hQDB :: hacker Quote Database

Network Stats: 21142 Approved Quotes | 1 in Moderation Queue
#656592 [ + | - ] 477
MightyMooquack> Huh. This is something I've not seen in C code
before...
Iconoplast> comments?
Iconoplast> HA HA HA BURN
#656576 [ + | - ] 344
<HardlyJW> anyone know how to change an ip?
<lysip> yes
<lysip> clone your mac
<HardlyJW> ?
<HardlyJW> i have windows...
#656481 [ + | - ] 2323
Hekili_Manu: Ok. So I called my bank's fraud dept about that
hotels.com letter I got since I apparently used them twice
with two different cards. I forgot completely that when I
signed up you can assign your own security question online.
Hekili_Manu: So when I called and spoke to the guy they use
the same security question and he asked me "Ok, I just need to
verify one thing. How big is your c**k?"
#656458 [ + | - ] 910
<ido> anywho, i'll go write my own
<ido> it should only take a few hundred lines of coke
<ido> i mean code...
#656426 [ + | - ] 323
(+Cafe`) I am into AZN GANGSTAS
(tehjeebus|x) gangstas that can do math... that means they're
the worst people to buy crack from
#656346 [ + | - ] 244
nocashvaluedrumz: they need to reinvent the internet
nocashvaluedrumz: so i can enjoy it with both hands
#656312 [ + | - ] 1695
<Razhal> The internet is a beautiful place....
<Razhal> Because no matter what kind of twisted freak you are,
you've got a friend out there :D
<Razhal> You could ask the internet "Find people who have sex
with goats on fire."
<Razhal> And internet will ask you, "What kind of goats?"
#656271 [ + | - ] 618
<Rathen> Ha, this torrent of United93 is 747mb big. Beautiful.
#656065 [ + | - ] 306
ClonaZjeveni5: It isn't a biased opinion
ClonaZjeveni5: its true
xenotwuz: I'm thinking your opinion on biased opinions is
biased.
#655875 [ + | - ] 718
<HarbPBN> I got home at like 4am.
<TruckPBN> Get layed?
<ebolaaaa> Isn't it "laid"?
<TruckPBN> ebolaaaa: I'm married... I dont remember.
#655859 [ + | - ] 742
<@pinata> i am going to be patenting my new method of internet
access.
<@pinata> it will be 6 times as fast...
<@pinata> but drop 90% of all of your connections.
<@pinata> i will call it ADHDSL
#655775 [ + | - ] 448
<codyryan> because men, have problem controlling their
testosterone
<Skiz> not me I'm a pretty good shot.
#655706 [ + | - ] 1117
<AwwJeah> I want to fill a super soaker with cheap vodka and
spray down other drivers.
<AwwJeah> Then call the police and tell them I think they're
driving drunk.
<AwwJeah> Because, seriously, who would believe that story?
#655659 [ + | - ] 211
<Shadow> A super computer running on Windows XP? Thats like a
tight rope walker walking on barbed wire...
#655652 [ + | - ] 836
Sleepaholic88: >>>
Sleepaholic88: Err. I tried to capitalize a period so it would
be bigger.
#655627 [ + | - ] 479
<Nacho> So, you have several types of tourist: You have the
"I'm on vacation, so I'm just gonna relax" types, that just
wear comfy clothes.
<Nacho> You then have the "I'm in some place special, so I'm
going to dress nice" types.
<Nacho> And then you have the "What happens in $location stays
in $location, so I'm going to dress like an exhibitionist
slut" types.  I like those... ;-)
#655518 [ + | - ] 299
<Rolan> I think black people on TV is illegal in Texas
<CatSkills> and it will remain so until they televise
executions
#655324 [ + | - ] 761
<kosh> we have a bug that occurs on the 31st of a month
<kosh> so once a month we get a bug report
<kosh> it gets assigned to a developer within 24 hours
<kosh> who then fiddles for a bit before marking it "unable to
reproduce"
#655302 [ + | - ] 1297
<Orphic> you any good at physics?
<meowcow> when i run into a wall i usually stop
#655201 [ + | - ] 577
<Beowulf> ever since I switched to wireless I get disconnected
whenever I get a phone call
<Beowulf> :(
<squirrel_remote> What's your phone number?
