<yogurt1> dude, the saddest thing happend today. My mom woke me up at fucking 9 in the morning, cause our garbage can blew open and spread it all around the street. So I throw on clothes and go out to clean. It takes me fucking 2 hours to finish it. Then some punk kid comes by and kicks it over, and it all blows away again. I go up to this kid and I say "You stupud fuck clean it" this punk ass kid says to me "haha fuck that". <yogurt1> I couldn't hear him because I had earmuffs but I knew thats what the kid says. So after mouthing off I punch the kid in the face and walk home. like an hour later the kids mom comes to the door and says shes going to sue me for punching...her 13 year old daughter. <benji443> HAHA LMAO! <jiirco> ROFL YOU PUNCHED A GIRL!!!!!!!!! <yogurt1> She was wearing a hat and a hood for fuck sakes!
kaytodaizzik: that's like my outlook on life kaytodaizzik: "cautious optimism" kaytodaizzik: It's like, I'm pretty sure the Sun will rise tomorrow. kaytodaizzik: But chances are someone's gonna try and fuck me kaytodaizzik: So I wear sunglasses and a buttplug.
<samsim> I heard about this guy who broke into a lion's den at the zoo <samsim> and got mauled <samsim> and people were talking about how there should have been better defences put up to prevent people getting into the cage <samsim> a friend of mine suggested setting up some kind of deterrent <samsim> for example, putting some sort of fierce animal in the cage, which would attack anybody who climbed in
Newzfoxjr: Holy shit dude Newzfoxjr: my friend ding dong door bell ditched a house across the street Newzfoxjr: he ran to a bush and hid, the guy answered and he was dressed up in a freaking S&M suit Newzfoxjr: so my friend comes out of the bush, looks at him, AND GOES INTO HIS FREAKING HOUSE. Newzfoxjr: it's been like 2 hours
mac: LOL the vending machine at school hate blacks! mac: I was waiting in line behind three black guys mac: they each put in their money press the same button and nothing happens mac: I walk up put in my money press the same button and four Dr.Peppers fall out!
<b3nz0rz>: A lady came up to me on the street, pointed at my suede jacket and said, "Don't you know a cow was murdered for that jacket?" I said "I didn't know there were any witnesses. Now I'll have to kill you too".
* Gakl grumbles. <Gakl> you can put linux on an ipod, but you can't access an ipod from linux. blech <Summoner> well yeah. Porting an OS gives a much bigger epenis than porting an IO driver
<gwizz> there were just 2 police cars in front of my neighbors house right <gwizz> and i was watching from my room and i told my dad, so he goes and opens the front door to look <gwizz> but he didnt know the alarm was set, so it goes off <gwizz> my mom turns it off, and then one of the policemen come over and were like 'did we go to the wrong house?'
<walt> So I play Tony Hawk Pro Skater all the time right <walt> And I'm thinking <walt> That's so awesome, I should learn how to skate! <walt> So one of my sister's friends left her skateboard here, and I started to dick around on it <walt> Long story short, I fell over and broke my wrist <walt> Now I can't play Tony Hawk. <norl> lol dumbass
tohayer: My windows machine crashes scarily tohayer: Whatever audio is playing, slows down tohayer: Like when Dave is disconnecting Hal's memory tohayer: "Ted... Ted... why are you opening the task manager. You're scaring me, Ted"
TheItch: Dude, funniest thing ever! TheItch: I walk into the bathroom at work, walk up to a urinal, and get ready to... you know. TheItch: From one of the stalls, I hear a low rumble, which escalates to a groan, and then to a roar. TheItch: What follows can only be described as the most vile and putrid sounds of human excretion in history. This man apparently pooped out his intestines. TheItch: Moments later, I hear from the same stall, "Oh god! Someone CALL AN AMBULANCE!" TheItch: Now, this is an executive restroom at a private bank, and the door has a number lock on it, so it's not some kid trying to be funny. And the man sounded genuinely distressed. TreesSneezing: lmao! What did you do? TheItch: Suppressed my laughter as best as I could, zipped up and got the hell out of there.
