Yami: Three men who were lost in the forest were captured by cannibals. The cannibal king told the prisoners that they could live if they pass a trial. The first step of the trial was to go to the forest and get ten pieces of the same kind of fruit. So all three men went separate ways to gather fruits. Yami: The first one came back and said to the king, "I brought ten apples." The king then explained the trial to him. "You have to shove the fruits up your ass without any expression on your face or you'll be eaten." Yami: The first apple went in... but on the second one he winced out in pain, so he was killed. Yami: The second one arrived and showed the king ten berries. When the king explained the trial to him he thought to himself that this should be easy. 1...2...3...4...5...6...7...8... and on the ninth berry he burst out in laughter and was killed. Yami: The first guy and the second guy met in heaven. The first one asked, "Why did you laugh? You almost got away with it" The second one replied, "I couldn't help it, I saw the third guy coming with pineapples."
<GWH> funny when you and your girlfriend are fighting over aim <GWH> and then you realize you dont have to sit there till she answers, you can do other shit too
cochese 04: I've been meaning to murder a lot of people cochese 04: But that Matlock guy is really good at catching murderers cochese 04: So I dunno cochese 04: I don't want Andy Griffith coming in my house and proving I did it
<pbqd> "Do not attempt to stop chain with your hands or genitals." -Warning label on a swedish chain saw
<Dianuzza> there is a big gay community here in Paris <usnjay> yeah. <usnjay> it's called "Paris".
troupe: oh shit, i just heard a car crash outside cyateon: oh shit cyateon: go loot the corpses before they respawn
<Dyl4N>a mosquito landed on my screen and i went to right click on it and close it... <Dyl4N>then i realized i should get out more <Jesse>send me a screen shot <Jesse>wait
<mojo>parents are weird <mojo>So there I am playing my drums just now <mojo>first im "skating on thin ice" <mojo>and I keep going <mojo>now aparently im "in hot water" <mojo>go figure
smallchild (andrew@j105.bkr50.jaring.my) has joined. «46 people» * @Liam touches smallchild...... <@Liam> I'm so sorry
***Welcome to MSN Support*** <MSN Assistant> Hello how can I help? <Divination> I recently downloaded msn 6.2 and it has been giving me problems <MSN Assistant> Yes, please continue. <Divination> I can t stop drinking I think I ve turned into an alcoholic *MSN Assistant has left the conversation.
[aiken_drum] Holy shit. [aiken_drum] Have I just come into a random room and people are talking about tentacle sex? [aiken_drum] I love this program.
<Philth> god i'm stupid <Stinger> yes you are <Philth> Stinger: Have you heard the jokes they don't tell fags? <Stinger> yes <Stinger> dumbass <Philth> what ones? <Stinger> i cant tell you <Stinger> fag <Philth> DAMN that really backfired..
<rS-D00k> this channel is more inactive than my herpes infection after valtrex <rS-D00k> although even with valtrex it is possible to spread herpes to others <rS-D00k> talk to your doctor before taking valtrex if you're on a mao inhibitor
<@koenig> I just had a very fun time with a telemarketer who called my home. <@koenig> She was telling me that I had "won in a drawing" and that I might have won a Hummer or a trip to Orlando and some other crap. <@koenig> So I said, "Hey, them Hummers is sure nice." <@koenig> "Oh yes," she replies. <@koenig> "I bet they can haul a lot in them Hummers." <@koenig> "Oh certainly." <@koenig> "Do you think they could hold something that was like 6' long?" <@koenig> "Most likely." <@koenig> "And weighed like 150-200 lbs.?" <@albus> oh dear. <@koenig> "Possibly." <@koenig> "Well, I'll cut right to hte chase. Do you think they could carry a dead body?" <@koenig> "Uhhhh." * albus hears police sirens. <@koenig> :) <@albus> you should use her as a reference when you apply for a security clearance. <@koenig> Well you realize I didn't actually claim to HAVE a dead body. I was purely curious, in case I get into the funeral service business. <@koenig> It's my new idea, "Die With Style, Inc." where instead of a hearse you drive out in a Hummer. <@albus> ...
<mgr> I was under the impression that the program was fully functional? I am not correct? <kitchen> Depends on what you think 'fully functional' means <kitchen>The Rebels believed the DeathStar to not be 'fully operational' and look what that got Alderan.
<Prowler> I rekon if i were a super hero i would call myself "Proctastinator" with the power to Leap tall buildings, control time, shoot fireballs out of my ass and other cool super hero stuff <Prowler> but i'd never get around to doing any of it
<pothead2234> sometimes i wonder what are all the words other than breasts and food are for <This_girl> well, words you use in order to reach em
Vortosis: The best line is something my friend Brandon yelled at a chick across the street while we were skating Vortosis: "Hey wanna go half and half on a baby!?"
