<Biomech-> i took a shit earlier that weighed about 200g, well unimpressed <Nezzie> so, do you actually scoop it out of the toilet? <Biomech-> im slightly more sophisticated than that <@cai> you're weighing shit, how sophisticated can it get?
<Kahlzarg> Jesus dies i get chocolate.. jesus is born I get presents.. works for me..
kinky kinsey: oh yeah...wanna bet? Steel: would i lose? kinky kinsey: yes Steel: then no. i dont wanna bet
Opti: i was really bored... had 2 options... 1) watch paint dry 2) come to #general Opti: i chose the paint... Opti: but thats dry now :/
<@Matt> 10 things men know about women..... <@Matt> 1. <@Matt> 2. <@Matt> 3. <@Matt> 4. <@Matt> 5. <@Matt> 6. <@Matt> 7. <@Matt> 8. <@Matt> 9. <@Matt> 10. Women have tits
< Cronos Gabliani > I personally belive that in any situation that you expect a kick in the balls, and you get a slap in the face, thats a victory.
<drmason> there was this one time I was wanking to porn... <drmason> ... I kept a javascript tutorial open in another window so my parents didn't start wondering why I was always on the desktop with no windows showing <drmason> so I'm just about to splurge when I suddenly hear my dad coming up the stairs <drmason> alt-tabbed to the other window and tried to pull my boxers up... computer stalled JUST THEN as my dad was opening the door <drmason> I just stood up and was like "fuck... dad this honestly isn't what it looks like" <drmason> and he glanced at the screen and said "I sure hope so because it looks like you're masturbating to a fucking javascript tutorial"
spoonsucker: I ordered pizza today (not from Pizza Hut because they're not open for lunch on Mondays or something) but the delivery driver was a 45 year old Italian-looking lady with six times too much makeup on. My dad was home on his lunch break and saw her leaving. Then he came storming into my room demanding to know if I'd just had sex with a hooker =
Awesomest771: god damn jeff's been at blockbuster for 2 hours, where the fuck is he Einhander MKII: that was a pretty stupid question
<LoY|Steam> fucks sake <LoY|Steam> i tell you what is embarassing <LoY|Steam> when you go on a date with a lass <LoY|Steam> who is rather plump <LoY|Steam> and you try to pick her up as a bit of fun <LoY|Steam> but physically <LoY|Steam> you cant fucking lift her <LoY|Steam> worse fucking date ever, got no sex and put my fucking back out
<Orthodox> deutschland 11e hier is 18, haltet mich gefaelligst davon ab glei zu verschwinden und die chinesische wodkaflasche zu exen !kick!: <Orthodox> was kicked by <Pidda> [I don't know what your problem is, but I'll bet it's hard to pronounce.]
<@Carmen> I wish I did all the things I wanted to do to my EX before we broke up <@Carmen> Selling her to that guy out east for 6000 would have been a good start <@Deadlymouse> should have taken four goats and a Camel when you were offered it <@Carmen> Ya would have gotten more from the goat
<Don> scyth, I come here for the loving people and atmosphere happy.gif <scyth> I come here because I forgot to remove it from my auto-connect list
LightGrayMage: all the technology in the world doesn't matter if the majority of your population is mind numbingly stupid.
Explosions: why didnt' you come? FlakGuitar: food poisoning Explosions: what did you have FlakGuitar: alcohol
Mervin: Alright, thats it Mervin: I'm so gonna get you Kelvin: GEEK Mervin: You are so not 3l337 Kelvin: I am so 3l337 Rocky:Alright geeks, i think we know how to settle this Rocky: Dungeons and Dragons at D20 paces
<dmsndlr> You know, it was kinda hard being the only jewish kid in a small town.. <dmsndlr> I'm tall, so I used to play in the church's basketball team and everytime I stepped on court the ref went "FOUL!" <dmsndlr> And I was like "What, I didn't even do anything!" <dmsndlr> "Well you did kill Jesus."
<Sukato> What does it mean when you search google with one word and only get one hit? <Xenogenesis> You have a very specific fetish?
<Silent69> Hey did you take the $5 dollars that was sitting on my desk the last time you were here <Cactus> Ya, the movie we rented wasnt rewound and they called me up saying I had to pay a stupid fee for not rewinding the damn thing. And I was on my way back to the video store so I might as well had paid it off. <Silent69> Oh ok. Just wondering where it went. <Cactus> no prob man, gtg, peace. ***Cactus has left the conversation*** <Silent69> peace <Silent69> Wait a second, <Silent69> WE RENTED A DVD!!!
