<Admiral_Payne> One day she was typing and turned to a secretary and said she was almost out of typing paper, and asked she should do <Admiral_Payne> "just use copier machine paper," the secretary told her <Admiral_Payne> You know what she did? <Admiral_Payne> she took her last remaining blank piece of typing paper, put it on the photocopier and proceeded to make five copies
<helgrl> What c:\DARTHVADER said to c:\DARTHVADER\ LUKESKYWALKER ? <helgrl> "I´m your folder"
<mikael> people should get beat up, for stating their beliefs <penisbird> is that your belief?
<Boo|Marking> Can you think of any reason why IE, on my dad's laptop, won't display animated .gifs ? <Mirabilis> Because they're disabled in the IE options <Mirabilis> Other than that, security settings <Boo|Marking> Hm. I looked for it. <Boo|Marking> I'll have another lookie-see. <Donovan> I dunno, Boo|Marking, I have a feeling it may have to do with "Microsoft KB #2383892: Internet Explorer is a Steaming Pile of Shit"
TheOrigionalFuzz: this one guy was yelling at me in spanish the other day, so I said "speak a real language or go to hell" and he kept yelling at me, and it was pissing me off, so I flipped him off, so he started chasing me, so I started running, and that's about it TheOrigionalFuzz: turns out I was on his property TheOrigionalFuzz: or something
<RandalCalrissian> Who wrote an essay entitled 'Advice to a Young Man on choosing a Mistress'? <Jeegoo> Cassanova <RandalCalrissian> Here's your 1st hint, B___am__ ____k___ <Jeegoo> no idea <Randal> dr seus <Jeegoo> hee <Zwuh> Al Gore <RandalCalrissian> Here's your 2nd hint, _en_a_in _r_n__i_ <RandalCalrissian> Here's your 3rd hint, B_njami_ Fra__lin <Zwuh> Benjamin Frankin <Jeegoo> Benjamn franklin <Randal> benjamin frankls <Randal> oop <Randal> s <Zwuh> haha <RandalCalrissian> Time's up! The answer was: Benjamin Franklin <Zwuh> way to spell, team!
3:pixelsoft> GHB? Don't you go to school? 3:GHB> Today is Saturday 3:pixelsoft> It's Friday GHB left arena
<flamebird> using trillian because \"it works with MSN too\" is the same as saying \"well im not going to a strip club tonight, ill just get my mother to give me a lap dance.. shes a woman\" - its true.. but.. NO
<Nirtose> heres some geek for you... You make me hotter than a overclocked, volt-modded Prescott chip with stock heatsink and fan <@Beaver> omg dude <Nirtose> thats right * Beaver has kicked Nirtose Reason(I told you once that im married) * Nirtose has joined #beaver <Nirtose> :( * Beaver has kicked Nirtose Reason(And not gay)
<Terror> So, on one of the last days of school we had an assembly in memorial of some guy that graduated from my school that was a gunner on a Humvee and was killed by shrapnel from a roadside bomb in Iraq <Terror> And when we go back to class, the teacher was asking us what we got out of the service <Terror> and one kid said "I learned not be the the gunner on a Humvee"
Infinitism: saying you've had the best sex without orgasm is like saying you've just cleaned a toilet with the neatest arrangement of shit all over it.
<Kitoshi> XD at the end of Ep 3, when they\'re showing Padme\ 's funeral <Kitoshi> my friend Hampton said \"Look! Her stomach\'s big again! They must\'ve stuffed something back in there after the births!\" <Heath> xD <Kitoshi> and without a second thought, I respond \"Where do you think Yoda went into hiding?\"
<prepared>Theorem: All numbers are equal. <prepared>Proof: Choose arbitrary a and b, and let t = a + b. Then <prepared>a + b = t <prepared>(a + b)(a - b) = t(a - b) <prepared>a^2 - b^2 = ta - tb <prepared>a^2 - ta = b^2 - tb <prepared>a^2 - ta + (t^2)/4 = b^2 - tb + (t^2)/4 <prepared>(a - t/2)^2 = (b - t/2)^2 <prepared>a - t/2 = b - t/2 <prepared>a = b <prepared>So all numbers are the same, and math is pointless.
<Trin[awah]> I was dyeing easter eggs, and I said, "my eggs came out all ugly!" <Trin[awah]> and my brother said to me, "well, now you know how your mother feels."
<minion> what should i get for lunch <minion> i have $4 <keef> 8 packs of ramen and a 3 dollar hooker
<megamobike> my mom taught me a very important lesson today <ccrookedrrain> no means no? <megamobike> gross
<notalive> have you heard those jokes they dont tell gay people <notalive> ? <kebaan> i dont think so? <kebaan> tell me one then i can tell you if i have <notalive> i dont know any
<deloused> haha i love when people start telling you stuff like you care when you actually don't and you don't pay attention, and then when they finish they ask for your opinion /advice and you just say "oh yea i totally agree" <XA> oh yeah, i totally agree
<zere> i need to make 75 thousand dollars <videogameaholic> removing your head from your ass leaves quite a medical bill, doesn't it.
