<homenerd> How many surrealists does it take to change a lightbulb? <homenerd> Fish
expyro: I loved setting those things that came in the packages on fire. THey would ignite, then explode. Then on exploded in my hair. It wasnt funny anymore
<Thiefmaster> Fucking hell man <Pegster> what? <Thiefmaster> my brother just blew a mouse up in the microwave <Thiefmaster> he thought he could warm up his mouse for feeding the snake <Thiefmaster> iam glad stupidty passed to the youngest in the family <Thiefmaster> godamm the whole house smells like death mouse
<FeLisha`> Im not a barbie girl, and I dont listen to any of the music they do, but I still don't like being made fun of. <FeLisha`> They always put me down, I have like a negative amount of self esteem right now. <endoskelet0n> guess what <FeLisha`> What <endoskelet0n> fuck them. <FeLisha`> You dont think ive tried <endoskelet0n> lol <FeLisha`> wait <FeLisha`> ...that sounded bad
<kiwibonga> oh fuck <kiwibonga> it's 5:45AM <kiwibonga> you'd think I would have noticed since it's written next to every fucking line in this window
<[BAC]Draxon|TWL> "The animals will hear!" bellowed the ear licking penguin as the awesomely endowed midget sucked her oozing charlies and plugged his purple middle leg into her festering cunt. <[BAC]Draxon|TWL> oops <[BAC]Draxon|TWL> wrong window <d|syztem> what the FUCK
Alex: what do i click on 2 d/l it giorgio: didnt i just give you the direct link? Alex: yea u did but want part on it do i click to start the d/ l Alex: Download via CNet dBpowerAMP Music Converter Release 10.1? giorgio: Normally DOWNLOAD means it DOWNLOADS the fucking file Alex: i dont see anythign that says it Alex: the page is still kinda loading Alex: does it come up under the picture? giorgio: what... are you talking... about giorgio: click download and wait Alex: theres a little picture giorgio: what .. picture? giorgio: ok my friend told me what to do next giorgio: you right click on your C drive, or your local drive, and then click format Alex: right under the black heading dBpowerAMP Music Converter (dMC) giorgio: you shouldnt be on the computer giorgio: JUST CLICK THE FUCKING LINK Alex: dude Alex: i opened the link giorgio: and then!? Alex: i just dont know where to go next giorgio: are you at download.com now? Alex: i need directions Alex: im at the LINK! giorgio: RIGHT giorgio: and what do you see? Alex: that u sent me! giorgio: you're still at the one i sent!??D?Sgfoih3597gh3 Alex: i see a heading called dBpowerAMP Music Converter (dMC) Alex: theres alittle picture right under it giorgio: you told me yourself you saw the link "download blah blah" Alex: i said there somethign called Download via CNet dBpowerAMP Music Converter Release 10.1 Alex: is that what i click to d/l it? giorgio: are you kidding? giorgio: it SAYS "download" giorgio: what ELSE would you click!?GFryf93654j542 giorgio: u642u64 giorgio: 43houtwwytrw giorgio: hyteu3643 Alex: well there was so many options giorgio: but it was the only fucking "download" optioN!
<incoherent>:I AM not giving steam my fucking credit card. <Adopted>: can I have it? <incoherent> Yah sure, you seem more secure then STEAM.... <KellyX>: LOL ouch....
<Maddawy> see i always wonder when i'm lookin at pr0n and jerking off so to speak <Maddawy> and if my mom walks in.. would i hide my dick or the pr0n? <cerebrus> jerking off so to speak? wtf? jerking off is jerking off, you don't need to so to speak.. RETARD <Maddawy> whatever... <greeny> see this hypothetical scenario happened to me... <Maddawy> lol.. wat did u do? <greeny> as the matter of fact i did neither.. <greeny> see, it was after the point of no return.. so i just ejaculated, while quietly moaning and looking at my mom apologeticaly <Maddawy> LOL AHAHAHAHAHAHAH <greeny> yes.. it's one of the main reasons why i live on campus now...
<Zardoz> Damn those blow-up sheep. <Zardoz> I got fucking TWO of them for my 21st. <Zardoz> wtf. <Zardoz> from DIFFERENT PEOPLE !
<Brynneh|w3rk> im doing my girlfriend all weekend <Brynneh|w3rk> lol whoops <Penfold> doesnt stop <Brynneh|w3rk> *doing stuff <Brynneh|w3rk> *doing stuff with <Cavey> I shall mention that quote to her when I next se her <Brynneh|w3rk> that was the mother of all typos
--> Kelle has joined #vendetta <StarFreeze> What goes up must come down. You're gonna run out of Viagra soon enough. <Kelle> I came in here at the WRONG time..
