<baconbits> Hey, have any of you seen that AOL commercial where the guys are getting food? <baconbits> And the AOL guy is dumping chili and jello and crap on the guy's sandwich saying that it's "Spam and viruses" <baconbits> And then he's like "Which would you rather have, Regular highspeed with viruses and spam, or highspeed internet with AOL? <baconbits> I got the best parody for that. <baconbits> The guys are standing in line <baconbits> Getting food. <baconbits> And the Regular highspeed guy takes a crap on the sandwich <baconbits> And says "Which would you rather have, my regular highspeed, or highspeed with AOL on it?
Egger: Heres the history of our medicine. "I have a sore throat." 2000 BC : "eat this root" 1200 AD : "That root is heathen, say this prayer." 1500 AD : "That prayer is superstition, drink this elixir." 1800 AD : "That elixir is snake oil, Take this pill." 1900 AD : "That pill is ineffective, Take this antibiotic." 2000 AD : "That antibiotic is artificial, Here why dont you eat this root."
<M3atwad> my dad's been actin really weird lately <M3atwad> he comes up behind my while im doin homework and gives me back rubs <M3atwad> i don't know if it's sexual harrassment <M3atwad> or if he's happy im doin my homework so that he doesnt get arrested for me dropping out of school <M3atwad> ... <Kylie> your dads a perv <magik8> ur dads a perv <op_01001> your dad's a perv <dysc404> your droppin out?
<sword> i have the perfect girlfriend <jon334> girlfriends are never perfect, m8 <sword> well last night while she was giving me a back massage she asked me whether i wanted anything to eat or a blowjob or both. i said that im a bit tired so she got me a beer from the fridge and said that i should make myself comfortable <sword> cause she still hadnt finished my home assignment for the PHP class and she wanted to check /. too <jon334> she good looking? <sword> id say so, yea <jon334> MARRY HER! NOW
<Malygris> Hey, interesting. I just got an email offering 20% off rabbits. <Malygris> So I clicked it. I like rabbits. They're cute, and I have lots of other animals anyway, so a rabbit or two might be cool. <Malygris> Turns out that "rabbit" is apparently some sort of slang for neon-coloured dildos with anal stimulators. <Malygris> Good prices, though.
<Zach> Is your Dad home? <videogameaholic> yep <Zach> You get any hot chicks on the internet yet? <videogameaholic> wtf? There aren't any chicks on the internet. <Zach> You gotta do what I do. I get onto one of them lesbian chatrooms and pretend to be a 19 year old girl. <videogameaholic> I bet the other 60 "horny lesbians" in that room think they are just as clever as you. <Zach> no no no, they're really women, they send me naked pictures <videogameaholic> What do you do when they ask for yours? <Zach> I send them a pic of a 19 year old girl. <videogameaholic> ... <Zach> No seriously, they're all lesbians. <videogameaholic> If you say so... <Zach> damn straight. <videogameaholic> I'm sure you are.
<SirCourage> So anyways, I knew at 1:30 am this morning that my english paper would not be finished, so I opened up mirc.exe in notepad, saved it as a .txt, emailed it to my school email and told them that their email server must have ruined my paper. I got an A- :D
vampiriclord98: sup trevmaniscool: my day was horrible, i lost a 20 dollar bill, got beat up, and was late for all my classes vampiriclord98: dang vampiriclord98: why u get beat up? trevmaniscool: For stealing a 20 dollar bill when I should have been going to class
ThePseudoNerd: Nobody was eating any of the food, so I said, "Finish your food. Think of all the starving kids in Africa." ThePseudoNerd: And later on, I hadn't finished my drink, so this kid says, "Finish your beer. Think of all the sober kids in Africa."
< mine9> 231,212 people or communities on LJ that list "sleeping" as an interest < mine9> 1.03 million for music < mine9> 324,420 for computers < mine9> and a measly 196,490 for sex < mine9> talk about boring people... < nub> that's because they're on livejournal. look up "masturbation"
<TFH> I'm going to start a band called Dial Up, and we are only going to play slow songs.
<DM|Rigs> heh no body loves me <DM|Rigs> :( <Munter> Jesus loves you! <Sirak> Everybody else thinks you're a cunt
<d0pp> I farted over the intercom last night. <d0pp> :D <d0pp> It echoed through the entire store.
<vic> 128kbps is good for music, but for a shower <vic> it's way more than you need <Jewass> no way <Jewass> i need to feel my cleanest <Jewass> and we have lo-flo shower heads at my house <Nosnam> Its not a lo-flo shower head. It's a low bandwidth shower head. <Kurt> golden showers <Nosnam> golden showers would be AOL <Nosnam> A dialup shower head is one where you have to stand there for 10 minutes before the water starts coming out <Nosnam> I use a cisco router with my shower. It's load distribution sprays my entire body at once <Nosnam> I forgot to enable WEP encryption on my 802.11G shower... I was showering, and my neighbor joined me <Chamuyo> I remember back in my time when you had to order your water and it got delivered in paper envelopes with stamps glued on them <vic> that's taking it to far <vic> gtfo
<scytale> man, i suck at cooking <scytale> was cooking something, piece of food fell on the floor <scytale> dog ate it up, then threw up
Swatt> wait, whats 2nd base? Garay> well 1st is making out, 2nd is hand job/fingering, 3rd is oral, and 4th or home is sex... Swatt> what about 5th? Garay> 5th? Swatt> anal... Garay> oh thats not 5th, thats a foul
<Devilbunny> I just got back from a team-building meeting at work. There was pizza and the managers did karaoke, and we played games. <Devilbunny> We played Cranium, basically a team based trivial pursit, with cards like "draw a picture and have your team guess what it is," or "hum this song and have your team guess." <Devilbunny> The last card was charades, for the word "hormone" <Devilbunny> ... <Devilbunny> So, next week's meeting will be sensitivity training.