<irving> i do stuff like set up my garage door to open over the internet <MyPetGoat> having an internet-enabled garage door? what that fuck is that good for? <MyPetGoat> it's like you're the most pathetic Bond villain ever
<dodgo> what the fuck <dodgo> school students demonstrating against copyright infringement? <Count> mmm, it's like the poor demonstrating against food stamps and welfare
random girl: hey! me: ...hi? me: who is this? random girl: Jessica, I saw u on myspace random girl: ur hot me: thanks random girl: np me: this girl keeps bugging me, but I don't want to talk to her me: what should I do? random girl: make up sum excuse, like ur mom is kickin u off or sumthing me: oh alright me: I have to go me: my mom is kicking me off me: bye
<JadussD> all i can say is, the native americans could not have had better vengeance on americans than tobacco :| <JadussD> hundreds of thousands of dead each year <JadussD> "hey, we're going to enslave, decimate, relocate, and destroy your way of life." <JadussD> "oh, okay. here, smoke this"
<stargazr> yeah, the only reason i have a tv is cause i won it in a book reading contest
<DrSeuss> My dad was calling me gay and shit. <DrSeuss> He was like "Youre a stupid queer! You cant even get a girlfriend!" <DrSeuss> Thats when I said "Shut up dad, you dont know anything about my life!" <DrSeuss> ... <DrSeuss> So I grabbed my pom poms and left :(
<strangeintp> anyone know what version ships with latest free Mangina distro? <mpyne> bwahahaha <pahli_bar> lol <mpyne> s/Mangina/Mandriva/ maybe?
<rom> if i was ever playing hide and go seek I would want Anne Frank on my team.
mouAng: cuz im not perverted mouAng: hahas IllIllziroIllIll: say something perverted IllIllziroIllIll: at least once IllIllziroIllIll: like IllIllziroIllIll: boobies mouAng: ums okays mouAng: toe
Phil (Penfold): 600/month each for a house is a lot of money laurence: Uh, £400... Phil (Penfold): 400? laurence: 1200/3=400... Phil (Penfold): oh right * Phil (Penfold) had to use a calculator Phil (Penfold): but forgot it was in hex
<RustySpoon> Hahaha... I just came back from Phlanges girlfriend. <Phloam> Wtf were you doing there? ffs man have some respect <RustySpoon> Let\'s just say she was glad to see me * Phlange is now afk <RustySpoon> fuck when did he log on?
<lordpil> everyone freeze, this is an irc stickup. don't move or i'll DoS ya. gimme all the voice <ZorbaTHut> don't hurt me, don't hurt me! *** ZorbaTHut sets mode: +v lordpil * lordpil runs away with the voice *** Parts: lordpil <ZorbaTHut> damn! he took our voice <stevieo> ....
atomicmint2006: this whole project raped me in the butthole dahlia: that's no good. dahlia: butthole sex needes tenderness and lube. atomicmint2006: yeah, well this project atomicmint2006: used a sandpaper condom
(@elusive_brob) XargoL (@elusive_brob) I've got a hook-up-line for you (+XargoL) oh? (+XargoL) ;O (@elusive_brob) "wanna play network? you're switch and i'm cable?" (+XargoL) heh (+XargoL) remember firewall
<@David> All of these kernel panics make this computer more secure. <@David> The machine can't be hacked when it's down.
<Linforcer> heh, I just told m girfriend I like my women like I like I like my programming <MuStR> logical? <Linforcer> C++ <mkde> LOL <MuStR> rofl are you serious?
<DarkNeo> Did you hear about Ku Klux Knieval? <LongWongSilver> no <DarkNeo> He tried to jump 50 niggers with a steamroller.
<Knighted_> goddammit <Knighted_> why can't anything i think of turn out right? <Knighted_> listerine + foot odour smells worse than just feet, and now my shoes are technically flammable
<Drogo> Don't trust the xbox 360 * Brandalf85 goes forward in time and gets 5 Xbox 360s <Drogo> It's like those creatures in Chronicles of Riddick <Drogo> You turn it on and all of a sudden "Your soul is miiiine" <Drogo> You know what, next thing you know rob, the xbox makes you call your friend with a needle to your neck and you're like "Hey, Brandalf.. Would you like to come over and--- DONT COME BRANDALF! I mean. Brandalf, please come over and initiate in gameplay of the xbox 360" <Brandalf85> LOL <Rob> haha <Brandalf85> i probably dont live anywhere near Rob :) <Drogo> Then Brandalf comes over and he opens the door and it's like Dreamcatcher with the red except it's wires and blood and the door slams shut behind him and all of a sudden, a needle sticks into his neck <Drogo> xbox 360 needs no memory card or hard drive either <Drogo> you know why? <Drogo> It saves to your brain <Brandalf85> .... <Brandalf85> =0 <Rob> haha <Brandalf85> the horror <Drogo> You're like "Oh... hey... Happy childhood memories.. NO! DONT SAVE THERE!"