CREdragon) it takes a man very comfortable in his heterosexuallity to have sex with another man CREdragon) ... wait that came out wrong ~SS) .. ~SS) You have been bashed.
<@FirebirdGM> What a gayass question. This is on my Chemistry Homework. <@FirebirdGM> 'If x = 4, What is x equal to?' <Trispectz> LOL <@FirebirdGM> How the hell does that relate to HydroCarbons. That isn't even a real question. <@FirebirdGM> Damn stoner teacher.
<InvisibleCaper> anyway, if youll excuse me, i have to kill myself <InvisibleCaper> i unintentionally gave myself the image of rosie odonnel frisking herself
* nekogirl knits * Ryft watches her knit <nekogirl> crap! <nekogirl> my yarn just ended! <Ryft> And you didn't see that coming? <nekogirl> no!
<Ryft> I made some brownies... want one? <bnyfoofoo> you baked? <Ryft> No, are you?
<FHCI_SS> I work as a tech support and someone called yesterday with the following conversation taking place <FHCI_SS> Customer: "Hi, I was wondering if you could fix my laptop. It's under warranty." <FHCI_SS> Me: "What seems to be the trouble with it?" <FHCI_SS> Customer: "My wife got mad and threw it in the pool."
<ecks> I'm so virgin, there isn't even a word to describe how much sex I have not had.
[suxbad] scott [suxbad] im coming to visit asheville soon [@teki] oh god [@teki] maybe we not get arrested this time
<narcotiKz> sent: could be his blinker pistons <narcotiKz> i heard the blinker master cylinder goes bad on those things <narcotiKz> i think factory did a recall <taig3R> where do blinker pistons go and how much they cost?
<Malevolyn> last night i was at chili's and i got a big sandwich that had a big knife. so i went to cut my sandwich and started chanting 'knife knife knife knife' <Malevolyn> and the waitress came by and took my knife...
[+Elkrider] Goat, my name's on the JW blacklist for well over 10 years now. [+Elkrider] Almost 15, I think. [+Elkrider] One day they rang at my door. Two women, one about 50 and ugly, the other one around 20 and very pleasant to look at. [+Elkrider] When they started to talk, I interrupted and said the following, immortal words.... [+Elkrider] "Hold a minute. Before we keep talking, the young one will come in and give me a blowjob. If it's good, we can talk. Agreed?" [+Elkrider] Perfect win-win situation. [+Elkrider] Either they piss off or I get a blowjob.
<pyro> I remember when I was younger this chick wanted me to give her a hickey but i didn't know how.. so i went on google
<surreal> i've often wanted to drown my troubles, but i can't get my girlfriend to go swimming
<Soulcleaver> Once me, my dad, and some of his employees were having a racist joke contest, but midway through we remembered we were still in Wendy's.
<+mOrphz> damn it :/ <@Lego> damn it :/ <+mOrphz> stop that <@Lego> stop that <+mOrphz> :D <@Lego> :D <+mOrphz> Lego smells <@Lego> Lego smells <+mOrphz> /quit quit: (Lego) (~leet@apex|Lego.user.gamesnet) (Quit)
<Schizo> I once knocked out a toddler with a door. Wasn't funny at the time, but it's hilarious now lol <sleepbu> i almost frostbitereered my nuts last night :p <sleepbu> since we're being honest <sleepbu> it was a hot night <sleepbu> bag was all hot and sweaty <sleepbu> thought i'd try out my can of duster <sleepbu> compressed gas :P <sleepbu> little did i know that shit comes out as liquid if it's upside down <sleepbu> drip drip *freeze* OMG WORLD OF PAIN WORLD OF PAIN WORLD OF PAIN
<Disciple> my bowels are at a state of civil unrest <Disciple> ugh... looks like the rebels are winning <Disciple> gotta go, bbiab
Eudox says: my god... Eudox says: I'm really not used to sending letters Eudox says: it just took my 10 minutes to work out I had to lick the thingy to make it stick :|
* Kurayamino chews on 3DSmax <Kurayamino> it knows i'm gonna replace it with version 6, i swear to my lack of fucking god. <Kurayamino> max5: "whats this cunt downloading? holy shit! max6!" max6: "muah hah hah, bow to me, for i am superior and you will be deleted" max5: "fuck this. lets CRASH TO DESKTOP at RANDOM INTERVALS for NO FUCKING APPARANT REASON!"