<comwalk> Remember, here in the U.S.A, we have reached a new age. <comwalk> NOBODY is responsible for their own actions. <comwalk> Remember that. <comwalk> Holy shit! I killed somebody! Bob made me do it! <comwalk> Bob: Joe made me do it! <comwalk> Joe: I blame the media! <comwalk> Media: Videogames. <comwalk> Videogames: Personal responsibility? <comwalk> Personal Responsibility: <AFK>
<SwampFox> my way of determining the validity of a holiday is where I am at 9:00 AM <SwampFox> if I'm in bed, it's good <SwampFox> if I'm in Physics, it's a Hallmark holiday
<e-shark> so i was in physics today, and my mechanical pencial snapped <e-shark> my teacher noticed it, and then went on this tangent about how he went through school with one mechanical pencil <e-shark> and a giant white eraser that was german made, since it was really good at getting rid of mistakes <e-shark> then my friend states, "yea, those germans are really good at getting rid of big, annoying mistakes."
<NG-Buddhist> I found something humorously racist on Friday <NG-Buddhist> I was reading a magazine from my English room after my exam, about the most influential people of the last 50 years <NG-Buddhist> and various pictures were cut out, but i didnt think about it <NG-Buddhist> then i got to the back of the book, and someone glued in Rosa Park's picture of her sitting there <Marcus-> HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA
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<implode> if you want to blow the dealer, thats your option
<{Excabus}> If I was a girl, I'd totally give head for magic
cards.
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<Cobra> so i was watching a pr0n <Thunder> wait <Thunder> why u guys always say pr0n instead of porn ?? Thunder has been kicked by Guardian (No porn on this channel !) <Cobra> ... <Cobra> so i was watching a pr0n
<@generated> i wish i was dead <@mehh_> generated: why? :( <@mehh_> actually i really need to go...tell me some other time :) <@mehh_> bbl
<mcsuede> so i was half way through drinking a dr pepper <mcsuede> and my wife sexed me so i fell asleep <mcsuede> and when i woke up she had drank my dr pepper <mcsuede> it was the last one <mcsuede> i fear it was a plot
Frencheneesz: what if there was a super hero who had the power to transfer his own boredom to his enemies? SombrousKnight: how'd he get these powers? gamma radiation while waiting in line at the DMV?
ShamanMumboJumbo: Dude, I hate AIM Triton but I had to get it because all my friends have it and I can't share files otherwise ViewtifulDom: Peer2Peer Pressure?
<@michael`_> and i found out that some sophomore at my school ran a stop sign and some dude going the speed limit slammed into her car <@michael`_> killing her two friends <@michael`_> she was drunk as hell, apparently <@michael`_> and she just got acquitted of vehicular manslaughter today <@michael`_> shes on facebook too <@michael`_> Sarah Pennell wrote <@michael`_> at 10:49pm March 2nd, 2006 <@michael`_> You.....Me....Large amounts of alcohol = this weekend!!
<dd> who wants to fight me? <i8b4uUnderground> not me <i8b4uUnderground> or not i, should i say <i8b4uUnderground> or i should say, i should say
<PsychoStreak> Now you can get that 8 ball glass eye you've been wanting. <ircDaemon> then I can shake my head and people can read my condescending answer without me even saying anything!
QB: My brother went to see the Globetrotters last night... QB: <spoilers>Globetrotters won!</spoilers> Come: ARG Come: I HAD THAT ON TAPE
Dan: It may be Saturday morning, but IRC is the protocol that never sleeps! azc: As far as I know, the only protocol that sleeps is ACPI :D
<Gorsha> im starting to get pissed with photobucket <Gorshal> i drew a simple picture and posted it in photobucket and it still shrank the picture to be tiny <Gorshal> i cant figure out wtf the problem is <PG> try uploading a pic of your penis <PG> it's the one thing small enough photobucket won't shrink
<Handy> There are 2 kinds of people in the world. <Handy> 1. Those who need closure. <Marko> And? <DavyP> AND?
LutherBifteck: I bet if I wished I was a shapeshifter LutherBifteck: The genie would give me the power to change triangles into squares LutherBifteck: And I would be annoyed.
