your coworkers phone and
throw in a roll of quarters and seal it back up
<blotch> then after about 2 months of them being used to the
weight remove the coins when they're away
<blotch> and watch them lift the phone the next time someone
calls and bash themselves in the face
#685262 [ + | - ] 481
<Bushka|W0rkzo0rz> so i ditched her didnt answer her calls etc
<Bushka|W0rkzo0rz> and she totally brushed me
<Bushka|W0rkzo0rz> and hooked up with my mate
<joop`> so you fucked him to make her jealous?
#685122 [ + | - ] 2078
Faustmaster300:My friend got kicked out of french once.
Faustmaster300:He goes,'Madam! I have a joke for you!'
Faustmaster300:'What is it Zach?'
Faustmaster300:'Why wasn't Jesus born in Paris?'
Faustmaster300:'THEY COULDN'T FIND THREE WISE MEN!'
Faustamster300: and after about 10 min of sitting the hallway,
he pops his head back in the door and goes, 'Oh, and they
couldn't find a virgin either.'
#685013 [ + | - ] 464
<Warbum> Hey guys, I'm guilty of "intellectual property theft"
<Warbum> The other day, I walked into a library, got out a
book, went home, and read it.
<Warbum> And the copywright holders didn't even get a dime!
#684758 [ + | - ] 361
<IanT> is it just me
<IanT> or is it a little creepy that my mp3 player put "call
me when you're sober" right next to "date rape"
#684453 [ + | - ] 697
<leoboiko> I wanted to search for that flamewar in which Linus
called the Gnome guys "fucking idiots"
<leoboiko> so I googled for "torvalds gnome fucking"
<leoboiko> luckly, google still doesn't give you exactly what
you ask for
#684273 [ + | - ] 562
<Oddness> Is it safe to put a 100W lightbulb in a 60W outlet?
<Atma-Mage> Do you enjoy having a face full of glassy shards
of red-hot pain?
<Fire_i> Read: Yes, it is.
#684098 [ + | - ] 774
<zip> IRC really has terrible markup.  So many unclosed tags.
<zip> Oops. </zip>
#684045 [ + | - ] 2439
<Numi> I was having trouble getting screen dumps in unix so I
went into #unix and said
<Numi> "Does anyone know how to do a screen dump in unix?"
<Numi> 5 minutes and no reply, so I modify it a bit
<Numi> "Two hot girls are stripping on webcam for me, how do i
take a picture to show you guys?"
<Numi> 13 offers of assistance within 2 minutes. Brilliant.
#683616 [ + | - ] 40
< soultan> how come when i view the contents of a binary i
don't see no 0s and 1s?
< soultan> they don't exist after all?
< soultan> we've been fooled
#683143 [ + | - ] 556
<%spock1104> lmao, some poor bastard in florida had his house
burn down thanks to a dell
<+Toba> I would make a joke about needing a firewall on his
home box
<+Toba> but that's just too low
#683100 [ + | - ] 936
<pR@y4m0jo> Man, i have to take a huge dump, I have such a
backlog of shit I could be a bash moderator.
#682642 [ + | - ] 898
<ds4l> Tried to beat off today when mom was at the store
<ds4l> It s just me and mom living in this house
<ds4l> I popped in my fav porno and it started in a different
place then where I left it.
#682477 [ + | - ] 480
<b1rdn> WTF are you talking about, courtney love is like the
girl next door
<LegenD> yea if you live next to a methadone clinic
#682409 [ + | - ] 2802
<Ranbert> someone shoot me please....
<tele>   o                              \O_ Arrgh!!
<tele>  <\==-   -   - -   -  -  - --- __/
<tele>  / \                             \
#682355 [ + | - ] 994
<Ghrens> Halo had a story?  I thought it was about 13 year old
boys with prepubescent voices calling me a homosexual.
#682292 [ + | - ] 424
<+billy_s> im taking a break from programming and trying to
escape the world of geekness and then winamp brings up "Norah
Jones - Pointer Song" GODAMN IT LEAVE ME ALONE
#682066 [ + | - ] 65
<Metl>Anyone else notice that the dude who claims he killed
that Ramsey girl looks extremely similar to the g-man?
<Metl>I suddenly no longer have the urge to play HL anymore...