<E-Claire> So how can I help? <Mochomi> I just wanna know how to get on well with my bf, y'know? <E-Claire> Ah. Well, I recommend you make him feel as good as he thinks he is...try laughing at his little jokes. <Mochomi> And if he doesnt tell funny jokes? <E-Claire> Laugh at his little penis.
<Disco_Stu> The Iraq conflict is our business and we will straighten it out. <Disco_Stu> you have to sit there and take it. <Disco_Stu> if you want our help when we are good, then you have to take our shit when we aren't <marble> love the sinner, hate the sin <esch> You don't stop loving your wife because she gets fat, do you? <marble> esch: my husband stopped loving me when I got fat. people are rotten. what's your point? <esch> marble: That you were probably annoying.
14:51 <@phoniq> so these guys have three kenyans, three indians and an egyptian 14:51 <@phoniq> and they're gonna behead one every 72 hours 14:52 <@phoniq> and their pictures are available 14:52 <@phoniq> so i think i'm gonna make a website where you can vote for which one should get it first 14:53 <@phoniq> see if it's possible to make the news 14:53 <@arp> damn 14:54 <@arp> Survivor: Iraq 14:54 <@phoniq> that's f***n' wrong, right? 14:54 < bean_tmt> ... can i laugh? 14:54 <@phoniq> i dunno 14:54 <@phoniq> i think a kind of shocked choke is the appropriate response
<Kool-Afk> Man, I had the greatest day at work today <DigitalGnome> how so? <Kool-Afk> some guy offered me a joint to clean his gutters <Air|LordOfNUTs> wtf <DigitalGnome> sweet, i had a great day too. I offered some low life to clean my gutters for a joint
<Tweeder> No, I love my Mac. It's aweseom! <Tweeder> It's everything I want in a computer <Tweeder> ...but I haven't been able to find any good IRC progs for OSX <quade> how the fuck are you on irc then? <Tweeder> I'm using my boyfriend's PC
<Yo-DUH_87> next gen is here, but it isn't mature enough for me yet <Yo-DUH_87> the pci express motherboards and etc <M[at]> heh, micheal jackson should use that excuse
<ashp> cogito ergo sum <Phallus> libido ergo sum <Phallus> i'm horny therefore i am
sugarat: how to tell if you're a nerd - subtract the number of boyfriends/girlfriends from the number of computers you've owned. if you're left with a positive number, you're a nerd. LordWork: lol ltcolumbo: I'm not a nerd, I'm a geek SPLURGE: whew SPLURGE: im not a nerd SPLURGE: you know SPLURGE: i really am a nerd SPLURGE: that test sucks SPLURGE: i wonder if hookers count ltcolumbo: can i just call you a "john"? SPLURGE: i suppose you could SPLURGE: but the girls i have sex with are too ugly to be paid for it
<radar> been in the middle of a shag when the g/f's friend called... I just slowed down, and stated teasing her button... <Lashanna> lol <radar> meanwhile, my g/f was saying, "Hmmmm! yeeeessss...." and "Thaaat's goood" <Lashanna> lol <Lashanna> she didn't hang up? <radar> no... and it took about 10 minutes for her friend to work out what was goin no... and it took about 10 minutes for her friend to work out what was going on... then she kept listening <Lashanna> lol <Lashanna> so what was the friend doing? <radar> after a while, she was singing along <radar> closest I've got to a threesome
<Vartia> by the way... reading the entire review for doom on pcgamer... I could not find why they really gave it 94% <eldeerk> you want to know why they gave it 94? they are all giddy school girls sat infront of the screen gooo "ooooh doom 3, think he'll ask us to the prom, he so dreamy"
<coffee4me> Tazers are killing old people and crack heads <Joeytgstk> And/ <Joeytgstk> ?
