McViC0 0 97: is your mom there? DarkEternal37: hey hey DarkEternal37: lets try to have ONE conversation without a your mom joke DarkEternal37: k? McViC0 0 97: i'll try DarkEternal37: me too McViC0 0 97: but i promise ntohing DarkEternal37: im listening to adam's song McViC0 0 97: im listenign to the sound of your mom moaning McViC0 0 97: oh fuck DarkEternal37: havent heard it in so long McViC0 0 97: i messed up DarkEternal37: I FUCKING HATE YOU McViC0 0 97: lol McViC0 0 97: it slipped i swear DarkEternal37: you lasted fucking 23 SECONDS DarkEternal37: i hope you last longer in bed DarkEternal37: for my moms sake
DDay22Alpha1243: You voted Komataguri: I was standing in line for over an hour. DDay22Alpha1243: oh Komataguri: and this bitch was behind me. Komataguri: Ugly bitch, kept bumping into me purposefully every time the line moved and I didn't step forward fast enough. Komataguri: So I ripped one on her. Komataguri: a silent one so no one knew where it came from. Komataguri: After a few seconds, teh whole library smelled like someone dumped raw sewage and 40tons of roadkill in the place DDay22Alpha1243: lol Komataguri: I never felt so proud
<@HEMI> I'm tempted to start going to work in ripped jeans/ shirts and tell them that's all I can afford on what they're paying me.
Rabidplaybunny87: A Touching Story of Love and Marriage Rabidplaybunny87: An elderly man lay dying in his bed. In death's agony, he suddenly smelled the aroma of his favorite chocolate chip cookies wafting up the stairs. He gathered his remaining strength, and lifted himself from the bed. Leaning against the wall, he slowly made his way out of the bedroom, and with even greater effort inched himself down the stairs, gripping the railing with both hands. Rabidplaybunny87: With labored breath, he leaned against the door frame, gazing into the kitchen. Were it not for death's agony, he would have thought himself already in heaven. There, spread out upon newspapers on the kitchen table, were literally hundreds of his favorite chocolate chip cookies. Rabidplaybunny87: Was it heaven? Or was it one final act of heroic love from his devoted wife, seeing to it that he left this world a happy man? Mustering one great final effort, he moved himself toward the table. His parched lips parted; the wondrous taste of the cookie was almost already in his mouth; seemingly bringing him back to life. Rabidplaybunny87: The aged and withered hand, shakily made its way to a cookie at the edge of the table, when it was suddenly smacked with a spatula by his wife. Rabidplaybunny87: "Stay out of those," she said, "they're for the funeral."
<AVX885> i'm going to break up with my girlfriend, she is cheating on me <sprtzntm77> dude, this is perfect... ok heres what you do <sprtzntm77> dont mention this to her, and get in her pants one last time, make it really rough. <AVX 885> i like where this is going.. <sprtzntm77> right, so.. fuck her nice and rough-like and just before she is about to cum, pull out. <AVX 885> haha, go on <sprtzntm77> pull out and dont say a word. Go get your pants and put em back on, and say somthing along the lines of "i dont think our relationship is gonna work out, im breaking up with you. goodbye" <AVX 885> HAHA, nice! <sprtzntm77> so keep an emotionless face and dont respond to anything she says. While your putting on your socks, mutter somthing about forgetting to pick up your syphilis antibiotics. That'll really get her freaked out. <AVX 885> LMAO! This is golden, i have to pull this off.. <sprtzntm77> dude.. before this all goes down.. i'll hide either under the bed or in the closet. While your on your way to the door, turn around and say, "hey mark, shes not gonna go for the DP, were leaving.. lets go." I'll get out from under the bed, look pissed off and follow you out the door. <AVX 885> this is golden.. haha and I could just imagine her sitting there spread eagle on the bed with the most awesome expression of shock and awe on her face. I should take a picture as im walking out the door and mail it to her parents. <sprtzntm77> Fuck, if we pull this off, it will be the best breakup scenario ever. She deserves it too. <AVX 885> Yes, this is a warning women everywhere.. dont cheat on me, for I will seek my sweet revenge.