<Beowulf> fuck you
#655157 [ + | - ] 444
<Eddo36> sometimes I feel like shit, you know, what sick shit
I get off to. but I can't change
<Littlelisa> You know eddo, if you never said anything, people
may like you
<Eddo36> if i never said anything, who would know me?
<Littlelisa> thats the point
#655064 [ + | - ] 1026
sw0813: you know, the movie ray really was inspiring
sw0813: he was blind, and yet still managed to hit his wife
sw0813: that means either of two things:
sw0813: 1. his wife was stupid or
sw0813: 2. he wasnt really blind
sw0813: i mean seriously, was it like "marco," "polo" WHAM!
#655055 [ + | - ] 985
<Heiler> I feel stupid asking this, but how many pints are in
a cup?
<Swinky> it depends on how big the cup is
<Heiler> Thanks, suddenly I don't feel so stupid.
#654840 [ + | - ] 366
<Kero> I'm so emo i wear square contacts.
#654797 [ + | - ] 552
<Greenbox> the place i ordered chicken parmesan from forgot
the chicken
<Greenbox> so instead of calling and complaining, like a
normal person would
<Greenbox> I used asterisk and called them from the number of
the department of health
<Greenbox> and told them a random screening of their food had
just been conducted, and they failed miserably
<Greenbox> so they were ordered not to serve food until an
inspection later today
#654788 [ + | - ] 288
<Sid> I'm running a joke so far into the ground it'll become
the next major oil supply.
#654677 [ + | - ] 140
Begging to Limp: heh
Begging to Limp: so, apparently al gore's last speech on
global warming flopped badly
Begging to Limp: he gave a speech last winter in new york city
on global warming
Begging to Limp: the result? -1 degree fahrenheit average
temperature for the day, the coldest day in new york's history
Begging to Limp: when mother nature disagrees, she proves it
#654674 [ + | - ] 1129
<sh4ve> hehe, i wrote a assembly proggy to convert normal
numbers to roman ^^
<GodOfGoats> You are so MCCCXXXVII
#654608 [ + | - ] 753
Charmaine----: I'm a 26 year old single mom ;-)
Kolobos Psychi: Holy crap! a black women IMed me! @_@
Charmaine----: How did you know I was black?
#654603 [ + | - ] 1006
<blazemore> my brother is in a quake3 clan
<blazemore> and he had a ctf game tonight
<blazemore> we were walking out of tilt
<blazemore> his friend goes "dude hurry up, you're gonna be
late for you clan meeting"
<blazemore> and these black guys were walking by
<blazemore> and looked like they were about to kick our asses
#654551 [ + | - ] 43
<Seraph> wow, on gamefaqs, they have this "top 10 games that
work on mac"
<Seraph> I didn't even know there were games that would run on
macs
<Zack> Well now that macs can boot windows they're not quite
as useless
<Seraph> true, but it's just creepy, like a polo player going
to nascar
#654194 [ + | - ] 435
<Mr_Owen> I really think I should have been born Asian. Being
white sucks, anyway, and I don t like country music or
tailgating or alcohol or owning engineless trucks or never
mowing my lawn or not wearing a shirt or screwing fat chicks
at all. So I ve been trying to come up with a word for someone
who s white on the outside, but yellow in the inside.
<mirasaki> Like the opposite of Twinkie?
<Mr_Owen> Yeah. Exactly.
<mirasaki> Well, what d you come up with?
<Mr_Owen> I don t know. The only thing I could think of was a
toilet  And once I thought about that, damned if I could get
it out of my head.
<mirasaki> You re storing information endlessly! You really
are Asian!
#654170 [ + | - ] 2109
D1v1d3 8y Z3r0: i got owned by my bio TA earlier in the year
D1v1d3 8y Z3r0: she was like "So, what are some possible
effects from mutated genes?"
D1v1d3 8y Z3r0: i said "Well, it could cause different coding
of proteins, or it could cause you to develop special powers,
like retractable claws from your hands"
D1v1d3 8y Z3r0: the TA was like, "Wrong.  Those claws are
government implants.  Wolverine's mutant power is his healing
ability."
