<Colby> Some people are like Slinkys. They don't really do anything, but it's still funny when one of them takes a tumble down the stairs.
Sam Stone: Blade walk into your parents bedroom totally naked and covered in wesson oil and weilding a knife. Scream at the top of your lungs "YOU JUST STAY RIGHT IN THE FUCKING BED OR I'LL CUT IT~!!!!" then grab your man hammer in a death grip in shake it at your mom. Whatever she says next, make a quick downward stab while screaming but don't stab yourself in the penis for real. Then shuffle over to mom and say "Just kidding mom, happy easter!" and walk back to your room
<@Seth> *** How to Create a Religion in 4 easy steps *** <@Seth> Step 1: Create "god", "evil" and "theories" <@Seth> Step 2: Write book (should take about a page) <@Seth> Step 3: Layer on the bullshit (should now be ~1000 pages) <@Seth> Step 4: Publish and wait for the suckers
Muddin: but in criminal law we were talking about the people who have to stick they're hands up peoples ass's and search for drugs Cancel: Well I guess you could just say its a shitty job
<Ninja> What if on the next smash there was online gameplay and for every bodies colors they could have different moves <TestRider> What if a op barged in here and banned your ass? <Ninja> oh really and who are you? <@McFox> Apparently he's a psychic.
< quinn> There are three R's to windows tech support: "Restart, Reboot, Reinstall"
<Cedlind> god damn its snowing outside.. <Amnesia> no it's not <Cedlind> soo.. all this white stuff I got all over me is? <Cedlind> crap.. shouldn't have said that..
<LAWN|batman[sAs]> the department of homeland security is making a mockery of the starfleet alert system.
yancan c o o k: im sry man.. yancan c o o k: if u ever need someone yancan c o o k: u know yancan c o o k: a shoulder to cry on yancan c o o k: or like yancan c o o k: someone to talk to yancan c o o k: then yancan c o o k: go fuck urself yancan c o o k: cuz thats not me
<Justin> I just thought of a great game. <Justin> A bunch of men stand naked in a room, facing a TV <Justin> Gay porn is played. <Justin> IF you get an erection, you're out of the game. <Justin> And the last guy without an erection wins. <Justin> "Last Man not Standing"
Americanyankee: True or False? I have a really big penis... who ever gets the right answer gets 500gil Cookiemonster: False Ziegfried: false Tyechmo: haha looks like your out 1000 gil
ProfessorOhki: oh, ud get a kick out of this ProfessorOhki: cisco guy came to talk to my class ProfessorOhki: (lecture hall) thepieisabomb: ya ProfessorOhki: and he goes "i ask this ever year out of curiosity, who has the most media collected and served?" ProfessorOhki: no one wants to raise hands ProfessorOhki: one guy rasies his hand ProfessorOhki: "how many gigs of media do you have shared?" ProfessorOhki: guy: "about 3.6 terrabytes" ProfessorOhki: i swear the cisco guys heart stopped for a sec
<kai> dwi <pancakguy> dealing with intent? <Nosnam> lol, dealing with intent? <Nosnam> Is it possible to deal without intent? SHIT OFFICER, I ACCIDENTLY SOLD SOME POT
<FriedGold> Gentlemen... welcome to recursion club. The first rule is: you do not talk about recursion club. The next rule is: see first rule.
<Graham> Let's say you have an ax. The kind that you could use, in a pinch, to hack a man's head off... <Graham> And let's say that very situation comes up and for some very solid reasons you behead a man. <Graham> On the follow-through, though, the handle of the ax snaps in half in a spray of splinters. <Graham> So the next day you take it to the ax store down the block and get a new handle, fabricating a story for the guy behind the counter and explaining away the reddish dark stains as barbeque sauce. <Graham> Now, that next spring you find in your garage a creature that looks like a cross-bred badger and anaconda. A badgerconda. <Graham> And so you grab your trusty ax and chop off one of the beast's heads, but in the process the blade of the ax strikes the concrete floor and shatters. <Graham> This means another trip to McMillan & Son's Ax Mart. As soon as you get home with your newly-headed ax, though, you meet the reanimated body of the guy you beheaded last year. <Graham> He's also got a new head attached and it's wearing that unique expression of "you're the man who killed me last Spring" resentment that one so rarely encounters in everyday life. <Graham> You brandish your ax. He takes a long look at the weapon with his squishy, rotting eyes and in a gargly voice he screams, "that's the same ax that slayed me!" <Graham> ...Is he right?
halfbakedbuzzard: ahah, my next door neighbors house is on fire halfbakedbuzzard: brb, gotta get the camera
<Shiggy1> OMG <Shiggy1> Ive just discovered something <Shiggy1> ! <Shiggy1> ! <kFraction> the exclaimation key?
<the_muss> New Game! add the word "anal" to the beginning of car names. Anal Jamboree, Anal Explorer, Anal Pulsar, Anal Prelude, Anal Adventurer, Anal Legacy, Anal Nexus, Anal Swift <pyrophoric> lol, Anal Jazz, Anal Ram, Anal Probe <iuqcaj> Anal Bandit, Anal Forester, Anal Laser, Anal Escort, Anal Sovereign, Anal Beetle, Anal Golf, Anal Samurai <the_muss> Anal Eclipse, Anal Discovery, Anal Wrangler, Anal Ambassador, Anal Vanquish, Anal Vagrant, Anal Diablo <pie> Comedy Gold... Anal Trooper <the_muss> lol <pyrophoric> lmao
JonTG3: ever since i learned internet speak JonTG3: i've wanted to turn in a 600 word paper that consisted of my name, the date, a title and 300 instances of OMG TOASTER
<Navy|Scholar> I suppose you people have heard about the Semantic Web? <east> yes <Brawler> Nevar <east> if you're talking about semantic markup, yes <ignatios> yeah <Hokaloogie> Is that something to do with Jews?