<@Kukuman> this fundrace.org site lists people near you who have made contributions to a presidential candidate <@Kukuman> looked up my zip code <@Kukuman> 4 people contributed to bush/republicans <@Kukuman> something like 35 people contributed to democrats <@Kukuman> oh and all 4 of the people who contributed to bush are retired! <@philc> you spelt retarded incorrectly
lonelychic0190: WHY DO BOYS LIKE RECIEIVING ORAL BUT THEY DONT LIKE GIVING GIRL ORAL Goat Desecration: BECAUSE WOMEN CAN'T TALK WITH A DICK IN THEIR MOUTH
<barnaby> TheMage: jess was hinting that i should ask her out :/ <TheMage> barnaby: ask ExZippo for advice. <ExZippo> barnaby: Punch her in the tit. <TheMage> barnaby: or not.
tavilach: i could just block you now tavilach: and never tavilach: talk to u again tavilach: but no tavilach: i need help with samba CzarDerivative: you asshole
<EggdropBot> {MoxQuizz} The question no. 24 by OllyPomm is:
<EggdropBot> (Sport) What sport do the following terms belong
to - "Toucher & Dead Length"?
<liz> ouch, my boobs hurt
<EggdropBot> {MoxQuizz} liz solved after 5 seconds and now has
<5> points (+1) on rank 3.
<EggdropBot> The answer was: Lawn or Indoor Bowls
<Reuven> Say what?
<liz> what?
<Ken> whaaaat?
<Ken> how...did...she...do...that?
<DeathPool> You know that internet culture has reached its peak when the first comment on a news post about an ape that walks upright is: HILARY DUFF APE SEX!
<brokenpodium> dude im about to talk to some kid from my high school that tried to kill himself when he got drunk <JaaLin> thats fucked up <brokenpodium> im going to ask if he wants to get hammered with me
insane_elmo88: sometimes i get serious anal pressure insane_elmo88: and i'm not sure if it's fart or shit insane_elmo88: and sometimes i just gamble, not knowing if i'm gonna rip a humonguous fart or defecate my pants insane_elmo88: so far i haven't lost weaselmaster07: rofl insane_elmo88: i've shit my pants every time :p weaselmaster07: roflmao
MuffinMn626 [9:58 PM]: FUCK PEOPLE MuffinMn626 [9:58 PM]: i jsut got fucked over Jin Iz Back [9:59 PM]: what happened this time MuffinMn626 [10:01 PM]: bah MuffinMn626 [10:01 PM]: you no faustina right? MuffinMn626 [10:01 PM]: well like, she signed on MuffinMn626 [10:01 PM]: and she told me that she liked me at the end of the year MuffinMn626 [10:02 PM]: so im like "wow..thats really cool, im flattered" MuffinMn626 [10:02 PM]: and we got all talkign and shit MuffinMn626 [10:02 PM]: then she sigend off randomly Jin Iz Back [10:02 PM]: ... Jin Iz Back [10:02 PM]: uh huh MuffinMn626 [10:02 PM]: she jsut signed on right now..and i said "hey, why you sign off so suddnley last night?" MuffinMn626 [10:02 PM]: she siad "i wasnt on last night..my cousin was..why?" MuffinMn626 [10:02 PM]: AOIRNOAFOAWN FUCK MuffinMn626 [10:02 PM]: damnit Jin Iz Back [10:02 PM]: ROFLMAO YOU GOT SERVED Jin Iz Back [10:02 PM]: HOLY SHIt
jdayish: what do you think of bush and kerry perfectblue_halo: the movie trailer for Aliens Versus Predator comes to mind... "Whoever wins, we lose."
Demonic: ............. Whoah, this conversation just took the offramp into Pervert Pike, going a good 80 mph even. Demonic: Not that I'm entirely against such a happening. YRS: niehter am I YRS: lol YRS: I could go for a good hentai right about now Demonic: Good ole hentai, glossing over Japan's major social problems since 1946.
