hQDB :: hacker Quote Database

Network Stats: 21122 Approved Quotes | 11 in Moderation Queue
#633735 [ + | - ] 2577
<Chcherrycola>Oh shit I'm fucked
<Chcherrycola>I hid my weed in my PSP carrying case. So I get
up to go get some and I can't find it anywhere, then I realise
my little brother must have taken it with him on the plane to
Florida with my family... O_O
#633530 [ + | - ] 637
<KillerB> man, while I'm excited about the interview, getting
my ass up at like 1:30pm is gonna blow.
#633515 [ + | - ] 1833
<werro> damnit :/
<werro> my dad found my porn
<Bob112> So what? I bet my dad knows I have porn.
<werro> but my dad didnt know Im gay :/
<Bob112> Um, like, neither did I
* werro has left #hookerz
#633436 [ + | - ] 14
<benjick> i talked to a friend, who is a bit geeky about
doctypes
<benjick> "when it comes to girls, i'm xhtml 1.1 strict, you
are like 4.01 loose" :(
#633270 [ + | - ] 545
<calvin909> I don't know what gives, but the last 3 movies
i've downloaded are in frigging spanish.
<princess> dey took our pirating jobs!
<calvin909> yeah no doubt
#632906 [ + | - ] 3763
<bloodmaster> this guy keeps sending me notices, how do i send
them back?????
<`Trust`> ./notice <nick> <message>
<bloodmaster> ty!
<bloodmaster> ./notice <Tommyboy872> <hello tommy, my name is
john i am from michigan im 16! Im 5 foot 11 inch tall, you
sound cute n we should talk more often ok??>
#632900 [ + | - ] 713
<sdodson> can you provide that in wma format?
<Corydon76-home> Only if you can provide an encoder
<Corydon76-home> but it has to be able to run on my Apple IIgs
<Wonton> Wma sucks
<sdodson> you can encode oggs on your Apple IIgs?
<Corydon76-home> No, but if you're going to be an asshole
about encoding formats, I'm going to be an asshole about the
platform the encoder needs to run on.
<Catonic> lol
#632841 [ + | - ] 1277
monetcopy: girls are like nun chucks
monetcopy: they are awesome!
monetcopy: but when u mess up it hurts
monetcopy: ...alot
#632794 [ + | - ] 2857
Kanuck: i like to look at porn in pdf files.. just so i can
make the little hand grab things.
#632703 [ + | - ] 2767
<WarMoose> Think about how stupid the average person is. Now
realize that half of them are dumber than that.
<Chunda> Why half?
#632609 [ + | - ] -114
chewp: so i have to make a movie for chinese class
ransom: must be a pretty short movie huh?
chewp: fucker...
#632445 [ + | - ] 1146
scuttlemonkey: This [face recognition] technology should speed
airport check-ins, but it could also be used in banks or for
checking ID cards as it allows full identification in less
than one second.
mcc: Great, I can't wait until the day when I get punched in
the face, and suddenly I can't use ATMs anymore.
#632442 [ + | - ] 920
<Coma.> I'm drawing a pony for my friend
<Coma.> Except I can't draw so basicly I am drawing a horse
only making it look small.
<Coma.> Because a pony is basicly just a little horse.
<Fish> wtf?  No they aren't!
<Fish> That's like saying a midget's a person!!
#632373 [ + | - ] 810
<Alex>      i
<Alex> f       s h
<Alex>   t   c  k  s
<Alex> s     i
<Laila> ...what is he trying to do?
<Reiz0r> Trying to make a fish from fishsticks.
<Reiz0r> It's MODERN ART
<Reiz0r> It's the true pesonification of the juxtaposition of
the sombre emotion that the world of man made aesthetics is
slowly and irrevokably destroy the nature of that which is ...
<Reiz0r> Something
<Reiz0r> Modern art doesn't have to look like much. It just
needs an explanation with lots of long words
#632087 [ + | - ] 908
<sceadu> i really need to figure out how to use a debugger in
emacs
<iank> pfft, how could you *not* know?
<iank> It's just ctrl+alt+meta+f7+numlock+c+e+m+<
<iank> Hell, you could discover that by accident in emacs..
#631937 [ + | - ] 2764
<who> i can't watch brokeback mountain for the same reason i
can't watch horror movies
<who> i would scream "HE'S RIGHT BEHIND YOU!!!" in the middle
of the theater
#631921 [ + | - ] 551
Tanith: Today was so fucked up; in science we have a really
hot teacher and she was bending over talking to a student and
this other kid stood behined her and pretended to hump her and
i was standing glarign at him coz i have a thing for her.
