<jrk> who the fuck would pretend to be a lawyer? <jrk> i want to pretend to be a porn star. <Ipsa> hey a lawyer fucks more people than a pornstar ever will :) <Ipsa> I fuck people all day <jrk> true. but you're the ron jeremy of law. <jrk> not everyone has your prowess.
(%b0x) there used to be this song by Genesis that said "Jesus knows me, and he knows I'm right." (%b0x) apparently though, i used to go around singing "Jesus knows me, and he knows I'm white!" when I was 5 rofl
<T|gz> Ya know, it'd be kinda cool to taste with your hands like flies... <t-f-i> .... <T|gz> You can just stick your hand on someones food, and you can taste it. <t-f-i> Have fun, guess you'll have to give up masterbation. <T|gz> Oh fuck, nm.
-!- Chellez has joined #help <Chellez> where can i get programs? <ferret> Chellez: The internet. <Chellez> does this program have cervers? <ferret> Chellez: The internet has servers. <Chellez> how do i access them? <ferret> Chellez: By pointing a web or ftp browser at them, usually. -!- Chellez has left #help <ferret> Another user helped o/
Retrace: so what is she? Retrace: a .073 or a 10.0000000001 cryptic: shes like an 8 Retrace: whoa Retrace: wait....a internet 8 or a real world 8?
<Black> Half-Life II! * Black falls to his knees. * enderak unzips * Black worships <WizzoMaFizzo> :S
<passagero> i'm romanian man,i have 18yers old and try to found some one who want to have a relation sheep with me
<mehonae128> Was ist den der Fahrplan fur zwei? <mehonae128> what is the time table for 4? <mehonae128> 1,4,8,12,16,20 <mehonae128> or <mehonae128> eins,vier,acht,zwolf,sechzehn,zwanzig <Seppel> 1 is not on the time table for 4. <mehonae128> 4 time 1 is 1 <Seppel> You're an idiot. <mehonae128> anything times 1 oh wait
<Arctic_Wolf> My friends parents bought him the nice DDR pads so he could lose some weight. <Arctic_Wolf> He gets in trouble whenever they find out he's bought a non DDR PS2 game. <Arctic_Wolf> "HOW IS ARMORED CORE 2 SUPPOSED TO HELP YOU LOSE WEIGHT, WONG?"
<BabyBobDole> this bible thumper that used to work at domino's gave me shit about using slang all the time <BabyBobDole> he was like "you're so good with linguistics, why do you say stuff like that?" <BabyBobDole> i was like "it's called colloquialism, BITCH"
<Jaidev> If you want to know what I think about bottled water, what does 'Evian' spell backwards?
<E-Claire> We're doing a play in drama. <A-C> oh yeah? <E-Claire> Yeah. A play about soviet Russia <E-Claire> Only we're using household animals. We got the idea from Orwell's animal farm. <A-C> Will you have Gerbils? <E-Claire> Nah...he was nazi germany.
<Jericho24.> -=AFK=- I"m not here right now, if you"d like to reach me on my cell phone, buy me a cell phone.
<zzA> You know it's sad when the highlight if your day consists of calling this girl and checking the status of my quote on bash.org <neon_stocking> i bet its even sadder when both of them reject you <zzA> Not funny b/c it's true :(
xheliox: Did you see that NASCAR has started a literacy program? linenoyz: no xheliox: Isn't that like using the KKK to promote civil rights?
<lyfe> i just don't keep a fucking book with the names of all the girls who've had their dick in my mouth
<Alex> Mosser! <Alex> heh <Alex> I've been there <Alex> always the private bath though <MrSmartass> Sounds like the Hotel Edison in NYC. <grue> how did I read that as "pirate bath"? <Alex> is there a fetish you're trying to repress? <grue> Could be <grue> I think the mental idea of Keira Knightley in a bathtub is what did it <grue> "Avast, lass! Prepare to be boarded!"