<paroneayea> Oh man! Oh man! Oh man! <paroneayea> I have to tell you people the funniest thing ever. <paroneayea> This friend of mine, a theater major, walks into my room. "Do you have a printer I can borrow?" she says. <paroneayea> "Yes," I say, "but it's an old LaserJet 4L. Is that alright?" <paroneayea> "Should be," she responds. <paroneayea> Then she hands me this paper. It's like normal paper, but thicker, and... not friendly. <paroneayea> I ask what it is and she says "cardstock." <paroneayea> I raise an eyebrow and say, "you do realize that there's no way in hell my printer is going to print on this paper." <paroneayea> "Oh." <paroneayea> "Well," she says, "could we print it on normal paper and somehow transfer it to the cardstock?" <paroneayea> "What, like print it out and literally cut it up and glue it on there?" <paroneayea> "No, like, if you printed it out and then stuck it in your scanner, maybe we could print it out again on the cardstock?" <althalus> wtf <paroneayea> She couldn't understand why I was laughing so hard <Wilf> lol <althalus> that needs to go up on bash. <paroneayea> agreed
<schmidt> i can kill a person with no hands <SirBlack> so can I, when they don't have hands it's hard for them to fight back :P
<Crazy^Donna> are we in english class!? <Kaowyn> no but i'm tired of hearing you fuck up every damn sentence
<rAJ> wooo, i had sex tonight :D * pikkle holds back another "my mom" joke <pikkle> argh. YOUR mom, not mine. :(
<awed> i almost started a cult once <awed> by accident <awed> irc is weird like that.
<kymscrazy> I blame everything on lag. :) Late to work, I was lagged. Forgot to call, sorry I was lagged. <Foenix> "Sorry, my ping time to my alarm clock sucks."
<HF> uhm... from CNET Shopping... This Western Digital Raptor WD360GD .... Its data transfer rate of 150 megabits-per-second is relatively fast, compared to the typical hard drive. <HF> This Western Digital Caviar SE WD2500JD .... Compared to a typical hard drive, its data transfer rate of 150 megabits-per-second is relatively slow. <HF> This Western Digital Caviar SE WD1200JD .... Compared to a typical hard drive, its data transfer rate of 150 megabits-per-second is fairly standard. <HF> Well at least they cover all the bases <HF> "Goldie Locks and the Three Hard Drives"
* ProdigalGenius (~cicilianr@resnet65-241.ucr.edu) Quit (Read error: Connection reset by peer) <Namen> Who is peer and why is he running around the net resetting connections? <Inquisitor> Peer is a drunkard who beats his kids and resets connections because his inability to retain fluids, more specifically of an urinal nature, prevents him from remaining dry for more than 20 minutes, causing him much ridicule and disdain. This is a frustration which has scarred him, and some accounts inform that he has been seen wading on his own pool of piss screaming "I AM NO BEDWETTER I AM NO BEDWETTER".
Rovin: MY AUNT WENT OUT WITH IVAN FROM MEN WITHOUT HATS Shorah: Did they practice safety sex?
<jonathan> YOUR BREATS REMIND ME OF MOUNT RUSHMORE <Legolas> Her breasts have presidents faces on them? <jonathan> MY FACE SHOULD BE IMPRINTED AMONG THEM
<Timelord> My beard has blonde hairs. <Timelord> And red. <Timelord> And brown. <Timelord> And black. <Timelord> And white. <Timelord> And a couple of other shades of those. <asshat> stop going down on carebears
<jeff> ok <jeff> some dumb russian old lady asked me today where the exit was at work <jeff> how did she get in the store in the first place
<Slimjim`> My parents caught me masturbating one day, and responded with making me a cake to celebrate my ascent into manhood. At the time I should have been "what the holy bejesusing fuck" but instead I was like "hey, free cake."
<sweendOGgRH07> One year Dad decided he was going to take us on a "surprise vacation." We wouldn't know where we were going until we got there. We were all real excited when we piled into the station wagon early one morning. We went about five blocks, then we got in an accident at a four-way stop. I guess it was a pretty good surprise, but why did we need all that camping gear? <gamgames> hahaha <sweendOGgRH07> I understand that Scissors can beat Paper, and I get how Rock can beat Scissors, but there's no fucking way Paper can beat Rock. Paper is supposed to magically "wrap around" Rock, leaving it immobile? Why the hell cant paper do this to scissors? Screw scissors, why can't paper do this to people? Why aren't sheets of college ruled notebook paper constantly suffocating students as they attempt to take notes in class? I'll tell you why,because paper can't beat anybody a rock would tear that shit up in about 2 seconds. <sweendOGgRH07> When I play rock/paper/scissors I always choose rock.Then when somebody claims to have beaten me with their paper I can punch them in the face with my already clenched fist and say Oh shit, I'm sorry I thought paper would protect you Asshole