Tanith: she fucking turned around and saw me staring
Tanith:....now she thinks im a pervert :(
#631879 [ + | - ] 566
<Towzzer> hey ufo
<ufo8mydog> hey ugly
<Towzzer> that's not my nick
<ufo8mydog> sorry, i'm a faceperson, not a nameperson
<Towzzer> ouch
#631863 [ + | - ] 175
<notjoe> yesterday i brought my cat to the vet since he wasnt
peeing. So, the vet forced him to pee by putting pressure on
his bladder but i swear i saw his finger was on the my cats
asshole
<tripsta> did he put his finger in his mouth after
<samurai_> did he light up a smoke?
<notjoe> no and no
<notjoe> but there was no need to be fingering the cats ass by
doing what he was doing
<notjoe> this other time he commented on how nice the cats
testicles were
#631850 [ + | - ] 767
Tammy: julia is having to cancel lunch, her uncle was murdered
tladd: :O
Tammy: you want to do lunch :)
tladd: sure.
#631847 [ + | - ] 1338
bcreasy: come check this out
gbarnes: no
bcreasy: *shiny thing*
gbarnes: oh, be right there
#631810 [ + | - ] 2013
Stacy: Raymond is correct.
Raymond: I always am
Esuna: Raymond, what number am I thinking of?
Raymond: Esuna, you're not thinking of a number
Raymond: You're thinking of something to say when I do say a
number.
Esuna: Damn it! How'd you know?
#631772 [ + | - ] 2308
castuslumen: whats the name of those hats that Green Berets
wear?
foranzan: are you being stupid on purpose?
castuslumen: what?
foranzan: you are officially the Rolls Royce of stupid.
#631768 [ + | - ] 44
* Acetal changes topic to 'Snakes! In a movie theatre!'
<Acetal> There's an idea for a promotion.
#631753 [ + | - ] 1207
Banjax: dude, totally hilarious, I'm walking down the street
and around the corner I see these people protesting outside a
coat shop that sells fur coats. They had buckets of red paint
TurboJesusDELUXE: oh boy
Banjax: this one woman comes around the other corner wearing a
fur coat of her own. The whole crowd turns on her like wolves
on a lamb, and the closest girl with a bucket of paint throws
it on her
Banjax: so she's dripping with paint and starts screaming like
she's been shot, and then she's like "it's a fake fur coat,
you dumb bitch!"
Banjax: and without missing a beat the other chick says
"that's okay, it's fake blood"
TurboJesusDELUXE: HAHA, awesome
#631627 [ + | - ] 612
bananza: i feel bad for ugly people
rotino: empathyy
bananza: yeah
bananza: like a lot
rotino: look up empathy
bananza: oh fuck u
#631598 [ + | - ] 1350
<DooMGoaT> OMG
<DooMGoaT> SQUASH THE SPIDER AND WIN AN XBOX 360!
<DooMGoaT> shame none of the 360 games are as good as the
spider squashy banner
#631408 [ + | - ] -66
< Redb3ard> so, im using this godawful slow pcanywhere
connection
< Redb3ard> 2 hours to scroll through a list, check off the
things i need to
< Redb3ard> idiot customer comes along, closes the window at
97% done
< Redb3ard> doesnt minimize it, closes it
< Redb3ard> so i locked the keyboard, blanked the screen, and
locked it like that
#631180 [ + | - ] 354
EvILpYRoMaNiA: my dad tried to sit on my lap: he tackled me
off my chair.
EvILpYRoMaNiA: dog*
EvILpYRoMaNiA: shit
EvILpYRoMaNiA: that was the worst typo ever.
#631051 [ + | - ] 1275
<jimmy_> i use norton
<BoltBait> Norton's is the most annoying anti virus software
ever!
<jimmy_> what do you meen? i hardly notice notice its there
<BoltBait> Really? Then it's probably not working.
<jimmy_> ...
<jimmy_> u may be right
<jimmy_> the tray icon isnt there anymore
<jimmy_> shit!
#630859 [ + | - ] 480
<Shard>: I think my GF is pregnant...
<Sapphon>: You should pimp her out to cover the abortion, she
cant get pregnant twice ;).
<Shard>: ....
#630836 [ + | - ] 2233
<spazdor> how do you get a Cisco Certified Network
Administrator off your porch?
<cnug> ...?
<spazdor> pay for your pizza
#630789 [ + | - ] 1645
Ziggy: Everytime I hear a strange noise, I have a zombie panic
attack.
Lusty: what is it with you and zombies?!
Ziggy: Are you not afraid of zombies?
Lusty: they don't exist.
Ziggy: That's what they think in movies too.
Ziggy: Right before the invasion.
#630686 [ + | - ] 2808
<@Quasi> I feel like my life is a movie.
<@Quasi> But it's being shown on TV.
<@Quasi> So all the sex scenes are cut.