<Zoli> I wrote some norse death metal rap earlier today <Zoli> of course I'd recite it for you! <Zoli> YO I'M A BLONDE MOTHERFUCKER AND I WORSHIP THOR <Zoli> I'M GUNNA USE MY AXE BUST DOWN YOUR DOOR <Zoli> SCREAMING VALHALLA AT THE TOP OF MY LUNGS <Zoli> I GOT PHAT RHYMES AND I SPEAK IN TONGUES <Zoli> RAGNAROK THE PARTY LIKE A VALHALLA PARTY <Zoli> RAGNAROK THE PARTY LIKE A VALHALLA PARTY <Zoli> NORSE. (crazy motherfucker with a longship baby) <Zoli> NORSE (gunna kick your ass and I don't mean maybe) <Zoli> NORSE. (crazy motherfucker with a longship baby) <Zoli> NORSE (LONG BLONDE HAIR THAT IS SOFT AND WAVY) <Zoli> fin.
Gear Grinder X: once, we had these total freak seventh day advenist (or whatever) freak ass neighbors Gear Grinder X: and this girl Lanna was a little younger than me Gear Grinder X: she was a bitch, and they were all totally religious Gear Grinder X: she threw rocks at me once on my bike, and so I turned around, and went to run over here Gear Grinder X: I was hauling ASS, and you know what she did? Gear Grinder X: put her hands on her hips, and stood there and said "The lord will protect me" Gear Grinder X: well.... he didn't
<h0ward> it began with the forging of the great servers <h0ward> three were given to the geeks, immortal, wisest, and fairest of all beings <h0ward> seven to teh jock-lords, great football players and craftsmen of the locker halls <h0ward> and nine, nine servers were given to the race of men whom above all else desired PRON <h0ward> within the servers was a power that could govern each class <h0ward> but they were all of them deceived <h0ward> for another server was made <h0ward> stile, the deceiver, forged in secret a master server to control all others <h0ward> one server to rule them all <h0ward> one by one the people of the servers fell to the great power of the master server <h0ward> but there were some <h0ward> who resisted <h0ward> a great alliance of geeks and jocks marched against the fanboys of stile <h0ward> and on the slopes of blogwars <h0ward> they fought for the freedom of good, and only good pron <h0ward> AAAHHH <h0ward> FAPFAPFAPFAPFAPFAPFAP <h0ward> victory was near <h0ward> but the master server could not be stopped <h0ward> the dark lord stile killed brunot son of brunob <h0ward> and as luck should so have it <h0ward> brunob cut the wiring of the master server <h0ward> stile the enemy of good, decent pron of the earth <h0ward> was wanked out of existence
<Lunchbox> The day Microsoft makes a product that doesn't suck is the day they make a vacuum cleaner.
<zamros> haha yeah being a plumber would be fucking awesome actually <zamros> like if i had my own fuckin' company <zamros> with a van and shit <zamros> like i'd go in to a plumbing business with a friend <zamros> cuz like when you got two motherfuckers putting the time and money in <zamros> you can buy a van <zamros> you can buy fuckin tools <zamros> you can buy advertising and shit <zamros> haha i'd have the funniest fucking public access commercials for my plumbing business <zamros> like some dude would be taking a shit <zamros> and he'd jiggle the handle <zamros> and he'd be like ".....FUCK!" <zamros> then he falls over on the toilet and grabs the phone <zamros> and calls me <zamros> and he's like "HELLPP!!!" <zamros> then i bust through the fucking wall <zamros> and fucking beat the shit out of a big monster in the toilet1 <zamros> with a plunger <zamros> and the dude is laying in his own shit on the floor <zamros> with the phone in his hand <zamros> and after i won the fight he'd be like "THANK YOU ZAMROS INC" <zamros> and he'd hug me and i'd get shit all over me <zamros> and i'd be like "ALL IN A DAY'S WORK" <zamros> and then bust through the other wall
<simon-say> asking for relationship advice on irc is like asking for computer help at mcdonalds
(Angelus): If you're in a war, instead of throwing a hand grenade at the enemy, throw one of those small pumpkins. Maybe it'll make everyone think how stupid war is, and while they are thinking, you can throw a real grenade at them.
