hQDB :: hacker Quote Database

Network Stats: 21122 Approved Quotes | 11 in Moderation Queue
#367896 [ + | - ] 9039
<Fashykekes> Capitalization is the difference between "I had
to help my uncle Jack off a horse.." and "I had to help my
uncle jack off a horse.."
#367884 [ + | - ] 733
(+sok|puppet): i loves my cereal
(+Harri): i'm hungry
(@Zaphod): Yeah, cherios should be just about the right size
for you to 'love' as much as you want
(+Harri): now i'm not
#367871 [ + | - ] 615
[LoTek] my girl bleeds a lot.
[LoTek] like, for 5 or 6 days
[LoTek] that cant be normal.
[Dissembler] wow, you should take her to the vet.
#367808 [ + | - ] 6187
*** Zeron is now known as you
* you farted.
* you sigh in frustration.
* you lose
* you suck at life
*** Wildfyre is now known as our
* Goblin_Leecher thinks you need a life
* our conversation is entirely too weird
*** Goblin_Leecher is now known as we
* we are going stir crazy
* you are going a little too far
* our laughter fills the offices nearby.
* you are fired.
* we need new jobs
* you agree
* you wonder when this madness will end
* we are not sane
* you are correct
* our sanity has left?
<Talathar> you know...if a sane person were to walk in
here...they'd be very very confused right about now...
* you are one with the matrix.
#367755 [ + | - ] 1453
<SPLURGE> bitch tells me i got a drinkin problem
<SPLURGE> i tell her she has an ugly problem and im tryin to
make it less obvious
<SPLURGE> we dont get along so well after that
#367567 [ + | - ] 499
<x`fearless> whoever's turn it is says like "never have I ever
done this..." and if you've done it u gotta drink
<x`fearless> omg some girl was like never have I ever had anal
sex and 3 girls at the table drank I'm like OMGOMGOMG
#367188 [ + | - ] 689
<Schitz02> its microsoft. they don't have bugs
<Schitz02> they have unpublished features
<Qooiii> like the function office calls randomly called void
Randomly_Crash_And_Delete_Document(void)
<Schitz02> right, just like that one
<Qooiii> i wish they had at least made it predictable
<Qooiii> like the paperclip guy could pop up and say
<Qooiii> "it looks like word is going to crash. would you like
to save your document?"
#366903 [ + | - ] 1068
<neverrain> omg i went outside
<neverrain> i havent been outside in weeks
<neverrain> it was.....freaky
<c7r> nerd
<Axis100> I can usually determine the last time I went outside
by using /systemuptime.
<Axis100> 6 days, 28 mins and 16 seconds
#366266 [ + | - ] 1246
<Emperor> Oral sex is when you talk dirty, dumbass
#366119 [ + | - ] 204
<kungtotte> Probably have back-logs from hell at bash. Geeks
on IRC are like those one million monkeys with typewriters
<[moose]HuBBa> with less intelligence though :)
#365264 [ + | - ] 1556
Alh4zred: You know, I realized something.
GenduShini: You love me?
Alh4zred: I'd rather play games than have sex, you know why?
Alh4zred: Think about it.
Alh4zred: During sex, you have to please TWO people.
Alh4zred: Or more.
GenduShini: because Games last more than 10 minutes
GenduShini: err
GenduShini: that too
Alh4zred: AND
Alh4zred: In a game, if you're not doing well, someone just
goes "fgt" or something
GenduShini: and you just go "my current PC sucks" or "It's an
off day"
GenduShini: But in the sack...
Alh4zred: In real life, you have some chick (in my case) that
goes "Are you a faggot? That sucked"
Alh4zred: You can't blame a bad orgasm on lag.
Alh4zred: Dude.
Alh4zred: You can't.
Alh4zred: "I faked all those orgasms"
Alh4zred: "stfu i was pinging 300"
#365072 [ + | - ] 9249
<xxxGirlygirlxxx> Thank you for listening to me.
<xxxGirlygirlxxx> You know your a really good listener.
<xxxGirlygirlxxx> Sweety please say something.
<Sandaedar> Ok I'm back.
#364782 [ + | - ] 6995
<Pahalial> "ignorance more frequently begets confidence than
does knowledge" - Charles Darwin
<kionix> wtf? begets isn't a word. quit trying to make up
words, fuckface.
#364676 [ + | - ] 1304
<philosophiliac> lol this arvo some guy started quoting the
2nd amendment at a teacher after knocking some crow out of a
tree
<MissBitch> hahahahaha
<philosophiliac> with a shoe
<MissBitch> ...