* SamGamgee has joined #O-Gaming <RavenBUSY> mister gamgee! <SamGamgee> mister busy <RavenBUSY> SPEAK FRIEND AND ENTER <JDski> thats tattooed on my ex's ass
<phx> 230-Welcome to Leadtek Research Inc. <phx> 230-=^.^= <phx> 230 Anonymous user logged in. <phx> motherfucking anime smileys <phx> theyre everywhere <phx> i mean what is that? <phx> a dogs head with a iron rod shoved thru its head? <phx> i guess that explains it, its probably an asian delicacy
<NeoSmurf> So there I was waiting for my g/f, when I get a message from some chick wanting to cyber with me. <Merry> yeah... <NeoSmurf> I told her cybering is for losers and I didnt want to. <NeoSmurf> So she tells me to tell her what to do with her pussy. <NeoSmurf> I tell her to wash it, and she just quits talking. <Merry> LMFAO!
<rockpapertaxi> so this guy comes to the door <rockpapertaxi> a jehovah's witness <rockpapertaxi> and he's like "can i interest you in the word of christ" <rockpapertaxi> and adam's like "sorry i have to shut the door" <rockpapertaxi> and the guy goes why? <rockpapertaxi> and adam's like "our sacrificial goat will get out"
<mixedknut> drac killed the chats again <mixedknut> bastard <Dracon|s> bah <Dracon|s> I was the only person other than you chatting <Dracon|s> as if my terrible punning would drive people away <GOD|away> <---
<CaRlOs``>: who r u ? <sQuisha>: im squisha who r u <CaRlOs``>: i would b Carlos... <sQuisha>: k <sQuisha>: glad we cleared that up
ShortyMcStupid : Ever hear of Evel Knievel? ShortyMcStupid : Well I'm going to be a daredevil like him. ShortyMcStupid : Except I'm going to be Ku Klux Knievel. ShortyMcStupid : I'm going to try to jump 50 black guys with a steam roller.
<Lurker> one time my mom fell asleep on the couch, no joke, I switched it to a porn and started fwappin it. I later found out she wasn't asleep <Lurker> :( <Dan> your kidding right? <Lurker> no
<Kanush> it's funny, when I tell someone I'm an insomniac they almost always say "that's odd, I fall asleep as soon as my head hits the pillow" which is odd becuase I don't go around telling blind people "that's odd because I can see perfectly"
<Zephyr> Isn't American cheese appropriately named? It's fake and processed, just like America.
<Flamon> women are like hurricanes. When they come, they're wet and wild, but when they go, they take your house and car
<TornSoul> what's the difference between a jewish woman and an airplane? <TornSoul> airplane stops whining when it lands in miami beach
<Steve> Even "The Magic 8 Ball" is smart, and knows Microsoft Sucks. It says "Outlook Not Good."
<[X]> What the fuck? Gwyneth Paltrow named her daughter "Apple". What the fuck is it with celebrities naming their kids weird shit? <Alex> I'm gonna name my kid Strawberries <bobik-> Alex, you a dumbass <Schwert> the kid will kill you ,Alex <Alex> true :( <[X]> It could be worse... when I was two or so, and living on an Air Force Base in Utah there was a family living on base whose last name was Cane. Their daughters were Sugar, Candy, and Nova.
gnabtuls: Ok, so I take this gay Children's Theater class, right? ch405kn16h7: mhm gnabtuls: and we have this one Jewish girl in there. gnabtuls: So, one of the groups is doing "The Stinky Cheese Man" gnabtuls: and she's playing The Stinky Cheese Man gnabtuls: and the very first thing to happen in that play is they bake the stinky cheese man gnabtuls: ala the one jew in my class gets put in an oven and baked
<quik-silver> You know, life really IS like a box of chocolates <quik-silver> A cheap, meaningless gift that noone ever asks for
<crumpiano> i just discovered a revolutionary way to piss off my neighbor <crumpiano> i can play porn and broadcast the audio out over the frequency of the radio station hes listening to <crumpiano> HAHAHAHA <crumpiano> he cant tell me to turn it down when its HIS stereo <MAME> you're an asshole
<@Methical> did anyone else hear about the new dual-proc board for low-end AMD processors? it's optimized for playing 80's mp3's. <@Methical> They call it the Duron-Duron.