<Jesus> oh mean, my underwear elastic thing just came off <MoonKatz> haha <MoonKatz> mine's painted on, no elastic to worry with <MoonKatz> although, the way the paint is flaking, I've been considering updating to aluminum siding <Jesus> aluminum siding? <Jesus> jesus, your underwear is more classy than my home
20:15 < Nitrocld> FUCK 20:15 < Nitrocld> NO 20:15 < Nitrocld> NOT PORN 20:15 < Nitrocld> I coulda had someone behind me 20:16 < Nitrocld> Bastard 20:16 < acid> lmao 20:16 < acid> hehe 20:21 <@guk> porn is jokes tho 20:21 <@guk> "Well son ... lets have a man to ... holy shit she has big tits" 20:21 <@guk> :D
(@sml) jesus (@sml) Bizarre & Weird Porn Links < PenisBot... Fetish Bloody pussy pics of teens changing menstrual tampons & pads, + tampon eating. A Sex With a Twist Interesting and unusual porn - midgets, twins, latex ... (@sml) anytime you think something's too weird to be on the intarweb (@sml) it is there (@sml) and pushing >> 85mbit of movie bandwidth, fo sho (@sml) ugh (@sml) that's fuckin gross, even for me (@mamba_X) tampon eating urk (@mamba_X) way to get your iron i guess (Blaxthos) only someone who has gone down on his girlfriend after pucking her cherry the night before would think of that (@Sabboth) or someone who has earned their red wings (@pachell) that's some fucking filthy shit (@pachell) i'll fuck a bitch on the rag, but that's about it (Blaxthos) it was an accident (Blaxthos) or call it lack of forethought
<mojo1701> I remember being in class, and the teacher started talking to us about communicable diseases <mojo1701> our teacher's a real whore <mojo1701> and she kept on saying to us: "Flies can carry diseases. You don't know where they've been" <mojo1701> and I looked at her and said, "Then you should stop unzipping so many of them if you don't know where they've been."
arabella: you don't wear thongs bcuase they're comfy, you wear thongs becuase your boy likes them. arabella: it's advertising. firewalk: in some cases, false advertising.
<Robot> I heard that a lemon is a good contraceptive. <end_game> yeah mate, <end_game> i heardit's actually tested to be better protection than a condom <Robot> Really???? <end_game> yeah. you can't get a lemon pregnant. <Robot> ahahaha <Robot> No harm in trying it. Might sting a bit. <end_game> you or her? <Robot> She can get her own god damn lemon.
<Xenecrite> wanna hear a joke? <Xenecrite> Women's Rights <Lone_wolf_gurl> you have 5 seconds to start running.
* @etelmo gets the RIAA on Merlin for his MP3's <Merlin> what MP3s? <@etelmo> They can find anything, even if it isnt there <@etelmo> they should make em search iraq <Merlin> haha
<AnimeMan> my bed is evil. <norad> how so? <AnimeMan> it's a spy. <norad> how can a bed be a spy? <AnimeMan> well at night.. it squeeks. <AnimeMan> It's as if it's telling my mum, "he's masturbating, he's masturbating!"
<andyroo> So, whats everyones new years resolution? <AnimeMan> no more lacking sex <AnimeMan> 2 times a day minimum <AnimeMan> what about you andyroo? <andyroo> With every passing moment, I want to type more gramatically. <andyroo> I'm just practicing at the moment. <andyroo> I want to believe that I'm smart, while others think I'm a d#8khead. <andyroo> Hopefully, now and again an intelligent operator will ban me for this <AnimeMan> hahah <AnimeMan> you forgot a period <AnimeMan> hopefully god doesn't forget to give my gf one
<Androo>haha I got honked at by hot chicks today <Priest>that was my grandmother and her friends.