<@shiwan> Hmm. I need to find a "Windows NT Server 4.0 System Administrator" t-shirt to wear around to BDSM clubs. <@shiwan> "So, what are you into?" "I admin a 3-tiered, 12-node NT4 cluster." < XyZzY> shiwan: "oh youre in the 'sick fuck' territory"
<princessangelic> how do you turn on a guy? <+monty> dicksuck <princessangelic> um before that <+monty> get naked <princessangelic> then? <+monty> dicksuck <princessangelic> hmmm I must have missed a memo somewhere <jomomma> hahahahaha
<Zee-sleep> i got full marks for answering "what would encryption be used for?" with "KFC's 11 secret herbs and spices"
<+Disasterologist> wtf why does nobody ever convert to judaism on their death beds? <@Locke> they cant make money as they're dying
<NobleArc> There's always google, WhiteBicycle. <NobleArc> Google is like.. The Oracle from The Matrix. O_o <NobleArc> it knows EVERYTHING. <WhiteBicycle> good call noble <NobleArc> Yet at times can be unimaginably useless.
<Node> i think the person who came up with the a b c d f grading scale failed english
<Hylke> hmm, the movie Titanic isn't really realistic <Palantyre> No shit? <Hylke> they walk through cold water all the time, and the girl gets no stiff nipples
<BOYD1981> you know, i hate it when a channel suddenly goes quiet after a debate <BOYD1981> it's like masturbating, and when you're finally about to ejaculate you hear somebody entering the house <BOYD1981> or walking up the stairs <BOYD1981> so you have to put it away until later <BOYD1981> another reason i hate it is because you never know if it's because nobody has anything to say, or somebody took what was said a little too seriously and is sitting there a bit pissed off <BOYD1981> show me an argument/debate/disagreement i haven't seen before and maybe, just maybe i might get a little pissed off <BOYD1981> i'm more likely to get pissed off by something pissing me off <BOYD1981> like developer and publisher and hellotomyfriendsandfamilyer logo animations before a game loads <BOYD1981> and it even gets on my nerves before a movie <BOYD1981> especially if it's on a dvd that won't let you skip it or go straight to the menu <BOYD1981> to me that's propaganda, it's forcing you do watch something you don't want to <BOYD1981> ofcourse you can't put your hands over your ears and close your eyes, because then you might miss the start of the movie, accidentally hit the skip back button instead of rewind and force yourself into being forced to watch the logos again <BOYD1981> or you could watch the movie once, time how long it takes for the menu to appear or the movie to start, then turn around and face a clock, put your hands over your ears and count the seconds <BOYD1981> but then if somebody walks in on you they'll wonder why you're ignoring what the clock is trying to tell you that's preventing you from watching the movie <BOYD1981> so it's either watching something you're against, or having people think you talk to clocks <BOYD1981> ofcourse you could do the same counting method, but turn the tv on to a different channel for a certain amount of time <BOYD1981> but then somebody might walk in just as soon as you change the channel and think you were watching porn or the mobo awards or something like that <BOYD1981> or, you could do the same but with the tv off <BOYD1981> but then if somebody walks in and sees you sitting there with the dvd player running, the tv off and you with the remote in your hand that you've forgotten which button turns the tv on
<Ale> they are closing down both streets that access my house (I live on a city street conrer) <Apaul> You live on a street corner? <Apaul> Work there too? :) <Ale> Yes, I do <Ale> shit
<Dharkbayne> Reverse Jesus is created when you masturbate in the bath and your sister falls pregnant by then bathing in the same water. <Dharkbayne> Reverse Jesus would blind and cripple random people. And give them leprosy. <Dharkbayne> Reverse Jesus crucified the entire Roman Empire. <Dharkbayne> Reverse Jesus makes you die for his sins. <Dharkbayne> Reverse Jesus can sink in water. <Dharkbayne> Reverse Jesus can turn wine into water. <Dharkbayne> Reverse Jesus dares you to stone whores if you're sinner. <Dharkbayne> He was born in a cave on Easter and was killed in a shootout on Christmas eve when three kings finally tracked him down for outstanding debts of gold and spices.