<evilada>: Best suicide plan ever <mcm310>: what is it? <evilada>: you go up to the top of a roof <evilada>: string piano wire tight across the front edge at neck level <evilada>: tie a cord to your foot and the other end to the building so that you'll be above sidewalk level when its fully stretched <evilada>: then you put super glue on your hands <evilada>: and put your arms around the front of the wire and then back to touch your head <evilada>: then you lean forward, so the piano wire cuts your neck but not your elbows <evilada>: when the cord goes taut, youll be hanging upside down with no head....except your head will be in your outstretched arms thanks to gravity and the glue, staring at someone upside down and spewing blood everywhere. <evilada>: And some poor bastard will be traumatized for LIFE. <mcm310>: i dont think i can be your friend anymore
<khamosis> oh man... i had typed "hey! anyone awake?" in another channel about 20 minutes ago <khamosis> and just now i saw it and typed "yes!" not realizing it was me
<ZhanDVG> Dammit <ZhanDVG> I kept glancing at the computer thinking that the channel was dead... <ZhanDVG> Then I realised I was looking at Notepad :( <DJ-Neo> .... <Ice_Dragon> wow. <Ice_Dragon> Zhan, I can safely say I don't think any of us are ever going to top that
<cast> see, the roof falling on me is the least of my problems here, the whole building going from |^| to /^/ to ___ is my problem
Magustol: what about a geek nightclub? Adam r the God: what? instead of a dancefloor, just a bunch of DDR machines?
-!- Spudnewt [MacroKILLA@S01060004e2286ac3.wp.shawcable.net] has joined #nanog <Spudnewt> These goddamn trolls interrupting my flow. These niggas don't respek us with a +o. They gotta color spam and fake invite, bombing with asciis in yellow on white. Shit yeah. it's bright, you 12 year old kiddie. You ain't got pubes and you ain't seen titty. I'll jupe your chans and ban your ass. Don't message me with plz unban, your chance has passed! Other opers crappin up our relay net. <Spudnewt> Why haven't you delinked your 386 yet? ircd needs xeons and dual cpus. When it comes to irc hardware, you can't be a jew. Shit, nobody knows the trouble I've seen. On invites for websites with naked teens. Begs for ops and packet attacks. Shit from users who use vi, not emacs. Another long day of patrolling the IRC. Eating my doritos, and having a jerk, I chat with TheWalrus and #nanog faggots. <Spudnewt> All this niggas do is complain "the lag it's-- bad, chat is slow, and we're getting harassed." Shit, trolls, this k-line is your last. Once more and it's "G" and you're gone for good. Banned from the internet chatting neighbourhood. It's lonely at the top. Just me and CHANFIX. Day in and day out. Banning trolls with my linux. We give safe harbor to chatters world wide. <Spudnewt> From pedophiles to hacker thieves. Yeah, I won't lie: IRC is a cesspool of e-misfits. EazyCheezes and bagel-cutters like that nigga BitS. But at least we're the best. Disagree and you're gone. BRB, mom just told me gotta mow the lawn. -!- Spudnewt [MacroKILLA@S01060004e2286ac3.wp.shawcable.net] has left #nanog [] -!- mode/#nanog [+b spudnewt!*@*] by nar <Darkcyde> someone give that guy a record deal
<Workdae> i have the most hilarious issue i just picked up <Workdae> and i can say it without compromising details, and it'd still be hilarious <Workdae> i'm not sure where this customer got this command, or who told him it'd update his server...but he ran this command thinking it'd update his server: <Workdae> dd if=/dev/random of=/dev/hda bs=1M <Workdae> (if you value your data and you run linux, don't test it to find out what it does) <Workdae> anyway, he put in the ticket that the server had been updating for a while, and that now he can't connect to it
* MTR continues to listen to his best of Poison cd <ROB> That's gotta be one short fucking CD
<randomchimp> my god country song titles are getting worse by the minute..a song called "Beer for my horses" is playing on local radio <Wer194> heh, probably get something like 'Her heart was gold but her teeth were stained' next <randomchimp> haha <Wer194> or even 'dads indecision lead to my circumcision' <randomchimp> LOL
<DiTsHiP> I'm about to go to class, I have two tests today. <AldeBaran> erk, good luck <DiTsHiP> Thanks <AldeBaran> what subject(s)? <DiTsHiP> Psychology and Data Structures <AldeBaran> wow...don't get mixed up... <DiTsHiP> I'll try not to :) <AldeBaran> "what program would we use to solve for X?" "Well, a program of mild anti-depressants followed by some sessions with a psycologist should make X feel better about himself"
<Man_Loner> I had the best masturbation ever today too <Man_Loner> I had the magazine open in front of me, at a really great picture <Man_Loner> My eyes were rolling back in my head <Man_Loner> I let out a deep moan <Man_Loner> And then the man in the shop asked "Are you going to buy that?"