#654091 [ + | - ] 385
<Zahava> <3<3happy valentines everybody!!<3<3
<@Silva> Roses are Red
<@Silva> Violets are Blue
<@Silva> i could never love you
<@Silva> because you're 1/16 jew
* Zahava has quit IRC (quit: )
#654066 [ + | - ] 315
<Dann> this is so sad...
<Dann> i want to find the "super mario bros movie" on
limewire, just for old times' sake... but guess what my first
search result is?
<Dann> the 40 year old virgin
#653976 [ + | - ] 1388
<Leonn> Apparently the military has been experimenting with
lasers that are supposed to fire at the speed of light.
<Glaive> No shit.
#653828 [ + | - ] 2019
<reva> so I was babysitting my cousin's kid the other day.
who's like, 15 months old.
<reva> he was trying to get up on the computer chair, so i put
him up there.
<reva> he just starts randomly banging on the keyboard
randomly
<reva> and the first thing that pops up says "Are you sure you
want to delete Internet Explorer?"
<reva> I hit "no" (because it's my parents computer).
<reva> so he starts hitting more keys...
<reva> the next thing that comes up: "Are you sure you want to
delete Outlook Express?"
<reva> ...I've never had more hope for humanity than that
moment.
#653759 [ + | - ] 642
<Ian-W> lesbian porn
<Ian-W> actually lesbian/gay porn
<Ian-W> because its like two girls that are guys
<CK-[away]> what would you call 2 hermaphrodites
<Ian-W> tetris
#653631 [ + | - ] 553
<vintendo> yesterday we had to pull the plug on my grandma, i
needed the outlet for my laptop.
#653295 [ + | - ] 815
<lostmx89> ok i like this torrent thing but when you turn off
your computer how do you make sure it is still downlowding
#653227 [ + | - ] 424
Kristopolous: I don't think we should have thermometers,
speedometers, or odometers.
Kristopolous: This is America damn it!
Kristopolous: Thermofeet, speedofeet, and odofeet for me,
thank you very much!
#653125 [ + | - ] 372
<Royall> Hey everyone, did you know it's illegal to destroy
coins or bills?
<Royall> Those are the govenment's, they are just lending it
to you.
<Monstro> Which means they can take it back at any moment!
<Royall> Yea
<Royall> It's called tax.
#653097 [ + | - ] 679
lprocks: can you link me to a place that i can download roms?
Kow: www.google.com
lprocks: der i tried and it kept taking me to different sites
#653083 [ + | - ] 640
<SSmith> Wow, I was just watching this porno, and the people
in it had the same monitor as I used to
#652870 [ + | - ] 173
<Gargoyle> seriously, between dance dance whatthefuck,
singstar, and now this, what the fuck is actually wrong with
asian people?
<Gargoyle> I blame the americans, after all the japanese
people are the only ones to have ever been nuked
#652858 [ + | - ] 344
<Forcepath> i need advice!
<Forcepath> on second thought: asking for advice in IRC is one
of the classic movie blunders...
#652817 [ + | - ] 672
mysteryparabola3 : at work today, my boss and another guy were
talking about their status on the computer
mysteryparabola3 : and my boss say "oh crap, i'm Amber"  and
the other guy says "yeah, i used to be Amber"
mysteryparabola3 : and i said "yeah, before the operation"
mysteryparabola3 : he just stared at me
#652810 [ + | - ] 482
<Kiell> My system clock is gaining one minute every twelve
hours.
<Kiell> As a result, I'm completing tasks slightly quicker
than normal.
<Kiell> I don't like it.
#652730 [ + | - ] 597
<heywood_jablomi> A lady came in today with her resume written
down on notebook paper by hand and asked me if I could help
her "copy and paste it onto the internet."
<my_smelly_funk> lmao
<heywood_jablomi> It was 4:30-ish and I leave at 5, so I told
her to hold it up against her monitor for about 45 mins and it
would copy itself onto the internet.
#652626 [ + | - ] 423
<-- djjkotze_home has quit (Quit: setlife -> work())
<lordvetinari> that's not only sad, but syntactically
incorrect