KabeDerlin05: Bring it on. I have a level 19 Weapon Master that can kick your ass KradenTalcaria: ... KradenTalcaria: brb KabeDerlin05: Yeah that's right! Run Away! Just like your mother did when she saw my huge dick! Auto response from KradenTalcaria: Mom's using the computer. Be back in a few.
<Baybee_Gurl> that wuz so awesome last night <Baybee_Gurl> i had a great time <SiCkNeSsS> says: yea... me too <Baybee_Gurl> if you're interested i'm willing to do it again ;) <SiCkNeSsS> mm hmm <Baybee_Gurl> yea <Baybee_Gurl> ... <Baybee_Gurl> is something bothering you? <Baybee_Gurl> because your acting weird <SiCkNeSsS> it's nothing <Baybee_Gurl> tell me <SiCkNeSsS> dont worry 'bout it <Baybee_Gurl> tell me plz <Baybee_Gurl> plzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz <Baybee_Gurl> ......... <Baybee_Gurl> come on just tell me <Baybee_Gurl> i wont care <SiCkNeSsS> fine if you put it that way <Baybee_Gurl> okay so tell me!! <SiCkNeSsS> if you fucking get pregnant i am so dumping your ass <Baybee_Gurl> .....
<Davus> Earth - The only place people that don't use condoms use computer anti-virus software. <Davus> Ah, the priorities.
[Lex_Talion] if the english language was good enough for our lord jesus christ, then it should be good enough for everybody else!
Safia: your just sittin there watching me? Sean: No I have creepy music playing too
[Filefront|Juice] the french version of halo 2's campaign mode is only 1 minute long. Master chief lands on the earth and the covenent surrender
Arteryman92089: does Wyoming have a baseball team? MoocluckRULES: wait, people live in wyoming? Arteryman92089: thats the thing. im not sure
(*)Embers(*): should i ask jonny this--- (*)Embers(*): ok so i know we haven't known each other for long and I really shouldn't be asking you for this..... but I want it so bad don't get me wrong it's just that I haven't had it for a long time I could already feel it going in so hard and coming out so soft and wet. No one has to know about this, I'm desperate, but your help can be very grateful!!! (*)Embers(*): you must think I have a lot of nerve asking you for this but I can feel my tongue around it sucking all the juice out until there no more left, this has been on my mind all day long and I hope I'm not being forward but.... can I have a piece of gum? Sarah: HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA
<Rostam> 1 in 4 girls has problems with incest at home <Rostam> that sickened me <Shrap|Wal> the others 3 are fine with it ?
<eviltown103> one time my friend was having ass sex wiht his gf in the living room <eviltown103> and when they were done....she dropped one on the carpet <eviltown103> then his parents came home <eviltown103> it ant biog <eviltown103> just a little thing <eviltown103> but <eviltown103> they ran out leaving it there <eviltown103> when the parents c it <eviltown103> they take the dog to the vet and put it to sleep <STLFX0> LMFAOROFL
<WDeranged> i just had a chickhan dinnhar and 4 hours of entertainment brought to me <WDeranged> sometimes life is nice <patrick``> macdonalds happy meal with a free toy?
<peer> Bad timing is when you are running late and you get all the red lights <+FyreDaug> Nah, bad timing is what happened yesterday <+FyreDaug> One of my girl friends was over and she asked me to do something and I was doing something on my computer already so I said "just gimmie another sec" <+FyreDaug> and shes like "aw cmon I've given you lots of secs already!" <+FyreDaug> as my mom was walking upstairs where the computer room is. She just looked at me funny and walked away
<M[at]> know what I hate? <M[at]> when you download shrek 2, and find its in german <M[at]> then download it again and get it in french <M[at]> then download it again and finding its a different film <M[at]> then do you know whats worse? <M[at]> when you download debbie does dallas <M[at]> and get the english version of shrek 2 :(
<Dubious|Laptop> gotta go give a training session on Cisco.
lates.