#630541 [ + | - ] 2112
<Sneux_Duck> so today at school we had this guy talking about
sexual predators online and crap like that for a good hour.
and he said something like "girls don't put your pictures
online. these freaks will only collect, trade and sell them"
and i said a bit too loudly "gotta catch 'em all"
<Sneux_Duck> he was the only one not laughing...
#630243 [ + | - ] 957
<meeb> what the fuck
<meeb> highly religious client just rang up
<meeb> wants us to automatically take their website down at
sunset on a friday until sunrise on a monday
<meeb> as using an online shop is bad and evil over the
sabbath
#630110 [ + | - ] 1655
<puertoroo> so, i was at the store and the hot female clerk
was checking me out and stuff
<puertoroo> then we came back to my place and tore my bedroom
up
<puertoroo> then we did it on the stove and then on the
washing machine
<HuhWhat> And in the real world, what happened?
<puertoroo> ....i never even made it to the store :(
#630094 [ + | - ] 1306
<Revolution|AngeL> he thinks because we idle 4 of the same
channels
<Revolution|AngeL> we're somehow friends
<Revolution|AngeL> i dont even know how it started.
<Revolution|AngeL> a casual glance here
<Revolution|AngeL> a soft touch there
<Revolution|AngeL> gentle, warm and caring chatting.
<Revolution|AngeL> brokeback irc.
<Revolution|AngeL> i wish i knew how to /quit you
#630066 [ + | - ] 681
<Whittney> does anyone know what the C++ test tomorrow covers
<Arc> chapters 1-16
<Whittney> thats up to waht exactly
<Whittney> then end of arrays...or does that inclue char?
<Arc> um...linear integration of the Hermholtz plasma
intereferometry function
<Arc> as applied to post-modern dadist theories
<Whittney> wtf are u talking about
<Arc> I could ask you the same...have you even attended the
course?? 0_o
#630041 [ + | - ] 535
<Benjula> Dude, I thought of the best name for a Christian rap
CD ever
<Benjula> The RhapCD
#629927 [ + | - ] 1676
Vfirthd: someday, I'm going to be great.
Vfirthd: someday, I will have all the money I want and no
financial trouble
Vfirthd: and I'll have a great, big house with a laptop and
high fi stero systems
Vfirthd: oh, and I'll have a job that I love so much, and make
a good profit from
Vfirthd: and at that great job that I love, I'll find the
lovely woman of my dreams...
Vfirthd: yeah...someday...
GeniusChef: You work at a McDonalds, don't you?
Vfirthd: Burger King
#629711 [ + | - ] 2310
Laudanum: I think my ability to communicate has gone downhill.
kaltegeburt: I don't understand.
#629500 [ + | - ] 1509
<corncob> I was in networking class
<corncob> and the disccussion randomly turned to personal
freedoms.
<corncob> some girl said there should be a law against parents
smoking around kids to keep them from encouraging them to
smoke
<corncob> and someone else counters with "Well, I saw my
parents having sex all the time and I'm still a virgin!"
#629344 [ + | - ] 1829
* Qwyxzl growls at his connection
* Furion sees his virus is working.
* Qwyxzl gets out his Furion voodoo doll
* Furion Quit (Ping timeout)
<Elessa> whoa!
#629240 [ + | - ] 823
<Varka> cds are made of pikachu skins
<Orcinus> is that why they turn to lightning in the microwave?
:D
<Varka> Yes.
#629232 [ + | - ] 1100
<JasonM> Oh my god.
<JasonM> I was at the train station today, and this REALLY EMO
GUY comes up to me and asks me if i have a lighter
<JasonM> So i get it out and go to light it
<JasonM> Then his fucking fringe catches on fire
<aikon> LOL!
<JasonM> I pissbolted.
<JasonM> I'm scared of going back there tomorrow and seeing a
burned emo corpse on the ground
#628906 [ + | - ] 1493
<jjccp> i broke my leg
<jjccp> masturbating is evil
<[Slaryn> O_O I hope to god those two incidents weren't
related
#628880 [ + | - ] 1147
<Fenris> Man..
<Fenris> I need to get a monitor
<W1N9Zr0> yeah, stop guessing what's on the screen
#628877 [ + | - ] 760
Erik: wow sad, mexico beat u.s. in baseball
Erik: well, then again, them mexicans sure are able to get
things past fences
#628866 [ + | - ] 443
Ignus Firestorm: Do that shit again and I'm getting back on my
other SN.
Ignus Firestorm: And you'll never hear from me again.
Ignus Firestorm: =]
CanYouSaySanity:  Oh...darn....
CanYouSaySanity:  ...
CanYouSaySanity: That was by far, the worst threat in the
history of mankind.
CanYouSaySanity: It wouldn't even work on France.