<aidan> i'm going to rule when i leave home <wyki> why? <aidan> i was concerned about the amount of food in the house <aidan> i now sit here with four, yes, four peanut butter and jam sandwiches and a glass of milk <aidan> i could live like this for weeks <wyki> ahh but when you are living on your own you will need to shop, and then you will be greeted with the problem that has faced many broke young men living by themselves. to buy bread and peanut butter, or to buy condoms and bear <aidan> why i would EVER buy condoms and a bear is beyond me
<annillace> we landed in vegas, and the pilot says <annillace> "those of you needing wheelchair assistance, please remain seated"
Psychosis555: Dude who's that hot chick in the picture with you? Psychosis555: The one with the nice tits Jorden666 Sxe: Dude thats my sister!! Psychosis555: So? Psychosis555: I'm not related to her Jorden666 Sxe: Dude she's 4!!! Psychosis555: I stand by what I said
KaresMexxDWNxx: last night me and tawny were in a car. KaresMexxDWNxx: she was in the backseat reading a magazine. KaresMexxDWNxx: and i was infront trying to get some rest. KaresMexxDWNxx: A cop comes by and ask me how old I am. KaresMexxDWNxx: i told him that i was 23. KaresMexxDWNxx: then he asked me how old tawny was. KaresMexxDWNxx: i told him that she turns 18 in 11 minutes.
<SC_DNO> i was holding the Canadian flag one day, and i jumped into a car...lmao wait a second! <SC_DNO> THEY'ER CANADIAN, they dont have a flag <Eric|TheWheelman> sure they do <Eric|TheWheelman> its a piece of cloth with a leaf on it <William> You can wipe your ass with both.
Exar Khan 666 : there are certain aspects about me that i want exactly the same in a potential mate and there are things that I would never want her to have Yesterday Dying : like a penis Exar Khan 666: I'm talking personality wise but yes that would be at the top of the list
<SS_Gogeta_27> you know how people put 'wash me' on cars in the dust? <Zorak> yeah? * ChanServ sets mode: +v SS_Gogeta_27 <+SS_Gogeta_27> when we came out from the movie my friends car said 'i wish my wife was this dirty'
[RainWind] what's the point of a big pipe if you can't get any uptime? [RainWind] that appliest to both sex and downloads mind you
<mac5> my mom threw away all the computers i've taken apart <mac5> but <mac5> i saved the processors <Neomonkey57> ... <mac5> a pentium 2 and..what i think is a pentium 3 <mac5> it's got all those little spikey things on the bottom
<Bonz> Paracelssus couldn't get a clue if he were drenched in clue pheromones, dancing in a clue field in the middle of clue mating season, wearing a clue suit, and shouting, "Clooo! Cloooo!"
<MR_T> I miss the good old day when you had to pull down the girls pants to see her ass <MR_T> Nowdays you have to spread her ass to see her pants.
<bahumat1> my mother is a cleaning fanatic <bahumat1> one Saturday she told me and my brother to get down to the playroom and straighten it up <bahumat1> we had a party there the previous evening, and she was none too happy about the mess <bahumat1> as she watched us work, it was clear that Mom was completely dissatisfied with our cleaning efforts and let us know it <bahumat1> Finally my brother, exasperated with having to do it all over, reached for a broom and asked Mom: <bahumat1> can I use this, or were you planning to go somewhere?
<frogger> does anone know of an algorithm to generate random numbers in an increasing sequence? <JubJub> Use the Pullit-Hofften method <frogger> what's that? <JubJub> Just ask cheesy how many times he's masturbated today <CheeseZone> 11, why?
<Max2645> Now my kid is all pissed off, and she won't even let me talk to her, see her, or even touch her. <Piggah> yes, sometimes you have to feed them candy
(FireballX301) this dude says that we need a nation's consent to bomb it (FireballX301) whoo (FireballX301) The Iraqi government, he added, was "fully informed" about the attack on Falluja, the latest of several bombings against suspected safe houses for Mr. Zarqawi's militants, and he said it "agreed with us on the need to take action." (FireballX301) "The point is, we didn't just act on our own," Mr. Armitage said. "A sovereign nation had to agree." (FireballX301) so basically... (FireballX301) Germany: Lets invade France! (FireballX301) France: Help us Britain! (FireballX301) Britain: Hey, Germany, can we bomb you? (FireballX301) Germany: No. (FireballX301) Britain: Oh well, sorry France.