<JRJohn> At my high school we had a high school cop who would walk around proudly displaying his 9mm glock. <JRJohn> also, he had about 10 boxes of ammo in his desk. <ZoFreX> that's a little unsafe <ZoFreX> ammo should be locked up <JRJohn> WHY would you need more ammunition than there are kids in the school? <ZoFreX> doubletap?
<chuck> I just got two CDs from AOL. Two CDs in one package. One is gold, for dial-up. The other is Silver, for Cable/DSL broadband. They came in a box that was half gold and half silver. The back of the box enumerates the difference between the two available plans. <chuck> The CDs have different features listed on their labels. <chuck> I diff'd them. They're identical. <chuck> bit for bit: <chuck> chkno$ md5sum /dev/cdrom <chuck> 43cf5b370b5d85a74afc2449f445579d /dev/cdrom <chuck> chkno$ md5sum /dev/cdrom <chuck> 43cf5b370b5d85a74afc2449f445579d /dev/cdrom
<shok-> ha! just yesterday I was wondering why more solar power applications aren't being built <shok-> but they are in Shanghai. <shok-> oh communists, what won't you do? <Ben^> last for more than a century?
<Sonic> snow tomorrow. yay. <Turtle> No snow in the hill country of Texas....where are you expecting your snow, sonic? <moc> no snow in houston either <Sonic> pennsylvania <Sonic> only about 4 more inches <2slim> we have 4 feet here in Idaho <fiver> is that due to inbreeding slim?
* McPierce once wrote a webserver in VB that was more powerful than apache. < bkjones> I once coded an operating more powerful than windows using PHP while standing on my head and driving a car. < ScottCh> I once mistyped a command in emacs, and made a more powerful webserver than IIS
<Dave123> So I there s this virgin girl I know, she is Inconceivable <Turtleman> no she's unbearable <NINJAmes> no you idiots, she's Impregnable
Jeffrey: Heh, what an ass. My friend Vann just beat me at Chess, and he checkmated me by putting my king in check with a pawn...Then saying PAWNED!!1!
Scott: i need a title for an essay about how i go over and above what is asked of me Scott: because its a reflection on myself Austin: "Second to None: The Story of How I Spit on God"
<+CrackB[a]be> jag sa inget om  f stock <+CrackB[a]be> n rmsta stock jag kommer h r r dildo haha <+PurpleHelmetWarrior> i understood dildo, and thats all that i need to know
<Silellak> The Oscars are fucking lame. Hollywood giving itself a self-congratulatory blowjob over how artsy and deep and relevant it is <Silellak> When I saw "The Day After Tomorrow" in their montage of movies that addressed serious issues I wanted to throw something at the screen. <Silellak> Because Day After Tomorrow was as much about global warming as Independence Day was about gay rights
<Jaques> What if there was a Resident Evil game in France? <sands> it'd be boring as shit <sands> all the zombies would run away
{RainmakeR}: fuck I'm a retard
{RainmakeR}: I was trying to use windows magnifier to enlarge
the dead pixel area to look at it better
{RainmakeR}: i had it open for like 5 seconds, then like "wait
a minute... "
<Bao> A friend from college is now getting her PhD in biomedical engineering, and she has a pet rat she has to experiment on, and she had to castrate it for her next procedure. <Bao> Apparently the thing wasn't fully under anaesthesia, and when she was shaving it, it ejaculated on her. <Bao> And the most horrible thing is that she shrugs it off and is like, "Who'd have thought the first handjob I'd ever give would be to a rat?!"
<[Midgard]Reynard[50DRG]> a friend of mine once commented that huamns are the only species to go out of our way to obtain milk after we've been weaned, I replied that we were the only species with cookies
<johnnyt> holy crap. have to do a 1500 word history essay <heffalump75> hey u know the saying.... <heffalump75> just draw 1.5 pictures
st0rmf1re: http://www.wimp.com/jeopardyho/ ruotfk: is this SFW? st0rmf1re: no, wmv
(Cdian)If anyone wants to see it, I have the entire series of "goatse" pictures, not just the most famous one. You'd be horriffied to see exactly what that man can fit up his arse. (em-p)Yeah cause when I saw goatse.cx my first thought was "where can I find MORE?" and then, when I found more? "I'm going to hold onto these!" I just don't KNOW you anymore dude.