zippo4x4: ok then i just wasted 10 min Asbestos: yeah you did zippo4x4: i know im a dumbass Asbestos: it happens Asbestos: if jesus was real he'd love you
<KP> the admin just came over and asked me why my desktop looks like xp and what the hell i just did to his computer <KP> leet hax was not an acceptable answer
rhys_rhaven: I have pictures..thousands of them. but most are art...i got katies harddrive. rhys_rhaven: .... overlord_overkill2007: ah i se rhys_rhaven: i dont understand how she can walk into a church rhys_rhaven: tons, and tons, of slash rhys_rhaven: gay guys, gay guys fucking, gay porn stories, guys on guys, guys kissing. overlord_overkill2007: ewww rhys_rhaven: guys humping guys, female ass domination, guy slaves, butt sex, overlord_overkill2007: ewwwwwwww rhys_rhaven: oh it gets worse. she has no file structure!!!!! rhys_rhaven: what kind of sick woman doesnt organize her files?!!! Daniel: EWWWWWWWW
<MetalRox66> Could Jesus make a quote so funny that bash.org would not reject it?
<Nori123> You don't know jack shit <VioletSky> That's not true, I know him well <Nori123> Haha <VioletSky> I'm serious <VioletSky> Jack is the son of Awe Schitt and O. Schitt. Awe Schitt, the fertilizer magnate, married O. Schitt, the owner of Needeep N. Schitt Inc. They had one son, Jack. In turn Jack Schitt married Noe Schitt, the deeply religious couple produced 6 children <VioletSky> Holie Schitt, Fulla Schitt, Giva Schitt, Bull Schitt, and the twins: Deap Schitt and Dip Schitt. Against her parents' objections, Deap Schitt married Dumb Schitt, a high school drop out. <VioletSky> However, after being married 15 years, Jack and Noe Schitt divorced. Noe Schitt later remarried Ted Sherlock and, because her kids were living with them, she wanted to keep her previous name. <VioletSky> She was then known as Noe Schitt-Sherlock. Meanwhile, Dip Schitt married Loda Schitt and they produced a son of nervous disposition, Chicken Schitt. <VioletSky> Two other of the 6 children, Fulla Schitt and Giva Schitt, were inseparable throughout childhood and subsequently married the Happens brothers in a dual ceremony. <VioletSky> The wedding announcement in the newspaper announced the Schitt-Happens wedding. The Schitt-Happens children were Dawg, Byrd, and Hoarse. <VioletSky> Bull Schitt, the prodigal son, left home to tour the world. He recently returned from Italy with his new Italian bride, Pisa Schitt. <VioletSky> So there. <FiPo> LOL <Nori123> I have actually chortled coke through my nose
<tsunami> my mind is racing, just remember my old flatmate and the dreaded salad <tsunami> i was like: 'this salad you made tastes funny...' found out she used the cucumber the night before, washed it and placed it back in the crisper... i banned her from ever making food again <Sephiroth> hmmm...that's mildly erotic <Sephiroth> in a lo-cal sort of way
<Azemilcar> What do you Brits say when you stereotype American speech? <Starblaydia> anything lacking irony or sarcasm usually qualifies, Azemilcar <Gala|drunk> *nod* <Yamatto> or we just hoot like gibbons and invade sandy countries.
< fook_> we had radiation alert drills in my HS, those were my favorite < mofino> I thought you'd just enjoy it by now. < sili> fook_: how do you hide from radiation? lead suit? < mofino> fook, haha < tag_> I'm not in highschool < fook_> because its important to exit the school in an orderly fashion if the nuclea powerplant were to melt down < tag_> which was even better < tag_> fook_: Hahah < fook_> sili: yeah, theres no way. < fook_> our school was 15miles from the plant < mofino> "But teacher my skin is melting..." < mofino> "STAY IN LINE RICHARD!"
<Insomniak`> Stupid fucking Google <Insomniak`> "The" is a common word, and was not included in your search <Insomniak`> "Who" is a common word, and was not included in your search
<GooberMan> sony were handing out PS2 condoms <GooberMan> the cover design had condoms in the shapes of the buttons ie X, square, etc <darknation> awesome <darknation> I always wondered about those vibrating controllers. Now we know.