Plouj> I can't put a finger on my problem(s). @Pezmaker> Plouj: touch your finger to your forehead
<finch|a> pie; if you sued for getting a tattoo, you're a fucking idiot. about as stupid as sueing someone for an accident <Zachery> finch, never been to the states? <finch|a> no
* Viperlin just got his toe stuck in a drive bay of a small PC... <@Viperlin> oh shit <@Viperlin> please come out <@Viperlin> fuck.. <@Viperlin> :( help
XCodymauX: I've been killing pimps all day and still don't have enough money for that sword of light. l33t 1nt3gr4l: the hell are you playing, GTA: Middle Earth?
Ar0uNd » Mahatma Gandhi, as you know, walked barefoot his whole life, which Ar0uNd » created an impressive set of calluses on his feet. He also ate very little, Ar0uNd » which made him frail, and with his odd diet, he suffered from very bad Ar0uNd » breath. This made him.... what? Ar0uNd » (This is so bad it's good...) --a super-callused fragile mystic hexed by halitosis.
Wolfe177: Me: "so when are we going to use this stuff in real life", math teacher: "when u become a math teacher"
<Sorak> is the server still down? <Sklar> fraid so <Sorak> omg i fucking hate blizzard <Sklar> i know i should be angy too, but this is the only time when i can get other stuff done <Sklar> for example <Sklar> did u know that uni started? <Sklar> i didnt :( <Sklar> gotta re-enrol
BonusStageInBed: let me spell it out for you BonusStageInBed: ES BonusStageInBed: EL BonusStageInBed: OH BonusStageInBed: DOUBLE U blonde4u: slouu?
<sthmnstr> So I was in this restauraunt with my gf the other day and she wanted to emberas me. <sthmnstr> I had eaten too much and was holding my stomach moaning and then she's all like 'aww, is the baby kicking?' and i said 'Yup. Thats the last time I eat one of those whole...'
<GreyMantledWolf> the internet guy is out side trying to shut off the internet to my neighbor's apt <GreyMantledWolf> and they'res a hornets nest in the box <GreyMantledWolf> they're stinging him like mad <GreyMantledWolf> i should stop putting flowers and nectar in that box
<KoRnkid88> omg man <KoRnkid88> weirdest bus stop moment ever <Owned34> >.> <KoRnkid88> last night it was snowing like crazy right <Owned34> yeh get hit by it? XP <KoRnkid88> and my neighbor lady calls and asks me to do her driveway <KoRnkid88> so i go over and shovel it off <Owned34> =o <KoRnkid88> next day im standing at my buss stop talking to all my friends and my neighbors house is at the corner where the bus stop is <KoRnkid88> and im talking with my friends and she walks up and hands me a 20$ <KoRnkid88> and says thanks for last night <Owned34> lol omg <KoRnkid88> i was like WTF <KoRnkid88> my friends and all the people at the buss stop were just staring at me...... <Owned34> how old is this lady <KoRnkid88> my sister gave me the weirdest look in the world <KoRnkid88> like 70 <Owned34> Bust a cap <KoRnkid88> once we got on the bus the girl behind me was like "u got a 20 for one night?" <Owned34> XD <KoRnkid88> i was about to turn around and slap her <Owned34> =o <KoRnkid88> it was THE weirdest bus ride ever
<+Hellion_Prime|Work> heat output is considerably less, however, which is also something to consider. <+iceheart> I like heat output <+iceheart> it's fucking cold here <+iceheart> I can go from 16c to 24c in 15 minutes by turning on all screens and the tv <+iceheart> then I open a vent to compensate <+iceheart> maybe I am not energy star compatible
britt: And that the only reason we PMS is because our uterus is screaming at our brain to go out, get fucked, and have a baby. britt: and it makes us angry.
AgentScrewball: i know a guy who had a plastic tube implanted in one of his balls b/c of surgery. we called him mr. plesticle
Pramma: like, this one time at a texas hold'em table, and i was like "man, lady luck is really smiling on me today...she's cute too, i'd tap that in a second" Pramma: and then people started looking at me
<NonHomogenized> ...I was young. I needed the money! <Stopper> ew... * Stopper hides Non from Michael Jackson <NonHomogenized> not that young
<drealoth> one of the differences between a geek and a normal person is that, when a warrenty ends, a normal person is worried that it might break <drealoth> the geek, on the other hand, is like 'hey, I can take it apart now.'
* lios has two tests he is totaly unprepared for.. <Placid-Nightmares> pregnancy and urine <Placid-Nightmares> :/