<Last_of_the_Brunnen_G> Arafat is in his office, alone, when his bodyguards hear a loud explosion inside his office. Rushing in, they see him on the floor, face bloodied, and they ask, "What happened, Mr. Chairman?" <Last_of_the_Brunnen_G> "A letter bomb" exclaimed the injured despot. "But a letter bomb would have wounded your hands, not your mouth," replied one of his experienced men. Arafat replies, "I was sealing it."
<lib1790> so, at this college there was an extra credit question "Is hell endothermic or exothermic" <lib1790> this is what one kid wrote: <lib1790> First, we postulate that if souls exist, then they must have some mass. If they do, then a mole of souls can also have a mass. So, at what rate are souls moving into hell and at what rate are souls leaving? I think that we can safely assume that once a soul gets to hell, it will not leave. Therefore, no souls are leaving. <lib1790>As for souls entering hell, lets look at the different religions that exist in the world today. Some of these religions state that if you are not a member of their religion, you will go to hell. Since, there are more than one of these religions and people do not belong to more than one religion, we can project that all people and all souls go to hell. With birth and death rates as they are, we can expect the number of souls in hell to increase exponentially. <lib1790> Now, we look at the rate of change in volume in hell. Boyle's Law states that in order for the temperature and pressure in hell to stay the same, the ratio of the mass of souls and volume needs to stay constant. <lib1790>So, if hell is expanding at a slower rate than the rate at which souls enter hell, then the temperature and pressure in hell will increase until all hell breaks loose (i.e.,Hell is exothermic). <liv1790>Of course, if hell is expanding at a rate faster than the increase of souls in hell, than the temperature and pressure will drop until hell freezes over (i.e.,Hell is endothermic). <lib1790>So which is it? If we accept the postulate given by Ms.Therese Banyan during my freshman year, "That it will be a cold night in hell before I go out with you," and take into account the fact that I still have not succeeded in having a relationship with her, the second case cannot be true. Therefore, hell is exothermic. <lib1790> the kid was the only one who got credit
<Beer^Me> hey guys <Beer^Me> i need to print stuff from phothsop and it has a lot of White <Beer^Me> is their a way to NOT print the white? <Beer^Me> caue the paper is white
ShortyMcStupid: i was looking at pron on the internet ShortyMcStupid: and the comp froze ShortyMcStupid: so i just got up and left Meneeococoa: hm ShortyMcStupid: and came back and put my brother's watch on top of the monitor Meneeococoa: hahaha Meneeococoa: thats funny.... ShortyMcStupid: and my parents kicked him out
EightyAngryApes : so I was sittin outside the gas station, at like 11 30 in the morning. EightyAngryApes : and suddenly this car pulls up and im like woah that looks like my dads car EightyAngryApes : then out steps my dad, rap music blaring from his speakers and some lady in his passenger seat (not my mom or anyone I know) EightyAngryApes : and he looks at me and hes like shouldn t u be in school? n im like shouldn t u be at work EightyAngryApes : so hes like this meeting never took place and im like agreed. EightyAngryApes : then he went in and walked out of the gas station carryin a box of condoms WattoEXTAO : !!HAAHAHAHA!!!
[Turtle] hmm [Turtle] ctfmon.exe [Turtle] no jamacians capturing any flags on my computer that i know of
<dvdman> I was at a wedding yesterday <dvdman> and i was drinking at like 10am <dvdman> the bartender told me I know a place you can meet people like your self <dvdman> I said where <dvdman> he said at rehab