* Earhart/#intersocs thinks about sex :-) <mel> when do you not? <mel> it's like <mel> 10 Think about sex <mel> 20 Goto 10
<Maggie> Rune <Rune> ? <Maggie> why are all men chauvinistic pigs? <Rune> because we're better than you
<jamesi> paperwork is teh suck <jamesi> i'm 27 years old, using the words 'teh suck'. I should be ashamed of myself, and yet, i'll probably use those words in combination again sometime in the next 3 hours
<Cardo> I reckon they should keep making Jackass shows <Shady> yer <Cardo> That way we can use Darwin as a turbine while he spins in his grave <Shady> lol
<karl> where is everyone? <Kayote_G> Well I'm trying to explain to my (now ex) girlfriend why I own a porn site. <Kayote_G> :'(
<sp4nk> I once knew this guy who kept a dream journal. <sp4nk> Some little spiral notebook he'd keep by his bed. <martyr> haha nice <sp4nk> I'd get waken up in the middle of the night and find him writing shit in it. At 3 AM. <sp4nk> Told me it was so he could remember the lucid dreams he had the following morning. <sp4nk> So one night at about 1, I decided to have a look. <sp4nk> As I suspected, full of shit about meeting dead people and flying across the Atlantic Ocean. <sp4nk> He was asleep at the time, of course. <sp4nk> So I grabbed a pencil and made my own entry. <martyr> ROFL <sp4nk> Something along the lines of: OH MY GOD I WANT YOUR BLOOD SATAN PLEASE LIBERATE ME FROM MY WRETCHED LIFE <sp4nk> I swear, he was shaking the rest of that day.
<poit[fsgc> !decide "slack off and lie about the reason" "do the work and have a clean moral slate" <CrockPot> The roll of the dice picks: slack off and lie about the reason. <poit[fsgc> Good bot * poit[fsgc goes to sleep
cynicalkane: why does Michael Jackson like twenty eight year olds? cynicalkane: because there's twenty of them
<Kankraka> turn my tv on, and it's all "omg save the african kids" <Kankraka> so i turn on my xbox <Kankraka> crisis averted
<RastaJew> when a girl says she has no new nude pics and you ask for her old ones dont say "the older the better"
<Kami_XX> i think rape sounds to severe.. It should be called surprise sex.. <Neme2> That's an old joke! You suck! Stop stealing jokes! <hunt_23> He didn't steal it he surprise took it..
<samafk> ui'm fuckt' <samafk> 1/2 ogke <samafk> vodka <samafk> bp <+Ajurian> pretending to be drunk on irc isnt cool anymore
<lief> My brother just got suspended from school for sticking a bible down his pants while walking around in the halls singing Mansons "Personal Jesus" and asking random girls to "Reach down and touch faith".
(BLIZZ)this one guy that comes in all the time and pisses me off (BLIZZ)he brought his computer in for service (BLIZZ)it starts for like a second then turns off (BLIZZ)i charged him 59.99 to switch the little selector on the back of his power supply from european voltage to american (ZeNiTH)haha
DengShouxin: The next best thing to a girl that likes sex is a girl that likes to play video games.
<Kat_3y3z> I think I tanned too long tonight. <dudley> Kat_3y3z: why tan? you have good skin <remisser> yes. why ruin that pretty skin of yours? Now I'll never be able to make my mask...
Ayreon: Vex, do you have a scar on your penis? vexingthoughts: no Ayreon: But you're a jew :confused: vexingthoughts: it's not a scar Ayreon: What's it then? vexingthoughts: well not how one would traditionally think of a scar vexingthoughts: just looks like skin vexingthoughts: that's all vexingthoughts: little more red but that's it Ayreon: So it's still a scar :- vexingthoughts: maybe vexingthoughts: i dont know Ayreon: How could you let them do that to the little guy? vexingthoughts: i dont know maybe because i was like 8 days old vexingthoughts: literally Ayreon: You were a man when you were born right? vexingthoughts: i had to be vexingthoughts: default gender is woman Ayreon: How could you let them do that to the little guy?] vexingthoughts: I WAS 8 DAYS OLD vexingthoughts: I COULDN'T EVEN BABBLE Ayreon: You were still a guy! vexingthoughts: NOT EVEN RANDOM VOWEL SOUNDS vexingthoughts: MY BRAIN WASN'T EVEN FINISHED DEVELOPING vexingthoughts: I HAD A SOFT SKULL vexingthoughts: the only way i could have been less capable of stopping the circumcision would have been for me to still have been in the womb Ayreon: You could have strung them up with your umthingy cord. vexingthoughts: yes that's right vexingthoughts: my umbilical cord Ayreon: That one. vexingthoughts: how could i have been so stupid vexingthoughts: oh yeah that's right i was just 1 week old Ayreon: And now you've got the scar to prove it. vexingthoughts: there are chimpanzees who are smarter than i was at 8 days old Ayreon: There are chimpanzees who are smarter than you are now, your point is? vexingthoughts: my point is that in a minute i'm gonna have evidence that i chopped off your dutchy head Ayreon: Hey now, you're the one with the chopped head. vexingthoughts: AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH vexingthoughts: DIE!!!! Ayreon: Whoa, when they cut your penis, did they put in ovaries in exchange?