<orkin> i hate it when im cold but sweaty <orkin> like my hands and feet <orkin> my feet are cold <orkin> but they are sweating <orkin> if i put socks on them <orkin> they will sweat in the socks <Paradigm> I know the feeling <Paradigm> it's like dreaming that your peeing and waking up all wet. <orkin> yeah.. <orkin> kinda <orkin> wait <orkin> wtf <Bejjan> lol <@Petah> lol <Paradigm> WHAT ?! <Bejjan> *falls of his chair*
<FBD> i had a teacher named Ms. Packman. <FBD> so im the last day of school, i dressed up as a blue ghost, and charged at her. <FBD> i got suspended, starting the next year...
JunoRulz: Meh, in health class, some lady talked about it. JunoRulz: She said rape is unwanted penetration of body. JunoRulz: So I went around sticking my pinky in girls' ears. JunoRulz: Declaring rape.
<Xaenyth> I'm going to ask you all a question that got a friend of mine expelled from school. <Xaenyth> If you were going to shoot up a school... <Xaenyth> ...what music would you want playing on the loudspeakers as you did it? <r00x> Kill the rabbit by emler fudd
<NHBoy> I broke my G-string while fingering a minor :( <rycool> ... <NHBoy> I was trying to play Knocking on Heaven's Door. <NHBoy> Oh well, time to buy new strings.
JokingClown: I want to have a "wall plug" (electrical socket) surgically implanted into my skin. JokingClown: Maybe on my side, above my hip. JokingClown: It would have to actually work or anything... Itd just be funny to see people stare. JokingClown: I wonder how much a surgery like that would cost... SpyBreak: :| JokingClown: Insurance wouldnt cover it, because its cosmetic SpyBreak: WAAAAY too much time on your hands. go look at porn or something.
<Inversation> hahaha <Inversation> on the price is right: <Inversation> "our next prize is: A Super Sucker!" -woman walks out from behind curtain- <Inversation> -vacuum cleaner emerges a few seconds later-
<LS_Nick> :o <LS_Nick> there appears to be arse-cheek marks on my scanner... <des1re> wtf <LS_Nick> strange... <LS_Nick> tastes like my sister =
twentydeadbodies: Now that you're gay you should be picking up all sorts of chicks. Staticd00r: lol
<special_guest> Whoever said that hell hath no fury like a women scorned never owned a cat.
<sparhawk85> if Electricity comes from electrons, does morality come from morons?
<hot^> Do to budget cuts, the light at the end of the tunnel will be turned off.
<Eriya> I need some new and exciting way to prepare chicken legs <IamMercy> Put on a french maids outfit! <IamMercy> And play circus music <Eriya> thanks Mercy, I can always count on you to be completely unhelpful
Seven11Slurpes: word of advice Seven11Slurpes: if you take a shit and theres no toilet paper left Seven11Slurpes: duct tape is NOT a substitute PrinceCharming4a: o.0 whered that come from Seven11Slurpes: well, its started off like this Seven11Slurpes: i was taking a shit Seven11Slurpes: and found out i didnt have any tiolet paper left Seven11Slurpes: so i looked around a saw a roll of duct tape next to the sink Seven11Slurpes: and figured. eh. why not, what harm can i do Seven11Slurpes: and boy was i WRONG!
Esi: people have installed linux on their Xboxes so... Blayne: When people install Linux on their dishwasher, then I'll give them a nod Esi: is that a challenge?
<Guruchild> i think that babies should be abortable up until 2 years. <Red_Dog> 2 years? I say 18.
<squire> can anyone here help me, i just dled a movie and i dunno what to do <kokoro> have you tried...watching it?
<m0nk3h> *Italy has quit euro.2004.com (Read error: Connection reset by Scandinavia)*
[+BaByGiRL]: A woman enroled in nursing school is attending an anatomy class. The subject of the day is involuntary muscles. The instructor, hoping to perk up the students a bit, asks the woman if she knows what her asshole does when she has an orgasm. [+BaByGiRL]: "Sure!" she says, "He's at home taking care of the kids..."