<philosophiliac> seriously he goes
<philosophiliac> "the 2nd amendment states that all citizens
have the right and obligation to bear arms"
<philosophiliac> "and shoes"
<MissBitch> lol
<philosophiliac> "we made it very clear to those terrorists
that we would tolerate no more attacks"
<philosophiliac> and lockie here just got shat on"
<MissBitch> HAHAHAHAHAHHA
<philosophiliac> we have decided it is time to attack with
neccessary force to show the crows that we mean business"
<MissBitch> lol
<philosophiliac> if they hit us"
<philosophiliac> we hit back
<philosophiliac> HARD
<philosophiliac> with whatever comes to hand
<MissBitch> im holding my nose so i dont burst out laughing
here
<philosophiliac> and we cannot be held responsable for a war
they started
<MissBitch> HAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHA
<philosophiliac> in the war on crowism, ur either with us
<philosophiliac> or ur against us
<MissBitch> hahahahahahaha
<MissBitch> thats just so hilarious
<philosophiliac> oh yeah
<philosophiliac> the teacher was in hysterics
<philosophiliac> but the guy got a detention neway
<MissBitch> hahahaha
<MissBitch> oh well
<MissBitch> woulda bn worth it!
<philosophiliac> yeah
<philosophiliac> we were basically on the ground we were
laughing so hard
<MissBitch> hahahahaha
<philosophiliac> and he didn't crack up once
<philosophiliac> and as the teacher leads him away he goes
<MissBitch> if i didnt want to wake my parents, id b killin
myself laughin
<philosophiliac> "u can lock me up, but this war is a
neccessary one"
<MissBitch> oooooooooooooh
<MissBitch> lol
<philosophiliac> "and one that will be contnued by freedom
loving students with shoes everywhere"
<MissBitch> HAHAHAHHAHA  ROFLMAO
#364587 [ + | - ] 949
<@HndlWCare> I just got email from postmaster@adelphia.net
telling the mailbox for postmaster@adelphia.net is over quota,
and if I feel this message is in error I should reply to
postmaster@adelphia.net
#364341 [ + | - ] 2338
<@reflir> also, my harry potter sex bot arrived
<@reflir> err
<@reflir> I mean boxed set
#364339 [ + | - ] 2309
<rhyno> okay
<rhyno> I must be losing my mind
<rhyno> I just walked to the PJ station
<rhyno> because I can't find my car keys
<rhyno> and they were right fucking here an hour ago
<DaemonX> pj station?
<rhyno> yeah
<rhyno> gas station
<rhyno> but the thing was
<rhyno> I was going there to get gas
<DaemonX> without your car?
<rhyno> and I couldn't find my keys
<rhyno> so I just thought "I'll walk"
<rhyno> go all the way up there.. and I'm like "wtf was I
going here for.."
<rhyno> "OH YEAH! DUMBASS!"
<rhyno> then walked back
<DaemonX> ... i can't even comment on that
#364176 [ + | - ] 864
<sunfish>I stopped a rape in the city last night
<Donnyman>How'd you do that
<sunfish>Simple I stopped following her.
#364046 [ + | - ] 1608
<TriPa^> my mother is a cleaning fanatic
<TriPa^> one Saturday she told me and my brother to get down
to the playroom and straighten it up
<TriPa^> we had a party there the previous evening, and she
was none too happy about the mess
<TriPa^> as she watched us work, it was clear that Mom was
completely dissatisfied with our cleaning efforts and let us
know it
<TriPa^> finally my brother, exasperated with having to do it
all over, reached for a broom and asked Mom:
<TriPa^> can I use this, or were you planning to go somewhere?
#364005 [ + | - ] 1580
Spreadursunshine: wow you werent online all yesterday
EinhanderMKII: Yeah I was out doing things PRODUCTIVE
Spreadursunshine: omg! its a breakthrough
Spreadursunshine: like what?
EinhanderMKII: fixing my internet
#363821 [ + | - ] 1363
<neo_alex> stop arguing you fucks
<enz0> Maybe it's YOUR mum
<spandrick_doll> fuck you
<spandrick_doll> you just cant haxk it
<spandrick_doll> *hack
<neo_alex> that does it, im creating characters of you in The
Sims and im gonna make you have a gay marriage
#363820 [ + | - ] 1831
<Duzzy> today at work, i was cutting gras outside the local
school.. and then a chick came up to me.. kissed me, squeezed
my balls, gave me a note and the she ran of.. and i was like
wtf?!? when I got my mind gathered I looked at the note and
there was a phone number.. I should send an sms to it, and
that was when I realized the bitch had stolen my cellphone =(
#363616 [ + | - ] 747
* Ksu eats a bowl of crappy generic macaroni
* SSL_Eefui idly drinks arsnic.