<{pdX}aldawg> isn't cisco a form of oil they sell at
supermarkets
<Dubious|Laptop> thats Crisco. Its not often that you find
someone who is both technology and culinary-impaired, but you
have shattered that paradigm.
* {pdX}aldawg has quit IRC (Quit: )
[ Parroflex ] I have a badass hangover. [ @Ashley ] Don't drink so much next time. [ Parroflex ] Thank you for that, Ashley. [ Parroflex ] Ow. [ @Ashley ] You're very much welcomed. [ @David ] Have a few shots to numb the pain [ Parroflex ] Thank you for that entirely unhelpful advice, David. [ @David ] You won't feel any pain with no head. [ Parroflex ] Owowow. There is a medieval re-enactment going on inside my head. [ Parroflex ] Fat geeks with cardboard armour are arguing about what type of swords they'd have had back then.
<MO-Pantsu> dentist gave me a temp crown and a HUGE lump of filling to hold it on. now I can feel the pain starting as the painkiller wears off and my jaw don't sit straight. In fact the temp crown is like sharp and shitty and I could bite my tongue off with it. <karaipantsu> Why? Linkin Park's music is awesome. Their Lyrics leave a lot to be desired, but I don't put much stock in lyrics <Cidsa> yeah <Cidsa> i like the music a lot <Cidsa> the guitar <karaipantsu> I like their reliance on more non-rock related instruments. <karaipantsu> Like Pro audio and piano <Cidsa> yea <Chimerasame> i just got my conversations crossed <Chimerasame> i'm like "what the how does dentistry involve Pro audio" <Chimerasame> i guess they can blast your plaque off with sound <Cidsa> yeah <Cidsa> they use a air blaster thing too * MO-Pantsu whimpers <Chimerasame> <dentist> "CRAAAAAAAAAWLING IN MY SKIIIIIIIIIIN" <tartar> well fuck this, i'm leaving
({emily}): ACK! Amazon.com's gold box offer today contains CSE
Natural Menopause Relief
({emily}): wtf?!
(Gwydion-): O.o
({emily}): then deodorant
({emily}): so I'm smelly and old. lovely.
({emily}): and oooh, a yoga mat.
({emily}): smelly, old, and out-of-shape
({emily}): where do I put in my credit card number?
<@Terror> "It's easy to forget what a sin is in the middle of a battlefield." <@cky> opposite over hypotenuse <@cky> dipshit
<@Weirdbot> Question 11 of 12: Where is it illegal for chickens to cross the street? <+Evil_Chipmunk> crawford, texas <+Evil_Chipmunk> ... <+Evil_Chipmunk> aw, why not... everything else that's come out of there has been retarded.
<Booster> whyd you get a mac? <Nick> I have conqured the PC <Nick> just wanted to try it out <Booster> you got it cause you were bored? <Booster> thats like saying "ive mastered walking with 2 legs" so you cut one off
<@[S]W|Supey|Around> what the fcuk? a DVD enlargement system? did my two spam senders mix their titles?
<green> We vegetarians love the environment. carnivores are sick freaks. <Frank> How can vegetarians possibly love the environment.. you keep eating all the fucking plants
<Crac|ked> So anyway my griendfriend came over last night and like i was playing CS and not paying her any attention, <Crac|ked> so like she silently slid under my desk and undid my pants and gave me oral - <Crac|ked> to cut a long story short after i was done, she looked up at me and said: <Crac|ked> "You do realise i just gave you a geeks fanatasy - CS and a blow-job!" <RoCkYTrAiL> lol. <JimmyBoy> I don't think that's a good fantasy... <JiveHut> FAG!!! <RoCkYTrAiL> fag! <Treader> homo <JimmyBoy> :(