<BlackMoon> heh. kinda funny <BlackMoon> we used to use internet over phone <BlackMoon> now we use phone over internet <DooD> IT'S SOVIET RUSSIA! <DooD> in soviet russia, internet phones you!
Phanth: What is Black and Red and can't get through a revoling door? Kono: what? Phanth:A Nun with a spear through her head Dev: LOL Kono: ROFL
Zeon> if we lived together <Zeon> wed be like.. stephen hawking <Zeon> merge our combined genius;s <Street_Prophet> yeah, you'd contribute the retard in a wheelchair part
Impure Mathematics ------ ----------- To prove once and for all that math can be fun, we present: Wherein it is related how that paragon of womanly virtue, young Polly Nomial (our heroine) is accosted by that notorious villain Curly Pi, and factored (oh horror!!!) Once upon a time (1/t) pretty little Polly Nomial was strolling across a field of vectors when she came to the boundary of a singularly large matrix. Now Polly was convergent, and her mother had made it an absolute condition that she must never enter such an array without her brackets on. Polly, however, who had changed her variables that morning and was feeling particularly badly behaved, ignored this condition on the basis that it was insufficient and made her way in amongst the complex elements. Rows and columns closed in on her from all sides. Tangents approached her surface. She became tensor and tensor. Quite suddendly two branches of a hyperbola touched her at a single point. She oscillated violently, lost all sense of directrix, and went completely divergent. As she tripped over a square root that was protruding from the erf and plunged headlong down a steep gradient. When she rounded off once more, she found herself inverted, apparently alone, in a non-Euclidean space. She was being watched, however. That smooth operator, Curly Pi, was lurking inner product. As his eyes devoured her curvilinear coordinates, a singular expression crossed his face. He wondered, "Was she still convergent?" He decided to integrate properly at once. Hearing a common fraction behind her, Polly rotated and saw Curly Pi approaching with his power series extrapolated. She could see at once by his degenerate conic and dissipative that he was bent on no good. "Arcsinh," she gasped. "Ho, ho," he said, "What a symmetric little asymptote you have I can see you angles have lots of secs." "Oh sir," she protested, "keep away from me I haven't got my brackets on." "Calm yourself, my dear," said our suave operator, "your fears are purely imaginary." "I, I," she thought, "perhaps he's not normal but homologous." "What order are you?" the brute demanded. "Seventeen," replied Polly. Curly leered "I suppose you've never been operated on." "Of course not," Polly replied quite properly, "I'm absolutely convergent." "Come, come," said Curly, "let's off to a decimal place I know and I'll take you to the limit." "Never," gasped Polly. "Abscissa," he swore, using the vilest oath he knew. His patience was gone. Coshing her over the coefficient with a log until she was powerless, Curly removed her discontinuities. He stared at her significant places, and began smoothing out her points of inflection. Poor Polly. The algorithmic method was now her only hope. She felt his digits tending to her asymptotic limit. Her convergence would soon be gone forever. There was no mercy, for Curly was a heavyside operator. Curly's radius squared itself; Polly's loci quivered. He integrated by parts. He integrated by partial fractions. After he cofactored, he performed runge - kutta on her. The complex beast even went all the way around and did a contour integration. What an indignity - to be multiply connected on her first integration. Curly went on operating until he completely satisfied her hypothesis, then he exponentiated and became completely orthogonal. When Polly got home that night, her mother noticed that she was no longer piecewise continuous, but had been truncated in several places But it was to late to differentiate now. As the months went by, Polly's denominator increased monotonically. Finally she went to L'Hopital and generated a small but pathological function which left surds all over the place and drove Polly to deviation. The moral of our sad story is this: "If you want to keep your expressions convergent, never allow them a single degree of freedom."
<@buo> A byte walks into a bar and orders a pint. Bartender asks him "What's wrong?" Byte says "Parity error." Bartender nods and says "Yeah, I thought you looked a bit off."
<skippy> Plastic Jesus he's my fellow,comes in red and sometimes yellow....ridin' on the dashboard of my car. <skippy> I don't care if it rains or freezes,I still got my plastic Jesus..... <skippy> He don't slip and he don't slide...mainly cuase he's magnetized.....
MotrCycleForLife: I think a cute movie idea would be about a parrot who is raised by eagles. It would be cute because the parrot can't seem to act like an eagle. After a while, though, to keep the movie from getting boring, maybe put in some pornography. Later, we see the happy parrot flying along, acting like an eagle. He see two parrots below and starts to attack, but it's his parents. Then, some more pornography.
<ben in da hood> How do i turn on my mic? <mike6789> Well I tickle mine, that turns mine on ;-) ... <ben in da hood> It still isnt on. <lop12>lmfao
<bob> someone just asked me what tubgirl was <bob> :D <Gargoyle> Its like the matrix. <Gargoyle> You can't be told what it is. <Gargoyle> You have to take the blue pill and experience it for yourself. <Gargoyle> preferably take 2 or 3 blue pills actually