* Nigelenki stops fui o.o
<Nigelenki> arsenic isn't edible o.o;;
<Shadow> Yes, it is
<Shadow> But only once
#363553 [ + | - ] 1744
<@Laplie|Gone> I just don't place periods at the end of my
sentences every time.
<@TacoMaster> Periods are important...
<@TacoMaster> You start missing periods...
<@TacoMaster> Next thing you know...
<@TacoMaster> BLAMMO!
<@TacoMaster> Babies.
#363485 [ + | - ] 1022
<Big_Fat_Duck> wait its stuck at updating
<Big_Fat_Duck> 1 second left
<Big_Fat_Duck> read to play in approx. 1 second
<Diazo> it's a microsoft second
#363454 [ + | - ] 1521
genjer: so my sister asks me if this shirt makes her look fat
genjer: and I was like, "no the fat underneath does"
#363094 [ + | - ] 1467
Strategy: what the fuck
Strategy: shipping cannot be 27$
Alpha: it better come in a wooden crate with a midget cradling
the harddrive for that price
#362774 [ + | - ] 711
<enjoi> why would you name condoms after a horse that hides
all the invaders inside and then lets them go once theyre
inside?
<ShodoPan-> i bet it's named after the viruses
<ShodoPan-> you know, they slip right in and the recipient
doesn't even realize it
<ShodoPan-> oh shit that's not good either
#362484 [ + | - ] 356
<Taco> I fear for my little cousin
<Taco> he's going to be a loser in school...
<Taco> you know how I know?
<Taco> Because he's very much like how I was at that age...
<Taco> :/
#362423 [ + | - ] 211
@MetalMilitia{|cC|}: I never been to the states
@MetalMilitia{|cC|}: and I WILL NOT cross the boarder
@Raged|work: its better that way
@Raged|work: we don't need ya
@MetalMilitia{|cC|}: but ur women do ;)
@MetalMilitia{|cC|}: they all want some of my Canadian beef
baby !
@Sile: i crossed the border into Canada at Niagra Falls once
@Sile: i was sitting there thinking "damn, the canadian chicks
are hot!"
@Sile: then i realized that they were all american tourists
#362137 [ + | - ] 10536
<reo4k> just type /quit whoever, and it'll quit them from irc
* luckyb1tch has quit IRC (r`heaven)
* r3devl has quit IRC (r`heaven)
* sasopi has quit IRC (r`heaven)
* phhhfft has quit IRC (r`heaven)
* blackersnake has quit IRC (r`heaven)
<ibaN`reo4k[ex]> that's gotta hurt
<r`heaven> :(
#361695 [ + | - ] 2456
<Fjoder> I hate when ppl say they gonna call and then they
dont
<Harvard> You sound like a girl.
<Fjoder> I am a girl
<Harvard> That explains it.
#361683 [ + | - ] 274
<Fire_Elemental-x-> Interviews suck in general
<apathy> I dunno...
<apathy> I used to like conducting them :)
<Fire_Elemental-x-> all that "where do you see yourself in 10
years" and "what are your strengths and weaknesses" crap
<apathy> heh, my questions were more along the lines of "tell
me everything you know about the keyword 'const'"
<Fire_Elemental-x-> Next time someone asks me a 10 years
question I'm gonna say "Where you are sitting"
<apathy> heh, then add "No wait, I thought you said 10
months."
<Fire_Elemental-x-> heh
#361677 [ + | - ] 863
<morphine_monkey> dude, my hair is getting so long
<spaceman_spiff> sweet, pretty soon it'll get as long as your
penis
<morphine_monkey> STFU, my hair is longer than an inch
#361620 [ + | - ] 301
MWellsSQaReD: Actually, I'm gonna go eat lunch, later gays.
MWellsSQaReD has left the room.
Sancilio Rules: mike wells just called us gay
Sancilio Rules: how should we feel?
#361619 [ + | - ] 692
<GigaVirus> I've never had a firewall and never been hacked :
/.
<GigaVirus> .
<GigaVirus> That was dumb to say.
#361585 [ + | - ] 851
<zap> glow in the dark dildo... interesting
<zap> that would be disturbing if you didnt' know what it was
and you were in a room with a person using it, in the dark
<zap> ooooh pretty glowing thing!