<TIK_> Feck.. my machine just caught fire.. still going tho.. <-- TIK_ has quit (Quit)
I am Jeremiadine: i just left a message on smith's cellphone in binary Sela: Fun. I am Jeremiadine: yeah I am Jeremiadine: the best part is even if he decodes it it's in french I am Jeremiadine: ...i'm bored
<krazy> Have any of you weighed yourselves before and after you shit? <Wanderer> ... Why would we want to know how much our shit weighed? <krazy> Well, it's helped me prove that, despite everyone's claims, I'm not full of shit.
<Raab> How's Half Life 2 treating you? <Ashpolt> I would say like a woman <Ashpolt> but women hate me
notorious phake: everybody gets mistaken for a whale at least once in their life notorious phake: it just happens to her a whole lot more
[ @Jesper ] windows is really secure, they just hid the close exploits check box very well
<apdn_angel> hey, what's the difference between michael jackson and neil armstrong? <Beerman> neil armstrong was the first man to walk on the moon <apdn_angel> and... <Beerman> and michael jackson fucks little kids in the ass
gamemastax: you know how my parents are divorced right? DrJerad: yeah gamemastax: Well I just had a talk with my mom. gamemastax: i told her i didn't want to live with her anymore gamemastax: she started crying DrJerad: Why did you tell her that? gamemastax: because I don't want to? DrJerad: Why not? gamemastax: because her computer only has 64 mb of RAM gamemastax: and that's just not enough to run world of warcraft smoothly
KeithX: Yes, firefox is indeed greater than women. Keithx: Can women block pop ups for you? No. Keithx: Can Firefox show you naked women? Yes.
<Kurisu> what would happen if a serial killer went around choping mens penises off and sewing them to his head so that he had several phaluses protruding from his forhead and temples <RDreamer> he would have to wear a special type of hat.
*** _Melody_ has been kicked off channel #unix by Snooze (it's your wedding night, get off irc) *** _Melody_ (melody@ignite.blackened.net) has joined channel #unix <_Melody_> oh <_Melody_> we already had the sex
<Gravit> Poker, beer, and lucky charms. What does that make us? :) <Roverpup> Irish.
<baloo>lispy: I have this horrible addiction to food. I try to quit, but I just get wracked with pain after a day or two every time and just have to have a cheeseburger. <baloo>They only told me the positive effects of food. Nobody ever told me food would be hard to quit. <malfunct`>their highly addictive products which are advertised as safe got me hooked and ruined my teeth and put me at high risk for heart disease and diabetes <baloo>exactly <malfunct`>and from what I hear, mcdonalds is ruining my liver <baloo>Not to mention high cholestorol <lispy>baloo: i find myself horribly addicted to O_2...i can't go five minutes without it...i get shakey and light headed...i'll fight someone that won't let me get my O_2 fix <malfunct`>ok bal, I don't buy that pepsi gave me high colesterol <baloo>lispy: I know what you mean. I get the same way about water after a couple hours on a hot day. <malfunct`>lispy: yeah, the 02 addiction is nearly as bad as my dihydrogen monoxide addiction <malfunct`>and you know how many bad things dihydrogen monoxide can do <baloo>malfunct`: Yeah. I mean, holy hell, you mix dhydrogen monoxide and dioxygen long enough undisturbed on the hood of your car and it'll eat right through it. Might take a few years, but it'll do it. <malfunct`>baloo: yeah, and how many natural disasters can be traced back to the dihydrogen monoxide as a source <lispy>baloo: it only takes a couple ounces of that stuff to kill a baby in a matter of minutes if you leave their face in it <baloo>malfunct`: No kidding. You breathe even a little of that and it'll hurt like hell for days.
<mandz> i am going out. i'm waiting for the washing machine to stop <lohnro> usually youre on top of it hoping it doesnt stop
<Lyrael> you wouldn't even miss me <The_Sorcerer> it just wouldn't be the same without you <The_Sorcerer> for one, the average user count would drop from 30 to 29
<FuzLogic> I never did figure out how to open the damn doors on the landing boats. <mirth> "how i survived normandy" by FuzLogic
<mad_> arafat's wife reminds me of miss piggy <Cartossn> she's THAT hot? <mad_> ok, a fat miss piggy
Silent Scream098: its cold in my house Silent Scream098: burrrr Silent Scream098: maybe i shoud close the window and turn the ac off Silent Scream098: and not walk around naked while holding ice cubes between my buttcheeks
Kalaevandros X: Hahah. I have to write a play based on the afterlife. Kalaevandros X: Drama class. It's so frustrating. Direbaen: That's frustrating? Direbaen: WAIT 'TIL YOU HAVE BILLS AND DEPENDANTS YOU ASSHOLE
<+Silver> first thing im going to do when i become president <+Silver> is shoot down all the aliens <MephistoSan> mexicans don't fly
<Puffx0r> how cheap is my family? <Puffx0r> we're about to go test-drive a car so we can get a free shrek 2 dvd.
<Kristof> What's black and has 27 tits?? <Kristof> The rubbish bag outside the cancer clinic. <Kristof> Tragic <seymansey> oh god <seymansey> thats bad