<Koushiro> "Religion is the opiate of the masses." -- Karl Marx <Koushiro> "Winners don't do drugs." -- The FBI
jeisai: Real Men of Genius. Today we salute you, Mr. Compulsive Away Message Checker. While most people are out actually having a fun life, you are at home reading about it on your computer screen. Right mouse click, Get Buddy Info, or the little Info box at the bottom of the Buddy List. You have people on that list you haven't talked to in years, but you still loyally read their away messages every day to see what they're up to. So, crack open an ice cold Bud Light, Marauder of the Mousepad, and don't wander too far from your computer because you never know when someone's away message may change. joejoe: you didn't type that, thats too proper for you to have done. joejoe: where did you get it? jeisai: it was on somoene's away message... joejoe: so its about you then?
<Raiks> Has anyone got their 'Violence Against Women: Australia Says No' booklets yet? <Sweep> i have raiks <Natus> i have too <Raiks> My girlfriend opened it and got a paper cut from it, and then belted me for laughing at her
<Reaver_Reload> This reminds me of a time back in college, where one of my friends who was really dumb, she was crying one day and i asked her what was wrong. Turns out she broke up with her boyfriend, but she wouldnt say why. <Reaver_Reload> I convinced her to tell me, and apparently she was talking with her other two friends about their boyfriends. one friend was complaining how cold her boyfriends nuts were when she was giving him head, and the other one agreed that her boyfriend's were really cold as well. (their boyfriends names are richard and thomas btw) <Reaver_Reload> So she says she has never given head and the other two encourage her to do it, saying its a 'great way to keep a guy' <Reaver_Reload> Just two days later apparently she ran crying to her friends and they asked her what was wrong, and she said "I tried giving him a blow job, he was enjoying it at first but then he just got up and left and said we were over before i had even finished!" <Reaver_Reload> concerned, her two friends asked her what was wrong.. turns out she said "Wow, your balls are really warm.." and he asked "why? is that bad?" and she goes "oh no its just that richards and thomases' balls are really cold"
<MalachiConstant> hah, I have a funny story about watching Ringu, ready? <Jessica> Yeah. <MalachiConstant> I was watching it on DVD, and it was a quiet scene, like s shot of someone sleeping... <MalachiConstant> I was admiring how they kept showing someone just sleeping, and were realy building the tension well... <MalachiConstant> then I realized my DVD player was stuck and I was watching a still frame for about 10 minutes on the edge of my seat
<Shiv>To: Starduck (starduck@anbudom.net) <Shiv>From: Shiv Asmodaeus (shiv_@hotmail.com) <Shiv>Subject: Forum Ban <Shiv> <Shiv>It has been several months since I was banned from the ANBU forums, and I believe that I have <Shiv>learned my lesson. I promise to never, ever again ask for the specifics regarding what has <Shiv>infested your colon, nor if said infestation has begun the laying of eggs. If you wish, I <Shiv>will avoid the subject of your intestinal invaders altogether. <Shiv> <Shiv>Additionally, I withdraw my query regarding the status of your Valtrex prescription. <Shiv>Understandably, I am sure this would be an uncomforatable subject to speak of to a stranger. <Shiv> <Shiv>With great expectations and rock hard nipples, I await your reply. Thank you.
Curseoftantalus: How the HELL are ya doin? PrimalDeicide: GOOD Curseoftantalus: GREAT! That's GREAT to hear! PrimalDeicide: AWESOME Curseoftantalus: WONDERFUL! Curseoftantalus: INCREDIBLE! PrimalDeicide: INCREDULISTIC FABULOSIS! Curseoftantalus: That's not funny man, my great grandmother died of that. PrimalDeicide: She must have looked very good for the funeral. Curseoftantalus: Fabulously incredible.
<drwiii> Warning: I just got to level 13 in Dr. Mario. <j0nkatz> Warning: A terrorist just shot me in Rainbow Six: 3 <drwiii> Dr. Mario is too busy to treat you. <j0nkatz> :<
<raiden> Hey dude I think I left my gamecube there. <Khaniber> You didn't. <raiden> No I really think I did. I've unpacked, searched my room a few times, and I can't find it. I have my games and controllers, but not the cube. <Khaniber> You've been gone for a week. I'm quite sure I would have noticed a large purple cube sitting in my own room! <raiden> Well I don't have it here, which means it has to be there. <Khaniber> I can tell you it's not. I spend at least 4 hours awake in my room every day, I'm in and out of here throughout the day. I eat here. I sleep here. If it were here, I would have seen it, and I'd be having nightmares of this purple Borg-ish cube foating above my entertainment center saying "We are Nintendo. Your console features and game originality will added to our own. Resistance is futile" <raiden> Just check your damn room for it! <Khaniber> Fine! If it'll get you to quit whining. <raiden> yeah thanks <Khaniber> ... <Khaniber> Um...so when did you want to come by and pick it up?