<zap> hey... it's getting shorter.. hey it disappeared... oh
it's back...
<zap> what's it doing?
<zap> ooh... oooh?? AAH!
#361578 [ + | - ] 3023
<Slave>So good party round mine, wasn't it Duncan
<Player45> Hell yeh!
<Johanna>oh really?
<Player45>Yeh we all got completely fucked up, except the one
problem
<Slave>Problem?
<Player45>Yeh, your sister and her electric toothbrush, hell
she must have kept me up half the night using that thing, her
teeth must be super clean
<Slave>Electric toothbrush? She doesn't have one, no one in my
family has one
<Johanna>hmm..
<Slave>OH JESUS FUCKING CHRIST ON A FUCKING MOPED!
#361547 [ + | - ] 2538
<Beerman> I'm the top of the nick list
<Beerman> therefore I am the tallest
<Outsyder> i am in the middle of the nick list
<Outsyder> therefore i am the belly
<Beerman> does that make Sethur the naughty bits?
<Sethur> Hmmmm.
* Sethur is now known as Sethurrrrrrrrrrrr
<Sethurrrrrrrrrrrr> That's better.
<Beerman> you're still at the "naughty bits" area of the nick
list
<Sethurrrrrrrrrrrr> Yes. That's why I made my nick longer
#361279 [ + | - ] 710
<Animaga> so, there's this panda bear
<Animaga> and he walks into Pizza Hut, orders some pizza, and
sits down
<Animaga> once he's done eating, he takes a look at the bill
and just goes to walk out
<Animaga> manager and server try to stop him, saying "you have
to pay for your food"
<Animaga> so he pulls out a gun and shoots the place up
<Animaga> the workers are terrified, asking him what the hell
he's doing
<Animaga> he hands them a dictionary, and turns the page to
"panda bear"
<Animaga> it says "small black and white bear, native to
asia.  eats shoots and leaves."
#360206 [ + | - ] 1417
<Hunter> Someone asked me the difference between ignorance and
apathy. I told her I don;t know and I don;t care
#358697 [ + | - ] 496
[+Mista] so how would I go about making a game?
[+DJ-Northern] 1- Hire a team of developers
[+DJ-Northern] 2- Spoof screenshots to create hype
[+DJ-Northern] 3- Buy an E3 booth
[+DJ-Northern] 4- Take your company public
[+DJ-Northern] 5- Disappear with the money before anybody asks
for a product
#358194 [ + | - ] 1424
*** p00bear (jason@adsl-208-188-253-138.dsl.stlsmo.swbell.net)
has joined #cplusplus
<p00bear> hey hey
<p00bear> so can the boolean evaluated conditional expression
achieve orgasm?
<asiib> ...
<p00bear> sure, it comes after a while!
<p00bear> :D
*** p00bear was kicked by Reagun (KK: i'm only kicking you
cause i get it)
#358180 [ + | - ] 656
<freemysoul> my bro's wife divorced him
<freemysoul> he's got a kid and all, too
<freemysoul> the kid decided to live with his mom
<detranova> poor kid
<atlantis> poor woman
<naisesom> your bro's a lucky bastard
#358056 [ + | - ] 887
<Silellak> Do you remember the good old days, when bottle caps
said "YOU WIN" or "YOU LOSE", rather than giving you some lame
code you redeem at their ad-filled website?
<Silellak> I miss being told I'm a loser by a corporate
product :(
#358042 [ + | - ] 469
<big_ernie> roses are red
<big_ernie> violets are blue
<big_ernie> my quote got rejected
<big_ernie> so i say "fuck you"
#357526 [ + | - ] 800
<Nosnam> Who?
<mystie> this dude on jeopardy, he was on his 20th return
today
<Nosnam> Woah
<mystie> I didn't happen to catch if he won again today
<NeoHentaiMaster> he is a robot sent from the future to win
the prize money so others cant
<NeoHentaiMaster> he will slowly drain the world economy until
all collapses into chaos
<Nosnam> George Bush is on jeopardy?
#357274 [ + | - ] 1005
<Leto> I had a password I could type entirely with my right
hand for a while
<Nugget> why?
<Leto> so I could unlock my screen while drinking coffee
#356805 [ + | - ] 2597
<v_9> All those who believe in Telekenesis raise my hand.
#356753 [ + | - ] 1340
<rhyann> hey i got a floppy with a virus and i wana now if its
ok to put it next to the other floppys or do i gotta wait for
it to get better to put it back in the box